June 17, 2014

Courage is the power to let go of the familiar. – Raymond Lindquist

TODAY – JUNE 17th – TUESDAY

168th day of 2014 with 197 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*International Violin Day (celebrated on the birthday of Igor Stravinsky)

*Eat Your Vegetables Day

*National Apple Strudel Day

*World Day to Combat Desertification and Drought

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1703 John B Wesley, England, religion co-founder (Methodists)
  • 1867 John Robert Gregg, Ireland/American, inventor (shorthand)
  • 1870 George Cormack, Scotland / American, cereal inventor (Wheaties)
  • 1882 Igor Stravinsky, Russian composer
  • 1910 Red Foley, Blue Lick, Kentucky, country singer (Mr. Smith Goes to Washington)
  • 1932 Peter Lupus, Indianapolis, Indiana, actor / bodybuilder (Mission Impossible tv series)
  • 1943 Barry Manilow, Brooklyn, New York, musician (Mandy, Can’t Smile Without You, I Write The Songs)
  • 1943 Burt Rutan, Estacada, Oregon, aerospace engineer (Voyager, Spaceship One)
  • 1947 Linda Chavez, Albuquerque, New Mexico, author/ Fox News Analyst/ columnist
  • 1954 Mark Linn-Baker, St Louis, Missouri, actor (Larry Appleton-Perfect Strangers)
  • 1957 Jon Gries, Glendale, California, actor (Roger Linus/Lost)
  • 1964 Diane and Erin Murphy, Encino, California, actresses (Tabitha Stevens-Bewitched)
  • 1965 Dan Jansen, West Allis, Wisconsin, speed skater (Olympic gold 1994)
  • 1966 Jason Patric, Queens, New York, actor (Speed 2, The Lost Boys, The Alamo)
  • 1980 Venus Williams, Lynwood, California, tennis star

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Nothing is too small to know, and nothing is too big to attempt. – William Van Horne

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1856 Republican Party opens its 1st national convention in Philadelphia.
  • 1863 Travelers Insurance Co of Hartford chartered (1st accident insurer).
  • 1885 Statue of Liberty arrived in NYC aboard French ship `Isere’.
  • 1894 1st US poliomyelitis epidemic breaks out, Rutland, Vermont.
  • 1919 “Barney Google” cartoon strip, by Billy De Beck, premiers.
  • 1928 Amelia Earhart leaves Newfoundland to become 1st woman to fly the Atlantic (as a passenger in a plane piloted by Wilmer Stultz).
  • 1940 France asks Germany for terms of surrender in WW II.
  • 1950 1st kidney transplant (Chicago).
  • 1960 Ted Williams hit his 500th home run.
  • 1972 5 arrested for burglarizing Democratic Party HQ at Watergate.
  • 1982 President Reagan 1st UN Gen Assembly address (“evil empire” speech).
  • 1994 Following a televised low-speed highway chase , O.J. Simpson is arrested for the murders of his wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and her friend Ronald Goldman.

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My friend’s husband is always telling her that housekeeping would be a snap if only she would organize her time better. Recently he had a chance to put his theory into practice while his wife was away.

When I popped in one evening to see how he was managing, he crowed, “I made a cake, frosted it, washed the kitchen windows, cleaned all the cupboards, scrubbed the kitchen floor, walls and ceiling and even had a bath.”

I was about to concede that perhaps he was a better manager than his wife, when he added sheepishly, “When I was making the chocolate frosting, I forgot to turn off the mixer before taking the beaters out of the bowl, so I had to do all the rest.”

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A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer.

‘If I lose this case, I’ll be ruined.’

‘It’s in the judge’s hands now,’ said the lawyer.

‘Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?’

‘Oh no! This judge is a stickler or ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court. In fact, you shouldn’t even smile at the judge.’

Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, ‘Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It worked!’

‘I’m sure we would have lost the case if you’d sent them.’

‘But, I did send them.’

‘What? You did?’ said the lawyer, incredulously.

‘Yes. That’s how we won the case.’

‘I don’t understand,’ said the lawyer.

‘It’s easy. I sent the cigars to the judge, but enclosed the plaintiff’s business card.’

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ONE-LINERS: Top Ten Signs Your Cat Has Learned Your Internet Password:

10) E-Mail flames from some guy named ‘Fluffy.’

9) Traces of kitty litter in your keyboard.

8) You find you’ve been subscribed to strange newsgroups like alt.recreational.catnip.

7) Your web browser has a new home page: http://www.feline.com/.

6) Your mouse has teeth marks in it…and a strange aroma of tuna.

5) Hate-mail messages to Apple Computer Corp. about their release of ‘CyberDog.’

4) Your new ergonomic keyboard has a strange territorial scent to it.

3) You keep finding new software around your house like CatinTax and WarCat II.

2) On IRC you’re known as the IronMouser.

1) There are little kitty carpal-tunnel braces near the scratching post.

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As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection.

A thick slab of ham, a fresh bun, crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard. The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the picnic table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side.

“Hold Johnny [our six-week-old son] while I get my sandwich,” she said.

I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers. I love mustard. And I had no napkin.

I licked it off.

It was NOT mustard. No man ever put a baby down faster.

It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding.

With a washcloth in each hand I did the sort of routine shoeshine guys do, only I did it on my tongue.

Later my wife said, “Now you know why they call that mustard ‘Poupon.'”

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pic of the day: bluebird on fencepost


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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

The church called in a carpenter to put up a bulletin board in the vestry. Since the walls were marble, he tried to glue it rather than nail it. He ran into problems until he tried making a frame for the bulletin board out of burr oak. That adhered quite successfully.

The moral of this story: “If it ain’t burr oak, don’t affix it!”

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The New York Times, among other papers, recently published a new Hubble photograph of distant galaxies colliding.

Of course, astronomers have had pictures of colliding galaxies for quite some time now, but with the vastly improved resolution provided by the Hubble Space Telescope, you can actually see lawyers rushing to the scene…

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When Ruth’s grandson Jordan was 5, he always told everyone he wanted to be a doctor when he grew up. One day he was running through the house and into the corner of a chair and hurt his eye. He cried for a while and kept saying, “Oh no, oh no, now I can’t be a doctor when I grow up.”

Ruth assured him he could still be a doctor and Jordan kept telling her he couldn’t.

Finally she asked, “Why can’t you be a doctor?”

Holding one hand over his eye, Jordan said, “Because now I will have to be a pirate!”

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Q: What’s the difference between a nine-months pregnant woman and a supermodel?

A: Nothing, if her husband knows what’s good for him.

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Cowboy Joe visited his first big city church yesterday and last night he was telling his pardners all about it.
“When I got there they had me park my ol’ truck in the big corral.”
“You mean the parking lot,” interrupted Charlie, a fellow cowhand who’d been to the big city a bunch.
“Yup, I reckon,” Joe replied, “and then I walked up the trail to the barn.”
“The sidewalk to the front door,” interprets Charlie.
“Inside the barn, I was met by this dude in his Sunday best.”
“That would be the usher,” chips in Charlie.
“Well,” Joe says with an eye on Charlie, “that there ‘usher’ led me down the chute…”
“The aisle.”
“Then he dropped me off at a cushy stall and told me to sit there,” Joe says.
“Pew.”
“Yup,” replies Cowboy Joe. “That’s what the purty lady sittin’ next to me in that stall said, too.”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Whatever it is!

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QUIP OF THE DAY: If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments. – Flip Wilson

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .
You pray in your distress and in your need; would that you might pray also in the fullness of your joy and in your days of abundance. – Khalil Gibran

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