June 25, 2014

Fearing to lose what you have is not the same as appreciation. You have to take a step beyond that. – Terri Guillemets

TODAY – JUNE 25th – WEDNESDAY

176th day of 2014 with 189 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Log Cabin Day

*National Catfish Day

*National Strawberry Parfait Day

*Virginia Statehood Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1864 Walther Nernst, Briesen, West Prussia/Pomerania, chemist (Nobel / calculation of chemical affinity as embodied in the third law of thermodynamics)
  • 1903 George Orwell, British India, English author (Animal Farm, Nineteen Eighty-Four)
  • 1907 J. Hans D. Jensen, Hamburg, physicist (Nobel / contributions to the separation of uranium isotopes)
  • 1911 William Howard Stein, New York City, chemist, developed the first automated amino acid analyzer
  • 1923 Dorothy Gilman, New Brunswick, New Jersey, author (Mrs. Pollifax series)
  • 1925 June Lockhart, NYC, New York, actress (Lassie, Lost in Space, Petticoat Junction)
  • 1930 George Murdock, Salina, Kansas, actor (Barney Miller, Battlestar Galactica, Star Trek V: The Final Frontier)
  • 1945 Carly Simon, NYC, New York, singer-songwriter (You’re So Vain, Nobody Does It Better, Coming Around Again)
  • 1947 Jimmie Walker, The Bronx, New York, actor (Good Times )
  • 1954 Sonia Sotomayor, New York City, NY, jurist (Associate Justice of the Supreme Court of U.S.; 111th justice, 1st Hispanic justice, 3rd female justice)
  • 1956 Anthony Bourdain, New York City, NY, chef and author (Kitchen Confidential: Adventures in the Culinary Underbelly)
  • 1963 John Benjamin Hickey, Plano, Texas, actor (The Normal Heart, Finding North, Infamous, It’s All Relative)
  • 1969 Matt Gallant, Syracuse, New York, television host (The Planet’s Funniest Animals, American Inventor, The List)
  • 1971 Angela Kinsey, Lafayette, Louisiana, actress (The Office )
  • 1979 Busy Philipps, Oak Park, Illinois, actress (Freaks and Geeks, Dawson’s Creek)
  • 2002 Mason Vale Cotton, San Diego, California, actor (Desperate Housewives )

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There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing. – Aristotle

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1788 Virginia becomes the 10th state to ratify the United States Constitution.
  • 1876 Battle of the Little Bighorn and the death of Lieutenant Colonel George Armstrong Custer.
  • 1906 Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania millionaire Harry Thaw shoots and kills prominent architect Stanford White.
  • 1910 The United States Congress passes the Mann Act, which prohibits interstate transport of females for “immoral purposes”; the ambiguous language would be used to selectively prosecute people for years to come.
  • 1913 American Civil War veterans begin arriving at the Great Reunion of 1913.
  • 1935 Diplomatic relations between the Soviet Union and Colombia are established.
  • 1947 The Diary of a Young Girl (better known as The Diary of Anne Frank) is published.
  • 1948 The Berlin airlift begins.
  • 1949 Long-Haired Hare, starring Bugs Bunny, is released in theaters.
  • 1978 The rainbow flag representing gay pride is flown for the first time in the San Francisco Gay Freedom Day Parade.
  • 1981 Microsoft is restructured to become an incorporated business in its home state of Washington.
  • 1982 Greece abolishes the head shaving of recruits in the military.
  • 1998 In Clinton v. City of New York, the United States Supreme Court decides that the Line Item Veto Act of 1996 is unconstitutional.
  • 2012 A ceremony is held to lift the final steel beam of 4 World Trade Center into place

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A guy named Joe finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he’s in serious financial trouble. He’s so desperate he decides to ask God for help. He begins to pray… “God, please help me. I ve lost my business and if I don t get some money, I’m going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto.”

Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Joe again prays… “God, please let me win the lotto! I’ve lost my business, my house and I’m going to lose my car as well”. Lotto night comes and Joe still has no luck.

Once again, he prays.. “My God, why have you forsaken me? I’ve lost my business, my house, and my car. My wife and children are starving. I don’t often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order.”

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Joe is confronted by the voice of God Himself: “Joe, meet Me halfway on this. Buy a ticket.”

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First golfer, Bill: “What was your score?”

Bob: “Seventy-two.”

Bill: “That’s not too bad at all!”

Bob: “Thanks! I hope I’ll do better on the second hole.”

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ONE-LINERS: From Patients’ Hospital Charts…
1. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
8. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
9. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
10. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

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Harry and Martha were sitting down to their usual morning cup of coffee listening to the weather report coming over the radio. “There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets.”

Harry got up from his coffee and replied “Well, okay.”

Two days later, again they both are sitting down with their morning cup of coffee and the weather forecast is, “There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets.”

Harry got up from his coffee and replied, “Well, okay.”

Three days later, again they both are sitting down with their cup of coffee and the weather forecast is, “There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the…” and then the power went off and Harry didn’t get the rest of the instructions. He said to Martha, “What am I going to do now, Martha?”

Martha said, “Aw, Harry, just leave the car in the garage.”

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In honor of National Catfish Day: Spotted Catfish

from US Fish and Wildlife Service
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Two police officers respond to a crime scene behind a grocery store. The homicide detective is already there.

“What happened?” asks the first officer.

“Male, about twenty-five, covered in Raisin Bran and dead as a doornail.”

“Good grief,” says the second officer. “Didn’t we have one covered in Frosted Flakes yesterday? And Captain Crunch last week?”

“You’re right. I’m afraid,” said the detective as he took a drag from his cigar, “this is the work of a cereal killer.”
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Returning home from work, Jamie was shocked to find that the house had been ransacked and burglarized.

After telephoning the police, the dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, Jamie ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.

Incredulous, Jamie moaned, “I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do?”

“They send me a BLIND policeman!”

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A daddy teased his little daughter by suggesting she liked a certain boy in her kindergarten class.

The little girl was quite indignant. “No, daddy, I don’t like him!” she stated. “He’s only interested in one thing.”

Shocked, the daddy cautiously asked what that one thing might be.

“Power Rangers, of course,” said the toddler.

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Shopkeeper Smith was alarmed when a new business, much like his own, opened in the storefront to the left of him. A huge sign was installed, reading BEST DEALS.

Mr. Smith was troubled a second time when another competitor leased the building on his right, and erected a much larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES.

At this point Smith was really depressed, however, he came up with an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop…it read MAIN ENTRANCE.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: God gave us our relatives; thank God we can choose our friends. – Ethel Mumford

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, I used everything you gave me. – Erma Bombeck

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