June 27, 2014

People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily. – Zig Ziglar

TODAY – JUNE 27th – FRIDAY

178th day of 2014 with 187 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Helen Keller Day

*Sun Glasses Day

*National Orange Blossom Day

*National HIV Testing Day

*Canadian Multiculturalism Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1850 Jørgen Pedersen Gram, Nustrup, Duchy of Schleswig, mathematician (papers of his include On series expansions determined by the methods of least squares, and Investigations of the number of primes less than a given number)
  • 1880 Helen Keller, Tuscumbia, Alabama, blind-deaf author/lecturer
  • 1907 John McIntire, Spokane, Washington, actor (Psycho, Elmer Gantry, Flaming Star, Herbie Rides Again, Rooster Cogburn, The Rescuers, Turner & Hooch, Naked City, Wagon Train, The Virginian)
  • 1927 Bob Keeshan, Lynbrook, New York, actor (Captain Kangaroo; Clarabelle on Howdy Doody)
  • 1930 Ross Perot, Texarkana, Texas, billionaire and politician (Electronic Data Systems)
  • 1931 Martinus J. G. Veltman, Waalwijk, Netherlands, physicist (Nobel / particle theory)
  • 1942 Bruce Johnston, Peoria, Illinois, musician (The Beach Boys)
  • 1951 Julia Duffy, Minneapolis, Minnesota, actress (Stephanie-Newhart, Designing Women, Baby Talk, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, The Blue and the Gray)
  • 1959 Dan Jurgens, American comic book writer (created superhero Booster Gold, worked on Superman series, etc.)
  • 1959 Lorrie Morgan, Nashville, Tennessee, country music singer (Something in Red)
  • 1963 Johnny Benson, Grand Rapids, Michigan, NASCAR driver (1996 Rookie of the Year)
  • 1975 Tobey Maguire, Santa Monica, California, actor (Spider-Man films, Pleasantville, The Cider House Rules, Seabiscuit, The Great Gatsby)
  • 1978 Courtney Ford, Orange County, California, actress (Dexter, True Blood, Parenthood)
  • 1981 John Driscoll, Fort Belvoir, Virginia, actor (Young Americans, Dawson’s Creek, The Book of Daniel, Guiding Light)
  • 1986 Drake Bell, Santa Ana, California, actor and musician (Jerry Maguire, Drake & Josh, Superhero Movie, The Nutty Professor, The Amanda Show)
  • 1991 Madylin Sweeten, Brownwood, Texas, actress (Everybody Loves Raymond)

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Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage. – Anais Nin

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1844 Joseph Smith, Jr., founder of the Latter Day Saint movement, and his brother Hyrum Smith, are murdered by a mob at the Carthage, Illinois jail.
  • 1895 The inaugural run of the Baltimore and Ohio Railroad’s Royal Blue from Washington, D.C., to New York City, the first U.S. passenger train to use electric locomotives.
  • 1898 The first solo circumnavigation of the globe is completed by Joshua Slocum from Briar Island, Nova Scotia.
  • 1923 First ever aerial refueling in a DH-4B biplane performed by Capt. Lowell H. Smith and Lt. John P. Richter.
  • 1946 The Parliament of Canada establishes the definition of Canadian citizenship in the Canadian Citizenship Act.
  • 1950 President Truman orders Air Force & Navy into Korean conflict.
  • 1954 The world’s first nuclear power station opens in Obninsk, near Moscow.
  • 1967 The world’s first ATM is installed in Enfield, London.
  • 1974 U.S president Richard Nixon visits the U.S.S.R..
  • 1976 Air France Flight 139 (Tel Aviv-Athens-Paris) is hijacked en route to Paris by the PLO and redirected to Entebbe, Uganda.
  • 1977 France grants independence to Djibouti.
  • 1982 Space Shuttle Columbia launched from the Kennedy Space Center on the final research and development flight mission, STS-4.
  • 1989 The current international treaty defending indigenous peoples, ILO 169 convention, was adopted.
  • 1991 Slovenia, after declaring independence two days before is invaded by Yugoslav troops, tanks, and aircraft starting the Ten-Day War.
  • 2007 The Brazilian Military Police invades the favelas of Complexo do Alemão in an episode which is remembered as the Complexo do Alemão massacre.
  • 2013 NASA launches the Interface Region Imaging Spectrograph, a space probe to observe the Sun.

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Gooberette to Help Desk: “My printer won’t print.”

“Are you running it under Windows?”

“No, my desk is next to the door. But that’s a good point. The guy in the cubicle next to me is under a window and he can print just fine.”

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A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah.”

The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?”

The little girl replied, “Then you ask him.”

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The difference between ‘complete’ and ‘finished’:

If you marry the right woman, you are ‘complete’.
If you marry the wrong woman, you are ‘finished’.
And, if you marry the right woman and she catches you with the wrong one, you are ‘completely finished’.”
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ONE-LINERS: Bumper Stickers. . .
~ Time is the best teacher – Unfortunately it kills all its students.
~ According to my calculations the problem doesn’t exist.
~ Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
~ How Can I Miss You if You Won’t Go Away?
~ Seen on a British woman’s car: Men call us birds because we pick up worms
~ Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
~ Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
~ Why is ‘abbreviation’ such a long word?
~ I like you, but I wouldn’t want to see you working with subatomic particles.”

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A new prisoner walking into prison for the first time was heading towards his cell, when someone called out ”15”. and quite a few men started laughing. The new prisoner thought to himself they aren’t too smart I am older than 15, walking out on further someone called out ”24” and place just went wild with all the guys laughing so hard.

So the prisoner walks on thinking these guys really don’t know how old I am….when someone yelled out ”35” and the place just went ballistic. Finally the prisoner made it too his cell and asked his new roomie what the calling of numbers meant.

”Well” said the roomie ”we have all been here so long, and have heard the same jokes so many times that we have just numbered the jokes.”

”Hmm mind if I give it a try?” said the newbie.

Newbie steps up to the bars and yells ”27” and it is quiet. newbie looks around and yells ”31” and again quiet and finally he yells ”46” and again quiet. newbie steps back and turns to his roomie and says ”I don’t understand, no one laughed at all.”

”Well kid” said the roomie, ”Some people can tell a joke and some can’t.”

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pic of the day: Dragonfly


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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

~ Q: Who is the Patron Saint of Email? A: St. Francis of a CC
~ The poet had written better poems, but he’d also written verse.
~ Q: What is one thing an Irishman would never do? A: Drink Canada Dry.
~ The doctor who treats anorexics says, “My patients is wearing thin.”
~ Q: What’s the best way to serve a stack of puncakes? A: Syruptitiously.
~ I invested in goose futures but lost a fortune in a down market.
~ I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence.There’s one called brightness, but it doesn’t work.
~ “Thuh dad-burn revenuer come a-snooping around me whiskey makin’ operation so I up’n shot ‘im. I felt real bad about doin’ that and he’s haunting me still.”
~ The best street for locating a gas station is Fillmore Avenue.

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A middle management executive has to take on some sport, by his doctor’s orders, so he decides to play tennis.

After a couple of weeks his secretary asks him how he’s doing.

“It’s going fine”, the manager says. “When I’m on the court and I see the ball speeding towards me my brain immediately says, ‘To the corner! Back hand! To the net! Smash! Go back!'”

“Really? What happens then?” the secretary asks.

“Then my body says, ‘Who? Me? Don’t talk nonsense!'”

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Just been to the gym. They got a new machine in.

Could only use it for half an hour, as I started to feel ill. It’s great though. It provides me with everything I need: KitKats, Milky Ways, Snickers and Potato Chips.

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In promulgating your esoteric cogitations or articulating your superficial sentimentalizes, and amicable philosophical or psychological observations, beware of platitudinous ponderous while letting your conversational communications possess a compacted conciseness, a clarified comprehensibility, a coalescent cogency, and a concatenated consistency. Be sure to eschew obfuscation and all conglomerations of flatulent garrulity, jejune rabblement, and asinine affectations. Maintain your extemporaneous descanting and unpremeditated expatiation’s have intelligibility and voracious vivacity without rodomontade or thrasonical bombast. Sedulously avoid all polysyllabic profundity, pompous prolificacy, and vain vapid verbosity.

…in other words: say what you mean, mean what you say, and don’t use big words!

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Whatever it is!

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QUIP OF THE DAY: “Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.” – Mark Twain

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

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