June 3, 2014

God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say “thank you?” – William A. Ward

TODAY – JUNE 3rd – TUESDAY

154th day of 2014 with 211 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Repeat Day (Could you repeat that please?)

*Confederate Memorial Day (Kentucky, Louisiana, and Tennessee)

*Dairy MonthIt is National Dairy Month!

*Love Conquers All Day

*Fight the Filthy Fly Month

*National Fresh Fruit and Vegetables Month

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1808 Jefferson F Davis, Christian County, Kentucky, President of Confederate States of America (1861-5)
  • 1864 Ransom Eli Olds, Lansing, Michigan, auto (Oldsmobile) and truck (Reo) manufacturer
  • 1878 Barney Oldfield, Wauseon, Ohio, race car driver (1st to drive car 60mh)
  • 1879 Raymond Pearl, New England, biologist (one of the founders of biometry, the application of statistics to medicine and biology)
  • 1904 Charles Richard Drew, Washington D.C., pioneer of blood plasma research
  • 1924 Colleen Dewhurst, Canadian actress (The Crucible, Anne of Green Gables, Sword of Gideon)
  • 1925 Tony Curtis, [Bernard Schwartz], Bronx, New York, actor (Some Like It Hot, The Outsider)
  • 1929 Chuck Barris, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, TV game show producer/host (Gong Show)
  • 1930 Marion Zimmer Bradley, Albany, New York, sci-fi author (Mists of Avalon, Darkover series)
  • 1931 John Norman, Chicago, Illinois, author (Chronicles of Gor series)
  • 1936 Larry McMurtry, Wichita Falls, Texas, writer (Lonesome Dove, Pulitzer 1986)
  • 1937 Edward Winter, Ventura, California, actor (Colonel Flagg/M*A*S*H, Cabaret, Soap)
  • 1939 Kathleen E. Woodiwiss, Alexandria, Louisiana, author (historical romance pioneer, The Flame & The Flower)
  • 1961 Lawrence Lessig, Rapid City, South Dakota, lawyer and author (Founder, Creative Commons)
  • 1976 Jamie McMurray, Joplin, Missouri, NASCAR driver #1 Bass Pro Shops/McDonald’s Chevrolet Impala in the Sprint Cup Series for Earnhardt Ganassi Racing)
  • 1987 Lalaine, Burbank, California, actress (Miranda Sanchez/Lizzie McGuire; Annie, You Wish!, Royal Kill)
  • 1989 Katie Hoff, Palo Alto, California, swimmer (silver & 2 bronze, 2004 & 2008 Summer Olympics)

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“Good health and good sense are two of life’s greatest blessings.” – Publius Syrius

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1770 Mission San Carlos Borromeo de Carmelo is founded in Carmel-by-the-Sea, California.
  • 1800 U.S. President John Adams takes up residence in Washington, D.C. (in a tavern because the White House was not yet completed).
  • 1850 The traditional founding date of Kansas City, Missouri. This was the date on which it was first incorporated by Jackson County, Missouri, as the “City of Kansas”.
  • 1861 American Civil War: Battle of Philippi (also called the Philippi Races) – Union forces rout Confederate troops in Barbour County, Virginia, now West Virginia, in first land battle of the War.
  • 1864 American Civil War: Battle of Cold Harbor – Union forces attack Confederate troops in Hanover County, Virginia.
  • 1866 The Fenians are driven out of Fort Erie, Ontario, into the United States.
  • 1888 The poem “Casey at the Bat”, by Ernest Lawrence Thayer, is published in the San Francisco Examiner.
  • 1916 The Reserve Officer Training Corps or ROTC is established by the U.S. Congress.
  • 1965 Launch of Gemini 4, the first multi-day space mission by a NASA crew. Crew-member Ed White performs the first American spacewalk.
  • 1969 Melbourne-Evans collision: Off the coast of South Vietnam, the Australian aircraft carrier HMAS Melbourne cuts the U.S. Navy destroyer USS Frank E. Evans in half.
  • 1992 Aboriginal Land Rights are granted in Australia in Mabo v Queensland (1988), a case brought by Eddie Mabo.
  • 1998 Eschede train disaster: an ICE high speed train derails in Lower Saxony, Germany, causing 101 deaths.
  • 2006 The union of Serbia and Montenegro comes to an end with Montenegro’s formal declaration of independence.
  • 2007 USS Carter Hall engages pirates after they board the Danish ship Danica White off the coast of Somalia.

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A stamp was issued in 2003 honoring the one hundredth anniversary of the first flight by the Wright Brothers.

The first man in powered flight was from Ohio.
The first man ever to orbit Earth was from Ohio.
And the first man on the moon was from Ohio.

It sounds to me that a lot of people are trying to get out of Ohio.

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The doctor took Dan into the room and said, “Dan, I have some good news and some bad news.”

Dan said, “Give me the good news.”

“They’re going to name a disease after you.”

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ONE-LINERS: HOW DRY IS IT IN TEXAS?

It’s so dry in Texas that the Baptists are starting to baptize by sprinkling,

the Methodists are using wet-wipes,

the Presbyterians are giving out rain-checks,

and the Catholics are praying for the wine to turn back into water.

Now that’s dry!

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On opening his new store, a man received a bouquet of flowers. He became dismayed on reading the enclosed card, that it expressed “Deepest Sympathy”.

While puzzling over the message, his telephone rang. It was the florist, apologizing for having sent the wrong card.

“Oh, it’s alright.” said the storekeeper. “I’m a businessman and I understand how these things can happen.”

“But,” added the florist, “I accidentally sent your card to a funeral party.”

“Well, what did it say?” ask the storekeeper.

“‘Congratulations on your new location’.” was the reply.

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pic of the day: Rooster & Cardinal

cardinal and rooster
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
The animals ate in an expensive restaurant. When the bill came …

… the skunk said, “I only have one scent.”

… the gopher said, “I’m in the hole right now.”

… the duck said, “Just put it on my bill.”

… the pelican complained, “The bill is much too large.”

… the sardine said, “I can’t pay. I’ve been canned.”

… the crow said, “I was warned there would be a murder if I pay this bill.”

… the squid stated he couldn’t sign the bill because he was out of ink.

… the deer said, “I’m expecting a little doe in the spring.”

… the ram said, “I was expecting ewe to pay.”

… the cuckoo said, “I lost my nest egg.”

… the frog said, “I’ve only got one green back.”

… the porcupine was thinking, “Which one can I stick for the check?”

… the snake said, “It’s hiss turn to pay.”

… the pig said, “I didn’t bring home the bacon this month.”

… the rhinoceros said: “I’ll just charge it.”

… the amoeba said, “I’ve got to split now.”

… the paramecium said, “I’ll split it with him.”

… the sponge said, “I can’t absorb the cost.”

… the groundhog said, “If you pay I shadow you a favor.”

… the grizzly said, “I’m barely getting along.”

… the koala said, “I’m just a little bear right now.”

… the turtle said, “I shell pay next time.”

… the snail said, “I can’t shell out either.”

… the goose said, “I’m down on my luck.”

… the owl asked, “Whooo? Me?”

… the elephant said, “I never trunk I’d have to pay.”

… the flounder said, “Sorry. I’m flat.”

… the manx cat said, “I know you’ve probably heard this tail before …”

… the dachshund said, “I’m very short, and I’ve got be to getting a long.”

… the pigeon said, “I can only make a deposit.”

… the dolphin said, “I left my wallet at home, but not on porpoise.”

… the cow said, “You’ll have to ask one of the udders. I got no mooo-lah.”

… the electric eel was asked if he could charge it. He answered, “Don’t be shocked, but my account is not current.”

… the bumblebee said “Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzz zzzzzzzz zzzzz zzzzzz zzzzzzz off.”

… the zebra said, “It’s all black and white. I can’t change my stripes.”

… the mule asked for a kick-back.

… the kangaroo said, “I left home with an empty pouch.”

… the giraffe said, “It just is too high for me.”

… the starfish insisted that he should be comped because he’s a celebrity.

… the mussel said, “Ah, balon-e.”

… the other mollusks just clammed up.

… the chameleon was nowhere to be seen.

… the beaver got up to leave and said, “I’ll be dammed if I’ll pay. You’ll have to ask one of the otters. But it’s been nice gnawing you.”

… the chicken, in a fowl mood, laid it on the line: “I think you’re all so cheep.”

Finally the lion said, “I’m not a cheetah. I’ll pay it. I’ve still got my pride.”
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A young man was having some money problems, and needed $200 to get his car fixed and road-worthy again. But had run out of people to borrow from.

So, he calls his parents via the operator, and reverses the charge and says to his dad, “I need to borrow two hundred dollars.”

At the other end, his father says, “Sorry, I can’t hear you, son, I think there may be a bad line.”

The boy shouts, “Two hundred. I need two hundred dollars!”

“Sorry, I still can’t hear you clearly,” says his father.

The operator cuts in, “Sorry to butt in, but I can hear him perfectly.”

The father says, “Oh, good. YOU send him the money!”

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When a woman in my office became engaged, a colleague offered her some advice. “The first ten years are the hardest.”
“How long have you been married?” she asked.
“Ten years,” came the immediate reply.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Politics doesn’t make strange bedfellows, marriage does. – Groucho Marx

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .
People are often unreasonable, Illogical, and self-centered; Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, People may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some false friends And some true friends; Succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, People may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, Someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, They may be jealous; Be happy anyway. The good you do today, People will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway. Give the world your best anyway. You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; It was never between you and them anyway. – Mother Teresa

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