June 30, 2014

The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

TODAY – JUNE 30th – MONDAY

181st day of 2014 with 184 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Meteor Day

*First Martyrs of the Church of Rome (honoring Christians martyred in Rome during Nero’s persecution)

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TODAY IN BIRTHDAYS:

  • 1899 Harry Shields, New Orleans, Louisiana, jazz clarinetist
  • 1917 Susan Hayward, Brooklyn, New York, actress (I Want To Live!, With A Song In My Heart, David & Bathsheba)
  • 1917 Lena Horne, Brooklyn, New York, singer (Stormy Weather)
  • 1919 Ed Yost, Bristow, Iowa, inventor (modern hot air balloon, Raven Industries)
  • 1926 Paul Berg, Brookyn, New York, biochemist (Nobel/ research nucleic acids)
  • 1934 Harry Blackstone Jr, Three Rivers, Michigan, magician (Blackstone Book of Magic & Illusion)
  • 1936 Nancy Dussault, Pensacola, Florida, actress (Muriel-Too Close for Comfort, Good Morning America)
  • 1942 Robert Ballard, Wichita, Kansas, oceanographer (underwater archeology)
  • 1943 Florence Ballard, Detroit, Michigan, singer (The Supremes)
  • 1951 Stephen S. Oswald, Seattle, Washington, astronaut (STS 42, 56 & 67)
  • 1957 Sterling Martin, Columbia, Tennessee, NASCAR Nextel Cup driver
  • 1959 Vincent D’Onofrio, Brooklyn, New York, actor (Full Metal Jacket, Det. Gorin/L&O Criminal Intent, Men in Black)
  • 1962 Deirdre Lovejoy, Abilene, Texas, actress (The Wire, Under, Lionhead)
  • 1963 Rupert Graves, English actor (A Room with a View, Maurice, Sherlock)
  • 1966 Wendy Davis, Joppatowne, Maryland, actress (High Incident, Army Wives)
  • 1970 Brian Bloom, Merrick, New York, actor (Once Upon a Time in America,  2000 Malibu Road, Silent Hill: Homecoming, The A Team (2010))
  • 1971 Monica Potter, Cleveland, Ohio, actress (The Young & The Restless, Con Air, Patch Adams, Parenthood)
  • 1979 Rick Gonzalez, Brooklyn, New York, actor (Coach Carter, Roll Bounce, Pulse, Reaper)
  • 1982 Lizzy Caplan, Los Angeles, California, actress (Mean Girls, Cloverfield, True Blood, Party Down, Bachelorette)
  • 1985 Michael Phelps, Baltimore, Maryland, swimmer ( most decorated Olympian of all time, with a total of 22 medals)

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My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me. – Henry Ford

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HAPPENED THIS DAY IN HISTORY:

  • 1834 Congress creates Indian Territory (now Oklahoma).
  • 1859 French acrobat Charles Blondin first to cross Niagara Falls on a tightrope.
  • 1879 The California Electric Light Company, was organized in San Francisco, becoming the first electric company in the U.S. formed to produce and sell electricity.
  • 1886 U.S. Division of Forestry was established by an Act of Congress.
  • 1893 Excelsior diamond (blue-white 995 carats) discovered.
  • 1896 First U.S. patent for an electric stove was patented by William.S. Hadaway, Jr., in New York City.
  • 1906 Pure Food & Drug Act & Meat Inspection Act adopted.
  • 1934 “Night of the Long Knives,”Adolf Hitler’s violent purge of his political rivals in Germany, takes place.
  • 1971 Ohio becomes the 38th state to approve of lower the voting age to 18, thus ratifying the 26th amendment.
  • 1990 East and West Germany merge their economies.
  • 1997 China resumes sovereignty over the city-state of Hong Kong, ending 156 years of British colonial rule.

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Joe was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defense.

“They should not put up such misleading notices,” said Joe.

“It said, FINE FOR PARKING HERE.”

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My wife and I were traveling on the Kansas Turnpike, bucking 30 to 45 m.p.h. crosswind. At the tollbooth, I asked the attendant, “What do you people do in Kansas when the wind quits?”

The tollbooth attendant didn’t miss a beat. She answered,

“We take the rocks out of our pockets.”

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“Congratulations my boy!” said the groom’s uncle. “I’m sure you’ll look back and remember today as the happiest day of your life.”

“But I’m not getting married until tomorrow,” protested his nephew.

“I know,” replied the uncle. “That’s exactly what I mean.”

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ONE-LINERS: TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR VBS IS NOT GOING WELL
By Dave Tippett

10. Your Noah’s Ark is pretty much made up of a dog with a wet hacking cough and incontinent cat

9. Church oven, where your Shadrach, Meshach and Abendnego perform suddenly shorts out, catches fire which, ironically, enhances furnace effect

8. Bi-polar puppets keep going off script

7. Joseph’s dream coat gets washed with whites, and all angel costumes now a dull red

6. Your Samson tests positive for steroids

5. 40 years in wilderness adventure ruined when Janitor Bob turns on sprinklers early

4. Your burning bush takes out entire neighborhood

3. Biggest draw: “Safari Simon with the Lazy Eye”

2. Neighborhood punks keep tazering your volunteer Pharisees

1. Theme: “God Loves Four Eyes, too”
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A guy was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.”

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.”

The guy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want.”

Again the guy took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, that I’ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?”

The guy said, “Look I’m a software engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool.”

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pic of the day: Guinea Bird Hen with Baby Keets

guinea bird with babies picture
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WARNING! TATER PUN ZONE!
1) How do you describe an angry potato? Boiling Mad.
2) Why didn’t the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster? Because he was a commontater.
3) Why wouldn’t the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop.
4) What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato? Anything, just butter him up.
5) What does a British potato say when it thinks something is wonderful? It’s mashing!
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HEALTH MESSAGE

1. If walking/cycling is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water and is fat.

3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.

4. A tortoise doesn’t run, does nothing, yet lives for 450 years.

AND…YOU TELL ME TO EXERCISE?

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“Say, look at that big bunch of buffaloes.”
“Not ‘bunch,’ ‘herd’.”
“Heard what?”
“Herd of buffaloes.”
“Sure I’ve heard of buffaloes. There’s a big bunch of ’em right over there.”

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The neighbor dropped in on a friend and found her sitting at the kitchen table, staring blankly at a half-empty cup of coffee; her three kids squabbling loudly in the other room.

“What’s wrong Tracey ?” she asked.

Tracey told her that she had “morning sickness”. Surprised the neighbor said, “I didn’t even know you were pregnant.”

“I’m not.” the harried young woman replied. “I’m just sick of mornings.”

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Wrinkles are something everyone else has. You have character lines.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Champions aren’t made in gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them a desire, a dream, a vision. They have to have the skill and the will. But the will must be stronger than the skill. – Muhammad Ali

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