June 4, 2014

Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents which, in prosperous circumstances, would have lain dormant. – Horace

TODAY – JUNE 4th – WEDNESDAY

155th day of 2014 with 210 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Hug Your Cat Day

*Adopt A Cat Month

*Old Maid’s Day

*International Day of Innocent Children Victims of Aggression

*International Tiananmen Square Protests of 1989 Memorial Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1704 Benjamin Huntsman, Epworth, Lincolnshire, English inventor and manufacturer (crucible steel)
  • 1877 Heinrich Wieland, Germany, biochemist (Bile acids research)
  • 1907 Rosalind Russell, Waterbury, Connecticut, actress (His Girl Friday, Aunti Mame, Mrs. Pollifax Spy)
  • 1916 Robert F. Furchgott, Charleston, South Carolina, chemist (discovered substance in endothelial cells that relaxes blood vessels, endothelium-derived relaxing factor)
  • 1924 Dennis Weaver, Joplin, Missouri, actor (Gunsmoke, McCloud, Gentle Ben, Duel, Stone, Buck James, Centennial)
  • 1926 Robert Earl Hughes, American man who became the heaviest known human (1,041 pounds)
  • 1928 Ruth Westheimer, German-born American sex therapist and author
  • 1930 Morgana King, Pleasantville, New York, actress (The Godfather Part II)
  • 1936 Bruce Dern, Chicago, Illinios, actor (They Shoot Horses, Don’t They?, Silent Running, Black Sunday, Coming Home, Down Periscope, Last Man STanding, The Astronaut Farmer, Nebraska, Cut Bank)
  • 1937 Freddy Fender, San Benito, Texas, musician (Before the Next Teardrop Falls, Wasted Days and Wasted Nights)
  • 1937 Robert Fulghum, Waco, Texas, author (All I Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten)
  • 1943 Joyce Meyer, St. Louis, Missouri, charismatic Christian author & speaker (The Secret Power of Speaking God’s Word, Approval Addiction, The Power of Simple Prayer, Change Your Words Change Your Life)
  • 1944 Michelle Phillips, Long Beach, California, singer (The Mamas & the Papas) and actress (Dillinger, Valentino, 7th Heaven)
  • 1952 Parker Stevenson, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, actor and director (A Separate Peace, Stroker Ace, The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries, North and South)
  • 1956 Keith David, Harlem, New York, actor (Crash, There’s Something About Mary, Barbershop, Men at Work, The Thing, Pitch Black, voice – Gargoyles, Halo 2 & 3, Saints Row, The Princess & the Frog, Final Fantasy, Enlisted)
  • 1967 Robert Shane Kimbrough, Kileen, Texas, Apache helicopter pilot, astronaut (STS-126)
  • 1971 Noah Wyle, Hollywood, California, actor (ER, Falling Skies, The Librarian, Pirates of Silicon Valley)
  • 1975 Angelina Jolie, Los Angeles, California, actress (Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, Cradle of Life; Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Wanted, Changeling, Maleficent )
  • 1981 T. J. Miller, Denver, Colorado,actor and comedian (Gulliver’s Travels, Tuffnut in How to Train Your Dragon, Silicone Valley)
  • 1991 Jordan Hinson, El Paso, Texas, actress (Go Figure, Zoe Carter in Eureka, Hank, Higher Power, Living Among Us)

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We become what we think about. – Earl Nightingale

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1783 The Montgolfier brothers publicly demonstrate their montgolfière (hot air balloon).
  • 1812 Following Louisiana’s admittance as a U.S. state, the Louisiana Territory is renamed the Missouri Territory.
  • 1862 Confederate troops evacuate Fort Pillow on the Mississippi River during the Civil War, leaving the way clear for Union troops to take Memphis, Tennessee.
  • 1876 An express train called the Transcontinental Express arrives in San Francisco, California, via the First Transcontinental Railroad only 83 hours and 39 minutes after leaving New York City.
  • 1896 Henry Ford completes the Ford Quadricycle, his first gasoline-powered automobile, and gives it a successful test run.
  • 1912 Massachusetts becomes the first state of the United States to set a minimum wage.
  • 1913 Emily Davison, a suffragette, runs out in front of King George V’s horse, Anmer, at the Epsom Derby. She is trampled, never regains consciousness and dies a few days later.
  • 1917 The first Pulitzer Prizes are awarded: Laura E. Richards, Maude H. Elliott, and Florence Hall receive the first Pulitzer for biography (for Julia Ward Howe). Jean Jules Jusserand receives the first Pulitzer for history for his work With Americans of Past and Present Days. Herbert B. Swope receives the first Pulitzer for journalism for his work for the New York World.
  • 1919 U.S. Congress approves the 19th Amendment to the Constitution, which guarantees suffrage to women, and sends it to the U.S. states for ratification.
  • 1939 The MS St. Louis, a ship carrying 963 Jewish refugees, is denied permission to land in Florida, United States, after already being turned away from Cuba. Forced to return to Europe, more than 200 of its passengers later die in Nazi concentration camps.
  • 1957 Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. delivered his famous Power of Nonviolence speech at the University of California, Berkeley.
  • 1974 During Ten Cent Beer Night, inebriated Cleveland Indians fans start a riot, causing the game to be forfeited to the Texas Rangers.
  • 1998 Terry Nichols is sentenced to life in prison for his role in the Oklahoma City bombing.
  • 2001 Gyanendra, the last King of Nepal, ascends to the throne after the massacre in the Royal Palace.
  • 2004 Marvin Heemeyer’s (eventually suicidal) protest rampage with an improvised bulletproofed bulldozer destroys 13 Granby, Colorado buildings including the town hall.
  • 2010 Falcon 9 Flight 1 was the maiden flight of the SpaceX Falcon 9 rocket, which launched from Cape Canaveral Air Force Station Space Launch Complex 40

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Several days ago as I left a meeting at our church, I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.

Suddenly I realized, I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My wife, Diane, has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. Her theory is that the car will be stolen. As I burst through the doors of the church, I came to a terrifying conclusion. Her theory was right. The parking lot was empty.

I immediately call the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen. Then I made the most difficult call of all, “Honey,” I stammered. I always call her “honey” in times like these. “I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen.”

There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard Diane’s voice. “Ken” she barked, “I dropped you off!”

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, “Well, come and get me.”

Diane retorted, “I will, as soon as I can convince this policeman that I did not steal your car!!!”

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Catherine, a RN, was unhappy with her job, so she submitted her resignation. She was sure she’d have no trouble finding a new position, because of the nursing shortage in her area.

She e-mailed cover letters to dozens of potential employers and attached her resume to each one. Two weeks later, Catherine was dismayed and bewildered that she had not received even one request for an interview.

Finally she received a message from a prospective employer that explained the reason she hadn’t heard from anyone else.

It read: “Your resume was not attached as stated. I do, however, want to thank you for the vegetable lasagna recipe.”

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ONE-LINERS: Exercising Advice

1. For every mile you jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you, at the age of 85, to spend an additional five months in a nursing home at $5,000/month.

2. The only reason I took up jogging was to hear heavy breathing again.

3. I joined a health club last year, spending $500 in the process. I haven’t lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.

4. I have to exercise early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I’m doing.

5. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

6. The advantage to exercising every day is that you die healthier.

7. I have flabby thighs but fortunately my stomach covers them.

8. If you are going to take up cross-country skiing, it helps to start with a small country.

9. I don’t jog; it makes me spill my milk shake.

10. Actually, I don’t exercise at all. If we were meant to touch our toes, we would have them farther up on our body.

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Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.

With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman.

The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.

“What’s in the bag?” asked the old woman.

Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, “It’s a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.”

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two.

Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said,

“Good trade.”

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pic of the day: Baby bird

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

A fellow walked into an Ice Cream Store On a very hot summery day. He ordered a double scooped chocolate cone, received it, and then walked away.

Out on the sidewalk he paused for a bit. Then he pulled out a pair of green parakeets, sat down on a nearby bench with his birds, And placed them on top of his ice cream cone.

A passerby who glanced o’er his way and noticed this curious sight was prompted to ask “What’s happ’nin’, Bud, with two birdies on your treat?”

The fellow replied in an absolute serious tone, “I’m trying, dear sir, as best I know how, To chill two birds with one cone.”

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Several scientists were all posed the following question: “What is pi ?”

The engineer said: “It is approximately 3 and 1/7”

The physicist said: “It is 3.14159”

The mathematician thought a bit, and replied “It is equal to pi”.

A nutritionist: “Pie is a healthy and delicious dessert!”

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The minister of a well-attended, strong, and enthusiastic church often showed himself ready and able to deal with any situation that might come up.

One Sunday, just as the minister was reaching the peak of his sermon, his own young son entered the church, ran to the center aisle, started making loud beeps and brrrmms like a car without a muffler, then zoomed right toward him.

The minister stopped his sermon, pointed directly at his son, and commanded, “Jimmy, park the car immediately beside your mother on that bench (pointing), turn off the ignition, and hand her the keys.”

The sermon continued undisturbed after a good laugh by the congregation.

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A forest ranger is making rounds in a remote part of the wooded reserve when he comes across an unkempt man, sitting at a make-shift campfire, and, to the ranger’s astonishment, eating a fish and a bald eagle.

The man is consequently put in jail for the crime. He was soon brought to trial for his crime.

The Judge asked the man, “Do you know that eating a bald eagle is a federal offense?”

“Yes, I do, Judge,” replied the man, “but if you will let me argue my case, I’ll explain what happened.”

“You may proceed.”

“I got lost in the woods and hadn’t had anything real to eat for two weeks,” the man explained. “I was so hungry, I was eating plants to stay alive. Next thing I see is a Bald Eagle swooping down at the lake grabbing a fish. I thought ‘if I startled the eagle, I could maybe steal the fish.’ Low and behold, the eagle lighted upon a nearby tree stump to eat the fish. I threw a stone toward the eagle hoping he would drop the fish and fly away. Unfortunately, in my weakened condition, my aim was off, and the rock hit the eagle squarely on his poor little head, and it killed him. I thought long and hard about what had happened, but figured that since I had killed it, I might as well eat it, since it would be more disgraceful to let it rot on the ground.”

The Judge says he will take a recess to analyze the defendant’s testimony. Fifteen minutes goes by, and the Judge returns.

“Due to the extreme circumstances you were under and because you didn’t intend to kill the eagle, the court will dismiss the charges.” The Judge then leans over the bench and whispers: “If you don’t mind my asking, what does a bald eagle taste like?”

“Well, Your Honor, it is hard to explain. I guess the best comparison I can make is, it’s a bit more tender than a California Condor, but lacks the tang of a Spotted Owl.”

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain

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