June 5, 2014

Prosperity is not without many fears and distastes, and adversity is not without comforts and hopes. – Francis Bacon

TODAY – JUNE 5th – THURSDAY

156th day of 2014 with 209 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*World Environment Day

*National Gingerbread Day

*Rose Month

*Turkey Lovers Month

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1760 Johan Gadolin, Finnish scientist ( discovered element yttrium. considered founder of Finnish chemistry research)
  • 1850 Pat Garrett, Chambers County, Alabama, Western lawman (sheriff of Lincoln County, NM, best known for killing Billy the Kid)
  • 1878 Pancho Villa, Mexican revolutionary (prominent Mexican Revolutionary general)
  • 1895 William Boyd, Belmont County, Ohio, actor (Hopalong Cassidy)
  • 1919 Richard Scarry, Boston, Massachusetts, children’s book author/illustrator (Best Bedtime Book Ever, Silly Stories, Tinker and Tanker)
  • 1934 Bill Moyers, Hugo, Oklahoma, journalist & public commentator
  • 1943 Matthew Lesko, Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania, author (reference books on how to get “free” money from U.S. government)
  • 1949 Ken Follett, Welsh author (Eye of the Needle, Pillars of the Earth, Whiteout)
  • 1951 Suze Orman, Chicago, Illinois, financial advisor, writer, and television personality (The Road to Wealth)
  • 1954 Nancy Stafford, Wilton Manors, Florida, actress (Sidekicks, Matlock, Season of Miracles )
  • 1960 Leslie Hendrix, San Francisco, California, actress (Law & Order, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, Law & Order: Criminal Intent and Law & Order: Trial by Jury)
  • 1962 Jeff Garlin, Chicago, Illinois, comedian (Curb Your Enthusiasm, The Goldbergs, WALL-E)
  • 1964 Rick Riordan, San Antonio, Texas, author (Percy Jackson & the Olympians series, Tres Navarre mystery series)
  • 1967 Ron Livingston, Cedar Rapids, Iowa, actor (Office Space, Band of Brothers, Standoff, Defying Gravity, The Conjuring)
  • 1971 Mark Wahlberg, Boston, Massachusetts, actor (Boogie Nights, The Perfect Storm, Planet of the Apes, The Departed, Lone Survivor, Transformers: Age of Extinction)
  • 1974 Chad Allen, Cerritos, California,  actor (Our House, My Two Dads, Dr. Quinn: Medicine Woman)
  • 1977 Liza Weil, New Jersey, actress (Gilmore Girls, Scandal, How to Get Away with Murder)

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Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. – Charles Swindoll

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1817 The first Great Lakes steamer, the Frontenac, is launched.
  • 1837 Houston, Texas is incorporated by the Republic of Texas.
  • 1851 Harriet Beecher Stowe’s anti-slavery serial, Uncle Tom’s Cabin or, Life Among the Lowly starts a ten-month run in the National Era abolitionist newspaper.
  • 1917 Conscription begins in the United States as “Army registration day” during World War I.
  • 1933 The U.S. Congress abrogates the United States’ use of the gold standard by enacting a joint resolution (48 Stat. 112) nullifying the right of creditors to demand payment in gold.
  • 1942 World War II: United States declares war on Bulgaria, Hungary, and Romania.
  • 1956 Elvis Presley introduces his new single, “Hound Dog”, on The Milton Berle Show, scandalizing the audience with his suggestive hip movements.
  • 1967 Six-Day War begins: The Israeli air force launches simultaneous pre-emptive attacks on the air forces of Egypt and Syria.
  • 1968 U.S. presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy is shot at the Ambassador Hotel in Los Angeles, California by Palestinian Sirhan Sirhan. Kennedy dies the next day.
  • 1969 The International communist conference begins in Moscow.
  • 1975 The Suez Canal opens for the first time since the Six-Day War.
  • 1975 The United Kingdom holds its first country-wide referendum, on remaining in the European Economic Community (EEC).
  • 1976 Collapse of the Teton Dam in Idaho, United States.
  • 1977 The Apple II, one of the first personal computers, goes on sale.
  • 1981 The Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report that five people in Los Angeles, California have a rare form of pneumonia seen only in patients with weakened immune systems, in what turns out to be the first recognized cases of AIDS.
  • 2001 Tropical Storm Allison makes landfall on the upper-Texas coastline as a strong tropical storm and dumps large amounts of rain over Houston. The storm caused $5.5 billion in damages, making Allison the costliest tropical storm in U.S. history.

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A sales clerk asked his boss, “How should I handle people who complain about current prices compared to the good old days?”

“Act surprised and tell them you didn’t think that they were old enough to remember them.”

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On a birthday card:.

Forget about the past, You can’t change it.
Forget about the future, You can’t predict it.
Forget about the present, I didn’t buy you one.

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Sunday School teacher to class: “Does anyone here know what we mean by ‘sins of omission’?”

“Aren’t those the sins we should have committed, but didn’t?”

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ONE-LINERS: Random Thoughts. . .
~ I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say, “Hey! That one’s shaped like an idiot!”
~ I just did a week’s worth of cardio after walking into a spider’s web.
~ Can I buy jumper cables for my VISA card that won’t hold a charge?
~ People who claim they don’t have the time to do things right somehow find the time to do them over.
~ No, I do NOT sit in my living room all day watching TV. I also have a TV in my bedroom.
~ Of course I take responsibility for my actions, when they are not someone else’s fault.
~ I’m sorry, that’s not vague enough for me. Could you be a little less specific?
~ How can there be self-help “groups”?
~ How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you are on.

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It’s a fine sunny day in the forest; and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his laptop. Along comes a fox, out for a walk.

The fox says, “What are you working on?”

“My thesis.”

“Hmmmmm. What is it about?”

“Oh, I’m writing about how rabbits eat foxes.”

(incredulous pause)

“That’s ridiculous! Any fool knows that rabbits don’t eat foxes!”

“Come with me and I’ll show you!”

They both disappear into the rabbit’s burrow.

After a few minutes the rabbit returns to his laptop gnawing on a fox bone and resumes typing.

Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hard-working rabbit.

(Tippy-tap, tippy-tap, tippy-tippy-tap)

“What’s that you are writing?”

“I’m doing a thesis on how rabbits eats wolves.”

(loud guffaws)

“You don’t expect to get such rubbish published, do you?”

“No problem. Do you want to see why?”

The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow, and before long the rabbit returns by himself, patting his stomach. He goes back to his typing.

(Tippy-tap, tippy-tap, tippy-tippy-tap)

Finally a bear comes along and asks, “What are you doing?”

“I’m doing a thesis on how rabbits eats bears.”

“Well that’s absurd!”

“Come into my home and I’ll show you.”

SCENE: Inside the rabbit’s burrow. In one corner, there is a pile of fox bones. In another corner is a pile of wolf bones. On the other side of the room a huge lion is belching and picking his teeth.

MORAL:
~ It doesn’t matter what you choose for a thesis topic.
~ It doesn’t matter what you use for your data.
~ It doesn’t even matter if your topic makes sense.
. . . What matters is who you have for a thesis advisor.

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pic of the day: Newly Hatched Turkey Poult

newly hatched turkey poult
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

An old doctor, known to his friends as Doc, would see his last patient of the day and then wander downstairs to the corner tavern every afternoon for his daily medication. Because Doc was a frequent visitor, Dick the bartender had become very accustomed to the doctor’s favorite drink, an acorn daiquiri. Promptly at five o’clock, Dick would squeeze the juice of an acorn into a daiquiri and have the cold drink waiting.

One afternoon, much to his dismay, Dick discovered he had no acorns. Not wanting to disappoint his faithful customer, the resourceful bartender located a hickory nut and squeezed its juices into the daiquiri, hoping the doctor wouldn’t notice.

Old Doc entered the tavern on schedule and, per his custom, sipped the drink to savor its mellow taste.

Doc motioned for the bartender and when he came near said, “This isn’t an acorn daiquiri, Dick.”

“No, it isn’t,” the bartender confessed. “I’m sorry but I ran out of acorns. This is a hickory daiquiri, Doc.”

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The Way We Were

1960: Long hair
2014: Longing for hair

1960: KEG
2014: EKG

1960: Acid rock
2014: Acid reflux

1960: Moving to California because it’s cool
2014: Moving to Arizona because it’s warm

1960: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2014: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

1960: Seeds and stems
2014: Roughage

1960: Hoping for a BMW
2014: Hoping for a BM

1960: Going to a new, hip joint
2014: Receiving a new hip joint

1960: Rolling Stones
2014: Kidney Stones

1960: Beat the system
2014: Upgrade the system

1960: Disco
2014: Costco

1960: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2014: Children begging you to get their heads shaved

1960: Passing the drivers’ test
2014: Passing the vision test

1960: “Whatever …”
2014: “Depends …”

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Fisherman: “Let me tell you about the 30 pound bass I caught! Darn thing fought for three hours before I finally landed it.”

Friend: “Wait, I saw the picture you posted online — you’re lucky if it even weighed 10 pounds.”

Fisherman: “Well, a fish can lose an awful lot of weight during three hours of fighting.”

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QUIP OF THE DAY: “There are only two things a child will share willingly: communicable diseases and his mother’s age.” – Benjamin Spock

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .
Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it. – William Arthur Ward

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