June 9, 2014

Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value. – Albert Einstein

TODAY – JUNE 9th – MONDAY

160th day of 2014 with 205 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National Strawberry Rhubarb Pie Day

*Donald Duck Day

*St. Columba’s Day (patron of poets, Ireland)

*National Email Week (2nd week of June)

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

TODAY IN BIRTHDAYS:

  • 1781 George Stephenson, English inventor, “Father of Railways”  (built the first public inter-city railway line in the world to use steam locomotives)
  • 1875 Henry Hallett Dale, English pharmacologist and physiologist (Nobel / study of acetylcholine for neurotransmission)
  • 1893 Cole Porter, Indiana, composer/lyricist (Anything Goes, Kiss Me Kate)
  • 1900 Fred Waring, Tyrone, Pennsylvania, musician/conductor (financially backed inventor of Waring Blender)
  • 1915 Les Paul, Waukesha, Wisconsin, guitarist/inventor (Les Paul guitar)
  • 1916 Robert S McNamara, Oakland, California, Secretary of Defense (1961-68)/head of World Bank (1968-81)
  • 1921 Forrest M. Bird, Stoughton, Massachusetts, inventor, aeromedical scientist (developed first reliable, mass-produced medical respirator, the Bird Universal Medical Respirator)
  • 1931 Joe Santos, Brooklyn, New York, actor (Rockford Files, AKA Pablo, Shamus,  Hardcastle and McCormick)
  • 1939 Charles Webb, San Francisco, author (The Graduate)
  • 1943 Joe Haldeman, Oklahoma City, OK,  author (The Forever War, Forever Peace, The Accidental Time Machine, Camouflage)
  • 1954 George Pérez, NYC, New York, comic book artist (Teen Titans, Wonder Woman, Crisis on Infinite Earths)
  • 1956 Patricia Cornwell, Miami, Florida, author (Dr. Kay Scarpetta books)
  • 1961 Michael J Fox, Canadian-born actor (Family Ties, Back to the Future, Teen Wolf, Stuart Little, Spin City)
  • 1963 Johnny Depp, Owensboro, Kentucky, actor (21 Jump Street, Pirates of the Caribbean, Charlie & the Chocolate Factory, Dark Shadows, The Lone Ranger, Transcendence, Mortdecai)
  • 1981 Natalie Portman, Israeli-born actress (Mars Attacks, Star Wars (Amidala), Cold Mountain, Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium, Black Swan, Thor)
  • 1988 Mae Whitman, Los Angeles, California, actress (Independence Day, Hope Floats, Tinkerbell, The Perks of Being a Wallflower)
  • 1989 Chloe Agnew, Dublin, Ireland, singer (Celtic Woman group)
  • 1993 Danielle Ryan Chuchran, Upland, California, actress (Little House on the Prairie, The Wild Stallion, Haunt, Survivor)

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.  –  Chinese Proverb

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

HAPPENED THIS DAY IN HISTORY:

  • 1650 The Harvard Corporation, the more powerful of the two administrative boards of Harvard, is established. It is the first legal corporation in the Americas.
  • 1732 Royal charter for Georgia granted to James Oglethorpe.
  • 1790 Philadelphia Spelling Book by John Barry becomes the first book to be copyrighted in the US.
  • 1822 Charles Graham receives first patent for false teeth.
  • 1909 Alice Huyler Ramsey, a 22-year-old housewife and mother from Hackensack, NJ, became first woman to drive across US. With three female companions, none of whom could drive a car, for fifty-nine days she drove a Maxwell automobile the 3,800 miles from Manhattan, New York, to San Francisco, California.
  • 1934 Donald Duck debuts in The Wise Little Hen.
  • 1953 John H. Kraft granted patent for “manufacture of soft surface cured cheese”.
  • 1973 Secretariat wins Belmont Stakes and thus the Triple Crown.
  • 1986 Rogers Commission releases its report on the Space Shuttle Challenger disaster.
  • 1989 “Star Trek V” premiers.
  • 2008 In the town of Lake Delton, Wisconsin, Lake Delton drains as a result of heavy flooding breaking the dam holding the lake back.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

“Please, Your Honor, I’d like to be excused from jury duty,” pleaded an anxious-looking man.
“Why should I excuse you?” asked the judge.
“You see, I owe a man fifty dollars, and he’s leaving in a few hours for a post abroad. He’ll be there for years and I want to catch him before he leaves, for it may be my last chance to repay him.”
“Excused,” stated the judge coldly. “We don’t want anyone on the jury who can lie like that.”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

Overheard in a computer shop…

Customer: “I’d like a mouse mat, please.”

Salesperson: “Certainly sir, we’ve got a large variety.”

Customer: “But will they be compatible with my computer?”
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone called 911.

When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint.

“It was enough to make anybody faint,” he said. “My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawn mower!”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

ONE-LINERS: DOGS’ PET PEEVES
~ Yelling at me for barking…HEY, I’M A DOG!!
~ Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?
~ Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose…stop it.
~ Blaming your farts on me…not funny…not funny at all.
~ Yelling at me for rubbing my bottom on your carpet. Why’d you buy carpet?
~ Dog sweaters. Helloooo…have you noticed the fur?
~ Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you’re not home.
~ Taking me to the vet for “the big snip,” then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back.
~ The sleight of hand, fake-fetch-throw. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

I went to dinner with my husband, a male friend of ours, Jim, and his new girlfriend, Dorothy.

While eating dinner we got on the subject of vacations. Dorothy said that she wanted to go to Gotham City for her next vacation.

I tried to explain to her that it wasn’t a real place. She laughed and said “It is, too. It’s where Batman lives”.

I laughed and looked over at Jim who smiled and told me she was serious. I then tried to explain. “Batman does not exist. Why do you think there have been four of them: Bale, Clooney, Kilmer and Keaton?”

She looked me straight in the eye and said, “That’s because he doesn’t want anyone to know who he really is.”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

pic of the day: Chick & Violets


~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

A young man was home from college over semester break.

He had complained to no end about the poor food at school, so his mom offered to make his favorite breakfast.

After he took the first bite of his eggs benedict, he smiled and said, “You know Mom, there’s no place like home for the hollandaise.”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

A couple with three children waited in line at San Francisco’s Pier 41 to purchase tickets for a boat trip to Alcatraz. Others watched with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation as the young children fidgeted, whined, and punched one another. The frazzled parents reprimanded them to no avail. Finally they reached the ticket window.

“Five tickets, please,” the father said. “Two round trip, three one way.”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

The old snake goes to see his Doctor. “Doc, I need something for my eyes, I can’t see very well these days.”
“Try these glasses and come back in two weeks.”
Two weeks later the snake returns. The doctor asks, “How are you doing with those glasses?”
“I’m very depressed, Doc.”
“What’s the problem? Didn’t the glasses help you?”
“The glasses are fine. But I just discovered that for the last two years I’ve been living with a water hose.”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

Make Life Interesting. . .

– Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don’t know.

– Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb.

– Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

– No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.

– Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them. The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a contrasting polish should be selected).

– If a person is choking on an ice cube, don’t panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down their throat and presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

“Is your mother home?” the salesman asked a small boy sitting on the steps in front of a house.

“Yeah, she’s home,” the boy said, scooting over to let him past.

The salesman rang the doorbell, got no response, knocked once, then again. Still no one came to the door. Turning to the boy, the fellow said, “I thought you said your mother was home.”

The kid replied, “She is; but this isn’t where I live.”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
QUIP OF THE DAY: All the world is a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .
There is not a more pleasing exercise of the mind than gratitude. It is accompanied with such an inward satisfaction that the duty is sufficiently rewarded by the performance. – Joseph Addison

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *