Jokes and Trivia for June 13, 2012

Think like a man of action, and act like a man of thought. – Henri L. Bergson

TODAY – JUNE 13th – WEDNESDAY

165th day of 2012 with 201 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Sewing Machine Day

*Kitchen Klutzes of America Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1595 Jan Marek Marci, Bohemian doctor and scientist (crater Marci on the far side of the Moon is named after him)
  • 1822 Carl Schmidt, German chemist (determined typical crystallization patterns of many important biochemicals such as uric acid, oxalic acid and its salts, lactic acid, cholesterin, stearin)
  • 1831 James Clerk Maxwell, Edinburgh, Scotland,  physicist (formulated classical electromagnetic theory)
  • 1865 William Butler Yeats, Ireland, poet (Nobel 1923 /Wild Swans at Coole)
  • 1870 Jules Bordet, Belgian immunologist/microbiologist (Nobel – immunity discoveries)
  • 1892 Basil Rathbone, South Africa, British actor (Sherlock Holmes)
  • 1893 Dorothy Sayers, English author (Lord Peter Wimsey mysteries)
  • 1903 Harold “Red” Grange, Forksville, Pennsylvania, “Galloping Ghost” of football (Illinois Bears)
  • 1911 Luis Alvarez, San Francisco, California, physicist (one of the most brilliant and productive experimental physicists of the twentieth century)
  • 1918 Ben Johnson, Foraker, Oklahoma on Osage Indian Reservation (Cherokee & Irish ancestry), actor (Mighty Joe Young, Rio Grande, Shane, Cheyenne Autumn, Red Dawn, Breakheart Pass, The Monroes, Then Undeated, Chisum, The Last Picture Show, The Sacketts)
  • 1926 Paul Lynde, Mt. Vernon, Ohio, comedian (Uncle Arthur-Bewitched, Hollywood Squares)
  • 1928 John Forbes Nash, Bluefield, West Virginia, mathematician (his theories are used in market economics, computing, evolutionary biology, artificial intelligence, accounting, politics and military theory, Nash is the subject of the Hollywood movie A Beautiful Mind)
  • 1943 Malcolm McDowell, English actor (Dr.Soran/Star Trek Generations, Heros, Hildago)
  • 1951 Richard Thomas, New York City, New York,  actor (The Waltons, Last Summer, Johnny Belinda )
  • 1953 Tim Allen, Denver, Colorado, comedian/actor (Home Improvement, Toy Story, Wild Hogs)
  • 1962 Ally Sheedy, New York City, New York, actress (The Breakfast Club, St Elmo’s, Short Circuit, Maid to Order, Kyly XY, Citizen Jane)
  • 1964 Kathy Burke, London, England,  actress (Nil by Mouth, Perry in Kevin and Perry Go Large, Linda La Hughes in Gimme Gimme Gimme, Love Honour and Obey)
  • 1981 Chris Evans, Sudbury, Massachusetts, actor (Not Another Teen Movie, Fantastic Four , Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, Captain America: The First Avenger. )
  • 1986 Kat Dennings, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, actress (The 40-Year-Old Virgin, Big Momma’s House 2, Charlie Bartlett, Raise Your Voice, The House Bunny, Defendor and Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist )
  • 1986 Ashley Olsen, Sherman Oaks, California, actress (The Adventures of Mary-Kate & Ashley, Two of a Kind, So Little Time )
  • 1986 Mary-Kate Olsen, Sherman Oaks, California, actress (Factory Girl, Weeds, Samantha Who? )
  • 1989 Lisa Tucker, Anaheim, California,  singer, tenth-place finalist on the fifth season of American Idol

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Appreciation can make a day, even change a life. Your willingness to put it into words is all that is necessary. – Margaret Cousins

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1777 Marquis de Lafayette lands near Charleston, South Carolina, in order to help the Continental Congress to train its army during the American Revolutionary War.
  • 1798 Mission San Luis Rey de Francia is founded.
  • 1805 Meriwether Lewis and four companions sight the Great Falls of the Missouri River.
  • 1898 Yukon Territory of Canada organized, Dawson chosen as capital.
  • 1920 United States Postal Service rules that children may not be sent via parcel post.
  • 1927 Aviator Charles Lindbergh receives a ticker-tape parade down 5th Avenue in New York City.
  • 1935 In one of the biggest upsets in championship boxing, the 10 to 1 underdog James J. Braddock defeats Max Baer in Long Island City, New York, and becomes the heavyweight champion of the world.
  • 1942 The United States opens its Office of War Information.
  • 1942 The United States establish the Office of Strategic Services.
  • 1966 The United States Supreme Court rules in Miranda v. Arizona that the police must inform suspects of their rights before questioning them.
  • 1967 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson nominates Solicitor-General Thurgood Marshall to become the first black justice on the U.S. Supreme Court.
  • 1969 Governor of Texas Preston Smith signs a bill into law converting the former Southwest Center for Advanced Studies, originally founded as a research arm of Texas Instruments, into the University of Texas at Dallas.
  • 1970 “The Long and Winding Road” becomes the Beatles’ last Number 1 song.
  • 1983 Pioneer 10 becomes 1st man-made object to leave Solar System.
  • 1997 A jury sentences Timothy McVeigh to the death penalty for his part in the 1995 Oklahoma City bombing.
  • 2000 Italy pardons Mehmet Ali Agca, the Turkish gunman who tried to kill Pope John Paul II in 1981.
  • 2002 The United States of America withdraws from the Anti-Ballistic Missile Treaty.
  • 2002 Two 14-year-old South Korean girls are struck and killed by a United States Army armored vehicle, leading to months of public protests against the US.
  • 2005 A jury in Santa Maria, California acquits pop singer Michael Jackson of molesting 13-year-old Gavin Arvizo at his Neverland Ranch.
  • 2007 The Al Askari Mosque is bombed for a third time.

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A husband and his wife advertised for a live-in maid to cook and do the housework. A likely-looking girl came in from the country, and they hired her.

She worked out fine, was a good cook, was polite, and kept the house neat. One day, after about six months, she came in and said she would have to quit.

“But why?” asked the disappointed wife.

She hemmed and hawed and said she didn’t want to say, but the wife was persistent, so finally she said, “Well, I’m pregnant.”

The wife said, “Look, we don’t want to lose you. My husband and I don’t have any children, and we’ll adopt your baby if you will stay.”

She talked to her husband; he agreed, and the maid said she would stay. The baby came, they adopted it, and all went well.

After another year, though, the maid came in again and said that she would have to quit. The wife questioned her, found out that she was pregnant again, talked to her husband, and offered to adopt the baby if she would stay. She agreed, had the baby, they adopted it, and life went on as usual.

In a few months, however, she again said she would have to leave. Same thing. She was pregnant. They made the same offer, she agreed, and they adopted the third baby. She worked for a week or two, but then said, “I am definitely leaving this time.”

“Don’t tell me you’re pregnant again?” asked the lady of the house.

“No,” she said, “there are just too many kids here to pick up after.”

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ONE-LINERS: Things learned from TV:

All crimes are solved in 1 hour.

The Good guy always wins.

When you’re trapped, you always find a way out.

A trip from Los Angeles to China takes 5 seconds.

All women still have makeup on when they wake up in the morning.

When you’re a hero, you will never get burnt in a fire.

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pic of the day: Tiger Lily

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

~I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. I tried – but they wanted cash.

~Why can’t you play cards on a small boat? Because someone is always sitting on the deck.

~Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop.

~Cafeteria: Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. (Socks can eat any place they want.)

~Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment.

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A normally sweet Great Dane Psil has one quirk: she hates United Parcel Service drivers.

While walking Psil one day, around the corner of a house came a UPS man.

Struggling to keep hold of Psil, the owner tried to ease the situation and said, “As you can see, she just loves UPS men.”

“Don’t you feed her anything else?” he responded.

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More Stupid Lawyer Questions

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
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Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

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TODAY IN TRIVIA:Today is Kitchen Klutzes of America Day!

~June 13th is National Kitchen Klutzes of America Day!  This post is in honor of all those in the kitchen who try so hard yet fail so big.

~If you’re a mom who cut herself with a knife and learn to stop cutting yourself in the kitchen, then today is your day!

~This day is for the girl who couldn’t figure out why her challah dough wasn’t rising, later realizing she used salt instead of sugar.

~Are you aspiring pumpkin pie maker who dropped a pumpkin down the stairs as a last resort after unsuccessfully trying to slice it with a knife? Then today is your day!

~A klutz is a person who is clumsy, foolish, inept, or accident-prone. The term is perhaps derived from the Yiddish klots (‘wooden beam’), cognate with the German Klotz, meaning a “block” or “lump”. The British slang, pillock and the Australian slang, galah are used with similar meaning, particularly in terms of being foolish and inept.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Courage is just fear holding on a minute longer.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

The biggest adventure you can ever take is to live the life of your dreams. – Oprah Winfrey