Jokes and Trivia for August 20, 2012

Alter your life by altering your attitudes. – William James

TODAY – AUGUST 20th – MONDAY

233rdday of 2012 with 133 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National Radio Day

*Lemonade Day

*National Chocolate Pecan Pie Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1710 Thomas Simpson, Leicestershire, British mathematician (inventor and eponym of Simpson’s rule to approximate definite integrals)
  • 1779 Jöns Jakob Berzelius,  Swedish chemist (worked out the modern technique of chemical formula notation)
  • 1833 Benjamin Harrison, North Bend, Ohio, 23rd President of the United States
  • 1881 Edgar Guest, English-born American poet (the People’s Poet)
  • 1890 H.P. (Howard Phillips) Lovecraft, Providence, Rhode Island, author (Cthulhu Mythos story cycle, Necronomicon)
  • 1907 Alan Reed, NYC, New York, voice actor (original voice of Fred Flinstone)
  • 1913 Roger Wolcott Sperry, Hartford, connecticut, neurobiologist (Nobel / split-brain research)
  • 1918 Jacqueline Susann, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, author (Valley of the Dolls)
  • 1923 Jim Reeves (Gentleman Jim), Galloway, Texas, singer-songwriter (Four Walls, Blue Christmas, He’ll Have to Go)
  • 1931 Don King, Cleveland, Ohio, boxing promoter (The Rumble in the Jungle, Thrilla in Manila)
  • 1935 Ron Paul, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, physician, author & politician (U.S. Representative for Texas 14th congressional district; 3x Presidential candidate)
  • 1936 Hideki Shirakawa, Tokyo, Japanese chemist ( Nobel / discovery of conductive polymers)
  • 1937 Jim Bowen, Heswall, Cheshire, England, English comedian (Bullseye )
  • 1942 Isaac Hayes, Jr., Covington, Tennessee, singer-songwrite, actor (Soul Man, musical score for Shaft, voice of Chef on South Park)
  • 1943 Connie Chung, Washington, D.C., news anchor & reporter
  • 1943 Sylvester McCoy, Scottish actor (7th incarnation of Dr. Who – final doctor of the original program 1987-1989)
  • 1951 Greg Bear, San Diego, California, author (Series: Forge of God, The Way; Queen of Angels, Blood Music, Darwin’s Radio, Forerunner Trilogy (Halo universe), middle prequel novel to Foundation trilogy, Star Trek: Corona, Star Wars: Rogue Planet)
  • 1952 Doug Fieger, Oak Park, Michigan, musician (The Knack)
  • 1954 Al Roker, Queens, New York, television weatherman, actor, author (The Midnight Show Murders)
  • 1961 Greg Egan, Australian author (Quarantine, Diaspora, Our Lady of Chernobyl, Oceanic, Permutation City)
  • 1967 Colin Cunningham, Los Angeles, California, actor (Falling Skies)
  • 1970 Fred Durst, Gastonia, North Carolina, singer (Limp Bizkit)
  • 1971 Jonathan Ke Quan, Saigon, Vietnam, American actor (Short Round in Indiana Jones & the Temple of Doom, The Goonies)
  • 1974 Amy Adams, Vicenza, Italy, American actress and singer (Drop Dead Gorgeous, Junebug, Enchanted, Doubt, The Fighter)
  • 1974 Misha Collins, Boston, Massachusetts, actor (Supernatural, The Grift, Stonehenge Apocalypse)
  • 1992 Demi Lovato, Albuquerque, New Mexico, actress and singer  (Camp Rock)

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The time is now, the place is here. Stay in the present. You can do nothing to change the past, and the future will never come exactly as you plan or hope for. – Dan Millman

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1858 Charles Darwin first publishes his theory of evolution through natural selection in The Journal of the Proceedings of the Linnean Society of London, alongside Alfred Russel Wallace’s same theory.
  • 1866 President Andrew Johnson formally declares the American Civil War over.
  • 1882 Peter Ilyich Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture debuts in Moscow.
  • 1920 The first commercial radio station, 8MK (now WWJ), begins operations in Detroit, Michigan.
  • 1920 The National Football League, (NFL), is founded in the United States.
  • 1938 Lou Gehrig hits his 23rd career grand slam – a record that still stands.
  • 1975 NASA launches the Viking 1 planetary probe toward Mars.
  • 1977 NASA launches the Voyager 2 spacecraft.
  • 1986 In Edmond, Oklahoma, U.S. Postal employee Patrick Sherrill guns down 14 of his co-workers and then commits suicide.
  • 1988 “Black Saturday” of the Yellowstone fire in Yellowstone National Park
  • 1988 Peru becomes a member of the Berne Convention copyright treaty.
  • 1998 The Supreme Court of Canada rules that Quebec cannot legally secede from Canada without the federal government’s approval.
  • 1998 U.S. embassy bombings: the United States launches cruise missile attacks against alleged al-Qaida camps in Afghanistan and a suspected chemical plant in Sudan in retaliation for the August 7 bombings of American embassies in Kenya and Tanzania.

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Police who are called to an apartment find a woman holding a bloody 5-iron standing. She’s standing over the lifeless body of a man.

The detective asks, “Ma’am, is that your husband?”

“Yes.”

“Did you hit him with that golf club?”

“Yes, yes, I did.” The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her hands on her face. “How many times did you hit him?”

“I don’t know — five, six, maybe seven times … just put me down for a five.”

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ONE-LINERS: The Little Rules of Life

Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures.
Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.
Floss your teeth.
Ask for a raise when you think you’ve earned it.
Overtip breakfast waitresses.
Be forgiving of yourself and others.
Say, “Thank you” a lot.
Say, “Please” a lot.
Avoid negative people.
Buy whatever kids are selling on card tables in their front yards.
Wear polished shoes.
Remember other people’s birthdays.
Commit yourself to constant improvement.
Carry jumper cables in your truck.

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pic of the day: Butterfly sipping nectar from Joe Pye Weed

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

The ship was sinking. The sailors managed to get a lifeboat into the water and climb into it safely. As they relaxed, they wanted to have a smoke but there was a problem: although the cigarettes were dry, all their matches were wet.
   Finally, one of the sailors threw a cigarette overboard. After that they were able to smoke, because the lifeboat had become a cigarette lighter.

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A golfer teed up his ball, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an opening
between two trees he thought he could hit through.

Taking out his 3-wood, he took a mighty swing. The ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him.

As he approached the Pearly Gates St. Peter
asked, “Are you a good golfer?”

The man replied: “Got here in two, didn’t I?”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: When life gives you LEMON, make LEMONADE!

~Lemonade is a lemon-flavored drink, typically made from lemons, water and sucrose. Due to the contrast of sweet and sour, the resulting flavor can be very agreeable to the taste buds.

~”Cloudy” lemonade: In the U.S., Canada, India and Pakistan (Nimbu Paani)lemonade refers to a mixture of lemon juice, sugar, and uncarbonated water, although there are many versions which contain artificial flavors instead of actual lemon juice.

~In the U.S., lemonade is usually sold as a summer refresher. It is commonly available at fairs and festivals, known in some regions as a “lemon shakeup” with the shell of the squeezed lemon left in the cup.

~Lemonade was also the traditional mixer in a Tom Collins, but today it is commonly replaced by a bar mix.

~During the European Renaissance, fashionable ladies used lemon juice as a way to redden their lips.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Make someone smile. Do it now!

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

The finest gift you can give anyone is encouragement. If everyone received the encouragement they need to grow, the genius in most everyone would blossom and the world would produce abundance beyond the wildest dreams.