Jokes and Trivia for April 12, 2013

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

TODAY – APRIL 12th – FRIDAY

102nd day of 2013 with 263 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Cerealia (1st day/Old Roman Goddess of Fruit)

* National Licorice Day

* Big Wind Day

*Global Day of Action on Military Spending

* Russian Cosmonaut Day (Commemoration of first human in space, Yuri Gagarin)

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  •  1777 Henry Clay, Hanover Co. Virginia, statesman (KY House, Senator; Speaker, pushed War of 1812)
  •  1884 Otto Meyerhof, Hanover, professor (Nobel/ glycolysis)
  •  1898 Lily Pons, American soprano (That Girl From Paris, Hitting a New High, I Dream Too Much)
  •  1907 Hardie Gramatky, Dallas, Texas, children’s author and illustrator (Little Toot)
  •  1916 Beverly Cleary, McMinnville, Oregon, author children/young adult (Henry Huggins, The Mouse & The Motorcycle, Ramona series)
  •  1923 Ann Miller [Lucille Ann Collier], Chireno, Texas, dancer/actress (Kiss Me Kate, On the Town)
  •  1925 Joe Bowman, Johnson City, Tennessee, sharpshooter, Hollywood consultant, famed boot maker & master showman
  •  1928 Brooklyn Supreme, Belgium, stallion, heaviest known horse (1450 kg/3190lb)
  •  1932 Tiny Tim [Herbert Butros Khaury], NYC, New York, singer (Tip Toe Thru’ the Tulips With Me)
  •  1940 John Hagee, Baytown, Texas, Cornerstone Church pastor and televangelist
  •  1946 Ed[ward] O’Neill, Youngstown, Ohio, actor (Michael Mooney-Big Apple, Al Bundy-Married with Children)
  •  1947 Tom Clancy, Baltimore County, Maryland, author (Hunt for Red October, Clear & Present Danger)
  • 1947 David Letterman, Indianapolis, Indiana, talk show host/ comedian (Late Night)
  • 1949 Scott Turow, Chicago, Illinois, lawyer/ writer (Presumed Innocent, Burden of Proof, Reversible Errors)
  • 1950 David Cassidy, NYC, New York, singer/actor (Keith-Partridge Family)
  • 1954 Jon Krakauer, Brookline, Massachusetts, author (Into the Wild, Into Thin Air, Under the Banner of Heaven)
  • 1957 Vince Gill, Norman, Oklahoma, country/ bluegrass musician (Top male vocalist numerous times)
  • 1971 Shannen Doherty, Memphis, Tennessee, actress (Little House, Bev Hills 90210, Charmed, 2009 Dancing w/the Stars)
  • 1973 J. Scott Campbell, East Tawas, Michigan, comic book artist (Wildstorm Comics, Marvel Comics / The Amazing Spider Man)
  • 1974 Marley Shelton, Los Angeles, California, actor (Grand Canyon, The Sandlot, Sugar & Spice, Eleventh Hour)
  • 1978 Riley Smith, Cedar Rapids, Iowa, singer (The Life of Riley), actor (Not Another Teen Movie, Radio, New York Minute, Joan of Arcadia, Minuteman)
  • 1979 Claire Danes, Manhattan, New York, actor (My So-Called Life, Romeo + Juliet, The Hours)
  • 1979 Jennifer Morrison, Chicago, Illinois, model and actress (Dr. Allison Cameron in House, Once Upon a Time)

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

There is no failure except in no longer trying. – Elbert Hubbard

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1606 England adopts the Union Jack as its flag.
  • 1844 Texas became a US territory.
  • 1861 American Civil War: The war begins with Confederate forces firing on Fort Sumter, in the harbor of Charleston, South Carolina.
  • 1865 American Civil War: Mobile, Alabama, falls to the Union Army.
  • 1934 The U.S. Auto-Lite Strike begins, culminating in a five-day melee between Ohio National Guard troops and 6,000 strikers and picketers.
  • 1935 “Your Hit Parade” debuts on radio.
  • 1937 Sir Frank Whittle ground-tests the first jet engine designed to power an aircraft, at Rugby, England.
  • 1938 1st US law requiring medical tests for marriage licenses (New York).
  • 1945 Harry Truman sworn in as 33rd US President, as President Franklin D Rossevelt died while in office.
  • 1955 The polio vaccine, developed by Dr. Jonas Salk, is declared safe and effective.
  • 1961 Soviet Union launched first manned spacecraft. Yuri Gagarin became the first human to orbit the Earth and return safely.
  • 1980 Terry Fox begins his “Marathon of Hope” at St. John’s, Newfoundland.
  • 1981 The first launch of a Space Shuttle: Columbia launches on the STS-1 mission.
  • 1987 Texaco files for bankruptcy.
  • 1988 Sonny Bono elected mayor of Palm Springs, California.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

Doug went to the eye doctor for an examination because he was having trouble reading the newspaper. “Now that you’re over 40,” the doctor told him, “you’ve developed a condition called ‘presbyopia,’ in which the lens of your eye can no longer focus as well as it used to.”

Seeing his worried look, the doctor tried to be upbeat. “Congratulations!” he said. “You’re now officially a presbyope!”

Doug leaned over and asked seriously, “If that means I’m no longer a Roman Catholic, do I still have to go to Confession?”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

Three mischievous boys skipped school one day and instead went to the zoo one day for an outing.

They decided to visit the elephant cage first, but soon enough, they were picked up by a zoo security officer for causing a commotion.

The officer hauled them off to the Security Office for questioning.

The supervisor in charge asked each of them to give their names and tell what they were doing at the elephant cage.

The first boy innocently said, “Okay, my name is Gary, and I was just throwing peanuts into the elephant cage.”

The second added, “My name is Larry, and all I was doing was throwing peanuts into the elephant cage.”

The third boy was a little more shaken up than his buddies and said,

“Well, my name is Peter, but my friends call me Peanuts.”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

ONE-LINERS: DIFFERENT DEFINITIONS

Persuade: Soft leather used to make handbags

Storage: How old the building is where you buy groceries

Dim Sum: What you get when your calculator batteries run low.

Dumpling: A very small, very rundown apartment.

Calories: Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night.

House: A hollow edifice erected for the habitation of man, rat, mouse, beetle, cockroach, fly, mosquito, flea, bacillus and microbe

(Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary)

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

pic of the day: Egret Landing

Egret Landing

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Knock Knock! Who’s There?

Abbott.

Abbott who?

Abbott time you answered the door!

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman–already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet–who insisted he didn’t need my help to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

“I don’t know,” he said. “She’s still upstairs in the bath- room changing out of her hospital gown.”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

A guy (we’ll call him Aaron) was laying down carpet in some woman’s home.

As he was finishing, he got a craving for a cigarette.

Aaron looked around and discovered that his cigarettes were missing.

He did, however, notice a bump in the carpet and figured that he had laid carpet over the pack without noticing it there.

Aaron decided rather than to take up the carpet, he would get a hammer and pound it into the ground so no one would know.

When he finished that, the owner of the house walked into the room and commented on what a nice job he had done.

“Aaron, The carpet looks wonderful!” she exclaimed. “Here are your cigarettes; I found them in the kitchen. Oh yes, by the way, have you seen my cellphone?”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

TODAY IN TRIVIA: LICORICE

~Licorice root is full of a substance called glycyrrhizin that is 50 times sweeter than ordinary sugar.

~Spain is the largest producer of licorice.

~90% of the licorice used as a flavoring is used to flavor tobacco.

~Carbenoxolone, a compound derived from licorice root, has been used to help healing of peptic ulcers.

~Licorice International offers the largest selection of licorice in the United States.

~Licorice extract is used as a flavoring in food, tobacco, alcohol, cosmetics, and, of course, in licorice candy

~Licorice root is one of the most popular herbs in the world. Its botanical name comes from the Greek words meaning “sweet root.”

~Present research conducted at Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey, supports the use of licorice in the treatment of prostate and breast cancer.

~Napoleon Bonaparte was so fond of licorice he allegedly ate so much of it that his teeth turned black. Do not worry though. The amount of licorice found in most of today’s licorice candy will not discolor your teeth.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

QUIP OF THE DAY: There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. – Henry Kissinger

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. – Albert Einstein.