Jokes and Trivia for June 15, 2012

Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there. – Will Rogers

TODAY – JUNE 15th – FRIDAY

167th day of 2012 with 199 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*A Friend In Need Is A Friend Indeed Day

* Fly A Kite Day

* National Lobster Day

* Separation Day (Delaware)

* Statehood Day (Arkansas)

* Global Wind Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  •  1915 Thomas Huckle Weller, Ann Arbor, Michigan, virologist (Nobel / with John Franklin Enders and Frederick Chapman Robbins in 1954 for showing how to cultivate poliomyelitis viruses in the test tube)
  • 1921 Lash LaRue, Gretna, Louisana, actor (western movies, expert w/bullwhip (taught Harrison Ford how to use one for Indiana Jones movies))
  •  1937 Waylon Jennings, Littlefield, Texas, singer of innumerable country songs (Ramblin’ Man)
  •  1947 Lee Purcell, Cherry Point Marine Base, North Carolina, actress (Mr. Majestyk, Big Wednesday, Stir Crazy, Long Road Home, Secret Sins of the Father)
  •  1949 Jim Varney, Lexington, Kentucky, “Hey Vern”, actor (Ernest Goes to Jail)
  •  1954 Jim Belushi, Chicago, Illinois, comedian (Saturday Night Live, Trading Places)
  •  1955 Julie Hagerty, Cincinnati, Ohio, actress (She’s the Man, Airplane, What About Bob?)
  •  1956 Robin Curtis, NY Mills, New York, actress (Lt. Saavik/ST films, LBJ The Early Years)
  •  1958 Wade Boggs, Omaha, Nebraska, Red Sox 3rd baseman (AL bat champ 1985-88)
  •  1963 Helen Hunt, Culver City, California, actress (Mad About You, What Women Want, Pay It Forward)
  •  1964 Courteney Cox, Birmingham, Alabama, actress (Friends, The Longest Yard, Family Ties, Cocoon II)
  • 1967 Yuji Ueda, Japanese seiyu (voice actor) Sagara Sanosuke/Rurouni Kenshin; Daly Wong/Bubblegum Crisis; Takeshi (Brock) – Pokemon; Tenkawa Akito/Martian Successor Nadesico; Reeden/Vision of Escaflowne; Suboshi & Amiboshi/Fushigi Yugi))
  • 1971 Jake Bussey, Los Angeles, California, actor (Starship Troopers, Contact, Tomcats)
  • 1973 Neil Patrick Harris, Albuquerque, New Mexico, actor (Doogie Howser, How I Met Your Mother)
  • 1975 Elizabeth Reaser, Bloomfield, Michigan, actress (Stay, The Twilight Saga, Family Stone, Grey’s Anatomy)

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To a brave man, good and bad luck are like his left and right hand. He uses both. – St Catherine of Siena

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1215 King John of England puts his seal to the Magna Carta.
  • 1667 The first human blood transfusion is administered by Dr. Jean-Baptiste Denys. He transfuses 12 fluid ounces (350 ml) of sheep blood to a 15-year-old boy. The boy later dies and Baptiste is accused of murder.
  • 1752 Benjamin Franklin proves that lightning is electricity.
  • 1804 12th amendment ratified; deals with manner of choosing president.
  • 1836 Arkansas becomes 25th state.
  • 1844 Charles Goodyear receives a patent for vulcanization, a process to strengthen rubber.
  • 1846 Oregon Treaty sets 49th parallel as the border between the US and Canada.
  • 1864 Arlington National Cemetery is established.
  • 1916 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson signs a bill incorporating the Boy Scouts of America, making them the only American youth organization with a federal charter.
  • 1934 Great Smokey Mountains National Park dedicated
  • 2002 Near earth asteroid 2002 MN misses our planet by 75,000 miles (120,000 km) about one third distance to the moon.

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911 call: “I’m diabetic and I’m afraid I’ve had too much sugar today.”

“Are you light-headed?”

“No. I used to be, but now I’m a brunette.”

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Golden Oldie…

Mrs Baker wanted to go ice fishing. She had read several books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary equipment together, she made her way out onto the ice.
After positioning her comfy stool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice.

Frighteningly, from up above, a voice boomed, “There are no fish under the ice.” Startled, Mrs Baker moved farther down the ice, poured herself a large coffee, and began to cut yet another hole.

Again, from the heavens, the voice bellowed, “There are no fish under the ice.” Mrs Baker, now became very concerned so she moved way down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and began again to cut her ice-hole.

The voice rang out once more, “There are no fish under the ice.”  Mrs Baker, stopped, looked upwards and said, “Is that you, Lord?”

The voice replied, “No, this is the Ice-Rink Manager.”

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ONE-LINERS: Sometimes I want to be a kid again. I want to go back to the time when:

~ Getting a foot of snow was a dream come true.

~ Abilities were discovered because of a “double-dog-dare.”

~ Saturday morning cartoons weren’t 30-minute ads for action figures.

~ “Oly-oly-oxen-free” made perfect sense.

~ Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles.

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pic of the day:

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

1. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me. 
2. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now. 
3. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
4. It’s not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn’t have the balls to do it.
5. I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
6. Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too.
7. There was a sign on the lawn at a drug re-hab center that said ‘Keep off the Grass’.
8. I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
9. Mummies are bound to be uptight.
10. I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.

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More Stupid Lawyer Questions:

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
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Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
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Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

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The young lady looked calmly at her beau one evening and remarked, “George, as it is leap year …”

The young man turned pale.

“As it is leap year,” she continued, “and you’ve been calling regularly now four nights a week for a long, long time, George, I propose …”

“Grace, I’m not in a position to marry on my salary,” George interrupted hurriedly.

“I know that, George,” the girl pursued, “and so, as it is leap year, I thought I’d propose that you back off and give some of the more eligible fellows a chance.”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: A lobster eater?

~Lobsters eat flounder, urchins, clams, mussels, and a variety of other items from the ocean. Lobsters usually eat after sunset (at night).

~Lobsters have 5 pairs of legs.

~The biggest recorded lobster is 43 pounds.

~A good rule of thumb to calculate a lobsters age is to multiply the lobsters weight by 4, then add 3 (this is a good estimate to the lobsters age).

~A lobster’s teeth are in its stomach.

~Lobsters swim backwards by curling their tale and can reach speeds of over 10 miles per hour.

~Over 200,000 tons of lobster is caught every year.  This makes it a multi billion dollar industry.

~Lobster shells turn red when they are cooked because they contain astaxanthin.  This is the same substance that makes wild salmon red.

~Lobsters have a trait called “negligible senescence” which means that they do not lose reproductive capability or organ function as they age.  This means that under controlled conditions lobsters could live virtually indefinitely.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Raising kids is part joy and part guerilla warfare. – Ed Asner

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

Determine the thing that can and shall be done, and then we shall find the way. – Abraham Lincoln