Jokes and Trivia for October 31, 2012

There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure. ~ Colin Powell

TODAY – OCTOBER 31st -WEDNESDAY

305th day of 2012 with 61 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Halloween

*Carve a Pumpkin Day – no surprise here

*Increase Your Psychic Powers Day

*National Caramel Apple Day

*Trick or Treat for UNICEF Day

*National Magic Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1795 John Keats, London, England, romantic poet (Ode to a Grecian Urn)
  • 1815 Karl Weierstrass, Ostenfelde, German mathematician (often cited as the “father of modern analysis”)
  • 1835 Adolf von Baeyer, Berlin, German chemist (Known for Synthesis of indigo)
  • 1860 Juliette Gordon Low, Savannah, Georgia, Girl Scout founder
  • 1896 Ethel Waters, Chester, Pennsylvania, actress (Beulah)/singer (Stormy Weather)
  • 1902 Abraham Wald, Cluj-Napoca, Austria–Hungary,  mathematician, contributed to decision theory, geometry, and econometrics, and founded the field of statistical sequential analysis
  • 1912 Dale Evans, Uvalde, Texas, cowgirl actress/singer (Roy Rogers Show)
  • 1920 Dick Francis, Wales, jockey/author (Whip Hand, High Stakes)
  • 1922 Barbara Bel Geddes, New York City, New York,  actress (Everything in the Garden, Dallas)
  • 1925 John Pople, Somerset, England, chemist (Computational methods in quantum chemistry)
  • 1930 Michael Collins, Rome Italy, American Mjr Gen USAF/astronaut (Gemini 10, Apollo 11)
  • 1935 Ronald Graham, Taft, California,  mathematician, credited by the American Mathematical Society as being “one of the principal architects of the rapid development worldwide of discrete mathematics in recent years”
  • 1937 Michael Landon, Forest Hills, New York, actor / director (Bonanza, Little House on the Prarie, Highway to Heaven)
  • 1942 David Ogden Stiers, Peoria, Illinois, actor (Winchester on M*A*S*H; Doc Hollywood, The Dead Zone)
  • 1944 Sally Kirkland, New York City, New York, actress (Flexing with Monty )
  • 1945 Brian Doyle-Murray, Chicago, Illinois, comedian and actor (Kick Buttowski: Suburban Daredevil, 17 again)
  • 1950 Jane Pauley, Indianapolis, Indiana, newscaster (Today, NBC Nightly News, Dateline NBC)
  • 1950 John Candy, Ontario, Canada, comedian (SCTV, Uncle Buck)
  • 1951 Nick Saban, Fairmont, West Virginia, college football coach (University of Alabama: Roll Tide!)
  • 1966 Annabella Lwin, Yangon, Myanmar, British singer (Bow Wow Wow)
  • 1966 Mike O’Malley, Boston, Massachusetts, actor (Eat Pray Love )
  • 2000 Willow Smith, Los Angeles, California, actress and singer, daughter of Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith

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There’s no next time. It’s now or never. – Celestine Chua

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1517 Protestant Reformation: Martin Luther posts his 95 theses on the door of the Castle Church in Wittenberg.
  • 1861 American Civil War: Citing failing health, Union General Winfield Scott resigns as Commander of the United States Army.
  • 1864 Nevada is admitted as the 36th U.S. state.
  • 1913 Dedication of the Lincoln Highway, the first automobile road across United States.
  • 1941 World War II: The destroyer USS Reuben James is torpedoed by a German U-boat near Iceland, killing more than 100 United States Navy sailors. It is the first U.S. Navy vessel sunk by enemy action in WWII.
  • 1941 After 14 years of work, drilling is completed on Mount Rushmore.
  • 1984 Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi is assassinated by two Sikh security guards (riots soon broke out in New Delhi and nearly 2,000 innocent Sikhs were killed).
  • 1994 An American Eagle ATR-72 crashes in Roselawn, Indiana, after circling in icy weather, killing 68 passengers and crew.
  • 1997 19-year-old British au pair Louise Woodward, convicted by a Cambridge, Massachusetts, jury of second-degree murder the day before, is sentenced to life in prison.
  • 2002 A federal grand jury in Houston, Texas indicts former Enron Corp. chief financial officer Andrew Fastow on 78 counts of wire fraud, money laundering, conspiracy and obstruction of justice related to the collapse of his ex-employer.
  • 2003 A bankruptcy court approves MCI’s reorganization plans, essentially clearing the telecommunications company to exit bankruptcy.
  • 2003 Mahathir bin Mohamad resigns as Prime Minister of Malaysia and is replaced by Deputy Prime Minister Abdullah Ahmad Badawi, marking an end to Mahathir’s 22 years in power.

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Pizza Delivery Kid: “Here’s your pizza, sir!”

Grouchy Customer:  “What’s the usual tip?”

Pizza Kid: “I’m new at this, but the other guys said if I got a quarter out of you, I’d be doing great.”

Grouchy Guy: “Is that so? In that case, here’s five dollars.”

Pizza Kid: “Thanks, I’ll put it in my college fund.”

Grouchy Guy: “College, eh? What are you studying?”

Pizza Kid: “Applied psychology.”

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Calls to Computer Support. . .

Customer: “My disk ran out of space when trying to save my Word document, so I changed it from double spaced to single spaced and it still wouldn’t fit!”

Tech Support: “Have you made backups of your software and data?”
Customer: “I didn’t know it had a reverse.”

Customer: “All my files I saved last week to my C: drive are missing!”
Tech Support: “Do you remember what directory you first saved them in?”
Customer: “No, I don’t. I just know it was on my C: drive.”
Tech Support: “Ok, I’ll walk you through how to find the files.”
Customer: “I wouldn’t think I would be losing files on this computer. Gee, I just had the hard drive replaced in it yesterday.”

Customer: “Do I need a computer to use your software?”
Tech Support: “Ok, I can help you install the software. Would you like me to do that?”
Customer: “Yes.”
Tech Support: “All right, can you insert the disk in the disk drive please?”
Customer: “How?”
Tech Support: “Place the disk in the opening at the front of the computer.”
Customer: “Will I have to have my computer delivered before we can do this?”
Tech Support: “Um yes, that might be an idea.”

Tech Support: “Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the ‘OK’ button displayed?”
Customer: “Wow. How can you see my screen from there?”

Customer: “How do you spell ‘Internet America’? Is there a space between ‘inter’ and ‘net’?”
Tech Support: “No space between ‘inter’ and ‘net’. It’s spelled normally.”
Customer: “Ok. A-M-E-R-I-C-K?”
Tech Support: “That’s A-M-E-R-I-C-A.”
Customer: “I-C-K???”
Tech Support: “‘A’ as in apple”
Customer: “There’s no ‘K’ in apple!”

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ONE-LINERS: ** Ten Funny Things To Learn from the Story Of Noah’s Ark **
Funny things that can be learned from the bible and applied to life.

1) Don’t miss the boat.
2) Remember that we are all in the same boat.
3) Plan ahead. It wasn’t raining when Noah built the Ark.
4) Don’t listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.
5) Build your future on high ground.
6) For safety’s sake, always travel in pairs.
7) Speed isn’t always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.
8) When you’re stressed, float a while.
9) Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.
10) No matter the storm, when you are with God, there’s always a rainbow waiting.

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pic of the day: Bluejay by B. Boggs

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

* New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

* Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

* Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy

* Fire British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply

* Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood

* Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees

* Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half New

* Vaccine May Contain Rabies

* College Opens Doors to Hearing

* Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

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Ron was walking down the street when he met a small boy. Ron asked  his name.

The lad replied, “Six and seven-eighths.”

Ron looked puzzled and  asked him why his parents had given him such a strange name, and the youngster replied, “Oh, they just picked it out of a hat.”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Magic

~National Magic Day is celebrated October 31 in honor of Harry Houdini. The great magician Houdini died on Halloween in 1926.

~The word magic is derived from the Persian word “magus” which designated a priestly class.

~Magic has countless names! It is also called conjuring, hocus pocus, sorcery and wizardry, to name some of the most common.

~The most dangerous trick in magic is the Bullet Catch. This effect, in which a marked bullet is fired at the performer who catches it between his teeth, has killed twelve magicians and wounded many more.

~Matthew Buchinger, one of the premier Cups and Balls performers of the 18th century, was born without arms or legs and was 29 inches tall.

~Charles Dickens was an enthusiastic amateur magician.

~David Copperfield is the first living magician to have a star on the famous Hollywood Walk of Fame. He is the highest paid magician being named on fortune 500’s list.

~The author of the 14 most recent James Bond thrillers is a magician. John Gardner, retained by the estate of Ian Fleming, the creator of the Bond character, was a professional magician before he became an author.

~The worlds fastest magician is Eldon D. Wigton (Dr. Eldoonie).

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QUIP OF THE DAY: There are many paths to the top of the mountain, but the view is always the same.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life… Therein he cannot be re­placed, nor can his life be repeated. Thus, everyone’s task is as unique as is his specific opportunity to implement it. – Viktor Frankl