Jokes and Trivia for December 17, 2012

Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence. ― Aristotle

TODAY – DECEMBER 17th – MONDAY

352nd day of 2012 with 14 to  follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National Maple Syrup Day

*Write a Friend Month

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1706 Émilie du Châtelet, Paris, France,  mathematician and physicist (translation and commentary on Isaac Newton’s work Principia Mathematica)
  • 1778 Humphry Davy, Cornwall,  English chemist and physicist (discoveries of several alkali and alkaline earth metals)
  • 1807 John Greenleaf Whittier, Haverhill, Massachusetts, poet and abolitionist (Snow-Bound, Barbara Frietchie, and many poems turned into hymns)
  • 1835 Alexander Emanuel Agassiz, Neuchâtel, Switzerland, American scientist (investigation, superintendence and exploitation of mines)
  • 1894 Arthur Fiedler, Boston, Massachusetts, conductor (Boston Pops Orchestra)
  • 1903 Erskine Caldwell, Moreland, Georgia, author (Tobacco Road, God’s Little Acre)
  • 1906 Russell C. Newhouse, Clyde, Ohio,  inventor (contributions to the advancement of aviation)
  • 1908 Willard Frank Libby, Grand Valley, Colorado, chemist (Nobel / role in the 1949 development of radiocarbon dating, a process which revolutionized archaeology)
  • 1913 Burt Baskin, Streator, Illinois, entrepreneur (Baskin-Robbins ice cream chain)
  • 1920 Kenneth E. Iverson, Canadian computer scientist (APL programming language)
  • 1935 George Lindsey, Fairfield, Alabama,  actor (The Andy Griffith Show, Mayberry R.F.D )
  • 1944 Jack L. Chalker, Baltimore, Maryland, history teacher / author (series: The Saga of the Well World, The Watchers at the Well , The Dancing Gods, Changewinds, The Three Kings, Wonderland Gambit)
  • 1944 Carlo M. Croce, Milan, Italy, Italian scientist (research into the genetic mechanisms of cancer)
  • 1945 Ernie Hudson, Benton Harbor, Michigan,  actor (Ghostbusters )
  • 1979 Jaimee Foxworth, Belleville, Illinois,  actress (Family Matters )
  • 1986 Vanessa Zima, Phillipsburg, New Jersey, actress (Ulee’s Gold )
  • 1986 Emma Bell, Woodstown, New Jersey, actress (Frozen, Final Destination 5 )
  • 1990 Ashley Edner, Downey, California,  actress (The Lion King II: Simba’s Pride, Monsters Inc., Spider-Man, Monster Makers, Hanna’s Gold)

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Maybe the truth is, there’s a little bit of loser in all of us. Being happy isn’t having everything in your life be perfect. Maybe it’s about stringing together all the little things. – Ann Brashares

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1538 Pope Paul III excommunicates Henry VIII of England.
  • 1577 Francis Drake sails from Plymouth, England, on a secret mission to explore the Pacific Coast of the Americas for English Queen Elizabeth I.
  • 1777 France formally recognizes the United States of America.
  • 1790 Discovery of the Aztec calendar stone.
  • 1862 General Ulysses S. Grant issues General Order No. 11, expelling Jews from Tennessee, Mississippi, and Kentucky during the American Civil War.
  • 1896 Pittsburgh’s Schenley Park Casino, which was the first multi-purpose arena with the technology to create an artificial ice surface in North America, was destroyed in a fire.
  • 1903 The Wright Brothers make their first powered and heavier-than-air flight in the Wright Flyer at Kitty Hawk, North Carolina.
  • 1935 First flight of the Douglas DC-3 airplane.
  • 1938 Nuclear fission of the heavy element uranium is discovered by Otto Hahn, the scientific and tecnological basis of nuclear energy, which opens the “Atomic Age”.
  • 1951 The Civil Rights Congress delivers “We Charge Genocide” to the United Nations
  • 1957 The United States successfully launches the first Atlas intercontinental ballistic missile at Cape Canaveral, Florida.
  • 2003 SpaceShipOne flight 11P, piloted by Brian Binnie, makes its first supersonic flight.
  • 2009 MV Danny F II sinks off the coast of Lebanon, resulting in the deaths of 44 people and over 28,000 animals.

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One morning in a posh hotel breakfast room, a guest called over the head waiter. “Good morning, sir! I’d like to order two boiled eggs, one of them so undercooked that it’s runny, and the other so overcooked that it’s tough.”

“I also want some rubbery bacon, burnt toast, and butter that’s so cold it’s impossible to spread.”

“Finally, I’ll have a pot of extra-weak coffee, served at room temperature.”

The bewildered waiter almost stuttered. “Sir! We cannot serve such an awful breakfast to you here!”

“Why not?” the guest replied. “That’s what I got here yesterday!”

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My friend, the manager of a grocery store, nabbed a shoplifter in the act. He was escorting the suspect to the office in the front of the store (near the cash registers), when the shoplifter broke from his grip and tried to run.

After a scuffle, my friend pinned him against the wall and looked up to see a number of surprised customers staring at him.

“Everything’s fine, Folks,” he reassured them. “This guy just tried to go through the express line with more than ten items.”

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ONE-LINERS: Murphy’s Law – The Tech Version

* All great discoveries are made by mistake.

* Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch to be sure.

* Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.

* All’s well that ends.

* A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.

* A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make.

* Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day’s work.

* After all is said and done, a heck of a lot more is said than done.

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pic of the day: Cat in Tree

 picture of cat in tree

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

A grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one morning. He had made her coffee.

She drank what had to be the worst cup of coffee in her life. And when she got to the bottom, there were three of those little green army men in the cup.

She gently asked her grandson, “Honey, what are the army men doing in my coffee?”

“Grandma, it says on TV-‘The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup’!”

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The lil’ Columbia, Maryland Yuppette was shopping in an upscale pet center. “I want a dog of which I can be proud,” she told the salesman. “Does that one have a good pedigree?”

“Miss,” declared the clerk, “if she could speak, she wouldn’t talk to either one of us.”

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I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.

“Do you need some help?” I asked.

She replied, “I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can’t get into my car.

“Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenient store) would have a battery to fit this?”

“Hmmm, I dunno,” she replied.

“Do you have an alarm too?” I asked.

“No, just this remote thingy,” she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.

As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, “Why don’t you drive over there and check about the batteries. It’s a long walk.”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Make your day more beautiful with MAPLE!

~Sugar maple (Acer saccharum) and red maple (Acer rubrum) are native only to Northeastern North America.

~The entire world’s production of maple syrup is made in only 17 states and provinces in Northeastern North America.

~ 1 out of every 4 trees is a maple tree. That’s in Vermont!

~Maple syrup production occurs in the spring – generally lasting from mid-February thru mid April

~100 million lbs of maple syrup are produced each year.

~A maple tree is usually 30 years old or more before it is tapped.

~The ‘mapling’ season may last for 8 to 10 weeks, but during this period the heavy sap may run only 10 to 20 days.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better – Ralph Waldo Emerson.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

Live every day as if it were your last, because one of these days you will be right.