March 25, 2014

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. – ­Lao Tzu

TODAY – MARCH 25th – TUESDAY

84th day of 2014 with 281 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Pecan Day

*Waffle Day

*Maryland Day (legal holiday in Maryland, (settlers from The Ark & The Dove first stepped foot onto Maryland soil)

*Tolkien Reading Day

*International Day of the Unborn Child

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1867 Arturo Toscanini, Italian conductor (first director of NBC Symphony Orchestra 1937-54)
  • 1884 Georges Imbert, French chemist (developed the wood gas generator for the automobile that was commonly used in Europe)
  • 1918 Howard Cosell, Winston-Salem, North Carolina, sports reporter
  • 1920 Patrick Troughton, English actor (2nd Dr. Who / 1966-1969)
  • 1923 Bonnie Guitar, Seattle, Washington, singer (Dark Moon)
  • 1925 Flannery O’Connor, Savannah, Georgia, author (Wise Blood, The Complete Stories)
  • 1928 Jim Lovell, Cleveland, Ohio, NASA astronaut (Gemini 7, Gemini 12, Apollo 8, Apollo 13)
  • 1932 Gene Shalit, New York City, NY, film & book critic
  • 1934 Gloria Steinem, Toledo, Ohio, feminist and publisher (co-founded Ms. magazine)
  • 1937 Tom Monaghan, Ann Arbor, Michigan, businessman (founded Domino’s Pizza)
  • 1942 Aretha Franklin, Memphis, Tennessee, singer
  • 1946 Stephen Hunter, Kansas City, Missouri, author (Bob Lee Swagger series, Soft Target)
  • 1947 Elton John, English singer and songwriter
  • 1958 James McDaniel, Washington, D.C., actor (NYPD Blue, Detroit 1-8-7)
  • 1964 Kate DiCamillo, Philadelphia, PA, author (The Tale of Despereaux, Flora and Ulysses, Because of Winn-Dixie)
  • 1965 Sarah Jessica Parker, Nelsonville, Ohio, actress (Sex and the City, The Family Stone, Failure to Launch, Glee)
  • 1982 Danica Patrick, Beloit, Wisconsin, race car driver / GoDaddy ads
  • 1984 Katharine McPhee, Los Angeles, singer and actress, one of the lead actresses on Smash (American Idol in 2006 )
  • 1999 Tatum McCann, Riverside, California, actress (Smith, Click, The Time Traveler’s Wife, Neo Ned)

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Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future. – Paul Boese

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1584 Sir Walter Raleigh is granted a patent to colonize Virginia.
  • 1634 The first settlers arrive in Maryland.
  • 1655 Saturn’s largest moon, Titan, is discovered by Christiaan Huygens.
  • 1802 The Treaty of Amiens is signed as a “Definitive Treaty of Peace” between France and the United Kingdom.
  • 1807 The Slave Trade Act becomes law, abolishing the slave trade in the British Empire.
  • 1807 The Swansea and Mumbles Railway, then known as the Oystermouth Railway, becomes the first passenger carrying railway in the world.
  • 1811 Percy Bysshe Shelley is expelled from the University of Oxford for publishing the pamphlet The Necessity of Atheism.
  • 1821 (Julian Calendar) Traditional date of the start of the Greek War of Independence. The war had actually began since 23 February 1821. The date was chosen in the early years of the Greek state so that it falls on the day of the Annunciation of the Blessed Virgin Mary, strengthening the ties between the Greek Orthodox Church and the newly-found state.
  • 1865 American Civil War: In Virginia, Confederate forces temporarily capture Fort Stedman from the Union.
  • 1894 Coxey’s Army, the first significant American protest march, departs Massillon, Ohio for Washington D.C.
  • 1911 In New York City, the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory fire kills 146 garment workers.
  • 1917 The Georgian Orthodox Church restores its autocephaly abolished by Imperial Russia in 1811.
  • 1947 An explosion in a coal mine in Centralia, Illinois kills 111.
  • 1948 The first successful tornado forecast predicts that a tornado will strike Tinker Air Force Base, Oklahoma.
  • 1957 United States Customs seizes copies of Allen Ginsberg’s poem “Howl” on the grounds of obscenity.
  • 1969 During their honeymoon, John Lennon and Yoko Ono hold their first Bed-In for Peace at the Amsterdam Hilton Hotel (until March 31).
  • 1990 The Happy Land fire was an arson fire that kills 87 people trapped inside an illegal nightclub in the New York City borough of The Bronx.
  • 1995 WikiWikiWeb, the world’s first wiki, and part of the Portland Pattern Repository, is made public by Ward Cunningham.

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A man in a hurry, taking his 8-year-old son to school, made a turn at a red light where it was prohibited.

“Uh-oh, I just made an illegal turn!” the man said.

“Aw, Dad, it’s okay,” the son said. “The police car right behind us did the same thing.”

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very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. “I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family,” said the man. “To show you how much we care for you, I am making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations.”

The son-in-law interrupted. “I hate factories. I can’t stand the noise.” “I see,” replied the father-in-law.

“Well then you’ll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations.”

“I hate office work,” said the son-on-law. “I can’t stand being stuck behind a desk all day.”

“Wait a minute,” said the father-in-law. “I just made you a half-owner of a profitable corporation, but you don’t like factories and won’t work in a office. What am I going to do with you?”

“Easy,” said the young man. “Buy me out.”

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ONE-LINERS:

~ It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

~It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal the neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.

~It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better.

~Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.

~Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re an ~censored~.

~Join the Army, meet interesting people, and kill them

~Keep honking. I’m reloading.

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In days of old, when knights were bold, this particular knight was leaving for a crusade and called one of his squires. “I’m leaving for the crusade. Here is the key to my wife’s chastity belt. If, in 10 years, I haven’t returned, you may use the key.”

The knight sets out on the dusty road, armored from head to toe, and takes one last look at his castle.

He sees the squire rushing across the drawbridge, yelling, “Stop! Thank goodness I was able to catch you. This is the wrong key.”

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pic of the day: Quince Bush Blossoms

picture of quince bush blossoms

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
As I sat at the bar waiting for the bartender to serve me, the guy next to me said to the bartender, “I’ll have another Waterloo.”

The bartender delivered a tall ice cold drink, then he asked me what I wanted. I’d never heard of a “Waterloo” but I was very thirsty and the other guy’s drink looked very good, so I said “I’ll have a Waterloo.”

The bartender gave me a tall ice cold drink. I took a big drink and said, “Hey! This drink is so weak it tastes just like water!”

The other guy looked at the bartender and said, “What did he expect? It *is* water. Right, Lou?”
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A woman was looking for a used car to buy and saw an ad in the classifieds. It read: Brand new 1995 Mercedes Benz, slate blue, loaded , etc. Sell for $150.00.

She was astonished and decided to call the seller and check it out. The woman selling the car was glad to show it to her and, to her surprise, the car was in perfect condition.

She asked the woman, “What’s the catch? Why are you selling this car so cheaply?”

“Well,” she said, “it’s my husband’s car actually, and he recently ran off with his young secretary. I got a telegram from him last week that read: ‘In Miami. Need money. Sell car’.”

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There are a lot of folks that cannot understand how we ran out of oil here in the USA.

Well, here is the answer: It is simple……… nobody bothered to check the oil.

Did not know we were getting low. And of course the reason for that is geographical.

Most of the oil is in Alaska, Oklahoma, and Texas, and all the dipsticks are in Washington, DC.

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Bubba and Jake chartered a plane with a pilot to drop them off in the wilds of Alaska for a week of elk hunting, just the same as they did the year before.
When the pilot returned with the plane Bubba exclaimed joyfully to the pilot, “We had a great hunting trip! We bagged four elk!”
The pilot regretfully explained, “Unfortunately, our plane can only fly with the weight of two elk. You’ll have to leave the other two behind.”
Bubba and Jake were both infuriated and insistent. “We won’t allow you to fly this plane out without all four elk,” Jake demanded.
The eager to please pilot relented and the plane took off with the three of them and their four elk. About fifteen minutes into the flight the engine started to sputter, and within seconds they were hurtling to the ground.
Wearily arising from the wreckage, Bubba looked at Jake and wheezed, “Do you have any idea where we are?”
Jake, quite pleased with himself, replied, “Yes! We’re about a mile from where we crashed last year.”

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Squirrels had overrun three churches in town. After much prayer, the elders of the first church determined that the animals were predestined to be there. “Who are we to interfere with God’s will?” they reasoned. Soon, the squirrels multiplied.

The elders of the second church, deciding that they could not harm any of God’s creatures, humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.

It was only the third church that succeeded in keeping the pests away. The elders baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Behind every successful man is a surprised mother-in-law.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .
In life we all have an unspeakable secret, an irreversible regret, an unreachable dream and an unforgettable love. – Diego Marchi

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