March 27, 2014

I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions. – ­Stephen Covey

TODAY – MARCH 27th – THURSDAY

86th day of 2014 with 279 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National “Joe” Day

*National Spanish Paella Day

*World Theatre Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1813 Nathaniel Currier, Roxbury, Massachusetts, illustrator / lithographer (Currier & Ives)
  • 1845 Wilhelm Röntgen, German physicist (Nobel / produced & detected X-rays)
  • 1863 Sir Henry Royce, English automobile pioneer (co-founded Rolls-Royce company)
  • 1868 Patty Smith Hill, Anchorage, Kentucky, educator (co-wrote “Happy Birthday to You)
  • 1899 Gloria Swanson, Chicago, Illinois, actress (prominent during silent film era)
  • 1914 Richard Denning, Poughkeepsie, New York, actor (Creature from the Black Lagoon, An Affair to Remember, My Favorite Husband)
  • 1916 Jack M. Warner, American film producer (co-founder of Warner Bros.)
  • 1931 David Janssen, Naponee, Nebraska, actor (The Fugitive, Richard Diamond Private Detective, Harry O)
  • 1939 Cale Yarborough, Timmonsville, South Carolina, race car driver (former NASCAR driver; won 3 consecutive championships, 1st NASCAR driver to appear on cover of Sports Illustrated)
  • 1942 John E. Sulston, Britain, British chemist (Nobel / known for Caenorhabditis elegans, Apoptosis)
  • 1952 Dana Stabenow, Alaska, author (Second Star, A Cold Day for Murder)
  • 1967 Talisa Soto, Brooklyn, New York, actress (License to Kill, The Mambo Kings, Mortal Kombat)
  • 1969 Mariah Carey, Huntington, New York, pop singer
  • 1969 Kevin Corrigan, The Bronx, New York, actor (Goodfellas, American Gangster, The Next Three Days)
  • 1969 Pauley Perrette, New Orleans, Louisiana, actress, photographer, poet, writer (Abby Sciuto on NCIS, Murder One, Time of Your Life, A Moment of Grace)
  • 1970 Elizabeth Mitchell, Los Angeles, California, actress (The Santa Clause 2, The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause)
  • 1975 Fergie, Hacienda Heights, California, pop singer (The Black Eyed Peas)
  • 1988 Brenda Song, Carmichael, California, actress (Fudge, 100 Deeds for Eddie McDowd )
  • 1995 Taylor Atelian, Santa Barbara, California, actress (According to Jim)

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Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right. – ­Henry Ford

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1794 The United States Government establishes a permanent navy and authorizes the building of six frigates.
  • 1812 Hugh McGary Jr. established what is now Evansville, Indiana on a bend in the Ohio River.
  • 1814 War of 1812: In central Alabama, U.S. forces under General Andrew Jackson defeat the Creek at the Battle of Horseshoe Bend.
  • 1884 A mob in Cincinnati, Ohio, US, attacks members of a jury who had returned a verdict of manslaughter in a clear case of murder, and then over the next few days would riot and destroy the courthouse.
  • 1886 Famous Apache warrior, Geronimo, surrenders to the U.S. Army, ending the main phase of the Apache Wars.
  • 1915 Typhoid Mary, the first healthy carrier of disease ever identified in the United States, is put in quarantine, where she would remain for the rest of her life.
  • 1958 Nikita Khrushchev becomes Premier of the Soviet Union.
  • 1964 The Good Friday Earthquake, the most powerful earthquake in U.S. history at a magnitude of 9.2 strikes South Central Alaska, killing 125 people and inflicting massive damage to the city of Anchorage.
  • 1975 Construction of the Trans-Alaska Pipeline System begins.
  • 1977 Tenerife airport disaster: Two Boeing 747 airliners collide on a foggy runway on Tenerife in the Canary Islands, killing 583 (all 248 on KLM and 335 on Pan Am). 61 survived on the Pan Am flight. This is the worst aviation accident in history.
  • 1980 Silver Thursday: A steep fall in silver prices, resulting from the Hunt Brothers attempting to corner the market in silver, led to panic on commodity and futures exchanges.
  • 1981 The Solidarity movement in Poland stages a warning strike, in which at least 12 million Poles walk off their jobs for four hours.
  • 1990 The United States begins broadcasting TV Martí to Cuba in an effort to bridge the information blackout imposed by the Castro regime.
  • 1998 The Food and Drug Administration approves Viagra for use as a treatment for male impotence, the first pill to be approved for this condition in the United States.
  • 2000 A Phillips Petroleum plant explosion in Pasadena, Texas kills 1 and injures 71.
  • 2002 Passover Massacre: A Palestinian suicide bomber kills 29 people partaking of the Passover meal in Netanya, Israel.
  • 2004 HMS Scylla (F71), a decommissioned Leander class frigate, is sunk as an artificial reef off Cornwall, the first of its kind in Europe.
  • 2009 Situ Gintung, an artificial lake in Indonesia, fails, killing at least 99 people.
  • 2009 A suicide bomber kills at least 48 at a mosque in the Khyber Agency of Pakistan.

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A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies.

This was his first time approaching a field during the night time, and instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said, “Guess who?”

The controller switched the field lights off and replied, “Guess where!”

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NASA was interviewing professionals they were thinking of sending to Mars. The touchy part was that only one guy could go and it would be a one-way trip, the guy not ever returning to Earth.

The interviewer asked the first applicant, an engineer, how much he wanted to be paid for going. “One million dollars,” the engineer answered. “And I want to donate it all to my alma mater–Rice University.”

The next applicant was a doctor, and the interviewer asked him the same question. “Two millions dollars,” the doctor said. “I want to give a million to my family and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.”

The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer’s ear, “Three million dollars.”

“Why so much more than the others?” the interviewer asked.

The lawyer replied, “You give me three million, I’ll give you one million, I’ll keep a million, and we’ll send the engineer.”

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ONE-LINERS:

~The last thing on earth you want to do will be the last thing you do.

~Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way.

~If ignorance is bliss, then tourists are in a constant state of euphoria.

~If at first you don’t succeed, don’t try skydiving.

~If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

~Stop repeat offenders. Don’t re-elect them!

~I intend to live forever. So far so good.

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Jennifer’s wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement – not even her parent’s nasty divorce.

Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear, and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!

A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father’s new, young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother. Jennifer asked her father’s new young wife to exchange it, but she refused. “Absolutely not! I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I’m wearing it,” she replied.

Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, “Never mind, sweetheart. I’ll get another dress. After all, it’s your special day.”

A few days later, they went shopping, and did find another gorgeous dress for her mother. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, “Aren’t you going to return the other dress? You really don’t have another occasion where you could wear it.”

Her mother just smiled and replied, “Of course I do, dear…I’m wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night BEFORE the wedding.

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pic of the day: 3 Guinea Fowl

pic of 3 guinea fowl
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

A debt collector knocked on the door of a country family, that made their living weaving cloth.
“Is Jack home?” he asked the woman who answered the door.
“Im sorry,” the woman replied. “Jack’s gone for cotton.”

A few weeks later the collector tried again. “Is Jack here today?”
Once again the answer was “No, sir, I’m afraid he has gone for cotton.”

When he returned for the third time and Jack was still nowhere to be seen, he complained, “I suppose Jack is gone for cotton again?”
“No,” the woman answered solemnly, “Jack died yesterday.”

Suspicious that he was being avoided, the collector decided to wait a week and investigate the cemetery himself. But sure enough, there was poor Jack’s tombstone, with this inscription: …

“Gone, But Not for Cotton.”

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Mr. Frobisher had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes. “Open these if you run up against a problem you don’t think you can solve,” he said.

Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and he was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wit’s end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, “Blame your predecessor.”

The new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the press — and Wall Street — responded positively, sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him.

About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, “Reorganize.” This he did, and the company quickly rebounded.

After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company once again fell on difficult times. The CEO went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope. The message said, “Prepare three envelopes.”

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An elderly couple are both lying in bed one morning, having just awakened from a good night’s sleep. He takes her hand and she responds, “Don’t touch me.”

“Why not?” he asks.

She answers back, “Because I’m dead.”

The husband says to her, “What are you talking about? We’re both lying here in bed together and talking to one another.”

The wife says, “No, I’m definitely dead.”

Her husband insists, “You’re not dead. What in the world makes you think you’re dead?”

His wife answers, “I know I’m dead because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts!”

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I was waiting tables in a noisy restaurant in Maine when a vacationing Southerner stumped me with a drink order. I approached the bartender. “Have you ever heard of a drink called ‘Seven Young Blondes’?”

He admitted he’d never heard of it, and grabbed a drink guidebook to look it up. Unable to find the recipe, he said, “Go back and tell the patron that I’d be happy to make the drink if he can list the ingredients for me.”

“Sir,” I asked the customer, “Can you tell me what’s in that drink?”

He looked at me like I was crazy. “It’s wine,” he said, pronouncing his words carefully, “Sauvignon Blanc.”

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Friends are God’s way of apologizing for your relatives.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .
Friendship is like an empty glass. It fills with love & shares with others. Handle it carefully! Once broken, it cannot be rejoined. – Shaijan P.T.

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