March 28, 2014

You take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing, no one to blame. – ­Erica Jong

TODAY – MARCH 28th – FRIDAY

87th day of 2014 with 278 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Something on a Stick Day

*National Black Forest Cake Day

*Respect Your Cat Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1793 Henry Schoolcraft, Albany County, New York, geographer and geologist (Native American culture)
  • 1806 Thomas Hare, England, English political scientist (The machinery of representation)
  • 1836 Frederick Pabst, German-American brewer (Pabst Brewing Company)
  • 1899 August Anheuser Busch, Jr., St. Louis, Missouri, brewing magnate (Anheuser-Busch)/ baseball executive (St. Louis Cardinals)
  • 1905 Marlin Perkins, Carthage, Missouri, naturalist/ TV host (Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom)
  • 1912 A[rthur] Bertram Chandler, UK/Australian, sci-fi author (Empress of Outer Space)
  • 1928 Zbigniew Brzezinski, Warsaw, Poland, Polish-born American political scientist and geostrategist
  • 1930 Jerome Isaac Friedman, Chicago, Illinois, physicist (Experimental proof of quarks)
  • 1941 Charlie McCoy, Oak Hill, West Virginia, harmonica player (Hee Haw; backed several notable musicians including Bob Dylan, Johnny Cash, Tom Astor, Elvis Presley and Ween)
  • 1943 Conchata Ferrell, Charleston, West Virginia, actress (Deadly Hero, For Keeps, Susan-LA Law, Berta-Two & a Half Men)
  • 1946 Prof. Dr. Wubbo Johannes Ockels, Dutch physicist, former ESA astronaut (1985 flight on a space shuttle, making him the first Dutch citizen in space), professor of Aerospace for Sustainable Engineering and Technology at the Delft University of Technology
  • 1948 Dianne Wiest, Kansas City MO, actress (D.A. Nora Lewin- Law & Order, Radio Days, Hannah & Her Sisters, Footloose, Robots-Mrs. Copperbottom, Rabbit Hole)
  • 1948 Milan Williams, Okolona, Mississippi, musician (The Commodores)
  • 1955 Reba McEntire, McAlester, Oklahoma, country singer (Can’t Even Get the Blues), actor (Tremors, Annie Get Your Gun, Reba)
  • 1970 Vince Vaughn, Minneapolis, Minnesota, actor (Old School, Starsky & Hutch, Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story, Couples Retreat, Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Wedding Crashers )
  • 1977 Lauren Weisberger, Scranton, Pennsylvania, novelist (The Devil Wears Prada)
  • 1981 Julia Stiles, New York City, New York, actress (10 Things I Hate About You , The Business of Strangers )
  • 1986 Lady GaGa, New York City, New York, singer-songwriter and dancer ( Poker Face, Just Dance, Bad romance)
  • 1991 Amy Bruckner, Conifer, Colorado, actress (Phil of the Future, American Dragon: Jake Long)

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Many of life’s failures are experienced by people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. – Thomas Edison

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1802 Heinrich Wilhelm Matthäus Olbers discovers 2 Pallas, the second asteroid known to man.
  • 1834 The United States Senate censures President Andrew Jackson for his actions in de-funding the Second Bank of the United States.
  • 1910 Henri Fabre becomes the first person to fly a seaplane, the Fabre Hydravion, after taking off from a water runway near Martigues, France.
  • 1920 Palm Sunday tornado outbreak of 1920 affects the Great Lakes region and Deep South states.
  • 1930 Constantinople and Angora change their names to Istanbul and Ankara.
  • 1946 Cold War: The United States State Department releases the Acheson–Lilienthal Report, outlining a plan for the international control of nuclear power.
  • 1959 The State Council of the People’s Republic of China dissolves the Government of Tibet.
  • 1978 The US Supreme Court hands down 5-3 decision in Stump v. Sparkman, 435 U.S. 349, a controversial case involving involuntary sterilization and judicial immunity.
  • 1979 Nuclear Incident: Operators of Three Mile Island’s Unit 2 nuclear reactor outside of Harrisburg, Pennsylvania fail to recognize that a relief valve in the primary coolant system has stuck open following an unexpected shutdown. As a result, enough coolant drains out of the system to allow the core to overheat and partially melt down.
  • 1990 President George H. W. Bush posthumously awards Jesse Owens the Congressional Gold Medal.
  • 1994 12-year-old schoolgirl Nikki Conroy is stabbed to death at Hall Garth School in Middlesbrough after an armed man walked into her math classroom and attacked pupils with a knife. Stephen James Wilkinson is later convicted of manslaughter on the grounds of diminished responsibility.
  • 2003 In a “friendly fire” incident, two A-10 Thunderbolt II attack aircraft from the United States Idaho Air National Guard’s 190th Fighter Squadron attack British tanks participating in the 2003 invasion of Iraq, killing British soldier Matty Hull.
  • 2005 The 2005 Sumatran earthquake rocks Indonesia, and at magnitude 8.7 is the second strongest earthquake since 1965.

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A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, “Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today.”

The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. “That’s interesting.” she said. “How do you make babies?”

“It’s simple,” replied the girl. “You just change ‘y’ to ‘i’ and add ‘es’.”

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After a short time in the examining room, the woman patient burst out screaming as she ran down the hall.

An nurse stopped her and asked what the problem was. After listening to her story, he had her sit down in
another room while he went to speak to the examining doctor, who was writing down notes.

“What’s the matter with you? Mrs. Smith is 71 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you
told her she was PREGNANT?!?

Without looking up, the doctor said, “Does she still have the hiccups?”

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ONE-LINERS: A-Z on men

* Men are like computers…
hard to figure out and never have enough memory.

* Men are like coolers…
load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.

* Men are like horoscopes….
they always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.

~ Q: What are two reasons men don’t mind their own business?
A: No mind-No business

~ Q: How are men and parking spots alike?
A: The good ones are taken and what’s left is handicapped.

~ Q: Why is it hard for a women to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
A: Because those men already have boyfriends.

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The Sunday school teacher asked the class of four-to-six-year-olds if they believed miracles really did happen.

“I know they do,” answered one boy confidently.

“How do you know?”

“Because when I cleaned my room and my mom walked in, she said, ‘It’s a miracle!'”

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I was caught up in listening to the background music that was piped throughout the restaurant. “What CD is this?” I asked the waiter.
Apparently my East Texas accent confused him, because he answered, “Fort Worth.”

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pic of the day:


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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
Q. What’s an astronauts favorite drink?
A. Gravi-tea.

Q. How do you make a baby sleep on a space ship?
A. You rocket.

Q. What do space cows say?
A. “Mooooo-n.”

Q. What do you call a pan spinning through space?
A. An unidentified frying object.
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I went into the local Tastee Freeze and asked, “What kind of ice cream do you have?”

The girl at the counter replied, “Vanilla, chocolate and strawberry.” Then she started wheezing and patting her chest and seemed unable to say any more.

“Do you have laryngitis?” I asked, trying to be sympathetic.

“Nope,” she whispered, “just vanilla, chocolate and strawberry.”

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A man walks into a bar has a few drinks and asks what his tab was. The bartender replies that it is twenty dollars plus tip. The guy says, “I’ll bet you my tab double or nothing that I can bite my eye.” The bartender accepts the bet, and the guy pulls out his glass eye and bites it.

He has a few more drinks and asks for his bill again. The bartender reports that his bill now is thirty dollars plus tip. He bets the bartender he can bite his other eye. The bartender accepts knowing the man can’t possibly have two glass eyes.

The guy then proceeds to take out his false teeth and bite his other eye.

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The boss is finally old enough to retire from the company. On his last day of work, he ordered a farewell party for himself. The boss wanted everyone to express their good feeling about him by writing on the farewell card, so later he could remember how his staff “miss” him. Most people are writing standard phrases like, “Without you, the company will never be the same,”

“We will always remember you,” etc.

Obviously the boss was not satisfied. “I need something from the bottom of your heart, something really touching, you know. Okay, John, you have been working with me for the last 20 years. You are my best staff. I am retiring now. What do you have to say?”

Slowly but firmly, John wrote, “The best news in 20 years.”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Whatever it is!

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QUIP OF THE DAY: “Time is that quality of nature which keeps events from happening all at once. Lately it doesn’t seem to be working.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .
There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth — not going all the way, and not starting. – Buddha

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