May 14, 2014

Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears. – ­Les Brown

TODAY – MAY 14th – WEDNESDAY

134th day of 2014 with 231 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Dance Like a Chicken Day
*National Hamburger Month
*National Recommitment Month
*National Buttermilk Biscuit Day
*National Receptionist Day (2nd Wednesday in May)
* Full Flower Moon (also called Mother’s Moon, Milk Moon, and Corn Planting Moon)

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1701 William Emerson, Hurworth, mathematician (The Principles of Mechanics)
  • 1899 Pierre Victor Auger, Paris, physicist (atomic physics, nuclear physics, and cosmic ray physics)
  • 1928 Will “Dub” Jones, Shreveport, Louisiana, singer (The Coasters)
  • 1928 Frederik H. Kreuger, Amsterdam, scientist and inventor (author of technical literature, nonfiction books, thrillers and a decisive biography of the master forger Han van Meegeren)
  • 1936 Bobby Darin, The Bronx, New York, singer (Splish Splash, Dream Lover, Mack the Knife, Beyond the Sea)
  • 1944 George Lucas, Modesto, California, film director (Star Wars, Indiana Jones)
  • 1952 Donald R. McMonagle, Flint, Michigan, astronaut (over 605 hours in space – missions STS-39, STS-54, STS-66; former Manager, Launch Integration at Kennedy Space Center; chair of Mission Management team)
  • 1959 Robert Greene, Los Angeles, California, author (48 Laws of Power, The 50th Law, Mastery)
  • 1961 Tim Roth, English actor (Pulp Fiction, Planet of the Apes, The Incredible Hulk, Rob Roy, Lie to Me)
  • 1962 Danny Huston, Rome, Italy, American actor (Way, Robin Hood, The Constant Gardener, Wrath of the Titans )
  • 1964 James M. Kelly, Burlington, Iowa, Air Force pilot, astronaut (STS-102, STS-114)
  • 1969 Cate Blanchett, Australian actress (Elizabeth, Galadriel in The Lord of the Rings trilogy, The Aviator, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull)
  • 1969 Danny Wood, Boston, Massachusetts, singer (New Kids on the Block)
  • 1983 Amber Tamblyn, Santa Monica, California, actress (Joan of Arcadia, The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, The Grudge 2, House)
  • 1984 Mark Zuckerberg, White Plains, New York, internet entrepreneur & computer programmer (co-founder of Facebook)
  • 1993 Miranda Cosgrove, Los Angeles, California, actress and singer (Guinness World Records as the Highest Paid Child Actress for iCarly; Drake & Josh; Margo in Despicable Me )

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Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage. – ­Anais Nin

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1607 Jamestown, Virginia is settled as an English colony.
  • 1608 The Protestant Union is founded in Auhausen.
  • 1787 In Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, delegates convene a Constitutional Convention to write a new Constitution for the United States; George Washington presides.
  • 1796 Edward Jenner administers the first smallpox vaccination.
  • 1804 The Lewis and Clark Expedition departs from Camp Dubois and begins its historic journey by traveling up the Missouri River.
  • 1870 The first game of rugby in New Zealand is played in Nelson between Nelson College and the Nelson Rugby Football Club.
  • 1913 New York Governor William Sulzer approves the charter for the Rockefeller Foundation, which begins operations with a $100 million donation from John D. Rockefeller.
  • 1925 Virginia Woolf’s novel Mrs Dalloway is published.
  • 1929 Wilfred Rhodes takes his 4000th first-class wicket during a performance of 9 for 39 at Leyton; he is the only player in history to have reached that plateau.
  • 1948 Israel is declared to be an independent state and a provisional government is established. Immediately after the declaration, Israel is attacked by the neighboring Arab states, triggering the 1948 Arab-Israeli War.
  • 1973 Skylab, the United States’ first space station, is launched.
  • 1988 Carrollton bus collision: a drunk driver traveling the wrong way on Interstate 71 near Carrollton, Kentucky, United States hits a converted school bus carrying a church youth group. The crash and ensuing fire kill 27.

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I went to my doctor because I had the flu. The doctor wrote out a prescription in his usual illegible writing. I put it in my pocket, but never went to get the tablets from the pharmacy.

Every morning for two years I showed it to the conductor as a railroad pass. Twice it got me into the movies, once into Yankee Stadium, and once into the New York Philharmonic. I got a raise at work by showing it as a note from my boss.

One day I mislaid it.

My daughter picked it up, played it on the piano and won a scholarship to Juliard.

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A police officer pulls over an elderly woman. “Your hand signals are confusing. First you put your hand up like you’re turning right, then you wave your hand up and down, then you stick your hand straight out the window and turn left.”
“I decided not to turn right,” the woman explains calmly.
“Then why the up and down?”
“I was erasing.”

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ONE-LINERS: A Cowboy’s Guide to Life

1. Don’t squat with your spurs on.

2. Don’t interfere with something that ain’t bothering you none.

3. If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.

4. Always drink upstream from the herd.

5. Telling a man to git and making him do it are two entirely different propositions.

6. When you give a personal lesson in meanness to a critter or to a person don’t be surprised if they learn their lesson.

7. If you’re riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still back there.

8. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.

9. If you get to thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around.

10. And never, ever, miss a good opportunity to shut up.

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A biker is riding a new motorcycle on the highway. While passing a car, he knocks on the window. The driver of the car opens the window, “Yes?”
“Ever driven a Honda motorcycle?”
“No I haven’t.”
The biker drives on, until he sees the next car. While passing it, he knocks on the window. The driver of the car opens the window: “Yes?”
“Ever driven a Honda motorcycle?”
“No I haven’t.”
Then suddenly there is a curve, the biker sees it too late. He crashes off the road into a ditch. A car stops and a man runs to the unlucky biker. The biker, while in severe pain, asks, “Ever driven a Honda motorcycle?”
“Yes I have. I had a Honda for 20 years.”
The biker says, “Tell me, where are the brakes?”

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pic of the day: Hen & chicks in clover

hen and chicks
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Q: What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a carrier pigeon?
A: A bird who knocks before delivering its message!

Q: What do you call a very rude bird?
A: A mockingbird!

Q: Where do birds meet for coffee?
A: In a nest-cafe!

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The first graders were attending their first music lesson. The teacher was trying to begin at the beginning. She drew a musical staff on the blackboard and asked a little girl to come up and write a note on it.

The little girl went to the blackboard, looked thoughtful for a minute and wrote, “Dear Aunt Emma, just a short note to tell you I’m fine.”

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After one of the machines at work suddenly went on the fritz, our boss called the repair service and asked to speak to the manager, Ahmed.
“Hello, Ed speaking. How can I help you?” said the guy who answered the phone.
“Sorry,” said my boss. “I was looking for Ahmed.”
“This is Ahmed,” came the reply. “How can I help you?”
“I thought you just said your name was Ed?” asked my boss.
“It is. But whenever I say ‘Ahmed,’ people think I’m saying, ‘I’m Ed.’ So I figured it’s just easier to be Ed.”

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A couple of goobers in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of them walked in the office and said, ‘We need some four-by-twos.’

The clerk said, ‘You mean two-by-fours, don’t you?’

The man said, ‘I’ll go check,’ and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, ‘Yeah, I meant two-by-fours.’

‘Alright. How long do you need them?’

The customer paused for a minute and said, ‘I’d better go check.’

After awhile, the customer returned to the office and said, ‘A long time. We’re gonna build a house.’

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During the ‘rush hour’ at Houston’s Hobby Airport, my flight was delayed due to a mechanical problem. Since they needed the gate for another flight, the aircraft was backed away from the gate while the maintenance crew worked on it.

We were then told the new gate number, which was some distance away. Everyone moved to the new gate, only to find that a third gate had been designated for us. After some further shuffling, everyone got on board, and as we were settling in, the flight attendant made the standard announcement,

‘We apologize for the inconvenience of this last-minute gate change. This flight is going to Washington, D.C. If your destination is not Washington, D.C., then you should ‘deplane’ at this time.’

A very confused-looking and red-faced pilot emerged from the cockpit, carrying his bags. ‘Sorry,’ he said, ‘wrong plane.’

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QUIP OF THE DAY: The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm every morning is the fact that it’s my phone. – Maxine

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .
I don’t think anyone can DO anything that would make him worthy of love. Love is a gift and cannot be earned. It can only be given. – Real Live Preacher

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