May 23, 2014

Every strike brings me closer to the next home run. – ­Babe Ruth

TODAY – MAY 23rd – FRIDAY

143rd day of 2014 with 222 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Lucky Penny Day

*World Turtle Day

*National Taffy Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1707 Carolus Linnæus, Swedish botanist/”Father of Taxonomy” (naming plants & animals)
  • 1734 Friedrich Anton Mesmer, Austria, physician/hypnotist (Mesmerism)
  • 1810 Margaret Fuller, Cambridge, Maine, writer/critic 1st pro book review column (New York Tribune)
  • 1898 Scott O’Dell, Mount Kisco, New York, author (Island of the Blue Dolphin, Black Pearl)
  • 1908 John Bardeen, Madison, Wisconsin, physicist (transistor, Nobel 1956, 1972)
  • 1910 Margaret Wise Brown, Brooklyn, New York, author (Goodnight Moon, The Runaway Bunny)
  • 1921 James Benjamin Blish, East Orange, New Jersey, author, winner of several Hugo and Nebula awards (Cities in Flight, After Such Knowledge, The Haertel Scholium, several Star Trek novels)
  • 1925 Joshua Lederberg, Montclair, New Jersey, molecular biologist (genetics – discovered bacteria can mate & exchange genes, artificial intelligence, and space exploration)
  • 1931 Barbara Barrie, Chicago, Illinois, actress (Suddenly Susan, Barney Miller, Dead Like Me, Breaking Away) and author of children’s books (Lone Star, Adam Zigzag)
  • 1933 Joan Collins, England, actress (Alexis Carrington Colby-Dynasty; Edith Keeler-Star Trek original series)
  • 1934 Robert Moog, New York City, New York, inventor (the Moog Synthesizer)
  • 1936 Charles Kimbrough, St. Paul, Minnesota, actor (Murphy Brown )
  • 1939 Jack McCarthy, Massachusetts, poet
  • 1957 Mark Arnold, Broomall, Pennsylvania, actor (Santa Barbara, Guiding Light, The Edge of Night, Rituals )
  • 1958 Drew Carey, Cleveland, Ohio, actor /comedian / game show host (Drew Carey Show, Who’s Line is it Anyway?, The Price is Right)
  • 1961 Karen Duffy, New York City, New York, actress (Fantastic Mr. Fox)
  • 1971 Laurel Holloman, Chapel Hill, North Carolina, actress (The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love, Angel, The L Word )
  • 1974 Ken Jennings, Edmonds, Washington, game show contestant (won 74 games of Jeopardy)
  • 1980 Lane Garrison, Dallas, Texas, actor (Prison Break )
  • 1984 Adam Wylie, San Dimas, California, actor (Picket Fences, Gilmore Girls, guest star: Monk, Sliders, Touched by an Angel, Ben 10: Alien Force)

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I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong. – ­Benjamin Franklin

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1701 After being convicted of piracy and of murdering William Moore, Captain William Kidd is hanged in London.
  • 1846 Mexican-American War: Mexico declares war on the United States.
  • 1911 The New York Public Library is dedicated.
  • 1915 World War I: Italy joins the Allies after they declare war on Austria-Hungary.
  • 1929 The first talking cartoon of Mickey Mouse, The Karnival Kid, was released (with Walt Disney as the voice of Mickey Mouse).
  • 1934 American bank robbers Bonnie and Clyde are ambushed by police and killed in Black Lake, Louisiana.
  • 1934 The Auto-Lite Strike culminates in the “Battle of Toledo”, a five-day melée between 1,300 troops of the Ohio National Guard and 6,000 picketers.
  • 1939 The U.S. Navy submarine USS Squalus sinks off the coast of New Hampshire during a test dive, causing the death of 24 sailors and two civilian technicians. The remaining 32 sailors and one civilian naval architect are rescued the following day.
  • 1967 Egypt closes the Straits of Tiran and blockades the port of Eilat at the northern end of the Gulf of Aqaba to Israeli shipping, laying the foundations for the Six Day War.
  • 1995 Oklahoma City bombing: In Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, the remains of the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building are imploded.
  • 1995 The first version of the Java programming language is released.
  • 2008 The International Court of Justice (ICJ) awards Middle Rocks to Malaysia and Pedra Branca (Pulau Batu Puteh) to Singapore, ending a 29-year territorial dispute between the two countries.

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A passerby stopped to watch a baseball game taking place at the local park.
“Who’s playing?” he asked another observer.
“The Masons against the Knights of Columbus,” he responded.
“What’s the score?”
“I don’t know. It’s a secret.”

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I accidentally swapped the envelopes to my Census form and my Primary mail-in ballot. Now the Census people think there are several politicians living at my house. On the plus side, I have an outside shot at becoming a county judge.
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When Little Johnny’s family moved into a new double wide trailer one of their former neighbors dropped by. Seeing Johnny out front, he asked, “So, how do you like your new place?”

“It’s terrific,” Little Johnny answered. “I have my own room, my brother has his own room, and my sister has her own room. But poor mom is still in with dad.”

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ONE-LINERS: Etch-A-Sketch Instructions. . .

Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has a distorted display. What should I do?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has these funny little lines all over the screen. How can I get rid of them?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I force an application to quit on my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it. Set it down.

Q: How do I delete a document from my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I prevent data loss on my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Stop shaking it.
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Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, the creator of the world-famous detective, Sherlock Holmes, was not above telling tales about himself in which he was the laughing-stock. Here is one of those stories.

As he tells it, he was waiting at a taxi-stand outside the railway station in Paris. When a taxi pulled up, he put his suitcase in it and got in himself. As he was about to tell the taxi-driver where he wanted to go, the driver asked him: “Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?”

Doyle was flabbergasted. He asked the driver whether he recognized him. The driver said: “No Sir, I have never seen you before.” The puzzled Doyle asked him what made him think that he was Conan Doyle.

The driver replied: “This morning’s paper had a story about you being on vacation in Marseilles. This is the taxi-stand where people who return from Marseilles always come to. Your skin color tells me you have been on vacation. The ink-spot on your right index finger suggests to me that you are a writer. Your clothing is very English, and not French. Adding up all those pieces of information, I deduce that you are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.”

Doyle said: “This is truly amazing. You are a real-life counter-part to my fictional creation, Sherlock Holmes.”

“There is one other thing,” the driver said.”

“What is that?” said Mr. Doyle.

“Your name is on the front of your suitcase.”

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pic of the day: Bumper Sticker


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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Two atoms are walking down the street and they run into each other.

One says to the other, “Are you all right?”

“No, I lost an electron.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m positive.”

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Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store.

While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it.

“What’s this little pocket thing here on the side for?”

“Oh, that’s to carry spare change so you can call your wife to come pick you up when you’ve jogged too far.”

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Little Bobby was spending the weekend with his grandmother after a particularly trying week in kindergarten. His grandmother decided to take him to the park on Saturday morning. It had been snowing all night and everything was beautiful.

His grandmother remarked…”doesn’t it look like an artist painted this scenery? Did you know God painted this just for you?”

Bobby said, “Yes, God did it and he did it left handed.”

This confused his grandmother a bit, and she asked him, “What makes you say God did this with his left hand?”

Well,” said Bobby, “we learned at Sunday School last week that Jesus sits on God’s right hand!”

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When I returned home from college for a break, I noticed a paper posted on the refrigerator. It listed some goals my dad had set for himself: Help wife more; lose weight; be more productive at work.

I promptly added: “Send Michelle money every month.”

A few days later my brother wrote: “Make payments on car for Jason.”

Then my boyfriend joined in with: “Buy Tom a Jeep.”

Finally my father added a new goal to his amended list: “Wean kids.”

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Democracy is the process by which people choose the man who’ll get the blame. – Bertrand Russell

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .
When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life. – ­John Lennon

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