May 28, 2014

How can a society that exists on instant mashed potatoes, packaged cake mixes, frozen dinners, and instant cameras teach patience to its young? – Paul Sweeney

TODAY – MAY 28th – WEDNESDAY

148th day of 2014 with 217 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National Hamburger Day

*Amnesty International Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1836 Alexander Mitscherlich, Oberstdorf, chemist (processing wood to create cellulose)
  • 1888 Jim Thorpe/Wa-Tho-Huk, Prague, Oklahoma, pentathlete, decathlete, football, baseball and basketball player (considered one of the most versatile athletes of modern sports)
  • 1908 Ian Fleming, English author and Naval intelligence officer (James Bond books & stories)
  • 1931 Carroll Baker, Johnstown, Pennsylvania, actress (Jackpot, Kindergarten Cop, Ironweed, How the West Was Won, The Big Country)
  • 1933 John Karlen, New York City, New York, actor (Dark Shadows, Cagney & Lacey, Surf Ninjas )
  • 1941 Beth Howland, Boston, Massachusetts, actress (Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore)
  • 1942 Stanley B. Prusiner, Des Moines, Iowas, neurologist & biochemist (Nobel / discovered prions)
  • 1944 Gladys Knight, Atlanta, Georgia, R&B and soul singer and actress (14th season of Dancing with the Stars)
  • 1944 Rudy Giuliani, Brooklyn, New York, 107th Mayor of New York City
  • 1944 Sondra Locke, Shelbyville, Tennessee, actress (The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter, The Outlaw Josey Wales, Sudden Impact )
  • 1962 Brandon Cruz, Bakersfield, California, actor (The Courtship of Eddie’s Father, The Lords of Salem)
  • 1962 James Michael Tyler, Winona, Mississippi, actor (Friends )
  • 1970 Glenn Quinn, Irish actor (Roseanne, Angel)
  • 1977 Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Cranston, Rhode Island, contestant on Survivor: The Australian Outback; actress (The View 2003-2013, Fox & Friends)
  • 1979 Jesse Bradford, Norwalk, Connecticut, actor (Presumed Innocent, Bring It On, Flags of Our Fathers, Outlaw, Guys with Kids)
  • 1986 Joseph Cross, New Brunswick, New Jersey, actor (Desperate Measures, Wide Awake, Jack Frost, Running with Scissors, Milk, Lincoln)

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Gratitude is the best attitude. – Author Unknown

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 585 BC A solar eclipse occurs, as predicted by Greek philosopher and scientist Thales, while Alyattes is battling Cyaxares in the Battle of the Eclipse, leading to a truce. This is one of the cardinal dates from which other dates can be calculated.
  • 1588 The Spanish Armada, with 130 ships and 30,000 men, sets sail from Lisbon heading for the English Channel. (took until May 30 for all ships to leave port).
  • 1830 President Andrew Jackson signs the Indian Removal Act which relocates Native Americans.
  • 1892 In San Francisco, California, John Muir organizes the Sierra Club.
  • 1930 The Chrysler Building in New York City officially opens.
  • 1934 Near Callander, Ontario, the Dionne quintuplets are born to Oliva and Elzire Dionne; they will be the first quintuplets to survive infancy.
  • 1936 Alan Turing submits On Computable Numbers for publication.
  • 1937 The Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco, California, is officially opened by President Franklin D. Roosevelt in Washington, D.C., who pushes a button signaling the start of vehicle traffic over the span.
  • 1951 British radio comedy programme The Goon Show was broadcast on BBC for the first time.
  • 1952 The women of Greece are given the right to vote.
  • 1961 Peter Benenson’s article The Forgotten Prisoners is published in several internationally read newspapers. This will later be thought of as the founding of the human rights organization Amnesty International.
  • 1964 The Palestine Liberation Organization is formed.
  • 1975 Fifteen West African countries sign the Treaty of Lagos, creating the Economic Community of West African States.
  • 1996 U.S. President Bill Clinton’s former business partners in the Whitewater land deal, James McDougal and Susan McDougal, and the Governor of Arkansas Jim Guy Tucker, are convicted of fraud.
  • 1998 Nuclear testing: Pakistan responds to a series of nuclear tests by India with five of its own codenamed Chagai-I, prompting the United States, Japan, and other nations to impose economic sanctions. Pakistan celebrates Youm-e-Takbir annually.
  • 1999 In Milan, Italy, after 22 years of restoration work, Leonardo da Vinci’s masterpiece The Last Supper is put back on display.
  • 2002 The Mars Odyssey finds signs of large ice deposits on the planet Mars.
  • 2003 Peter Hollingworth becomes the first Governor-General of Australia to resign his office as a result of criticism of his conduct.
  • 2008 The first meeting of the Constituent Assembly of Nepal formally declares Nepal a republic, ending the 240-year reign of the Shah dynasty.
  • 2010 In West Bengal, India, a train derailment and subsequent collision kills 141 passengers.

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The homeowner was delighted with the way the painter had done all the work on his house. “You did a great job.” he said and handed the man a check. “Also, in order to thank you, here’s an extra $80 to take the missus out to dinner and a movie.”
Later that night, the doorbell rang and it was the painter. Thinking the man had forgotten something he asked, “What’s the matter, did you forget something?”
“Nope.” replied the painter. “I’m just here to take your missus out to dinner and a movie like you asked.”

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Artist Pablo Picasso surprised a burglar at work in his new chateau.

The intruder got away, but Picasso told the police he could do a rough sketch of what he looked like.

On the basis of his drawing, the police arrested a mother superior, the minister of finance, a washing machine, and the Eiffel tower.

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ONE-LINERS: Random Thoughts . . .
~ Confidence is the feeling you have before you really understand the problem.
~ Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
~ If it’s tourist season, why can’t we shoot them?
~ The chance that you’ll forget something is directly proportional to…..to….ah…..
~ If the early bird gets the worm, look what happens to the early worm.
~ Honk if you like peace and quiet!
~ Two can live as cheaply as one — for half as long.
~ What if there were no hypothetical questions?
~ Why should I waste time learning from my past when I am busy worrying about my future?
~ You can’t have everything in life. Where would you put it?
~ Why do people say “needless to say”?
~ If “con” is the opposite of “pro”, then Congress is the opposite of progress.

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After trying a new shampoo for the first time, a guy fired off an enthusiastic letter of approval to the manufacturer.

Several weeks later, he came home from work to a large carton in the middle of the floor. Inside were free samples of the many products the company produced: soaps, detergents, toothpaste, and paper items.

“Well, what do you think?” his wife asked, smiling.

“Next time,” he replied, “I’m writing to Toyota!”
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Q: What do Winnie the Pooh and John the Baptist have in common?
A: The same middle name

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pic of the day: Turkeys Roosting at Night

turkeys-roost-at-night
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

While traveling through Georgia I stopped at a little backwoods country store. In the men’s room there was a handwritten sign above the malfunctioning potty which said, “Please Wiggel Handel”.

Below that some wit had written, “If I do, will it wiggel Bach?”

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Police officer to suspect: “You’ve got quite a rap sheet. Shoplifting, hit-and-run, disorderly conduct, armed robbery, breaking and entering, forgery …”

“Yeah, I know. It took me quite a while to figure out what I was good at.”

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Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil.

One said to the other, “What do you think about all this Satan stuff?”

The other boy replied, “Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It’s probably just your Dad.”

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An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.
“Let’s have a party, Homer,” she suggested. “Let’s kill a pig.”
The farmer scratched his grizzled head. “Gee, Ethel,” he finally answered, “I don’t see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago.”

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A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote “this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag.” on the back of a deposit slip.

While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that some-one had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window.

So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.

After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he was not the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note, because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip, or go back
to Bank of America.

Looking somewhat defeated, the man said “OK” and left. The Wells Fargo teller then called the police, who arrested the man a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Either you love bacon or you’re wrong.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .
The unthankful heart… discovers no mercies; but let the thankful heart sweep through the day and, as the magnet finds the iron, so it will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings! – Henry Ward Beecher

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