May 30, 2014

It is an ironic fact that while half the world’s population is dying as a result of diseases of poverty (largely starvation and infection) the other half is succumbing to diseases of affluence. – Malcolm Carruthers

TODAY – MAY 30th – FRIDAY

150th day of 2014 with 215 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Water a Flower Day

*National Mint Julep Day

*My Bucket’s Got A Hole In It Day

*Loomis Day (To honor Mahlon Loomis, a Washington, DC, dentist who received a US patent on wireless telegraphy in 1872 (before Marconi was born))

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1423 Georg Purbach, Peuerbach, mathematician and astronomer (father of mathematical and observational astronomy in the West)
  • 1768 Karl Friedrich Naumann, German mineralogist and geologist (moon crater Naumann is named after him)
  • 1846 Peter Carl Fabergé, Russia, goldsmith/jeweler/egg maker
  • 1896 Howard Hawks, Goshen, Indiana, film director (Scarface , Bringing Up Baby, Only Angels Have Wings, His Girl Friday, Sergeant York, The Big Sleep, Red River, Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, Rio Bravo, El Dorado)
  • 1908 Hannes Alfvén, Norrköping, Sweden, physicist (Nobel / contributions to plasma physics, including theories describing the behavior of aurorae, the Van Allen radiation belts, the effect of magnetic storms on the Earth’s magnetic field, the terrestrial magnetosphere, and the dynamics of plasmas in the Milky Way galaxy)
  • 1908 Mel[vin Jerome] Blanc, San Francisco, California, voice (Bugs Bunny, Elmer Fudd & Porky Pig)
  • 1909 Benny Goodman, Chicago, Illinois, clarinetist/bandleader (King of Swing)
  • 1912 Julius Axelrod, New York City, New York, biochemist (Nobel / Catecholamine metabolism)
  • 1918 Bob Evans, Sugar Ridge, Ohio, restaurateur
  • 1922 Hal Clement, Somerville, Maine, science fiction author (Mission of Gravity, Half Life)
  • 1944 Meredith MacRae, Houston TX, actress (Petticoat Junction, My 3 Sons)
  • 1953 Colm Meaney, Dublin Ireland, actor (Miles O’Brien on Star Trek: TNG & Deep Space 9, The Snapper, Random Passage, Hell on Wheels)
  • 1958 Ted McGinley, Newport Beach, California, actor (Happy Days, Love Boat, Married With Children, Dynasty, 7th season Dancing with the Stars)
  • 1962 Kevin Eastman, Springvale, Maine, comic book creator (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)
  • 1963 Helen Sharman, Sheffield, United Kingdom, chemist, the first Briton in space
  • 1964 Wynonna Judd, Ashland, Kentucky, country/bluegrass singer (The Judds)
  • 1979 Clint Bowyer, NASCAR driver (won 2008 Nationwide Series)
  • 1989 Kevin Covais, Levittown, New York, singer (fifth-season American Idol)
  • 1990 Dean Collins, Los Angeles, California, actor (The War at Home, Jack and Bobby)

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There is no greater difference between men than between grateful and ungrateful people. – R.H. Blyth

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1848 William G. Young patented the ice cream freezer.
  • 1854 Kansas-Nebraska Act becomes law establishing the US territories of Nebraska and Kansas.
  • 1859 Westminster’s Big Ben rang for the first time in London.
  • 1868 Decoration Day (predecessor of “Memorial Day”) is observed in the United States for the first time (By “Commander-in-chief of the Grand Army of the Republic” John A. Logan’s proclamation on May 5).
  • 1879 New York City’s Gilmores Garden is renamed Madison Square Garden by William Henry Vanderbilt and is opened to the public at 26th Street and Madison Avenue.
  • 1899 Female Old West outlaw Pearl Hart robs a stage coach 30 miles southeast of Globe, Arizona.
  • 1883 In New York City, a rumor that the Brooklyn Bridge is going to collapse causes a stampede that crushes twelve people.
  • 1911 First Indianapolis 500 ends with Ray Harroun becoming the first winner of the 500-mile auto race in his Marmon Wasp.
  • 1914 The new and then largest Cunard ocean liner RMS Aquitania, 45,647 tons, sets sails on her maiden voyage from Liverpool, England to New York City.
  • 1922 In Washington, D.C. the Lincoln Memorial is dedicated.
  • 1958 Unidentified soldiers killed in WWII & Korean War buried at the Tomb of the Unknowns in Arlington National Cemetery.
  • 1966 Launch of Surveyor 1 the first US spacecraft to achieve landing on an extraterrestrial body.
  • 1967 Robert “Evel” Knievel’s motorcycle jumps 16 automobiles.
  • 1971 Mariner program: Mariner 9 is launched to map 70% of the surface, and to study temporal changes in the atmosphere and surface, of Mars.
  • 1976 Bobby Unser sets world record for the fastest pit stop (4 seconds).

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A young trial lawyer was defending a man accused of burglary, known for being witty (and the judge knows this) tried yet another one of his creative defenses. The judge, while not known for having a sense of humor, decided to here the young lawyer out.

“While my client admits he did, in fact, reach his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. However his arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by just his limb.”

“Well put,” the judge replied. “Using your logic, I sentence the defendant’s arm to one year’s imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he so chooses.”

The defendant smiled. With his lawyer’s assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

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A first-time father was taking a turn at feeding the baby some strained peas. Naturally, there were traces of the food everywhere, especially on the infant.

His wife comes in, looks at the infant, then at her husband staring into space, then says, “What in the world are you doing?”

He replied, “I’m waiting for the first coat to dry, so I can put on another.”

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ONE-LINERS: Smart Women Speak Up. . .

1. I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb… and I also know that I’m not blonde. -Dolly Parton

2. You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. -Erica Jong

3. I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours. -Rita Rudner

4. My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can’t decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. -Rita Rudner

5. I’ve been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. -Wendy Liebman

6. Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. -Erma Bombeck

7. If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing ’em. -Sue Grafton

8. I’m not going to vacuum ’til Sears makes one you can ride on. -Roseanne Barr

9. I think, therefore I’m single. -Lizz Winstead

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This is a familiar story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.

There was an important job to be done and
Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.
Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.
Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody’s job.
Everybody thought that Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that
Everybody wouldn’t do it.
It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when
Nobody did what Anybody could have done.

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pic of the day: Newly Hatched Wild Turkey Chicks

turkey chicks

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

An ancient Babylonian general was once involved in a plot to overthrow the king. His plot included a number of followers in the upper ranks of the army. However, his plot was uncovered, and the king threw him in jail. The king sentenced him to death without a trial.

However, from the jail he was able to secretly contact his followers to arrange to escape, meet his followers, and attack the king’s palace at night. So the night before his scheduled execution, the general managed to escape from prison. He fled to a ziggurat several kilometers away, where his followers would meet him. However, the ziggurat was one of several in the area, and he wasn’t sure if his cohorts would find the right ziggurat. By this time it was twilight, so he lit a small fire and sent smoke signals to indicate in which structure he was hiding.

However, the king’s loyal soldiers saw the smoke coming from the ziggurat, and came to arrest him before he could meet his followers. He was executed later that day.

The moral of the story?
WARNING: The searching general has determined that smoking ziggurats can be extremely hazardous to your stealth.

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A Cherokee Indian was a special guest at my sister’s elementary school. He talked to the children about his tribe and its traditions, then shared with them this fun fact: “There are no swear words in the Cherokee language.”
One boy raised his hand, “But what if you’re hammering a nail and accidentally smash your thumb?”
“That,” the man answered, “is when we use your language.”

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The Problem with Speaking English. . .

Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

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My niece bought her five-year-old daughter Kayleigh a hamster. One day he escaped from his cage. The family turned the house upside-down and finally found him. Several weeks later, while Kayleigh was at school, he disappeared again.

My niece searched frantically but never found the critter. Hoping to make the loss less painful for Kayleigh, my niece took the cage out of her room.

When Kayleigh came home from school that afternoon, she climbed into her mother’s lap. “We have a serious problem,” she announced. “Not only is my hamster gone again, but this time he took his cage!”

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QUIP OF THE DAY: We’ll always be best friends because you know too much.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .
The Pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts. No Americans have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving. – H.U. Westermayer

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