May 8, 2014

You can’t use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have. – ­Maya Angelou

TODAY – MAY 8th – THURSDAY

128th day of 2014 with 237 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Iris Day

*No Socks Day

*V-E Day (Victory in Europe)

*World Red Cross Day / World Red Crescent Day

*National Coconut Cream Pie Day

*Have A Coke Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1828 Jean Henri Dunant, Swiss businessman, Founder of the Red Cross (Nobel)
  • 1859 Johan Jensen, Nakskov, Denmark, mathematician (Jensen’s inequality)
  • 1884 Harry S. Truman, Lamar, Missouri, politician, 34th Vice President of the United States, and 33rd President of the United States
  • 1899 Arthur Q. Bryan, Brooklyn, New York, voice actor (Elmer Fudd)
  • 1910 Andrew E. Svenson, Belleville, New Jersey, children’s book author and publisher (Hardy Boys, Bobbsey Twins, Tom Swift, The Happy Hollisters)
  • 1913 Bob Clampett, San Diego, California, animator (Looney Tunes)
  • 1919 Lex Barker, Rye, New York, actor (Tarzan of the Apes movies)
  • 1926 David Attenborough, English naturalist (Life series, Wildlife on One, Natural World, The Blue Planet, Planet Earth, Frozen Planet)
  • 1926 Don Rickles, Queens, New York, comedian (The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson, Zookeeper, Toy Story )
  • 1937 Thomas Pynchon, Glen Cove, New York, novelist (Gravity’s Rainbow, Mason & Dixon)
  • 1940 Peter Benchley, American author (Jaws, The Deep, The Island)
  • 1940 Ricky Nelson, Teaneck, New Jersey, actor (The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet, Here Come the Nelsons, Rio Bravo), singer (Poor Little Fool)
  • 1940 Emilio Delgado, Calexico, California, actor (Luis on Sesame Street, Lou Grant)
  • 1940 Toni Tennille, Montgomery, Alabama, singer (Captain & Tennille)
  • 1947 H. Robert Horvitz, Chicago, biologist, Nobel laureate, best known for his research on the nematode worm Caenorhabditis elegans
  • 1951 Philip Bailey, Denver, Colorado, singer (Earth, Wind & Fire)
  • 1951 Chris Frantz, Fort Campbell, Kentucky, musician (Talking Heads)
  • 1953 Alex Van Halen, Dutch-born American drummer (Van Halen)
  • 1953 Billy Burnette, Memphis, Tennessee, singer and guitarist (Fleetwood Mac)
  • 1954 David Keith, Knoxville, Tennessee, actor (An Officer and a Gentleman, The Great Santini, U-571, Firestarter, Running Wild )
  • 1963 Robin Jarvis, British writer (Dancing Jax, Tales from the Wyrd Museum, The Deptford Mice)
  • 1964 Bobby Labonte, Corpus Christi, Texas, race car driver (NASCAR Sprint Cup series; only driver to win both Winston Cup & Busch Series championship)
  • 1964 Melissa Gilbert, Los Angeles, California, actress (Little House on the Prairie, voice of Batgirl in Batman: The Animated Series, 2012 Dancing with the Stars)
  • 1975 Enrique Iglesias, Madrid, Spain, singer
  • 1976 Ian Watkins, Wales, singer and actor (Steps)
  • 1978 Matthew Davis, Salt Lake City, Utah, actor (Legally Blonde, Damages )

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Remember no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. – ­Eleanor Roosevelt

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1541 Hernando de Soto reaches the Mississippi River and names it Río de Espíritu Santo.
  • 1861 During the American Civil War, Richmond, Virginia is named the capital of the Confederate States of America.
  • 1877 First Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show opens at Gilmore’s Gardens in New York City.
  • 1886 Pharmacist John Styth Pemberton first sells a carbonated beverage named “Coca-Cola” as a patent medicine.
  • 1912 Paramount Pictures is founded.
  • 1919 A moment of silence to commemorate The Armistice of World War I first suggested by Edward George Honey, which later results in the creation of Remembrance Day. In the U.S. it was called Armistice Day and is now Veterans Day.
  • 1927 Attempting to make the first non-stop transatlantic flight from Paris to New York, French war heroes Charles Nungesser and Francois Coli disappeared after taking off aboard The White Bird biplane.
  • 1945 World War II: V-E Day, combat ends in Europe. German forces agree in Rheims, France, to an unconditional surrender.
  • 1972 Four Black September terrorists hijack Sabena Flight 571. Israeli Sayeret Matkal commandos recapture the plane the following day.
  • 1976 The rollercoaster Revolution, the first steel coaster with a vertical loop, opens at Six Flags Magic Mountain.
  • 1978 First ascent of Mount Everest without supplemental oxygen, by Reinhold Messner and Peter Habeler.
  • 1980 The eradication of smallpox is endorsed by the World Health Organization.
  • 1984 Corporal Denis Lortie enters the Quebec National Assembly and opens fire, killing three and wounding 13. René Jalbert, sergeant-at-arms of the assembly, succeeds in calming him, for which he will later receive the Cross of Valour.
  • 1984 Thames Barrier officially opened.
  • 1987 The Loughgall Ambush: The SAS kills eight Provisional Irish Republican Army volunteers and a civilian during an ambush in Loughgall, Northern Ireland.
  • 1988 A fire at Illinois Bell’s Hinsdale Central Office triggers an extended 1AESS network outage once considered the ‘worst telecommunications disaster in US telephone industry history’ and still the worst to occur on Mother’s Day.
  • 1997 A China Southern Airlines Boeing 737 crashes on approach into Bao’an International Airport, killing 35 people.

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A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are all given identical rubber balls and told to find the volume. They are given any tools they want, and have all the time they need.

The mathematician uses a measuring tape to record the circumference. He then divides by two times pi to get the radius, cubes that, multiplies by pi again, and then multiplies by four-thirds and thereby calculates the volume.

The physicist gets a bucket of water, places 1.000000 gallons of water in the bucket, drops in the ball and measures the displacement to six significant figures.

The engineer writes down the serial number of the ball and looks it up online.

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While hiking in the countryside, my friend, Eva, and I spotted a huge bed of mushrooms that we knew to be edible. We gathered a large basketful and sauteed them that night. My husband, Dick, refused to eat them, thinking they might be poisonous. Two weeks later, Eva and I gathered some more mushrooms. This time, Dick joined us.

“How is it that you’re eating the mushrooms tonight,” I asked, “when you wouldn’t touch the ones we brought home two weeks ago?”

“I thought about it,” Dick explained, seriously, “and I figured it would better to be found dead with you two than to try to explain two dead women in our home.”

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ONE-LINERS: “You May Be A Redneck If…”
– Your wedding invitations say “Same time, same place.”
– You park in handicapped spaces based on your SAT score.
– You list dogs as dependants on your tax forms.
– Your taxidermist also does your taxes.
– You love lard sandwiches.
– You’ve ever let your dog babysit your kids.
– Your security system is the latch on your screen door.
– Most of your prayers involve winning a sporting event.
– You’ve ever caught bugs just so you could throw them at your bug zapper.
– Your financial planner told you to buy lottery tickets.
– The flowers in your bridal bouquet were plastic.
– There are more things growing in your refrigerator than in your yard.
– Your favorite restaurant has sawdust on the floor.
– You’ve ever left a bingo game in handcuffs.
– Your favorite recipe includes Vienna sausages.
– You’ve ever put a race car on a prayer list.
– You’ve ever had a dream about beef jerky.
– You’ve used a barstool as a walker.
– You’re driving a vehicle that has no original body parts.
– You flush the toilet and the dog thinks you’re giving him fresh water.
– You think your dashboard is the best pace to keep your hats.

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An old man and woman were married for years, even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night.

The old man would shout, “When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!”

Neighbors feared him because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood.

The old man liked the fact he was feared. To everyone’s relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 68.

His wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she went straight home and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.

Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, “Aren’t you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?”

The wife put down her drink and said, “Let the old man dig. I had him buried upside down.”

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pic of the day: Yellow Bearded Iris

yellow bearded iris

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

A farmer asks his ranch hand to count how many sheep he has in his field. The hand runs into the field, counts the sheep and runs back to the farmer.

The farmer says, “How many?”

“Forty.”

“How can there be 40? I only bought 38!”

“I rounded them up.
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A woman and a man are involved in a car accident.

It’s a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, “So you’re a man,that’s interesting. I’m a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There nothing left but fortunately we are unhurt.

“This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days.”

The man replied,” I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!”

The woman continued, “And look at this, here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of wine didn’t break! Sure God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.”

The she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle, and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks “Aren’t you having any?”

The woman replies, “No. I think I’ll just wait for the police.”

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Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother was putting cold cream on her face.

“Why are you rubbing that cream on you face, mommy?” he asked.

“To stay pretty for daddy,” said his mother.

A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with a tissue.

“What’s the matter mommy?” asked Little Johnny. “Giving up?”

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When the family car developed a slight knock, the wife asked her husband if he had bought regular or premium gas, but he couldn’t remember.

“You probably got the cheaper gas,” she said. “That could account for the engine running so rough.”

“No, the gas wasn’t cheaper!” he replied indignantly.

“Well, how much did it cost?” asked the wife.

“It cost the same as always,” said the husband. “I bought the usual ten dollars worth.”

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QUIP OF THE DAY: “Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president. And anyone who doesn’t grow up can be vice president.” – Johnny Carson

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .
You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don’t try. – ­Beverly Sills

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