Jokes and Trivia for June 26, 2012

Always do right–this will gratify some and astonish the rest. – Mark Twain

TODAY – JUNE 26th – TUESDAY

178th day of 2012 with 188 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Beautician’s Day

* International Day against Drug Abuse and Illicit Trafficking

* International Day in Support of Victims of Torture

*National Chocolate Pudding Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1824 William Thomson, Belfast, Ireland, physicist (mathematical analysis of electricity and formulation of the first and second laws of thermodynamics)
  • 1892 Pearl S. Buck, Hillsboro, West Virginia,  writer (Nobel / The Good Earth)
  • 1909 Colonel Tom Parker, Netherlands, Elvis Presley’s manager
  • 1913 Maurice Wilkes, Dudley, Worcestershire, UK, computer scientist (Microprogramming)
  • 1937 Robert Coleman Richardson, Washington D.C,  physicist (superfluidity in helium-3)
  • 1938 Billy Davis, Jr., St. Louis, Missouri,  singer (The 5th Dimension)
  • 1943 John Beasley, Omaha, Nebraska, actor (Everwood, The Sum of All Fears, The Apostle, Walking Tall)
  • 1943 Warren Farrell, Queens, New York, author (The Myth of Male Power, Why Men Are The Way They Are, Father and Child Reunion)
  • 1953 Robert Davi, Astoria, Queens, New York,  actor (Die Hard, The Goonies, Showgirls, Licence to Kill, Profiler)
  • 1961 Terri Nunn, Baldwin Hills, California, singer (Berlin)
  • 1970 Chris O’Donnell, Winnetka, Illinois, actor (Batman Forever, Batman & Robin )
  • 1970 Nick Offerman, Minooka, Illinois,  actor (Parks and Recreation )
  • 1973 Rebecca Budig, Cincinnati, Ohio, actress (All My Children )
  • 1980 Jason Schwartzman, Los Angeles, California,  actor (Rushmore, Spun, I Heart Huckabees, Shopgirl, Marie Antoinette )

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The moment one gives close attention to anything, even a blade of grass, it becomes a mysterious, awesome, indescribably magnificent world in itself. – Henry Miller

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1870 The Christian holiday of Christmas is declared a federal holiday in the United States.
  • 1886 Henri Moissan isolated elemental Fluorine for the first time.
  • 1907 The 1907 Tiflis bank robbery took place in Yerevan Square, now Freedom Square, Tbilisi.
  • 1909 The Science Museum in London comes into existence as an independent entity.
  • 1917  The first U.S. troops arrive in France to fight alongside Britain and France against Germany in World War I.
  • 1934 Credit Unions are established by President Franklin D. Roosevelt upon signing the Federal Credit Union Act.
  • 1945 The United Nations Charter is signed in San Francisco.
  • 1948 The Western allies begin an airlift to Berlin after the Soviet Union blockades West Berlin.
  • 1948 William Shockley files the original patent for the grown junction transistor, the first bipolar junction transistor.
  • 1960 Madagascar gains its independence from France.
  • 1963 Shortly after Soviet-supported East Germany erected the Berlin Wall, U.S. President John F. Kennedy gave his “Ich bin ein Berliner” speech, underlining the support of the United States for democratic West Germany
  • 1973 At Plesetsk Cosmodrome 9 people are killed in an explosion of a Cosmos 3-M rocket.
  • 1974 The Universal Product Code is scanned for the first time to sell a package of Wrigley’s chewing gum at the Marsh Supermarket in Troy, Ohio
  • 1975 Two FBI agents and a member of the American Indian Movement are killed in a shootout on the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation in South Dakota; Leonard Peltier is later convicted of the murders in a controversial trial.
  • 1977 The Yorkshire Ripper kills 16 year old shop assistant Jayne MacDonald in Leeds, changing public perception of the killer as she is the first victim who is not a prostitute.
  • 1996 Irish Journalist Veronica Guerin is shot in her car while in traffic in the outskirts of Dublin
  • 1997 The U.S. Supreme Court rules that the Communications Decency Act violates the First Amendment to the United States Constitution.
  • 2008 The U.S. Supreme Court rules in District of Columbia v. Heller that the Second Amendment to the United States Constitution protects an individual right, and that the District of Columbia handgun ban is unconstitutional.

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A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals. So he went to every house in his town.

To the houses where the man is the boss, he gave a horse. To the houses where the woman is the boss, a chicken was given.

He got toward the end of the street and saw a couple outside gardening. “Who’s the boss around here?” he asked.

“I am.” said the man.

“I have a black horse and a brown horse,” the farmer said, “which one would you like?”

The man thought for a minute and said, “The black one.”

“No, no, no, get the brown one.” the man’s wife said.

“Here’s your chicken.” said the farmer.

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Patient: It isn’t possible that I’m as overweight as you say I am.
Doctor: Maybe you would prefer to look at it in a different way.

According to this chart, you’re about 10 inches too short.

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ONE-LINERS: Signs You’ve Eaten Too Much

10. Hundreds of volunteers have started to stack sandbags around you.

9. Doctor tells you your weight would be perfect for a man 17 feet tall.

8. You are responsible for a slight but measurable shift in the earth’s axis.

7. Right this minute you’re laughing up pie on the carpet.

6. You decide to take a little nap and wake up in mid-July.

5. World’s fattest man sends you a telegram, warning you to “back off!”

4. CBS tells you to lose weight or else.

3. Getting off your couch requires help from the fire department.

2. Every escalator you step on immediately grinds to a halt.

1. You’re sweatin’ gravy.

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pic of the day: Monarch Butterfly

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

A number twelve walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.

“Sorry I can’t serve you,” states the barman.

“Why not?!” asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice.

“You’re under 18,” replies the barman.

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A fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl. One day she told him that the next day was her birthday. He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses… one for each year of her life.

That evening he called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that they be delivered first thing the next morning.

As the florist was preparing the order, he decided that since the young man was such a good customer, he would put an extra dozen roses in the bouquet.

The fellow never did find out what made the young girl so angry with him.

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Quips by Steve Wright, American Comedian

* I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen…and replaced by exact duplicates.

* Borrow money from pessimists – they don’t expect it back.

* Half the people you know are below average.

* How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?

* My mechanic told me, “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

* Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

* Do you think that when they asked George Washington for his ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

* How do I set my laser printer on stun?

* If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

* Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?

* If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of the stuff?

* If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn’t everyone just move 10 miles away?

* And whose cruel idea was it for the word “Lisp” to have a “S” in it?

* I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone.

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Monarch Butterflies…

~ The Monarch Butterfly (Danaus plexippus) is a milkweed butterfly (subfamily Danainae), in the family Nymphalidae.

~ Also found in New Zealand, and in Australia since 1871 where it is called the Wanderer.

~ This butterfly has a wingspan of 3½–4 in (8.9–10.2 centimetres).

~ The Monarch is famous for its southward migration and northward return in summer from Canada to Mexico and Baja California which spans the life of three to four generations of the butterfly.

~ Monarch butterflies are one of the few insects capable of making trans-Atlantic crossings. They are becoming more common in Bermuda due to increased usage of milkweed as an ornamental plant in flower gardens.

~ The Monarch caterpillar is banded with yellow, black, and white stripes.

~ Monarch butterflies are poisonous or distasteful to birds and mammals because of the presence of cardiac glycosides that are contained in milkweed consumed by the larva.

~ The black swallow-wort plant is a problem for Monarch butterflies in North America because they lay their eggs on these plants since they produce stimuli similar to milkweed. Once the eggs hatch, the caterpillars are poisoned by the toxicity of this invasive plant.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Dream as if you’ll live forever, live as if you’ll die today.  –  James Dean

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. – John F. Kennedy