Jokes and Trivia for April 16, 2012

Advice is one of those things it is far more blessed to give than to receive. – Carolyn Wells

TODAY – APRIL 16th – MONDAY

107th day of 2011 with 259 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National Librarian Day

*National Stress Awareness Day

*Patriot’s Day – third Monday of the month

*National Eggs Benedict Day

*Day of the Mushroom

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1728 Joseph Black, Bordeaux, France, Scottish chemist (known for his discoveries of latent heat, specific heat, and carbon dioxide)
  • 1867 Wilbur Wright, Dayton, Ohio, aviation pioneer (he and his brother invented & built world’s 1st airplane to make 1st controlled, powered and sustained heaver-than-air human flight)
  • 1889 Charlie Chaplin, English actor and filmmaker (The Tramp, co-founded United Artists)
  • 1899 Osman Achmatowicz, Warsaw, Polish chemist (Achmatowicz reaction)
  • 1907 Joseph-Armand Bombardier, Valcourt, Quebec, Canadian inventor and businessman (most famous invention was the snowmobile)
  • 1910 Berton Roueché, Kansas City, Missouri, author of medical mysteries focused of epidemiology (Black Weather, The Last Enemy, Feral, The Medical Detectives (inspiration for tv show “House“))
  • 1917 Barry Nelson, San Franciso, California, actor (The Hunter, 1st actor to portray James Bond & to date the only American / Casino Royale)
  • 1921 Peter Ustinov, English actor (Quo Vadis, Spartacus, Logan’s Run, Death on the Nile), Goodwill Ambassador for UNICEF
  • 1924 Henry Mancini, American composer (known for film and tv scores such as The Pink Panther Theme, Peter Gunn Theme, Moon River, Days of Wine and Roses)
  • 1935 Bobby Vinton, Canonsburg, Pennsylvania, singer (Roses Are Red My Love, Blue Velvet, Mr. Lonely)
  • 1947 Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, NYC, New York, basketball player (NBA’s all-time leading scorer with 38,387 points), actor (Game of Death, Airplane!, The Stand), author (Giant Steps)
  • 1949 Melody Patterson, Inglewood, California, actress  (F Troop)
  • 1950 David Graf, Lancaster, Ohio, actor (Police Academy)
  • 1952 Billy West, Detroit, Michigan, voice actor (Stimpy / Ren and Stimpy, Futurama, Doug, Space Jam)
  • 1954 Ellen Barkin, The Bronx, New York, actress (Diner, Tender Mercies, The Big Easy, Sea of Love, Wild Bill, Before Women Had Wings,Ocean’s Thirteen,Another Happy Day)
  • 1956 David McDowell Brown, Arlington County, Virginia, U.S. Naval Captain, astronaut (died in Space Shuttle Columbia disaster)
  • 1962 Ian MacKaye, Washington, D.C., musician, (Fugazi and Minor Threat)
  • 1963 Jimmy Osmond, Canoga Park, California, pop singer (The Osmonds)
  • 1964 Dave Pirner, Green Bay, Wisconsin,rock singer (Soul Asylum)
  • 1965 Jon Cryer, NYC, New York, actor (Pretty in Pink, Two and a Half Men)
  • 1965 Martin Lawrence, American (born in Germany) actor and producer (House Party, Bad Boys, Black Knight, Rebound, Wild Hogs, Back to Africa)
  • 1971 Peter Billingsley, NYC, New York, actor (Ralphie in A Christmas Story, The Writing on the Wall)
  • 1975 Sean Maher, Pleasantville, New York, actor (Simon Tam in Firefly and Serenity)
  • 1976 Lukas Haas, West Hollywood, California, actor (Witness, Music Box, The Ryan White Story, Mars Attacks!)
  • 1983 Marié Digby, New York City, New York, singer
  • 1984 Amelia Atwater-Rhodes, Silver Spring, Maryland, author (Den of Shadows series, The Kiesha’ra Series)

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires some of the same courage that a soldier needs. Peace has its victories, but it takes brave men and women to win them. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1818 The United States Senate ratifies the Rush-Bagot Treaty, establishing the border with Canada.
  • 1847 The accidental shooting of a Māori by an English sailor results in the opening of the Wanganui Campaign of the New Zealand land wars.
  • 1862 American Civil War: The Battle at Lee’s Mills in Virginia.
  • 1862 American Civil War: A bill ending slavery in the District of Columbia becomes law.
  • 1881 In Dodge City, Kansas, Bat Masterson fights his last gun battle.
  • 1908 Natural Bridges National Monument is established in Utah.
  • 1912 Harriet Quimby becomes the first woman to fly an airplane across the English Channel.
  • 1919 Gandhi organizes a day of “prayer and fasting” in response to the killing of Indian protesters in the Amritsar Massacre by the British.
  • 1941 Bob Feller of the Cleveland Indians throws the only Opening Day no-hitter in the history of Major League Baseball, beating the Chicago White Sox 1-0.
  • 1944 Allied forces started bombing of Belgrade, killing about 1,100 people. This bombing fell on the Orthodox Christian Easter.
  • 1945 The United States Army liberates Nazi Sonderlager (high security) prisoner-of-war camp Oflag IV-C (better known as Colditz).
  • 1945 More than 7,000 die when the German refugee ship Goya is sunk by a Soviet submarine torpedo.
  • 1947 Bernard Baruch coins the term “Cold War” to describe the relationship between the United States and the Soviet Union.
  • 1962 Walter Cronkite takes over as the lead news anchor of the CBS Evening News, during which time he would become “the most trusted man in America”.
  • 1963 Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. pens his Letter from Birmingham Jail while incarcerated in Birmingham, Alabama for protesting against segregation.
  • 1972 Apollo program: The launch of Apollo 16 from Cape Canaveral, Florida.
  • 1990 The “Doctor of Death”, Jack Kevorkian, participates in his first assisted suicide.
  • 1992 The Katina P. runs aground off of Maputo, Mozambique and 60,000 tons of crude oil spill into the ocean.
  • 2007 Virginia Tech massacre: The deadliest spree shooting in modern American history. Seung-Hui Cho, kills 32 and injures 23 before committing suicide.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

A man was on a beach when he discovered an old lamp in the sand. He rubbed it and a genie popped out.

The genie said “I will grant you three wishes. The only condition is that you cannot wish for more wishes.”

“Alright,” said the man, “I wish for more genies.”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

ONE-LINERS:

~I spilled Spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone.

~I bought some powdered water….but I didn’t know what to add.

~After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?

~You can’t have everything … where would you put it?

~My grandfather invented Cliff’s Notes. It all started back in 1912 … well, to make a long story short …

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

pic of the day: Azaleas in bloom

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Twenty years ago, Steve Jobs, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope were all alive.
Today we have no Jobs, no Cash, and no Hope.
—–
Q: What is unique about a goose?
A: It’s the only animal that grows down as it grows up.
—–
She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

** How to speak Chinese ** It helps if you say each one out loud:

That’s not right…………………. ……Sum Ting Wong

Are you harbouring a fugitive?……………Hu Yu Hai Ding?
See me asap………………………. …..Kum Hia Nao
Stupid man……………………………..Dum Gai
Small horse…………………………….Tai Ni Po Ni
Did you go to the beach?…………………Wai Yu So Tan?
I bumped into a coffee table……………..Ai Bang Mai Ni
I think you need a face lift……………..Chin Tu Fat
It’s very dark in here…………………..Wai So Dim?
I thought you were on a diet………… ….Wai Yu Mun Ching?
This is a tow away zone………………….No Pah King
Our meeting is scheduled for next week… …Wai Yu Kum Nao?
Staying out of sight…………………. ..Lei Ying Lo
He’s cleaning his automobile……………..Wa Shing Ka
Your body odour is offensive…………… .Yu Stin Ki Pu

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

GOLDEN OLDIE… After dying in a car crash, three friends go to Heaven for an orientation session. They are all asked the same question: “When you are in your casket and family and friends are mourning over you, what would you like to hear them say about you?”

The first guy responds: “I would like to hear them say that I was one of the greatest doctors of my time and a great family man”.

The second guy says: “I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and a school teacher who made a huge difference in the children of tomorrow”.

The third guy thinks for a while and then replies: “I guess I’d like to hear them say ‘Look – he’s moving!'”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

TODAY IN TRIVIA: Mushrooms trivia

~Annual U.S. mushroom production is about 825 million pounds.

~Doctors in Germany have reported that some people may show an allergic skin reaction to shiitake mushrooms. The reaction is a lash-like reddening of the skin that may be worsened by exposure to sunlight (ultraviolet light)

~Some famous victims of mushroom poisoning:
The Great Buddha, the Roman Emperors Tiberius and Claudius, banquet guests of the Emperor Nero, Alexander I of Russia, Pope Clement II, King Charles V of France.

~Abe Lincoln’s mother supposedly died when the family dairy cow ate poisonous mushrooms and Mrs. Lincoln drank the milk.

There are close to 40,000 varieties of mushrooms.

~ The official state mushroom of Minnesota is the morel.

~Kennett Square, Pennsylvania is the Mushroom Capital of the World and home to the Phillips Mushroom Museum. The museum was established in 1972, and chronicles 3 generations of the mushroom-farming Phillips family.

~One portabella mushroom has more potassium than a banana.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

QUIP OF THE DAY: No man is worth your tears, and the one that is won’t make you cry. – Jennifer Ross

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

When you are required to exhibit strength, it comes. – Joseph Campbell