Jokes and Trivia for April 16, 2013

Nobody, as long as he moves about among the chaotic currents of life, is without trouble. – Carl Jung

TODAY – APRIL 16th – TUESDAY

106th day of 2013 with 259 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National Librarian Day

*National Stress Awareness Day

*National Eggs Benedict Day

*Day of the Mushroom

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1728 Joseph Black, Bordeaux, France, Scottish chemist (known for his discoveries of latent heat, specific heat, and carbon dioxide)
  • 1867 Wilbur Wright, Dayton, Ohio, aviation pioneer (he and his brother invented & built world’s 1st airplane to make 1st controlled, powered and sustained heaver-than-air human flight)
  • 1889 Charlie Chaplin, English actor and filmmaker (The Tramp, co-founded United Artists)
  • 1899 Osman Achmatowicz, Warsaw, Polish chemist (Achmatowicz reaction)
  • 1907 Joseph-Armand Bombardier, Valcourt, Quebec, Canadian inventor and businessman (most famous invention was the snowmobile)
  • 1910 Berton Roueché, Kansas City, Missouri, author of medical mysteries focused of epidemiology (Black Weather, The Last Enemy, Feral, The Medical Detectives (inspiration for tv show “House“))
  • 1917 Barry Nelson, San Franciso, California, actor (The Hunter, 1st actor to portray James Bond & to date the only American / Casino Royale)
  • 1921 Peter Ustinov, English actor (Quo Vadis, Spartacus, Logan’s Run, Death on the Nile), Goodwill Ambassador for UNICEF
  • 1924 Henry Mancini, American composer (known for film and tv scores such as The Pink Panther Theme, Peter Gunn Theme, Moon River, Days of Wine and Roses)
  • 1935 Bobby Vinton, Canonsburg, Pennsylvania, singer (Roses Are Red My Love, Blue Velvet, Mr. Lonely)
  • 1947 Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, NYC, New York, basketball player (NBA’s all-time leading scorer with 38,387 points), actor (Game of Death, Airplane!, The Stand), author (Giant Steps)
  • 1949 Melody Patterson, Inglewood, California, actress  (F Troop)
  • 1950 David Graf, Lancaster, Ohio, actor (Police Academy)
  • 1952 Billy West, Detroit, Michigan, voice actor (Stimpy / Ren and Stimpy, Futurama, Doug, Space Jam)
  • 1954 Ellen Barkin, The Bronx, New York, actress (Diner, Tender Mercies, The Big Easy, Sea of Love, Wild Bill, Before Women Had Wings,Ocean’s Thirteen,Another Happy Day)
  • 1956 David McDowell Brown, Arlington County, Virginia, U.S. Naval Captain, astronaut (died in Space Shuttle Columbia disaster)
  • 1962 Ian MacKaye, Washington, D.C., musician, (Fugazi and Minor Threat)
  • 1963 Jimmy Osmond, Canoga Park, California, pop singer (The Osmonds)
  • 1964 Dave Pirner, Green Bay, Wisconsin,rock singer (Soul Asylum)
  • 1965 Jon Cryer, NYC, New York, actor (Pretty in Pink, Two and a Half Men)
  • 1965 Martin Lawrence, American (born in Germany) actor and producer (House Party, Bad Boys, Black Knight, Rebound, Wild Hogs, Back to Africa)
  • 1971 Peter Billingsley, NYC, New York, actor (Ralphie in A Christmas Story, The Writing on the Wall)
  • 1975 Sean Maher, Pleasantville, New York, actor (Simon Tam in Firefly and Serenity)
  • 1976 Lukas Haas, West Hollywood, California, actor (Witness, Music Box, The Ryan White Story, Mars Attacks!)
  • 1983 Marié Digby, New York City, New York, singer
  • 1984 Amelia Atwater-Rhodes, Silver Spring, Maryland, author (Den of Shadows series, The Kiesha’ra Series)

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It still holds true that man is most uniquely human when he turns obstacles into opportunities. – Eric Hoffer

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1818 The United States Senate ratifies the Rush-Bagot Treaty, establishing the border with Canada.
  • 1847 The accidental shooting of a Māori by an English sailor results in the opening of the Wanganui Campaign of the New Zealand land wars.
  • 1862 American Civil War: The Battle at Lee’s Mills in Virginia.
  • 1862 American Civil War: A bill ending slavery in the District of Columbia becomes law.
  • 1881 In Dodge City, Kansas, Bat Masterson fights his last gun battle.
  • 1908 Natural Bridges National Monument is established in Utah.
  • 1912 Harriet Quimby becomes the first woman to fly an airplane across the English Channel.
  • 1919 Gandhi organizes a day of “prayer and fasting” in response to the killing of Indian protesters in the Amritsar Massacre by the British.
  • 1941 Bob Feller of the Cleveland Indians throws the only Opening Day no-hitter in the history of Major League Baseball, beating the Chicago White Sox 1-0.
  • 1944 Allied forces started bombing of Belgrade, killing about 1,100 people. This bombing fell on the Orthodox Christian Easter.
  • 1945 The United States Army liberates Nazi Sonderlager (high security) prisoner-of-war camp Oflag IV-C (better known as Colditz).
  • 1945 More than 7,000 die when the German refugee ship Goya is sunk by a Soviet submarine torpedo.
  • 1947 Bernard Baruch coins the term “Cold War” to describe the relationship between the United States and the Soviet Union.
  • 1962 Walter Cronkite takes over as the lead news anchor of the CBS Evening News, during which time he would become “the most trusted man in America”.
  • 1963 Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. pens his Letter from Birmingham Jail while incarcerated in Birmingham, Alabama for protesting against segregation.
  • 1972 Apollo program: The launch of Apollo 16 from Cape Canaveral, Florida.
  • 1990 The “Doctor of Death”, Jack Kevorkian, participates in his first assisted suicide.
  • 1992 The Katina P. runs aground off of Maputo, Mozambique and 60,000 tons of crude oil spill into the ocean.
  • 2007 Virginia Tech massacre: The deadliest spree shooting in modern American history. Seung-Hui Cho, kills 32 and injures 23 before committing suicide.

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What is Pi?

Several scientists were all posed the following question: “What is pi ?”

The engineer said: “It is approximately 3 and 1/7”

The physicist said: “It is 3.14159”

The mathematician thought a bit, and replied “It is equal to pi”.

A nutritionist: “Pie is a healthy and delicious dessert!”

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In her memoirs, Barbara Bush described one of those most embarrassing moments that inevitably occur, even on the most carefully advanced of foreign trips. Along with her husband, then the Vice President, Mrs. Bush was lunching with Emperor Hirohito at Tokyo’s Imperial Palace.

Sitting next to the Emperor, Mrs. Bush found the conversation an uphill task. To all her efforts at verbal engagement, the Emperor would smile and say “Yes” or “No,” with an occasional “Thank You” tossed in for good measure.

Looking around her elegant surroundings, she complimented Hirohito on his official residence.

“Thank you,” he said.

“Is it new?” pressed Mrs. Bush.

“Yes.”

“Was the old palace just so old that it was falling down?” asked Mrs. Bush.

In his most charming, yet regal, matter, Hirohito replied, “No, I’m afraid that you bombed it.”

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ONE-LINERS: KId’s Explain…

The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.

In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literature.

Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ids of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: ‘Tee hee, Brutus’

Gravity was invented by Issaac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn.

Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

~ I didn’t want to buy leather shoes, but eventually I was suede.

~ Experts say the cost of funerals have risen by 50%, they blame it on the cost of living.

~ A bacteria walked into a bar and the bartender said, ‘We don’t serve bacteria in this place.’ The bacteria said, ‘But I work here, I’m staph.’

~ In the room the curtains were drawn, but the rest of the furniture was real.

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The Meaning of “DC”:

To an Electrician: Direct Current

To Someone with Back Pain: Doctor of Chiropractic

To a Politician: District of Columbia

To a Working Mother: Day Care

To a Comic Book Collector: Detective Comics

On TV Schedules: Discovery Channel

For Retirement Plans: Defined Contribution

To the Vatican: Daughters of Charity

To an Advertiser: Dot Com

To a Teen-Ager Texting: [I] Don’t Care

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Before there were interstates, everyone drove the old two lane roads. Burma Shave signs would be posted all over the countryside, often in farmers’ fields. They were small red signs with white letters. Each “ad” consisted of four or five signs, about 100 feet apart, each containing one line of a four-line couplet. The last sign had the name of the sponsor, Burma Shave, a popular shaving cream.

Some of the actual signs:

Hardly a driver
Is now alive
Who passed on hills
At 75
Burma Shave

Don’t stick your elbow
Out so far
It may go home
In another car
Burma Shave

Trains don’t wander
All over the map
‘Cause nobody sits
In the engineer’s lap
Burma Shave

She kissed the hairbrush
By mistake
She thought it was
Her husband jake
Burma Shave

Don’t lose your head
To gain a minute
You need your head
Your brains are in it
Burma Shave

Drove too long
Driver snoozing
What happened next
Is not amusing
Burma Shave

Brother speeder
Let’s rehearse
All together
Good morning, nurse
Burma Shave

Cautious rider
To her reckless dear:
Let’s have less bull
And a little more steer
Burma Shave

Speed was high
Weather was not
Tires were thin
X marks the spot
Burma Shave

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: MUSHROOMS

~Early Greeks and Romans are thought to be among the first cultivators of mushrooms, using them in a wide array of dishes.

~The cultivated mushroom is what’s commonly found in most U.S. Supermarkets today.

~Mushrooms should never be soaked because they absorb water and will become mushy.

~They are best November through March.

~There are 38,000 varieties of mushrooms, some edible, some very poisonous.

~To keep mushrooms white and firm when sauteing them, add a teaspoon of lemon juice to each quarter pound of butter.

~One portabella mushroom has more potassium than a banana.

~The largest living organism ever found is a honey mushroom, Armillaria ostoyae. It covers 3.4 square miles of land in the Blue Mountains of eastern Oregon.

~Near Rochester, New York, there is a house shaped like a group of mushrooms.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: The greatest risk is to risk nothing at all. – Leo Buscaglia

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

Wealth is not his that has it, but his that enjoys it. – Benjamin Franklin