Jokes and Trivia for January 14, 2012

Dreams are illustrations, from the book your soul is writing about you. – Marsha Norman

TODAY – JANUARY 14th – MONDAY

14th day of 2013 with 351 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Dress Up Your Pet Day

*National Hot Pastrami Sandwich Day

*Ratification Day (anniversary of the ratification of The Treaty of Paris)

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1741 Benedict Arnold, American/British general (fought for Continental Army during Revolutionary War, but defected to British Army)
  • 1875 Albert Schweitzer, Germany, physician & theologian (Nobel / “Reverence for Life’)
  • 1886 Hugh Lofting, British author (Doctor Dolittle)
  • 1919 Andy Rooney, Albany, New York, journalist (A Few Minutes with Andy Rooney)
  • 1921 Kenneth Bulmer, British author (Series: Dray Prescot, Ryder Hook, Keys to the Dimensions, Odan the Half-God, The Vikings, Wolf’s Head, Jubal Cade)
  • 1924 Guy Williams, New York City, NY, actor (TV series: Zorro, Lost in Space as Professor John Robinson)
  • 1938 Jack Jones, Hollywood, California, singer (Wives and Lovers )
  • 1941 Faye Dunaway, Bascom, Florida, actress (Bonnie and Clyde, The Thomas Crown Affair, Chinatown, Network, Barfly, Rain)
  • 1943 Shannon Lucid, Shanghai, China, American astronaut and biochemist (STS-51-G, STS-34, STS-43, STS-58, STS-76, Mir NASA-1, STS-79)
  • 1948 Carl Weathers, New Orleans, Louisiana, actor (American Warships )
  • 1961 Mike Tramp, Denmark, singer (White Lion and Freak of Nature)
  • 1964 Shepard Smith, Holly Springs, Mississippi, news anchor (Fox Report, Studio B)
  • 1967 Emily Watson, London, England, UK,  actress (Appropriate Adult )
  • 1967 Zakk Wylde, Bayonne, New Jersey, musician (Black Label Society)
  • 1969 Jason Bateman, Rye, New York, actor (The Hogan Family, Arrested Development, The Kingdom, Hancock)
  • 1969 David Grohl, Warren, Ohio, drummer and composer (Nirvana, Foo Fighters, Them Crooked Vultures)
  • 1974 Brent Hinds, Pelham, Alabama, musician (Mastodon)
  • 1989 Frankie Sandford, Havering, London, England, singer (S Club 8 and The Saturdays)
  • 1990 Grant Gustin, Norfolk, Virginia, actor, best known for his role in Glee as Sebastian Smythe of The Dalton Academy Warblers

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We were always dreaming of how it was going to be. – George Lucas

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1784 United States Congress ratified the Treaty of Paris with Great Britain, ending American Revolutionary War and establishing the United States as a sovereign country, called Ratification Day.
  • 1911 South Pole expedition of Roald Amundsen reaches the eastern edge of the Ross Ice Shelf.
  • 1938 Norway claims Queen Maud Land in Antarctica.
  • 1943 Franklin D. Roosevelt and Winston Churchill begin the Casablanca Conference during World War II  to discuss strategy and study the next phase of the war.
  • 1943 Franklin D. Roosevelt becomes the first President of the United States to travel via airplane while in office when he travels from Miami, Florida to Morocco to meet with Winston Churchill.
  • 1950 The first prototype of the MiG-17 makes its maiden flight.
  • 1952 NBC’s long-running morning news program Today debuts, with host Dave Garroway.
  • 1954 The Hudson Motor Car Company merges with Nash-Kelvinator Corporation forming the American Motors Corporation.
  • 1967 Counterculture of the 1960s: The Human Be-In, takes place in San Francisco, California’s Golden Gate Park, launching the Summer of Love.
  • 1972 Queen Margrethe II of Denmark ascends the throne, the first Queen of Denmark since 1412 and the first Danish monarch not named Frederick or Christian since 1513.
  • 1973 Elvis Presley’s concert Aloha from Hawaii is broadcast live via satellite, and sets a record as the most watched broadcast by an individual entertainer in television history.
  • 1975 Teenage heiress Lesley Whittle is kidnapped by Donald Neilson, aka “the Black Panther”.
  • 1978 The English punk rock band Sex Pistols broke up amidst their US tour.
  • 1998 An Afghan cargo plane crashes into a mountain in southwest Pakistan killing more than 50 people.
  • 1999 Toronto, Ontario, Canada Mayor Mel Lastman becomes the first mayor in Canada to call in the Army to help with emergency medical evacuations and snow removal after more than one meter of snow paralyzes the city.
  • 2000 A United Nations tribunal sentences five Bosnian Croats to up to 25 years for the 1993 killing of over 100 Muslims in a Bosnian village.
  • 2004 The national flag of The Republic of Georgia, the so-called “five cross flag”, is restored to official use after a hiatus of some 500 years.
  • 2005 Landing of the Huygens probe on Saturn’s moon Titan.
  • 2010 Yemen declares an open war against the terrorist group al-Qaeda.

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When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past). For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, “And all girls.”

This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing. My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, “Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?”

Her response, “Because everybody always finish their prayers by saying ‘All Men’!”

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I was living in the mountains above Denver when my college buddy, Gary, arrived in his ancient Maserati sports car. He had just driven it from Ohio, and as he pulled into my driveway, the car broke down.

Calls to auto-supply houses and garages in search of replace- ment parts proved futile. The 1962 model was simply too rare. Responses ranged from “Mas-a-what?” to “You’ve got to be kidding.” One guy just laughed.

I was at the end of the listings in the Yellow Pages when I dialed Victor’s Garage. “Vic,” I said, “you’re my last hope. Do you carry any parts for a 1962 Maserati?”

There was a long pause. Finally, Victor cleared his throat. “Yes,” he replied. “Oil.”

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ONE-LINERS:

~The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue. – Anonymous

~Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. – Ann Landers

~If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. – Will Rogers

~A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself. – Josh Billings

~The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. – Andy Rooney

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pic of the day: First Daffodil of 2013 On The Farm

picture of daffodil

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

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Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, “Yes, General, I’ll be seeing him this afternoon and I’ll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir.”

“Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, “What do you want?”

“Nothing important, sir,” the airman replied, … “I’m just here to hook up your telephone.”

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A hillbilly was in jail serving 30 years for robbing banks. After serving about 12 years he is notified that his Uncle Joe from Chicago has died and left him over $100,000. The hillbilly was so happy when the warden said he would put it in trust untll he was released.

The warden asked him if there was anything he wanted to buy before tying the money up. The Hillbilly said he had read a lot about computers and wanted a computer. The warden said “sure” and got him a computer. A brand new Compaq computer. After a few weeks the warden visitied him in his cell to see how he was doing. To his amazement he saw the computer smashed on the floor.

The warden asked the Hillbilly what happened. The Hillbilly said it didn’t work right and he got mad. He said it would not even complete the simplest task.

The warden asked him what he wanted the computer to do. The Hillbilly said he just wanted one thing from the computer. One simple task and it could not do it.

The Hillbilly said, “I hit the escape key and nothing happened, I hit the key again and still nothin, I am still here. I think I will sue Compaq.”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: National Dress Up Your Pet Day

~National Dress Up Your Pet Day was founded in 2009 by Celebrity Pet Lifestyle Expert and Animal Behaviorist, Colleen Paige

~This eventually was sponsored by the Animal Miracle Network as a fun way to celebrate our beloved pets and to support the pet fashion community.

~ Paige exact statement was, “It’s important to remember though, that it’s not, however, a day to disrespect our pets with uncomfortable, vulgar and/or seasonally inappropriate costumes for the sake of a laugh or photo shoot.”

~How to celebrate this day? Have fun with your pets by dressing them in cute outfits and safe costumes – but keep your pet’s comfort level in mind when involving him/her in this fun novelty day.

~What to bear in mind? Make sure that your pet can see and hear properly and that they aren’t wearing something that might overheat them or incorporate any parts that they may chew off and swallow.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Better a witty fool than a foolish wit – Shakespeare.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe. – Anatole France