Jokes and Trivia for January 23, 2013

It’s not whether you get knocked down, it’s whether you get up. – Vince Lombardi

TODAY – JANUARY 23rd – WEDNESDAY

23rd day of 2013 with 342 to  follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National Pie Day

*National Handwriting Day

*Measure Your Feet Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1737 John Hancock, Braintree, Province of Massachusetts Bay, American patriot (1st & 3rd governor of Massachusetts, 4th President of the Continental Congress)
  • 1745 William Jessop, Devonport, Devon , English canal engineer (best known for his work on canals, harbours and early railways in the late 18th and early 19th centuries)
  • 1832 Édouard Manet, French artist (pivotal figure in transition from Realism to Impressionism)
  • 1840 Ernst Abbe, Eisenach, Saxe-Weimar-Eisenach , German physicist (Abbe refractometer, Abbe number)
  • 1855 John Moses Browning, Ogden, Utah, inventor (firearms designer who developed many varieties of military and civilian firearms, cartridges, and gun mechanisms, many of which are still in use around the world)
  • 1862 David Hilbert, Wehlau, Province of Prussia, German mathematician (discovered and developed a broad range of fundamental ideas in many areas, including invariant theory and the axiomatization of geometry)
  • 1872 Paul Langevin, Paris, France , French physicist (developed Langevin dynamics and the Langevin equation)
  • 1876 Otto Diels, Hamburg, Germany, chemist (Nobel / discovery and development of the cycloaddition synthesis)
  • 1884 George McManus, St. Louis, Missouri, cartoonist (Bringing Up Father)
  • 1897 Sir William Samuel Stephenson, Canadian soldier, W.W.II codename, Intrepid (Inspiration for James Bond)
  • 1898 Randolph Scott, Orange County, California, actor (The Last of the Mohicans, Westbound, Ride Lonesome, Ride the High Country)
  • 1918 Gertrude B. Elion, New York City , New York, scientist (developed a multitude of new drugs, using innovative research methods that would later lead to the development of the AIDS drug AZT)
  • 1920 Walter Frederick Morrison, Richfield, Utah, inventor (best known as the inventor of the Frisbee)
  • 1940 Johnny Russell, Moorhead, Mississippi, country singer and songwriter (“Act Naturally”)
  • 1943 Gil Gerard, Little Rock, Arkansas, actor (Buck Rogers in the 25th Century)
  • 1950 Richard Dean Anderson, Minneapolis, Minnesota, actor (General Hospital, MacGyver, Firehouse, Stargate SG-1)
  • 1951 Chesley Sullenberger, Denison, Texas, pilot (Captain of US Airways Flight 1549, a flight that successfully ditched into the Hudson River)
  • 1957 Princess Caroline of Monaco
  • 1964 Mariska Hargitay, Los Angeles, Califonia,  actress (Olivia Benson on Law & Order: SVU, Ghoulies, Lake Placid)
  • 1974 Tiffani Thiessen, Long Beach, Califonia, actress (Saved by the Bell, Beverly Hills 90210, White Collar)
  • 1981 Julia Jones, Boston, Massachusetts, Native American actress (Leah Clearwater in The Twilight Saga: Eclipse)

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If you cannot do great things, do small things in a great way. – Napoleon Hill

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1656 Blaise Pascal publishes the first of his Lettres provinciales.
  • 1789 Georgetown College, the first Catholic University in the United States, is founded in Georgetown, Maryland (now a part of Washington, D.C.)
  • 1849 Elizabeth Blackwell is awarded her M.D. by the Geneva Medical College of Geneva, New York, becoming the United States’ first female doctor.
  • 1855 The first bridge over the Mississippi River opens in what is now Minneapolis, Minnesota, a crossing made today by the Father Louis Hennepin Bridge.
  • 1879 Anglo-Zulu War: the Battle of Rorke’s Drift ends.
  • 1897 Elva Zona Heaster is found dead in Greenbrier County, West Virginia. The resulting murder trial of her husband is perhaps the only case in United States history where the alleged testimony of a ghost helped secure a conviction.
  • 1941 Charles Lindbergh testifies before the U.S. Congress and recommends that the United States negotiate a neutrality pact with Adolf Hitler.
  • 1943 Duke Ellington plays at Carnegie Hall in New York City for the first time.
  • 1943 World War II: Australian and American forces finally defeat the Japanese army in Papua. This turning point in the Pacific War marks the beginning of the end of Japanese aggression.
  • 1950 The Knesset passes a resolution that states Jerusalem is the capital of Israel.
  • 1957 American inventor Walter Frederick Morrison sells the rights to his flying disc to the Wham-O toy company, who later rename it the “Frisbee”.
  • 1960 The bathyscaphe USS Trieste breaks a depth record by descending to 10,911 m (35,798 feet) in the Pacific Ocean.
  • 1964 The 24th Amendment to the United States Constitution, prohibiting the use of poll taxes in national elections, is ratified.
  • 1968 North Korea seizes the USS Pueblo (AGER-2), claiming the ship had violated their territorial waters while spying.
  • 1973 President Richard Nixon announces that a peace accord has been reached in Vietnam.
  • 1986 The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inducts its first members: Little Richard, Chuck Berry, James Brown, Ray Charles, Fats Domino, the Everly Brothers, Buddy Holly, Jerry Lee Lewis and Elvis Presley.
  • 1997 Madeleine Albright becomes the first woman to serve as United States Secretary of State.
  • 1997 Antonis Daglis, a 23-year-old Greek truck driver is sentenced to thirteen consecutive life sentences, plus 25 years for the serial slayings of three women and the attempted murder of six others.
  • 2002 “American Taliban” John Walker Lindh returns to the United States in FBI custody.
  • 2002 Reporter Daniel Pearl is kidnapped in Karachi, Pakistan and subsequently murdered .
  • 2003 Final communication between Earth and Pioneer 10.

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At a nursing home in Florida, a group of senior citizens were sitting around talking about their aches and pains.

“My arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee,” said one.

“I know what you mean. My cataracts are so bad I can’t even see my coffee,” replied another.

“I can’t turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck,” said a third.

“My blood pressure pills make me dizzy,” another contributed.

“I guess that’s the price we pay for getting old,” winced an old man.

Then there was a short moment of silence.

“Thank God we can all still drive,” said one woman cheerfully.

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Teacher: Vincent, not to be presumptuous, but your short story is truly fantastic. Did you really write it?

Vincent: Yes, I wrote, while my mother dictated..

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ONE-LINERS: Ponder these…

If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

If you’re in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

You know how most packages say “Open here.” What is the protocol if the package says, “Open somewhere else”?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Why isn’t “palindrome” spelled the same way backwards?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it’s called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it’s called cargo?

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can’t they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

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pic of the day: Snowy Wood

snowy-day

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Punny Authors

I Want to Help: Abel N. Willin
Smart Beer Making: Bud Wiser
Genie in a Bottle: Grant Wishes
Fifty Yards to the Outhouse: Willy Makit and Betty Woant
Tinseltown Tales: Holly Wood
Ready…Set…: Sadie Word
Raising Flowers By Hand: Flo Wrist
Skunks in the Shrubbery: P. Yew
I’m Fine: Howard Yu
The Dead Of Winter: Jan Yuary
Mensa Man: Gene Yuss
Tear Up Those Betting Slips: Lou Zerr
Hollywood Gossip: Phyllis Zinn
Mexican Revenge: Monty Zuma
The German Bank Robbery: Hans Zupp

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A student on a class trip to the natural-history museum asks the guard, “Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?”

The guard tells him, “Three-million-four years and six months old.”

The student says. “How do you know that so precisely?”

The guard says, “Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago.”

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A father was playing with his daughter when the little one said: “Dad, I read in school that animals get a new fur coat every winter.”

“Quiet!” retorted the father. “Your mother is in the next room!”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: John Hancock– National Handwriting Day

~John Hancock was President of the Second Continental Congress and of the Congress of the Confederation, first Governor of Massachusetts, and the first person to sign the United States Declaration of Independence.

~His signature is the most prominent on the United States Declaration of Independence.

~A signature (from Latin signare, “sign”) is a handwritten (and sometimes stylized) depiction of someone’s name (or some other identifying mark) that a person writes on documents as a proof of identity and will. It acts as a seal.

~The Writing Instrument Manufacturers Association (WIMA) suggests you take benefit of National Handwriting Day on January 23 by using a pen or a pencil to reawaken that creative feeling through a handwritten note, poem, letter, or journal entry.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Cowards have dreams, brave men have visions – Chinese Proverb.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. Mark Twain