Jokes and Trivia for December 19, 2012

The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases. – Carl Jung


354th day of 2012 with 12 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National Hard Candy Day

*Look for an Evergreen Day

*Oatmeal Muffin Day



  • 1784 Marcus Morton, East Freetown, Massachusetts, 16th and 18th Governor of Massachusetts
  • 1813 Thomas Andrews, Belfast, Ireland, chemist (phase transitions between gases and liquids)
  • 1820 Mary Livermore, Boston, Massachusetts, journalist and women’s rights advocate (namesake of WWII Liberty ship, the SS Mary Livermore)
  • 1852 Albert Abraham Michelson, Prussian-born American physicist (measurement of the speed of light and especially for the Michelson-Morley experiment)
  • 1875 Carter Woodson, New Canton, Virginia, historian and author (founder of Black History Month)
  • 1901 Rudolf Hell, Eggmühl, Germany, inventor (invented the Hellschreiber, an early forerunner to the fax)
  • 1903 George Davis Snell, Bradford, Massachusetts, geneticist (Nobel / genetic factors that determine the possibilities of transplanting tissue from one individual to another)
  • 1906 Leonid Brezhnev, leader of the Soviet Union (1964-1982)
  • 1920 Little Jimmy Dickens, Bolt, West Virginia, country singer (known for novelty songs & small size, 4″11″)
  • 1924 Gary Morton, New York City, New York, comic (widower of Lucille Ball)
  • 1933 Cicely Tyson, New York City, New York, actress (Sounder, The Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman, Roots)
  • 1935 Barbara Bostock, Palm Beach, Florida, actress (Route 66, General Electric Theater, I Dream of Jeannie, and The Rookies)
  • 1941 Maurice White, Memphis, Tennessee, singer and songwriter (Earth, Wind & Fire)
  • 1944 Richard Leakey, Nairobi, Kenya, paleontologist, conservationist and politician (head of the Wildlife Conservation and Management Department 1989-1994); author (Wildlife Wars: My Battle to Save Kenya’s Elephants)
  • 1946 Robert Urich, Toronto, Ohio, actor (Vega$, Spenser: For Hire, Kung Fu, S.W.A.T, The Lazarus Man), died from synovial cell sarcoma in 2002
  • 1956 Phil Harris, Bothell, Washington, Captain and part owner of crab fishing vessel Marie (Discovery Channel show, The Deadliest Catch), died due to massive stroke in 2010
  • 1961 Eric Allin Cornell, Palo Alto, California, physicist (Nobel / synthesized the first Bose–Einstein condensate)
  • 1963 Jennifer Beals, Chicago, Illinois, actress (Flashdance, The L Word, The Grudge 2, The Book of Eli)
  • 1965 Jessica Steen, Toronto, Ontario, American actress (Captain Power and the Soldiers of the Future, Homefront, Earth 2, Armageddon, Left Behind: World at War, NCIS, and Flashpoint)
  • 1969 Kristy Swanson, Mission Viejo, California, actress (Buffy the Vampire Slayer )
  • 1988 Paulina Gretzky, Los Angeles, California, singer and model


The greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances. ― Martha Washington



  • 1606  The Susan Constant, the Godspeed, and the Discovery depart England carrying settlers who found, at Jamestown, Virginia, the first of the thirteen colonies that became the United States.
  • 1776 Thomas Paine publishes one of a series of pamphlets in the Pennsylvania Journal titled The American Crisis.
  • 1777 Revolutionary War: George Washington’s Continental Army goes into winter quarters at Valley Forge, Pennsylvania.
  • 1907 A group of 239 coal miners die during a mine explosion in Jacobs Creek, Pennsylvania.
  • 1912 William H. Van Schaick, captain of the steamship General Slocum which caught fire and killed over 1,000 people, is pardoned by U.S. President William Howard Taft after three-and-a-half-years in Sing Sing prison.
  • 1924 The last Rolls-Royce Silver Ghost is sold in London, England.
  • 1932 BBC World Service begins broadcasting as the BBC Empire Service
  • 1941 World War II: Adolf Hitler becomes Supreme Commander-in-Chief of the German Army.
  • 1941 World War II: Limpet mines placed by Italian divers sink the HMS Valiant (1914) and HMS Queen Elizabeth (1913) in Alexandria harbour.
  • 1946 Start of the First Indochina War.
  • 1967 Prime Minister of Australia Harold Holt is officially presumed dead.
  • 1972 Apollo program: The last manned lunar flight, Apollo 17, crewed by Eugene Cernan, Ron Evans and Harrison Schmitt, returns to Earth.
  • 1975 John Paul Stevens is appointed a justice of The United States Supreme Court.
  • 1981 Sixteen lives are lost when the Penlee lifeboat goes to the aid of the stricken coaster Union Star in heavy seas.
  • 1983 The original FIFA World Cup trophy, the Jules Rimet Trophy, is stolen from the headquarters of the Brazilian Football Confederation in Rio de Janeiro.
  • 1984 The Sino-British Joint Declaration, stating that the People’s Republic of China would resume the exercise of sovereignty over Hong Kong and the United Kingdom would restore Hong Kong to China with effect from July 1, 1997 is signed in Beijing by Deng Xiaoping and Margaret Thatcher.
  • 1995 The United States Government restores federal recognition to the Nottawaseppi Huron Band of Potawatomi Indian tribe.
  • 1997 SilkAir Flight 185 crashes into the Musi River, near Palembang in Indonesia, killing 104.
  • 1998 Lewinsky scandal: The United States House of Representatives forwards articles I and III of impeachment against President Bill Clinton to the Senate.
  • 2000 The Leninist Guerrilla Units wing of the Communist Labour Party of Turkey/Leninist attack a Nationalist Movement Party office in Istanbul, killing one person and injuring three.
  • 2001 A record high barometric pressure of 1085.6 hPa (32.06 inHg) is recorded at Tosontsengel, Khövsgöl Province, Mongolia.
  • 2001 Argentine economic crisis: December 2001 riots – Riots erupt in Buenos Aires.


The program manager couldn’t grasp the idea of gathering requirements at the start of a project.

“At a project kickoff meeting, which he had neglected to actually invite the customer to, we had a lot of discussion around what the software we were creating was supposed to do,” says a programmer on the team. “I suggested putting together a requirements teleconference with the customer to clarify their ideas and goals.”

PM’s response? “I was told we were already behind schedule and didn’t have time to meet with the customer.”


A man was strolling along the Beaches area in East Toronto when he spotted a bottle floating in Lake Ontario. The bottle drifted ashore. He picked up the bottle and opened it, and out popped a Genie. “Master, you have released me from my bondage in this bottle, ask any three wishes and I will grant them to you.”

The man thought for a moment and said, “I would like the following three things to happen this year — The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup, the Toronto Blue Jays win the World Series and The Toronto Raptors win the NBA title.”

The Genie thought about this for a moment and jumped back into the bottle.


ONE-LINERS: You Work in Corporate America If…

– You sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different companies.

– Your company welcome sign is attached with Velcro.

– Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.

– Your company logo on your badge is applied with stick-um.

– You order your business cards in “half orders” instead of whole boxes.

– When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie.

– You get really excited about a 2% pay raise.

– You learn about your layoff on CNN.

– Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose your best jokes.

– You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet.

– Salaries of the members on the Executive Board are higher than all the Third World countries’ annual budgets combined.

– You think lunch is just a meeting to which you drive.

– It’s dark when you drive to and from work.

– Fun is when issues are assigned to someone else.

– Communication is something your group is having problems with.

– You see a good looking person and know they’re a visitor.

– Free food left over from meetings is your main staple of your diet.

– Weekends are those days your significant other makes you stay home.

– Art involves a white board.

– You’re already late on the assignment you just got.


pic of the day: St. Johns River in Florida

 picture of palms & St. Johns River



If lawyers get disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then shouldn’t …

… ballplayers be debased,
… politicians devoted,
… cowboys deranged,
… models deposed (and Calvin Klein models debriefed),
… transplant surgeons delivered,
… tree surgeons disembarked,
… musicians denoted,
… electricians delighted and refused,
… carpenters deconstructed,
… judges disappointed,
… songwriters decomposed,
… teachers detested (and students degraded),
… clerks defiled,
… bakers defloured,
… private eyes detailed,
… lawyers distorted,
… Eastern diplomats disoriented,
… drunks distilled,
… alpine climbers dismounted,
… piano tuners unstrung,
… orchestra leaders disbanded,
… cooks deranged,
… dressmakers unbiased,
… nudists redressed,
… mediums dispirited,
… programmers decoded,
… accountants discredited,
… holy people disgraced,
… pastry chefs deserted,
… perfume makers dissented,
… entomologists debugged,
… bodybuilders rebuffed,
… painters discolored,
… spinsters dismissed,
… judges disappointed,
… blackjack dealers discarded,
… mathematicians discounted,
… and dry cleaners depressed, decreased, and depleted?


Paddy wanted to be an accountant, so he went and took the Irish accountancy exam.

Examiner: If I give you two rabbits and then I give you another two rabbits, how many rabbits do you have?
Paddy: Five.

Examiner: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits and then I give you another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Paddy: Five.

Examiner: Let’s try this another way. If I give you two bottles of beer and then I give you another two bottles of beer, how many bottles of beer have you got?
Paddy: Four.

Examiner: Good! Now, if I give you two rabbits and then I give you another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Paddy: Five.

Examiner: How on earth do you work out that two lots of two rabbits is five?
Paddy: I’ve already got one rabbit at home!


You know what I hate about answering machine messages? They go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, “We aren’t in, leave a message.”

That’s why I’ve decided to keep mine simple and short. I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me…


TODAY IN TRIVIA: All about oatmeal!

~Oatmeal Month is celebrated each January, the month in which we buy more oatmeal than any other month of the year. This was created in the early 1980s by The Quaker Oats Company’s foodservice division,

~The portrait of the Quaker man on the Quaker® Oats package has been updated for many years and the most recent was in 1972.

~Quaker Oats was the first U.S. breakfast cereal to receive a registered trademark

~ Oatmeal is always present on the cupboard of 75% of US households.

~The most popular oatmeal toppings are: milk, sugar, fruit (raisins, bananas) and butter/margarine.

~Among the most unusual are: eggnog, peanut butter, cottage cheese and brewer’s yeast.

~Oatmeal cookies are the #1 non-cereal usage for oatmeal, followed by meatloaf and fruit crisp.

~ Quaker® Oats, in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, is the largest cereal company in the world.


QUIP OF THE DAY: If you can’t find someone who loves you for the best and the worst of you, don’t waste your time – Gilliana De Angelis.


Thought for the day. . .

This is your life. Do what you love and do it often. – The Holstee Manifesto