Jokes and Trivia for October 29, 2012

The harder I work, the luckier I get. – Gary Player

TODAY – OCTOBER 29th – MONDAY

303rd  day of 2012 with 63 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Hermit Day

*National Frankenstein Day

*National Oatmeal Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1740 James Boswell, Scotland, lawyer & author (biography of Samuel Johnson)
  • 1906 Fredric Brown, Cincinnati, Ohio, author (Science fiction & Mystery: What Mad Universe; Martians Go Home; The Lights in the Sky Are Stars, Arena, The Screaming Mimi)
  • 1923 Carl Djerassi, Vienna, Austria,  chemist (helped in development of oral contraceptive pills)
  • 1925 Dominick Dunne, Hartford, connecticut, author & investigative journalist (The Two Mrs. Grenvilles, An Inconvenient Woman, A Season in Purgatory / tv show: Dominick Dunne’s Power, Privilege, and Justice)
  • 1947 Richard Dreyfuss, Brooklyn, New York,  actor (American Graffiti, Jaws, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, The Goodbye Girl )
  • 1948 Kate Jackson, Birmingham, Alabama, actress (Dark Shadows, The Rookies, 1976-1979 Charlie’s Angels,  Scarecrow and Mrs. King, Baby Boom)
  • 1958 David Remnick, Hackensack, New Jersey,  writer and editor of The New Yorker
  • 1961 Randy Jackson, Gary, Indiana,  musician (The Jacksons )
  • 1967 Joely Fisher, Burbank, California,  actress (‘Til Death)
  • 1969 SA Martinez, Omaha, Nebraska,  singer (311)
  • 1971 Winona Ryder, Olmsted County, Minnesota,  actress (The Age of Innocence, Little Women)
  • 1976 Milena Govich, Norman, Oklahoma,  actress (Law & Order )
  • 1980 Ben Foster, Boston, Massachusetts, actor (The Laramie Project, Liberty Heights, Get Over It, Hostage, X-Men: The Last Stand )

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The greatest advantage of speaking the truth is that you don’t have to remember what you said. – Anonymous

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 969 Byzantine troops occupy Antioch Syria.
  • 1675 Leibniz makes the first use of the long s (∫) as a symbol of the integral in calculus.
  • 1787 Mozart’s opera Don Giovanni receives its first performance in Prague.
  • 1792 Mount Hood (Oregon) is named after the British naval officer Alexander Arthur Hood by Lt. William E. Broughton who spotted the mountain near the mouth of the Willamette River.
  • 1863 Eighteen countries meet in Geneva and agree to form the International Red Cross.
  • 1886 In New York City the first ticker-tape parade takes placewhen office workers spontaneously throw ticker tape into the streets as the Statue of Liberty is dedicated.
  • 1901 In Amherst, Massachusetts nurse Jane Toppan is arrested for murdering the Davis family of Boston with an overdose of morphine.
  • 1953 BCPA Flight 304 DC-6 crashes near San Francisco, California. Pianist William Kapell is among the 19 killed.
  • 1956 Suez Crisis begins: Israeli forces invade the Sinai Peninsula and push Egyptian forces back toward the Suez Canal.
  • 1956 The Tangier Protocol is signed: The international city Tangier is reintegrated into Morocco.
  • 1960 Cassius Clay (later known as Muhammad Ali) won his first professional fight, in Louisville, Kentucky.
  • 1961 Syria exits from the United Arab Republic.
  • 1964 A collection of irreplaceable gems, including the 565 carat (113 g) Star of India, is stolen by a group of thieves (among them is “Murph the surf”) from the American Museum of Natural History in New York City.
  • 1967 Montreal’s World Fair, Expo 67, closes with over 50 million visitors.
  • 1969 The first-ever computer-to-computer link is established on ARPANET, the precursor to the Internet.
  • 1980 Mark David Chapman, John Lennon’s murderer, leaves for New York from his home in Hawaii.
  • 1983 Over 500,000 people demonstrate against cruise missiles in The Hague, Netherlands.
  • 1985 Major General Samuel K. Doe is announced the winner of the first multi-party election in Liberia.
  • 1994 Francisco Martin Duran fires over two dozen shots at the White House (Duran is later convicted of trying to kill US President Bill Clinton).
  • 1998  Apartheid: In South Africa, the Truth and Reconciliation Commission presents its report, which condemns both sides for committing atrocities.
  • 1998 Space Shuttle Discovery blasts off on STS-95 with 77-year old John Glenn on board, making him the oldest person to go into space.
  • 1998 Hurricane Mitch, the second deadliest Atlantic hurricane in history, makes landfall in Honduras.
  • 2004 In Rome, European heads of state sign the Treaty and Final Act establishing the first European Constitution which, however, failed to be ratified by all signatory countries and therefore never entered into force.
  • 2005 Bombings in Delhi kill more than 60.
  • 2008 Delta Air Lines merges with Northwest Airlines, creating the world’s largest airline and reducing the number of US legacy carriers to 5.

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A car thief who ran out of petrol in rush hour traffic was arrested after police helped him push the stolen vehicle to the side of the road reports The Moscow Times. Helpful officers in Moscow, Russia, were about to leave the scene and let Alexei Ashurin wait for breakdown services when they noticed the red 15 year old Volkswagen’s lock was broken and a screwdriver was sticking out of the ignition.

After checking the number plate, they discovered the vehicle had been stolen and that Ashurin was wanted for a string of other motoring thefts. He admitted to stealing the car and is now facing up to two years in prison if convicted.

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 An expectant mom let her 4-year-old place his hand on her belly and feel the baby kick.

He asked, “How does the baby get out of there?”

To keep it simple, she just said, “The doctor will help.”

His eyes widened: “You’ve got a doctor in there, too?!”

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ONE-LINERS: Oscar Wilde’s Wit

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

A poet can survive everything but a misprint.

A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.

A true friend stabs you in the front.

All art is quite useless.

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That’s his.

Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.

As yet, Bernard Shaw hasn’t become prominent enough to have any enemies, but none of his friends like him.

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them.

Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes. 

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pic of the day: Waterfalls

pic of waterfalls

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Q. How’s your job at the travel agency?
A. I’m going nowhere.

Q. How’s your job at the swivel chair company?
A. It makes my head spin!

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A woman walks into a butcher shop and asks the butcher how much a pound of tenderloin is.

“$12 per pound,” replies the butcher.

“Are you sure? That can’t be,” says the lady.

“Look, madam, it says right here on the card that it’s $12 per pound.”

“But that seems so high compared to other butchers in the area.”

“Lady, maybe they gave you the price for a poorer cut of beef.”

“No, the butcher across the street said it was $9 per pound,” she says.

“Well, then, why don’t you go buy it there?” asks the butcher.

“Because they are all out.”

“Well, when I’m all out, I sell it for $8 per pound,” retorts the butcher.

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A Woman’s husband dies. Her hubby had $320,000 in his cheque account. After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that there is no money left.

The friend says, “How can that be? You told me he had $320,000 a few days before he died. How could you be broke?”

The widow says, “Well, the funeral cost me $16,500. And of course, I had to make the obligatory donation for the church and the organist and all. That was $1,500 and I spent another $2.000 for the wake, food and drinks, you know. The rest went for the memorial stone.”

The friend says, “$300,000 for the memorial stone? My word!  How big is it?”

The widow says, “Three carats.”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: OATMEAL

~Oatmeal is a food made from oat groats and is often commonly associated with the breakfast cereal that is made from oatmeal and shares the same name.

~Products made from oatmeal are facial scrubs, facial masks, sunburn relief creams, relaxing bath additives that act in the same way as Calgon and many more.  Oatmeal is commonly made by grinding oat groats.

~The climate in Scotland makes oats the ideal grain for that country.  One of the most popular ways in Scotland to prepare oatmeal is to place the oatmeal in a large pan or bowl of salt water.

~Skirlie a traditional food served in Scotland is made with oatmeal.

~Europe is the leading producer of oats. Other top producers are Russia, Canada and the United States.

~Eighteenth century Samuel Johnson said of oatmeal… “…in England is generally given to horses… in Scotland supports the people.”

~Mayo Clinic places oatmeal in its top five foods that help lower cholesterol since oatmeal’s soluble fiber helps lower LDL (bad cholesterol).

~George Washington experimented with over 60 crops at Mount Vernon. One of them was oats.

~A recent study found that “… oatmeal eaters were perceived as being more physically attractive… intelligent… responsible…”

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QUIP OF THE DAY: The only way to truly destroy an enemy is to make him your friend.  – Gene Morra

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you. ~ Sri Ram