October 3, 2014

Every thought is a seed. If you plant crab apples, don’t count on harvesting Golden Delicious. – Bill Meyer

TODAY – OCTOBER 3rd – FRIDAY

276th day of 2014 with 89 to follow.

Holidays for Today:
*Techies Day
*National Caramel Custard Day
*National Soft Taco Day
*Virus Appreciation Day
*World Smile Day (first Friday of month)
*Computer Learning Month
*National Pickled Peppers Month
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1790 John Ross, Jumo, Alabama, Principal Chief of the Cherokee Nation
  • 1844 Sir Patrick Manson, Scottish physician, “Father of tropical medicine”
  • 1854 William Crawford Gorgas, Toulminville, Alabama, army physician, Surgeon-General (helped cure yellow fever)
  • 1900 Thomas Wolfe, Asheville, North Carolina, author (Look Homeward Angel, You Can’t Go Home Again)
  • 1916 James Herriot, English veterinarian and author (All Creatures Great & Small)
  • 1924 Harvey Kurtzman, Brooklyn, New York, cartoonist and founding editor of Mad magazine
  • 1925 Gore Vidal, West Point, New York, author (Myra Breckinridge, Julian, Burr, Lincoln)
  • 1935 Charles M. Duke Jr., Charlotte, North Carolina, Brig Gen USAF/astronaut (Apollo 16 – one of only 12 men who have walked on the moon)
  • 1938 Eddie Cochran, Albert Lea, Minnesota, American singer and guitarist (“C’mon Everybody”, “Somethin’ Else”)
  • 1941 Chubby Checker, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, singer / songwriter (The Twist)
  • 1948 Michael Medved, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, film critic/ radio talk show host/ author
  • 1950 Pamela Hensley, Glendale, California, actress (Princess Ardala / Buck Rogers in the 25th Century)
  • 1951 Kathryn D Sullivan, Paterson, New Jersey, PhD/astronaut (STS 41-G, 28, 31, 45), 1st American woman to walk in space
  • 1959 Jack Wagner, Washington, Missouri, actor and singer (General Hospital, The Bold and the Beautiful, and Melrose Place)
  • 1961 Rebecca Stephens, first British woman to reach the summit of Mount Everest
  • 1971 Kevin Richardson, Lexington, Kentucky, singer (Backstreet Boys)
  • 1976 Seann William Scott, Cottage Grove, Minnesota, actor (Final Destination, Road Trip, Dude, Where’s My Car?, Evolution, The Rundown, The Dukes of Hazzard, Role Models)
  • 1984 Ashlee Simpson-Wentz, Waco, Texas, singer (The Ashlee Simpson Show )
  • 1996 Adair Tishler, Nashville, Tennessee,actress (An American Girl: Chrissa Stands Strong)

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Change your thoughts and you change your world. – Norman Vincent Peale

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1778 British Captain James Cook anchors in Alaska.
  • 1789 George Washington proclaims the first Thanksgiving Day.
  • 1795 General Napoleon Bonaparte first rises to national prominence being named to defend the French National Convention against armed counter-revolutionary rioters threatening the three year old revolutionary government.
  • 1849 American author Edgar Allan Poe is found delirious in a gutter in Baltimore, Maryland under mysterious circumstances; it is the last time he is seen in public before his death.
  • 1863 The last Thursday in November is declared as Thanksgiving Day by President Abraham Lincoln as are Thursdays, November 30, 1865 and November 29, 1866.
  • 1873 Captain Jack and companions are hanged for their part in the Modoc War.
  • 1951 The “Shot Heard ‘Round the World”, one of the greatest moments in Major League Baseball history, occurs when the New York Giants’ Bobby Thomson hits a game winning home run in the bottom of the ninth inning off of the Brooklyn Dodgers pitcher Ralph Branca, to win the National League pennant after being down 14 games.
  • 1955 The Mickey Mouse Club debuts on ABC.
  • 1955 Captain Kangaroo” premieres, Good Morning, Captain!
  • 1961 The Dick Van Dyke Show premieres on CBS-TV in the United States.
  • 1962 Sigma 7 launched from Cape Canaveral, with Astronaut Wally Schirra aboard for a six-orbit, 9 hours, 15 minute flight.
  • 1964 First Buffalo Wings are made at the Anchor Bar in Buffalo, New York.
  • 1990 The German Democratic Republic ceases to exist, and East German citizens become part of the European Community, which later became the European Union. Now celebrated as German Unity Day.
  • 1995 O. J. Simpson is found not guilty of the murders of his ex-wife Nicole and her friend Ronald Goldman.
  • 2008 The Emergency Economic Stabilization Act of 2008 for the US financial system is signed by President Bush.

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Seven months pregnant, my hand on my aching back, I stood in line at the post office for what seemed an eternity.

“Honey,” said a woman behind me, “I had back pain during my pregnancy. I was bedridden for four months because my baby was sitting on a nerve.”

Then the man in front of me piped up….

“You’d better get used to it now. Once those kids get on your nerves, they can stay there till they’re 18.”

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My Grandfather was one of the wisest men I ever knew. I still remember his only advice to me concerning women.

“Ray,” he said, “Trust me on this one, even if you do eventually understand women, you’ll never believe it anyway.”

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The chef instructs his apprentice: “You take two thirds of water, one third of cream, one third of broth…”

The apprentice: “But that makes four thirds already!”

“Well – just take a larger pot!”
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ONE-LINERS: Dumb Guy Jokes

Q. How do men get exercise at the beach? A. By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

Q. What’s a man’s idea of helping with the housework? A. Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.

Q. Why are all dumb blond jokes one-liners? A. So men can understand them.

Q. How do women define a 50/50 relationship? A. We cook/they eat; We clean/they dirty; We iron/ they wrinkle.

Q. What is the difference between government bonds and men? A. Government bonds mature.

Q. How are men like noodles? A. They are always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.

Q. Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women? A. When it’s time to go back to his childhood, he’s already there.

Q. Why is it good that there are female astronauts? A. When the crew gets lost in space at least the women will ask for directions.

Q. What does a man consider to be a seven course meal? A. A hot dog and a six pack.

Q. What’s the best way to force a man to do sit ups? A. Put the remote control between his toes.

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One of the presidential candidates was visiting an elementary school, and the 4th grade class he sat through began a discussion related to words and their meanings.

The teacher asked the candidate if he would like to lead the class in a discussion of the word “tragedy.” So, the candidate asked the class for an example of a tragedy.

One boy stood up and said, “If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him over, that would be a tragedy.”

“No,” said the candidate, “that would be an accident.”

A girl raised her hand and said, “If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone on board, that would be a tragedy.”

“I’m afraid not,” the candidate said. “That’s what we would call a Great Loss.”

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. The candidate searched the room and asked, “Isn’t there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?”

Finally, way in the back of the room, Johnny raised his hand, and in a quiet voice, he said, “If your campaign plane, carrying yourself and your running mate, was struck by a missile and blown to smithereens, THAT would be a tragedy.”

“That’s right! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?” asked the candidate.

“Well,” Johnny said, “because it wouldn’t be an accident and it sure as the dickens wouldn’t be a Great Loss…”

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pic of the day:Wild Pink Morning Glory Blooms

pic of morning glory flowers
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Long ago there were two brothers Hing and Ming. One day their pet chicken fell ill, began to molt, and soon lost all of its feathers! The brothers decided to each spend two months trying to cure the chicken.

Hing immediately went back to the university. And, having boned up on ornithology and traditional Chinese medicine, he decided that the answer was a prescription of gum-tree leaf tea. He gathered bushels of the tea leaves, brewed gallons of the tea, and poured it into the chicken for the two months.

Meanwhile, Ming traveled all around China, praying at the shrines of his ancestors. One night he had a dream. His ancestors appeared and told him to feed the chicken tea made from gum-tree leaves! Ming, aware of his brother’s lack of success, decided that the problem was quantity. He gathered whole cartloads of leaves, and brewed barrels of the tea, and nearly drowned the poor chicken over another two month period.

At the end of that time, the dismal chicken was still as naked as a bowling ball.

Moral: All of Hing’s courses, and all of Ming’s kin; couldn’t make gum tea re-feather a hen!
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On their 40th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.

“Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?”

Tom responds, “Well, I’ve learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness –and a great many other qualities you wouldn’t have needed if you’d stayed single.”

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Late Night Quips . . .

#1. Harley-Davidson is recalling more than 100,000 motorcycles because of a problem with the clutch that could cause crashes. As opposed to that other thing that causes crashes: dads in a mid-life crisis who have no business riding a Harley. – Jimmy Fallon
#2. A mailman in New York City was arrested because they found 40,000 pieces of mail in his basement. The mailman said he didn’t deliver the mail because he was too lazy. He just didn’t have that special drive that it takes to be a mailman. – David Letterman

#3. “SpongeBob SquarePants” is the subject of government criticism in Kazakhstan. According to their education ministry, SpongeBob is “a self-absorbed bully who regularly inflicts violence on others and seems to enjoy it.” Well, of course SpongeBob is self-absorbed. He’s a sponge. – Jimmy Kimmel

#4. Olympic gold medalist Michael Phelps was arrested early this morning for drunk driving. Police say Phelps aggravated the situation when they tried to give him a breathalyzer and he held his breath for six minutes. – Seth Meyers
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A blonde says to a brunette, ”Excuse me, but each time I sip my coffee, my eye seems to hurt.”

The brunette says, ”Well maybe you should take the spoon out of the cup.”

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The teacher was asking here students “How many letters are in the alphabet?”.

A student said “18”.

The teacher said “Why 18?”

The student said “Because ET left in a UFO and was chased by the CIA”
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QUIP OF THE DAY: “My girlfriend is at that stage when her biological clock is telling her it’s time for her to be making me feel guilty and immature.” – Kevin Hench

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes. – William James

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