Jokes and Trivia for March 27, 2013

Do not be awe struck by other people and try to copy them. Nobody can be you as efficiently as you can. – Norman Vincent Peale

TODAY – MARCH 27th – WEDNESDAY

86th day of 2013 with 279 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National “Joe” Day

*National Spanish Paella Day

*World Theatre Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1813 Nathaniel Currier, Roxbury, Massachusetts, illustrator / lithographer (Currier & Ives)
  • 1845 Wilhelm Röntgen, German physicist (Nobel / produced & detected X-rays)
  • 1847 Otto Wallach, Königsberg, Prussia, German chemist, recipient of the 1910 Nobel prize in Chemistry for his work on alicyclic compounds
  • 1863 Sir Henry Royce, English automobile pioneer (co-founded Rolls-Royce company)
  • 1868 Patty Smith Hill, Anchorage, Kentucky, educator (co-wrote “Happy Birthday to You)
  • 1899 Gloria Swanson, Chicago, Illinois, actress (prominent during silent film era)
  • 1914 Richard Denning, Poughkeepsie, New York, actor (Creature from the Black Lagoon, An Affair to Remember, My Favorite Husband)
  • 1931 David Janssen, Naponee, Nebraska, actor (The Fugitive, Richard Diamond Private Detective, Harry O)
  • 1939 Cale Yarborough, Timmonsville, South Carolina, race car driver (former NASCAR driver; won 3 consecutive championships, 1st NASCAR driver to appear on cover of Sports Illustrated)
  • 1942 John E. Sulston, Britain, British chemist (Nobel / known for Caenorhabditis elegans, Apoptosis)
  • 1952 Dana Stabenow, Alaska, author (Second Star, A Cold Day for Murder)
  • 1967 Talisa Soto, Brooklyn, New York, actress (Licence to Kill, The Mambo Kings, Mortal Kombat)
  • 1969 Mariah Carey, Huntington, New York, pop singer
  • 1969 Kevin Corrigan, The Bronx, New York, actor (Goodfellas, American Gangster, The Next Three Days)
  • 1969 Pauley Perrette, New Orleans, Louisiana, actress, photographer, poet, writer (Abby Sciuto on NCIS, Murder One, Time of Your Life, A Moment of Grace)
  • 1970 Elizabeth Mitchell, Los Angeles, California, actress  (The Santa Clause 2, The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause)
  • 1975 Fergie, Hacienda Heights, California, pop singer (The Black Eyed Peas)
  • 1988 Brenda Song, Carmichael, California, actress (Fudge, 100 Deeds for Eddie McDowd )
  • 1995 Taylor Atelian, Santa Barbara, California, actress (According to Jim)

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You’ve got to continue to grow, or you’re just like last night’s cornbread — stale and dry. – Loretta Lynn

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1794 The United States Government establishes a permanent navy and authorizes the building of six frigates.
  • 1812 Hugh McGary Jr. established what is now Evansville, Indiana on a bend in the Ohio River.
  • 1814 War of 1812: In central Alabama, U.S. forces under General Andrew Jackson defeat the Creek at the Battle of Horseshoe Bend.
  • 1884 A mob in Cincinnati, Ohio, US, attacks members of a jury who had returned a verdict of manslaughter in a clear case of murder, and then over the next few days would riot and destroy the courthouse.
  • 1886 Famous Apache warrior, Geronimo, surrenders to the U.S. Army, ending the main phase of the Apache Wars.
  • 1915 Typhoid Mary, the first healthy carrier of disease ever identified in the United States, is put in quarantine, where she would remain for the rest of her life.
  • 1958 Nikita Khrushchev becomes Premier of the Soviet Union.
  • 1964 The Good Friday Earthquake, the most powerful earthquake in U.S. history at a magnitude of 9.2 strikes South Central Alaska, killing 125 people and inflicting massive damage to the city of Anchorage.
  • 1975 Construction of the Trans-Alaska Pipeline System begins.
  • 1977 Tenerife airport disaster: Two Boeing 747 airliners collide on a foggy runway on Tenerife in the Canary Islands, killing 583 (all 248 on KLM and 335 on Pan Am). 61 survived on the Pan Am flight. This is the worst aviation accident in history.
  • 1980 Silver Thursday: A steep fall in silver prices, resulting from the Hunt Brothers attempting to corner the market in silver, led to panic on commodity and futures exchanges.
  • 1981 The Solidarity movement in Poland stages a warning strike, in which at least 12 million Poles walk off their jobs for four hours.
  • 1990 The United States begins broadcasting TV Martí to Cuba in an effort to bridge the information blackout imposed by the Castro regime.
  • 1998 The Food and Drug Administration approves Viagra for use as a treatment for male impotence, the first pill to be approved for this condition in the United States.
  • 2000 A Phillips Petroleum plant explosion in Pasadena, Texas kills 1 and injures 71.
  • 2002 Passover Massacre: A Palestinian suicide bomber kills 29 people partaking of the Passover meal in Netanya, Israel.
  • 2004 HMS Scylla (F71), a decommissioned Leander class frigate, is sunk as an artificial reef off Cornwall, the first of its kind in Europe.
  • 2009 Situ Gintung, an artificial lake in Indonesia, fails, killing at least 99 people.
  • 2009 A suicide bomber kills at least 48 at a mosque in the Khyber Agency of Pakistan.

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The lil’ Columbia, Maryland Yuppette was shopping in an upscale pet center. “I want a dog of which I can be proud,” she told the salesman. “Does that one have a good pedigree?”

“Miss,” declared the clerk, “if she could speak, she wouldn’t talk to either one of us.”

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“Mommy! Mommy! Daddy took me to the zoo!”

“How nice! What did you see?”

“One of the animals came in and paid $62.40 across the board!”

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“Well, Mrs. O’Connor, so you want a divorce?” the solicitor questioned his client. “Tell me about it. Do you have a grudge?”

“Oh, no,” replied Mrs. O’Connor. “Sure now, we only have a carport.”

The solicitor tried again. “Well, does the man beat you up?”

“No, no,” said Mrs. O’Connor, looking puzzled. “I’m always first out of bed.”

Still hopeful, the solicitor tried once again. “Well, does he go in for unnatural connubial practices?”

“Sure now, he plays the flute, but I don’t think he knows anything about the connubial.”

Now desperate, the solicitor pushed on. “What I’m trying to find out are what grounds you have.”

“Bless you, sir. We live in a flat — not even a window box, let alone grounds.”

“Mrs. O’Connor,” the solicitor said in considerable exasperation, “you need a reason that the court can consider. What is the reason for you seeking this divorce?”

“Ah, well now,” said the lady, “Sure and it’s because the man can’t hold an intelligent conversation.”

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ONE-LINERS: Definitions

The Washington Post asked readers to take any word from the dictionary… alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter… and supply a new definition!

1) Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

2) Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

3) Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

4) Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

5) Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

6) Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

7) Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

8) Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

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pic of the day: Two Shetland Ewe Sheep

pic of two sheep

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

The farmer’s son married the neighboring farmer’s daughter. At the ceremony instead of lighting a unity candle, they each poured a little cream from their respective dairies into the same bowl.

They were cream mated.

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NASA was interviewing professionals they were thinking of sending to Mars. The touchy part was that only one guy could go and it would be a one-way trip, the guy not ever returning to Earth.

The interviewer asked the first applicant, an engineer, how much he wanted to be paid for going. “One million dollars,” the engineer answered. “And I want to donate it all to my alma mater–Rice University.”

The next applicant was a doctor, and the interviewer asked him the same question. “Two millions dollars,” the doctor said. “I want to give a million to my family and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.”

The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer’s ear, “Three million dollars.”

“Why so much more than the others?” the interviewer asked.

The lawyer replied, “You give me three million, I’ll give you one million, I’ll keep a million, and we’ll send the engineer.”

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A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies.

This was his first time approaching a field during the nighttime, and instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said, “Guess who?”

The controller switched the field lights off and replied, “Guess where!”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: PAELLA

~The Spanish rice dish ‘Paella’ takes its name from the pan it is cooked in, which in turn comes from the Latin word for ‘pan’ or ‘dish.’

~Paella is currently an internationally-known rice dish from Spain. It originated in the fields of a region called Valencia on the eastern coast of Spain.

~ Cooking tip : It is very important to thoroughly clean the pan immediately after each use. Then, before storing it, rub it with olive oil to prevent it from rusting.

~Varieties of paella :

  • Traditional Paella Valenciana- this recipe has rabbit, chicken and snails, as well as beans and artichokes.
  • Paella de Marisco or Seafood Paella because it contains a mix of fish, shrimp, clams and mussels. It is very popular with summer visitors to Spain.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Nothing endures but change. – Heraclitus

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

One of the main weaknesses of mankind is the average man’s familiarity with the word “impossible. – Napoleon Hill