Jokes and Trivia for May 1, 2013

Without some goal and some effort to reach it, no one can live. – Fyodor Dostoyevsky

TODAY – MAY 1st – WEDNESDAY

121st day of 2013 with 244 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*May Day – Ancient spring rites that related human fertility to crop fertility gave birth to most modern May Day festivities. The traditional day to crown the May queen, dance around the maypole, perform mummers’ plays, and generally celebrate the return of spring.  In Great Britain, the custom of “bringing in the May” involves gathering “knots,” or branches with buds, on the morning of May 1.  In North America, we often select forsythia, lilac, or pussy willow branches to bring spring and the prospect of new life into our homes. – (The Old Farmer’s Almanac)

*Loyalty Day

*Mother Goose Day

*Lei Day (in Hawaii)

*National Chocolate Parfait Day

*International Workers’ Day

*International Sunflower Guerrilla Gardening Day (guerilla gardeners plant on land they do not have legal right to use, often an abandoned site or area not cared for by anyone)

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1764 Benjamin Henry Latrobe, English born American architect (designed U.S. Capitol and Baltimore Basilica)
  • 1824 Alexander William Williamson, London, English chemist, best known today for the Williamson ether synthesis
  • 1825 George Inness, Newburgh, New York, painter (landscapes, helped define the Tonalist movement)
  • 1831 Emily Stowe, Canadian physician and suffragist (first female doctor to practice in Canada)
  • 1852 Calamity Jane, Princeton, Missouri, frontierswoman, professional scout, Wild West performer
  • 1852 Santiago Ramón y Cajal, Spanish neuroscientist (Nobel / father of modern neuroscience)
  • 1864 Anna Jarvis, Webster, West Virginia, founder of Mother’s Day
  • 1907 Kate Smith, Greenville, Virginia, singer (God Bless America)
  • 1910 Dr. J. Allen Hynek, Chicago, Illinois,  Astronomer/ astro-physicist (noted UFO investigator, scientific adviser to U.S. Air Force)
  • 1916 Glenn Ford, Canadian actor (Blackboard Jungle, 3:10 to Yuma, cimarron, The Teahouse of the August Moon, The Courtship of Eddie’s Father, The Sacketts, Cade’s County)
  • 1918 Jack Paar, Canton, Ohio, television host (The Tonight Show)
  • 1923 Joseph Heller, Brooklyn, New York, author (Catch-22, Picture This, Closing Time)
  • 1924 Art Fleming, NYC, New York, game show host (Jeopardy)
  • 1925 Scott Carpenter, Boulder, Colorado, engineer, test pilot, astronaut (one of the original 7 astronuats for NASA’a Project Mercury / Mercury-Atlas 7 mission)
  • 1935 Ann Robinson, Hollywood, California, actress (The War of the Worlds, Dragnet)
  • 1939 Judy Collins, Seattle, Washington, folk singer (Both Sides Now, Send in the Clowns)
  • 1950 John Diehl, Cincinnati, Ohio,  actor (Stripes )
  • 1954 Joel Rosenberg, Canadian American science fiction author (Guardians of the Flame series, Keepers of the Hidden Ways trilogy, Riftwar)
  • 1954 Ray Parker Jr., Detroit, Michigan,  singer and songwriter, is known for writing and performing the theme song to the motion picture Ghostbusters
  • 1956 Phil Foglio, Mount Vernon, New York, cartoonist and comic book artist (What’s New with Phil & Dixie, MythAdventures series)
  • 1966 Charlie Schlatter, Englewood, New Jersey, actor (Diagnosis: Murder, 18 Again!), voice actor (Metal Gear, Everquest II)
  • 1967 Tim McGraw, Delhi, Louisiana, musician (3rd best selling country singer; Live Like You Were Dying, Let It Go)
  • 1968 D’arcy Wretzky, South Haven, Michigan, musician (The Smashing Pumpkins)
  • 1972 Julie Benz, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania,  actress (A Gifted Man)
  • 1988 Nicholas Braun, Bethpage, New York, actor  (Sky High )
  • 1991 Creagen Dow, Sebring, Florida,  actor (Zoey 101)
  • 1997 Ariel Gade, San Jose, California,  actress (Envy)

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The test we must set for ourselves is not to march alone but to march in such a way that others wish to join us. – Hubert Humphrey

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1751 The first cricket match is played in America.
  • 1778 American Revolution: The Battle of Crooked Billet begins in Hatboro, Pennsylvania.
  • 1846 The few remaining Mormons left in Nauvoo, Illinois, formally dedicate the Nauvoo Temple.
  • 1869 The Folies Bergère opens in Paris.
  • 1884 Proclamation of the demand for eight-hour workday in the United States.
  • 1884 Moses Fleetwood Walker became the first black person to play in a professional baseball game in the United States.
  • 1893 The World’s Columbian Exposition opens in Chicago.
  • 1894 Coxey’s Army, the first significant American protest march, arrives in Washington, D.C.
  • 1900 The Scofield mine disaster kills over 200 men in Scofield, Utah in what is to date the fifth-worst mining accident in United States history.
  • 1901 The Pan-American Exposition opens in Buffalo, New York.
  • 1915 The RMS Lusitania departs from New York City on her two hundred and second, and final, crossing of the North Atlantic. Six days later, the ship is torpedoed off the coast of Ireland with the loss of 1,198 lives, including 128 Americans, rousing American sentiment against Germany.
  • 1970 Protests erupt in Seattle, Washington, following the announcement by U.S. President Richard Nixon that U.S. Forces in Vietnam would pursue enemy troops into Cambodia, a neutral country.
  • 2011 Pope John Paul II is beatified by his successor, Pope Benedict XVI.

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“Boss, I need to ask for tomorrow off. We’re doing some heavy house-cleaning at home and my wife wants me to help with the heavy lifting and hauling.”

“We’re short-handed. I wish I could, but I just can’t give you the time off.”

“Thank you, sir! I knew I could count on you!”

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“Where did you get that candy bar?”

“I bought it at the store with the dollar you gave me,”

“But that dollar was for Sunday School!”

“I know, Mom, but the Pastor met me at the door and got me in for free!”

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ONE-LINERS:  Groucho Marx Humor

I didn’t like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions. . . ­the curtain was up.

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.

Although it is generally known, I think it’s about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.

Look, if you don’t like my parties, you can leave in a huff. If that’s too soon, leave in a minute and a huff. If you can’t find that, you can leave in a taxi.

Last night I shot an elephant in my pyjamas and how he got in my pyjamas I’ll never know.

How do you feel about women’s rights? I like either side of them.

Politics doesn’t make strange bedfellows, marriage does.

From the moment I picked your book up until I put it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

I could dance with you till the cows come home, on second thought I’ll dance with the cows till you come home.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.  (Groucho should know, he was married three times)

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

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pic of the day: Doves and Squirrel

doves-and-squirrel

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Q: How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?
A: With it’s sparrowchute!

Q: What is green and pecks on trees?
A: Woody Wood Pickle!

Q: What happened when the owl lost his voice?
A: He didn’t give a hoot!
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“Remember me?” six-year-old Jack said as he jumped up on Santa’s lap.

“I think so,” said Santa. “But I see a lot of children, you know. Refresh my memory.”

“I’m Jack! I asked you for an electric train last year. Remember?”

“That’s right. Did you like it?”

“Yes. My dad likes it too.”

“I tell that to children who ask for trains. I always say, ‘If you get a train, your dad will want to play with it too.'”

“Mine sure does. All the time!”

“So what would you like for Christmas this year?”

“Another train.”

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A blonde and a brunette entered a chocolate store. When the shopkeeper wasn’t looking, the brunette stole three chocolate bars. As they left the store, the brunette said to the blonde, “Man, I’m the best thief! I stole three chocolate bars and no one saw me. You can’t beat that!”

The blonde replied, “You want to see something better? Let’s go back to the shop and I’ll show you real stealing.”

So they went to the counter and the blonde said to the shopkeeper, “Do you want to see magic?”

The shopkeeper replied, “Yes.”

“Give me one chocolate bar.”

The shopkeeper gave her one, and she ate it.

The blonde asked for a second bar, and she ate that as well. Then she asked for a third, and finished that one
too.

The shopkeeper asked “So where’s the magic?”

The blonde replied, “Check in my friend’s pocket, and you’ll find all three bars!”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: PARFAIT

~Parfait is a French word literally meaning “perfect” commonly employed to describe a kind of frozen dessert, beginning in 1894

~In France, parfait refers to a frozen dessert made from a base of sugar syrup, egg, and cream.

~In The United States, parfait refers to either the traditional French-style dessert or to a popular variant, the American parfait, made by layering parfait cream, ice cream, and/or flavored gelatins in a tall, clear glass, and topping the creation with whipped cream, fresh or canned fruit, and/or liqueurs.

~Parfaits may also be made by using yogurt layered with nuts or fresh fruits such as peaches, strawberries, or blueberries.

~Strangely enough, some parfaits are made of meat. A parfait recipe can also use a very smooth meat paste (or pâté), usually made from liver (chicken or duck).  However, when most people think of a parfait, they think of the dessert variety, and call the meat mixture a pate!

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Imagination is more important than knowledge. – Albert Einstein

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

If you wish to reach the highest, begin at the lowest. – Publilius Syrus