Jokes and Trivia for June 28, 2012

Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. – Will Rogers

TODAY – JUNE 28th – THURSDAY

180th day of 2012 with 186 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Paul Bunyan Day

* Insurance Awareness Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1577 Peter Paul Rubens, Flemish painter (Baroque style painting)
  • 1703 John Wesley, English founder of Methodism
  • 1873 Alexis Carrel, French surgeon and biologist (Nobel / Perfusion pump)
  • 1902 Richard Rodgers, NYC, New York, composer (Rodgers & Hammerstein)
  • 1906 Maria Goeppert Mayer, German/American, atomic physicist (Nobel 1963 / nuclear shell model)
  • 1926 Mel Brooks, Brooklyn, New York, comedian/actor/director (Blazing Saddles, Spaceballs, Robin Hood)
  • 1927 Frank Sherwood Rowland, Delaware, Ohio, chemist (Nobel / discovered chlorofluorocarbons contribute to ozone depletion)
  • 1931 Junior Johnson, Wilkes County, North Carolina, NASCAR (one of 50 greatest drivers, credited with discovery of drafting)
  • 1932 Pat Morita, Isletown, California, actor (M*A*S*H, Karate Kid)
  • 1941 Joseph Goguen, American computer scientist (OBJ family of programming languages. Standard implication in product fuzzy logic often called “Goguen implication”)
  • 1946 Gilda Radner, Detroit, Michigan, comedienne (SNL-Baba Wawa)
  • 1948 Kathy Bates, Memphis, Tennessee, actress (Misery, Fried Green Tomatoes, Dolores Claiborne)
  • 1954 Alice Krige, South Africa, actress (The Borg Queen, ST: FC, ST: VOY)
  • 1960 John Elway, Port Angeles, Washington, NFL Quarterback (Denver Broncos)
  • 1966 John Cusack, Evanston, Illinois, actor (Stand By Me, Sure Thing, Better Off Dead, Con Air)
  • 1966 Mary Stuart Masterson, NYC, New York, actress (Some Kind of Wonderful, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit as Dr. Rebecca Hendrix)
  • 1970 Steve Burton, Indianapolis, Indiana, actor (General Hospital, voice Cloud Strife/Final Fantasy & Kindom Hearts)
  • 1979 Felicia Day, Huntsville, Alabama, actress, writer, director, violinist, and singer (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Bring It On Again, June)
  • 1988 Lacey Schwimmer, Redlands, California, competitive ballroom dancer (4th place finalist of 3rd season of “So You Think You Can Dance”; on Dancing with the Stars – 7/ partnered with Lance Bass, 8/ Steve-O, 9/ Mark Dacascos, 11/ Kyle Massey, 12/ Mike Catherwood)

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Life is the continuous adjustment of internal relations to external relations. – Herbert Spencer

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1846 Adolphe Sax was awarded a patent for the saxophone. He had invented the instrument in the mid 1840′s by combining the clarinet’s single reed and mouthpiece with a widened oboe’s conical bore.
  • 1859 First conformation dog show is held in Newcastle-upon-Tyne, England.
  • 1894 Labor Day established as a federal employees holiday.
  • 1919 The Treaty of Versailles is signed in Paris, formally ending World War I between Britain, France, Italy, the United States and allies on the one side and Germany and Austria Hungary on the other side.
  • 1958 The Mackinac Bridge, the world’s longest suspension bridge was dedicated. It joins the upper and lower peninsulas of the state of Michigan.
  • 1965 First commerical telephone conversation over a satellite took place over Early Bird I between America and Europe.
  • 1969 Stonewall riots in New York city mark the beginning of the modern gay rights era.
  • 1975 Golfer Lee Trevino is struck by lightning at Western Open.
  • 1990 Paperback Software International Ltd. is found liable by a U.S. court for copyright violation for copying the appearance and menu system of Lotus 1-2-3 in its competing spreadsheet program.
  • 1992  At the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center Dr. John Fung with colleagues Drs. Andreas Tzakis and Satoru Todo performed the world’s baboon liver transplant.
  • 1997 Boxer Mike Tyson is disqualified from WBA title re-match, for biting off part of the ear of his opponent Evander Holyfield.

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By the time the sailor pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. “You’ve got to have a room somewhere,” he pleaded. “Or just a bed, I don’t care where.”

“Well, I do have a double room with one occupant – an Air Force guy,” admitted the manager, “and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I’m not sure it’d be worth it to you.”

“No problem,” the tired Navy man assured him. “I’ll take it.”

The next morning, the sailor came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy tailed. “How’d you sleep?” asked the manager.

“Never better!”

The manager was impressed. “No problem with the other guy snoring?”

“Nope. I shut him up in no time,” said the Navy guy.

“How’d you manage that?” asked the manager.

“He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room,” the sailor explained. “I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and said, ‘Good night, beautiful,’ and he sat up all night watching me.”

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ONE-LINERS: Bosses versus Workers

When I take a long time, I am slow.
When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough.

When I don’t do it, I am lazy.
When my boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy.

When I do it without being told, I’m trying to be smart.
When my boss does the same, that is initiative.

When I please my boss, that’s brown-nosing.
When my boss pleases his boss, that’s co-operating.

When I do good, my boss never remembers.
When I do wrong, he never forgets.

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pic of the day: Keeping watch

 

African Grey Parrot watching chicken babies

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Meredith!
Meredith who?
Meredith kind of Knock Knock jokes and I’m leaving!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Mickey!
Mickey who?
Mickey is lost so that’s why I’m knocking!

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A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, “Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them.”

A friend says, “OK, what’s the capital of Wisconsin?”

The blonde replies, “Oh, that’s easy: W.”

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Dave, our bus driver friend, tells the story of when he was driving a bus load pensioners to Brighton, on a day trip, when he was tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offered him a handful of peanuts, which he happily took and ate. After about 20 minutes, she tapped him on his shoulder again and she handed him another handful of peanuts. The old dear repeated this generous gesture several more times. When she is about to hand him another batch again he decided to ask the little old lady, “Why don’t you and your friends eat the peanuts yourself?”. 

“We can’t chew them because we’ve no teeth”, she answered. 

Dave was puzzled and enquired, “Then why on earth do you buy them?” 

“Oh, we just love the chocolate around them,” replied the old lady. 

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: PAUL BUNYAN

~Paul Bunyan was a gigantic lumberjack of American Folklore. He is best known for his logging feats.

Paul Bunyan is “credited” with many deeds. Among his more legendary feats:

  • He created logging in the U.S.
  • He scooped out the great lakes to water Babe, his ox.
  • He cleared the entire states of North and South Dakota for farming.
  • He trained ants to do logging work. They were, of course, Carpenter Ants.
  • Babe’s large footprints created Minnesota’s 10,000 lakes.

~French Canadians were believed to have originated Paul Bunyan during the Papineau rebellion of 1837.

~ Paul Bunyan quickly became a huge American legend. Many of the tales of Paul Bunyan originated in lumberjack industry and logging communities.

~Bunyan is featured in the 1958 Disney animated short Paul Bunyan. Paul (voiced by the late Thurl Ravenscroft) is described as being “63 ax handles high”. As the average ax handle is about eighteen inches long (45.72cm), that would make Paul about 94.5 feet (about 29 meters).

~He is mentioned in The Magnetic Fields song “Grand Canyon” from their album 69 Love Songs.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

Winning is a habit. Unfortunately, so is losing. – Vince Lombardi