Jokes and Trivia for April 2, 2013

The trouble with life isn’t that there is no answer, it’s that there are so many answers. – Ruth Fulton Benedict

TODAY – APRIL 2nd – TUESDAY

92nd day of 2013 with 273 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*International Children’s Book Day

*National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day

*Reconciliation Day (In Africa, it’s Dec. 16)

*Read a Road Map Week

*International Guitar Month

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1618 Francesco Maria Grimaldi, Bologna, Italian mathematician and physicist (known for free fall, diffraction)
  • 1725 Giacomo Casanova, Italian adventurer and writer (also a famous womanizer)
  • 1805 Hans Christian Andersen, Danish writer (The Little Mermaid, Thumbelina, The Ugly Duckling)
  • 1814 Erastus Brigham Bigelow, West Boylston, Massachusetts,  inventor (weaving machines)
  • 1875 Walter Chrysler, Wamego, Kansas, automobile pioneer (founder of Chrysler Corporation)
  • 1908 Buddy Ebsen, Belleville, Illinois, actor and dancer (Jed Clampett / Beverly Hillbillies, Barnaby Jones, Davy Crockett, Tin Man / Wizard of Oz)
  • 1914 Sir Alec Guinness, English actor (The Bridge on the River Kwai, Obi-Wan Kenobi in Star Wars IV: A New Hope)
  • 1920 Jack Webb, Santa Monica, California, actor, director, and producer (Sergeant Joe Friday / Dragnet)
  • 1934 Paul Joseph Cohen, Long Branch, New Jersey, mathematician (proof of the independence of the continuum hypothesis and the axiom of choice from Zermelo–Fraenkel set theory)
  • 1945 Linda Hunt, Morristown, New Jersey,  actress (The Year of Living Dangerously, Dune, Silverado, Kindergarten Cop, Pocahontas, The Relic, Dragonfly,Stranger Than Fiction, NCIS: Los Angeles)
  • 1947 Sam Anderson, Clark, South Dakota, actor (Perfect Strangers)
  • 1947 Emmylou Harris, Birmingham, Alabama, singer
  • 1948 Joan D. Vinge, Baltimore, Maryland, author (The Snow Queen, Heaven’s Chronicles series, Catspaw)
  • 1949 Pamela Reed, Tacoma, Washington,actress (The Simpsons, Kindergarten Cop, Jericho, Parks and Recreation)
  • 1961 Christopher Meloni, Washington, D.C.,  actor (Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, Oz)
  • 1967 Greg Camp, West Covina, California, musician (Smash Mouth)
  • 1975 Adam Rodriguez, Yonkers, New York, actor (Eric Delko / CSI: Miami, Roswell, The Dark Knight Rises)
  • 1979 Jesse Carmichael, Boulder, Colorado,  musician (Maroon 5)
  • 1990 Amy Castle, Woodland Hills, California,  actress (Passions )
  • 1993 Aaron Kelly, Davenport, Florida,  singer

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Our duty is to be useful, not according to our desires but according to our powers. – Henri-Frederic Amiel

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1513 Spanish explorer Juan Ponce de León first sights land in what is now Florida.
  • 1792 The Coinage Act is passed establishing the United States Mint.
  • 1860 The first successful United States Pony Express run from Saint Joseph, Missouri to Sacramento, California begins.
  • 1900 The Congress passes the Foraker Act, giving Puerto Rico limited self-rule.
  • 1902 “Electric Theatre”, the first full-time movie theater in the United States, opens in Los Angeles, California.
  • 1917 World War I: President Woodrow Wilson asks the U.S. Congress for a declaration of war on Germany.
  • 1956 As the World Turns and The Edge of Night premiere on CBS-TV. The two soaps become the first daytime dramas to debut in the 30-minute format.
  • 1975 Construction of the CN Tower is completed in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. It reaches 553.33 metres (1,815.4 ft) in height, becoming the world’s tallest free-standing structure.
  • 2004 Islamic terrorists involved in the 11 March 2004 Madrid attacks are trapped by the police in their apartment and kill themselves.
  • 2006 Over 60 tornadoes break out in the United States; hardest hit is in Tennessee with 29 people killed.

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A tailor’s shop was next door to a very upscale French restaurant. Every day at lunch time, the tailor sat out behind his shop and ate his black bread and herring while smelling the wonderful odors coming from the restaurant’s kitchen.

One day the tailor was surprised to receive an invoice from the restaurant for “enjoyment of food.” So he went to the restaurant to point out that he had not bought anything from them.

The manager said, “Every day you sit outside our kitchen and smell our food while eating.  We are providing added value to your lunch, and we deserve to be paid for it.”

The tailor stuck his hand in his pocket and rattled the few coins he had inside.

The manager asked him, “What is the meaning of that?”

The tailor replied, “I’m paying for the smell of your food with the sound of my money.”

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Kathy’s 5-year-old developed a strong interest in spelling once she learned to spell STOP. After that, she tried to figure out her own words. From the back seat of the car she’d ask, “Mom, what does FGRPL spell?”

“Nothing,” Kathy said.

Sitting at breakfast she’d suddenly ask, “Mom, what does DOEB spell?”

“Nothing,” Kathy answered.

This went on for several weeks. Then one afternoon as they sat coloring in her room she asked, “Mom, what does LMDZ spell?”

Kathy smiled at her and said, “Nothing, sweetheart.”

The 5-year-old carefully set down her crayon, sighed and said, “Boy, there sure are a lot of ways to spell Nothing!”

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ONE-LINERS: Bathroom Philosophers

~Some ordinary folks become great philosophers when they are sitting alone in the bathroom stalls of the world contemplating life’s problems. Here are a few gems.

~Make love, not war. Heck, do both, get married! – Women’s restroom. Bozeman, Montana

~I’ve decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standards. – Houghton Library, Harvard University. Cambridge, Massachusetts.

~It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere. – Written on the back of a bus. Wickenburg, Arizona.

~If voting could really change things, it would be illegal. – Revolution Books. New York, New York.

~If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? Congress! – Men’s restroom, House of Representatives. Washington, D.C.

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pic of the day:

Boy-Read-BBath

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

We had a bunch of unusually violent polar bears in our part of Alaska, and we needed a way to protect ourselves from them on the way to the monthly Point Barrow market. It was a great market, but often turned into a disaster when the customers stayed home out of fear.

Finally, we hit upon a plan: We simply purchased series E savings bonds and used them to line a path to and from the market. Then we bought more and placed them around the market itself. It took a lot of bonds, but it was worth it.

After all, everyone knows that bonds are the best hedge against a bear market.

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Written on a ladies room wall: “My husband follows me everywhere.”

Just below it: “I do not.”

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Things to Think On:

~ Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.
~ Nothing makes a person more productive than the last minute.
~ On the Internet you can choose to be anything you want. It’s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.
~ Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the main reason I have trust issues.
~ Reality is for people who can’t handle science fiction.
~ Success is 1% inspiration, 98% perspiration, and 2% attention to detail.
~ To keep a true perspective of one’s importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that ignores him.

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“My brakes went out. Can you come and get me?”

“Where are you?”

“I’m in the drug store.”

“And where’s the car?”

“It’s in here with me.”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: PEANUT BUTTER

~You are not human if you have not tried Skippy® peanut butter. This one of America’s favorite brands was first sold on February 1, 1933.

~Georgia is the #1 peanut producing state, but did you know that Texas is #2.

~ September, October and November – this is the harvest month of peanuts

~It takes 772 peanuts to make a 16.3 oz jar of peanut butter!

~The average American child will eat 1,500 peanut butter sandwiches by the time he or she graduates from high school.

~Nobody consumes as much peanut butter as Americans; however, it is popular in Canada, Holland, England, Germany and Saudi Arabia.

~Dr. George Washington Carver is referred to as the “peanut wizard” and father of the peanut industry. He did not invent peanut butter though.

~Two peanut farmers have been elected president of the United States: Thomas Jefferson and Jimmy Carter.

~Baseball Hall of Famer Catfish Hunter is also a peanut farmer.

~November is Peanut Butter Lover’s Month; March is National Peanut Month

~FACT: Although peanut butter is considered to be a kids’ food, adults actually eat more peanut butter than kids each year.

~And there’s a term for those who doesn’t love peanut butter.”Arachibutyrophobia” (pronounced I-RA-KID-BU-TI-RO-PHO-BI-A) is the fear of peanut butter getting stuck to the roof of your mouth.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: If you can’t convince them, confuse them. – Harry S Truman

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are. – John Wooden