Jokes and Trivia for January 24, 2013

In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. – Albert Einstein

TODAY – JANUARY 24th – THURSDAY

24th day of 2013 with 341 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Beer Can Appreciation Day

*Compliment Day

*National Peanut Butter Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1709 Dom Bédos de Celles, French Benedictine monk best known for being a master pipe organ builder
  • 1754 Andrew Ellicott, Bucks county, Pennsylvania, surveyor (helped map territories west of the Appalachians, surveyed District of Columbia, taught Meriwether Lewis surveying)
  • 1862 Edith Wharton, New York City, NY, author (The House of Mirth, The Reef, The Age of Innocence, The Buccaneers, In Morocco, A Backward Glance)
  • 1888 Ernst Heinrich Heinkel, German inventor & aircraft designer (1st rocket-powered aircraft)
  • 1900 Theodosius Dobzhansky, Ukrainian-born American geneticist and biologist (the unifying modern evolutionary synthesis)
  • 1917 Ernest Borgnine, Hamden, Connecticut, actor (Ice Station Zebra, McHale’s Navy)
  • 1920 Jerry Maren, Boston, Massachusetts, actor (Munchkin in The Wizard of Oz )
  • 1939 Ray Stevens, Clarkdale, Georgia, musician, become known for his novelty songs
  • 1941 Neil Diamond, Brooklyn, New York, singer
  • 1949 John Belushi, Chicago, Illinois, comedian/actor (SNL, Blues Brothers)
  • 1961 Vince Russo,  New York City, New York, writer (known for his work in the professional wrestling industry)
  • 1967 Mark Kozelek, Massillon, Ohio, singer/songwriter (Red House Painters, Sun Kil Moon)
  • 1967 Phil LaMarr, Los Angeles, California, comedian, and voice actor ( MADtv)
  • 1967 John Myung, Chicago, Illinois, musician (Dream Theater)
  • 1968 Mary Lou Retton, Fairmont, West Virginia, gymnast (Olympics-gold/2 silver/2 bronze-84)
  • 1989 Calvin Goldspink, English singer/actor (S Club , (S Club Juniors), (I Dream)

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Our lives improve only when we take chances… and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves. – Walter Anderson

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1776 Henry Knox arrives at Cambridge, Massachusetts with the artillery that he has transported from Fort Ticonderoga.
  • 1826 Mississippi College is founded in Clinton, becoming the first college in the state of Mississippi.
  • 1848 California Gold Rush: James W. Marshall finds gold at Sutter’s Mill near Sacramento.
  • 1857 The University of Calcutta is formally founded as the first full-fledged university in south Asia.
  • 1916 In Brushaber v. Union Pacific Railroad, the Supreme Court of the United States declares the federal income tax constitutional.
  • 1924 Russian city of St Petersburg renamed Leningrad.
  • 1935 The first cans of beer are sold in the US  (Krueger’s Finest Beer and Krueger’s Cream Ale).
  • 1952 Vincent Massey is sworn in as the first Canadian-born Governor-General of Canada.
  • 1961 1961 Goldsboro B-52 crash: A bomber carrying two H-bombs breaks up in mid-air over North Carolina. The uranium core of one weapon remains lost.
  • 1966 An Air India Boeing 707 jet crashes on Mont Blanc, on the border between France and Italy, killing 117.
  • 1972 Japanese Sgt. Shoichi Yokoi is found hiding in a Guam jungle, where he had been since the end of World War II.
  • 1977 Massacre of Atocha in Madrid, during the Spanish transition to democracy.
  • 1978 Soviet satellite Cosmos 954, with a nuclear reactor onboard, burns up in Earth’s atmosphere, scattering radioactive debris over Canada’s Northwest Territories. Only 1% is recovered.
  • 1984 The first Apple Macintosh goes on sale.
  • 1986 Voyager 2 passes within 81,500 km (50,680 miles) of Uranus.
  • 1993 Turkish journalist and writer Uğur Mumcu is assassinated by a car bomb in Ankara.
  • 1996 Polish Premier Jozef Oleksy resigns amid charges that he spied for Moscow.
  • 2003 The United States Department of Homeland Security officially begins operation.

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A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.

The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.

“I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.

“The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $1.37.”

“And that’s how you built an empire?” the boy asked.

“Heavens, no!” the man replied. “Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”

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An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his IRS agent and his Lawyer (both church members), to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom.

As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling.

For a time, no one said anything. Both the IRS agent and Lawyer were touched and flattered that the old preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moment.

They were also puzzled because the preacher had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them.

Finally, the Lawyer asked, “Preacher, why did you ask the two of us to come?”

The old preacher mustered up some strength, then said weakly, “Jesus died between two thieves, and that’s how I want to go, too.

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ONE-LINERS: Funny Bumper Stickers

“Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all it’s students!”

“According to my calculations the problem doesn’t exist.”

“Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.”

“How Can I Miss You if You Won’t Go Away?”

Seen on a woman’s car: “Men call us birds, we pick up worms”

“Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.”

“Give me ambiguity or give me something else.”

“Why is ‘abbreviation’ such a long word?”

“I like you, but I wouldn’t want to see you working with sub-atomic particles.”

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pic of the day: Fiddle Lessons

 Fiddlers

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married?
A. Ruthless

Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?
A. German Shepherds.

Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

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My young grandson called the other day to wish me happy birthday.

He asked me how old I was, and I told him 62.  

My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, “Did you start at 1??”

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One Wednesday Martin demanded of his boss, “I must have a pay rise. You should realise there are three other companies after me.”

“Really?” replied Martin’s boss, “And who might these companies be?”

“Southern Electricity, British Gas and British Telecom,” answered Martin.

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A husband asks his wife, “If I should die first would you marry again?”

“I would be heart-broken, of course,” was her reply, “but I think eventually I would remarry.”

“But you wouldn’t bring him here to our house?”

“Why not? I’ve worked and slaved to make this house a home. There is no reason to abandon it.”

“But you wouldn’t sleep in our bed?”

“Well, I wouldn’t run out and buy a new bed right away.”

“Surely, you wouldn’t let him use my golf clubs?”

“Of course not! He’s lefthanded!”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: This is to those who are PEANUT BUTTER LOVERS

~ Americans eat about 700 million pounds of peanut butter each year!

~Women and children prefer creamy, while most men opt for chunky.

~In 1933, a California packer was able to homogenize the peanuts into a stable butter called “Skippy Churned Peanut Butter”.

~People who become hysterical when peanut butter sticks to the roof of their mouth have ‘arachibutyrophobia’. Now you know!

~It takes about 550 peanuts to make a 12 ounce jar of creamy peanut butter.

~Creamy peanut butter is preferred on the East Coast, Chunky on the West Coast.

~The Jif plant in Lexington, Kentucky is reportedly the largest peanut butter factory in the world.

~Two presidents of the USA, Thomas Jefferson and Jimmy Carter, were peanut farmers.

~The reason peanut a butter stick to your mouth is that its high protein content absorbs moisture.

~Although Dr. George Washington Carver is generally believed to be the father of peanut butter, he didn’t invent it!  It was developed in 1890 by a St. Louis doctor for his patients with bad teeth.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: People living deeply have no fear of death – Anais Nin

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.~ Eleanor Roosevelt