Jokes and Trivia for March 15, 2013

A happy life consists in tranquility of mind. – Marcus Tullius Cicero

TODAY – MARCH 15th – FRIDAY

74th day of 2013 with 291 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Everything You Think is Wrong Day

*Ides of March

*Incredible Kid Day

*Dumbstruck Day

*National Pears Helene Day (with Chocolate Sauce & Brandy)

*World Consumer Rights Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1767 Andrew Jackson, SC, General/(D) 7th President (1829-37)
  • 1821 Johann Josef Loschmidt, Karlovy Vary, Czech Republic), Austrian scientist , known for Loschmidt constant, Loschmidt’s paradox
  • 1854 Emil Adolf von Behring, Hansdorf, German physician, known for Diphtheria vaccine
  • 1927 Carl Smith, Maynardville, Tennessee,  singer , Known as “Mister Country”
  • 1932 Alan Lavern Bean, Wheeler, Texas, Captain USN/astronaut (Apollo 12, Skylab 3)
  • 1935 Judd Hirsch, Bronx, New York, actor (Alex-Taxi, Dear John, Ordinary People, Alan Eppes- Numb3rs)
  • 1940 Phil Lesh, Berkeley, California, musician (Grateful Dead)
  • 1941 Mike Love, Los Angeles, California, musician (The Beach Boys)
  • 1960 Chris Sanders, Colorado, animator and director (directing the highly acclaimed animated feature film, How to Train Your Dragon, The Croods )
  • 1961 Fabio [Lanzoni], Italy, romance novels model (Fabio After Dark)
  • 1963 Bret Michaels, Butler, Pennsylvania, musician (Poison)
  • 1968 Mark McGrath, Hartford, Connecticut, musician (Sugar Ray)
  • 1975 Eva Longoria, Corpus Christi, Texas, actress (Desperate Housewives)
  • 1977 Joe Hahn, Dallas, Texas, musician (Linkin Park)
  • 1989 Caitlin Wachs, Eugene, Oregon, actress (ProfilerCommander in Chief )
  • 2005 Ellie Boggs, Irving, Texas, our own Incredible Kid (now residing in Canada)

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Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. – Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1493 Christopher Columbus returns to Spain after his first trip to the Americas.
  • 1514 Jodocus Badius Ascensius publishes Christiern Pedersen’s Latin version of Saxo’s Gesta Danorum, the oldest known version of that work.
  • 1545 First meeting of the Council of Trent.
  • 1564 Mughal Emperor Akbar abolishes jizya (per capita tax) .
  • 1776 South Carolina becomes the first American colony to declare its independence from Great Britain and set up its own government.
  • 1781 American Revolutionary War: Battle of Guilford Courthouse – Near present-day Greensboro, North Carolina, 1,900 British troops under General Charles Cornwallis defeat an American force numbering 4,400.
  • 1783 In an emotional speech in Newburgh, New York, George Washington asks his officers not to support the Newburgh Conspiracy. The plea is successful and the threatened coup d’état never takes place.
  • 1820 Maine becomes the 23rd U.S. state.
  • 1916 President Woodrow Wilson sends 12,000 United States troops over the U.S.-Mexico border to pursue Pancho Villa.
  • 1965 President Lyndon B. Johnson, responding to the Selma crisis, tells U.S. Congress “We shall overcome” while advocating the Voting Rights Act.
  • 1985 The first Internet domain name is registered (symbolics.com).
  • 1989 The United States Department of Veterans Affairs is established.
  • 1990 Iraq hangs British journalist Farzad Bazoft for spying.
  • 1990 Mikhail Gorbachev is elected as the first executive president of the Soviet Union.

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One of the British national daily newspapers has been asking for comments about: “what it means to be British”. Here is a comment from a chap in Switzerland who lived in Britain for 12 years.

“Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV; and the most British thing of all? Suspicion of anything foreign.”

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US President Woodrow Wilson’s father was a minister. Rather tall and thin, Wilson Sr. made quite a contrast to his horse, which was well-built.

One day with horse and buggy and young Woodrow along, the minister was asked by a parishioner, “Reverend, how is it that you’re so thin and gaunt while your horse is so big and sleek?”

Before he could reply, young Woodrow exclaimed, “Probably because my father feeds the horse and the congregation feeds my father!”

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ONE-LINERS: Thoughts on Aging

Today you are the oldest you’ve ever been and the youngest you’ll ever be.

Your Kids may be becoming you, but your grandchildren are Perfect!

Going Out is good, but coming home is better!

You Forget names, but it’s OK because other people forgot they even knew you.

You realize you’re never going to be really good at anything. Especially Golf.

The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you really do care that you don’t care to do them any more.

You sleep better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than in bed. It’s Called “pre-sleep”.

You miss the days when everything worked with just an “ON” and “OFF” Switch.

You tend to use more 4 letter words, like “What?” and “When?”.

Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, it’s not safe to wear it anywhere.

Why does everything they sell in stores have to be “sleeveless”?!?

What used to be freckles are now liver spots.

Everybody Whispers.

You have three sizes of clothes in your closet, two of which you will never wear again.

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pic of the day: One Incredible Kid!

picture of girl and llama

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Two police officers respond to a crime scene behind a grocery store. The homicide detective is already there.

“What happened?” asks the first officer.

“Male, about twenty-five, covered in Raisin Bran and dead as a doornail.”

“Good grief,” says the second officer. “Didn’t we have one covered in Frosted Flakes yesterday? And Captain Crunch last week?”

“You’re right. I’m afraid,” said the detective as he took a drag from his cigar, “this is the work of a cereal killer.”

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Jack, a very young lad aged 4 years, says to his father, ‘Daddy, Daddy, I want to get married.’

His father explains, ‘For that Jack, you have to have a boy and a girl.’

So Jack answers, ‘I’ve already found a girl.’

‘Who?’ splutters his Dad.

‘Grandma,’ continues Jack happily.

‘Now, let me get this straight,’ his father says. ‘You want to marry my mother? …………….. You can’t do that.’

‘I don’t see why not?’ Jack responds, ‘You married mine!’

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I answered my door the other day to find a plumber standing there. “I’m here to fix the leaky pipe.”

“I didn’t call a plumber.”

“What?!? Aren’t you Mr. Snyder?”

“The Snyders moved out of this house over a year ago.”

“How do you like that?!? They call you up and tell you it’s an emergency and then they move away!”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: PEARS

~Pears are the 3rd most important fruit crop after apples and peaches in the USA.

~The following countries produce pears — U K, the USA, Canada, North African countries, Japan, China, New Zealand, Australia, Chile, Argentina and Greece.

~The pear was considered God’s gift to humanity by the Greek poet Homer

~The “golden century” of the pear was the 18th century in France and Belgium where horticultures and scientists studied the fruit, classified it, and developed new hybrids.

~The fruit can be stored for months at O C (32F).

~Cheese and pear are created for each other. Roquefort or Gloucester and pear is an excellent combination.

~Pear Helene, vanilla ice cream on a poached pear covered with chocolate sauce is a dessert for gourmet everywhere.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Don’t argue about the difficulties. The difficulties will argue for themselves. – Winston Churchill

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

Imagine every day to be the last of a life surrounded with hopes, cares, anger and fear. The hours that come unexpectedly will be much the more grateful. – Horace