Jokes and Trivia for April 25, 2013

Use what talents you possess, the woods will be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best. – Henry van Dyke

TODAY – APRIL 25th – THURSDAY

115th day of 2013 with 250 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*East meets West Day

*World Penguin Day

*National Zucchini Bread Day

*DNA Day

* Malaria Awareness Day

* Red Hat Society Day

*Take Our Daughters & Sons To Work Day 2013

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1599 Oliver Cromwell, Puritan lord protector of England (1653-58)
  • 1769 Marc Isambard Brunel, France, engineer/inventor (Thames Tunnel, tunneling shield)
  • 1825 Charles Ferdinand Dowd, American educator, proposed standardized time zones
  • 1874 Guglielmo Marconi, Palazzo Marescalchi, Bologna,  inventor, recipient of the Nobel Prize in Physics, known for his development of Marconi’s law and a radio telegraph system, which served as the foundation for the establishment of numerous affiliated companies worldwide
  • 1900 Wolfgang Ernst Pauli, Vienna, Austria-Hungary, physicist, Nobel Prize laureate, for his “decisive contribution through his discovery of a new law of Nature, the exclusion principle or Pauli principle,” involving spin theory, underpinning the structure of matter and the whole of chemistry.
  • 1908 Edward R Murrow, Pole Creek, North Carolina, broadcast journalist (Person to Person)
  • 1918 Ella Fitzgerald, Newport News, Virginia, jazz singer (‘The First Lady of Song’, Is it live or Memorex, A-Tisket A-Tasket)
  • 1931 Felix Berezin, Russia, mathematician , known for his contributions to the theory of super-symmetry and super-manifolds as well as to the path integral formulation of quantum field theory.
  • 1940 Al Pacino, New York City, New York, actor / director (And Justice For All, Godfather, Scorpio, You Don’t Know Jack, Ocean’s Thirteen, Angels in America, Dick Tracy, Scarface)
  • 1946 Talia Shire, Lake Success, New York,  actress (Rocky series, The Godfather films )
  • 1947 Jeffrey DeMunn, Buffalo, New York, actor (The Green Mile, The Shawshank Redemption, The Majestic and The Mist )
  • 1950 Peter Jurasik, Queens, New York,  actor (Babylon 5, Hill Street Blues and Beverly Hills Buntz )
  • 1965 Eric Avery, Los Angeles, California, musician (Jane’s Addiction, Deconstruction, Polar Bear)
  • 1969 Renée Zellweger, Katy, Texas, actress (Jerry Maguire, Bridget Jones’s Diary,  Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason, Chicago, Cold Mountain)
  • 1970 Jason M. Lee, Orange, California, actor (My Name is Earl, Mallrats, The Incredibles, Chasing Amy, Alvin an the Chipmunks – voice of Dave Seville)
  • 1970 Jason Wiles, Kansas City, Missouri, actor (Third Watch )
  • 1977 Marguerite Moreau, Riverside, California, actress (Blossom, The Mighty Ducks)
  • 1996 Allisyn Ashley Arm, Glendale, California,  child actress (Sonny with a Chance )

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

When fate hands you a lemon, make lemonade. – Dale Carnegie

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1719 Robinson Crusoe by Daniel Defoe is published.
  • 1792 Highwayman Nicolas J. Pelletier becomes the first person executed by guillotine.
  • 1846 Thornton Affair: Open conflict begins over the disputed border of Texas, triggering the Mexican-American War.
  • 1861 American Civil War: The Union Army arrives in Washington, D.C.
  • 1862 American Civil War: Forces under Union Admiral David Farragut capture the Confederate city of New Orleans, Louisiana.
  • 1898 Spanish-American War: The United States declares war on Spain.
  • 1901 New York becomes the first U.S. state to require automobile license plates.
  • 1938 U.S. Supreme Court delivers opinion in Erie Railroad Co. v. Tompkins and overturns a century of federal common law.
  • 1939 DC Comics publishes its second major superhero in Detective Comics #27;Batman, one of the most popular comic book superheroes of all time.
  • 1943 The Demyansk Shield for German troops in commemoration of Demyansk Pocket is instituted.
  • 1944 The United Negro College Fund is incorporated.
  • 1945 Elbe Day: United States and Soviet troops meet in Torgau along the River Elbe, cutting  the Wehrmacht of Nazi Germany in two.
  • 1945 Fifty nations gather in San Francisco, California to begin the United Nations Conference on International Organizations.
  • 1953 Francis Crick and James D. Watson publish paper describing the double helix structure of DNA.
  • 1954 Bell labs announces first solar battery (New York, NY).
  • 1959 St Lawrence Seaway linking Atlantic, Great Lakes opens to shipping.
  • 1960 USS Triton is first submarine to complete submerged circumnavigation of Earth.
  • 1961 Robert Noyce patents integrated circuit.
  • 1965 Teenage sniper Michael Andrew Clark kills three and wounds six others shooting from a hilltop along Highway 101 just south of Santa Maria, California.
  • 1972 Vietnam War: Nguyen Hue Offensive – The North Vietnamese 320th Division forces 5,000 South Vietnamese troops to retreat and traps about 2,500 others northwest of Kontum.
  • 1983 Pioneer 10 crossed the orbit of Pluto, the outermost planet, to continue its voyage into the universe beyond our solar system
  • 1983 American schoolgirl Samantha Smith is invited to visit the Soviet Union by its leader Yuri Andropov after he read her letter in which she expressed fears about nuclear war.
  • 1986 Mswati III is crowned King of Swaziland, succeeding his father Sobhuza II.
  • 1988 In Israel, John Demjanuk is sentenced to death for war crimes committed in World War II.
  • 1990 Hubble space telescope is placed into orbit by shuttle Discovery.
  • 2007 Boris Yeltsin’s funeral: first to be sanctioned by the Russian Orthodox Church for a head of state since the funeral of Emperor Alexander III in 1894.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

When we put our house up for sale, I stressed emphatically that my sons make their beds each morning. I left for work before they left for school, and I wanted to be sure that the house looked presentable when the agent showed it to prospective buyers.

I was surprised and impressed that my 15-year-old son’s bed was perfectly made each day. One night when I went into his room, I discovered his secret.

He was fast asleep on the floor in his sleeping bag.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

A teenage girl shopped at the mall and stopped at the perfume counter.

She sees, “My Sin”, “Desire”, and “Ecstasy”.

She says to the salesperson, “I don’t want to get emotionally involved…I just want to smell nice.”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

ONE-LINERS: A Cowboy’s Guide to Life

1. Don’t squat with your spurs on.

2. Don’t interfere with something that ain’t bothering you none.

3. If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.

4. Always drink upstream from the herd.

5. Telling a man to git and making him do it are two entirely different propositions.

6. When you give a personal lesson in meanness to a critter or to a person don’t be surprised if they learn their lesson.

7. If you’re riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still back there.

8. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.

9. If you get to thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around.

10. And never, ever, miss a good opportunity to shut up.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

pic of the day: Shetland Ewe Sheep Amidst Yellow Flowers

picture of sheep

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

A guy was driving on the highway when a box dropped from the truck in front of him and burst open on the road.  The box was full of carpet tacks!  The tacks flew everywhere, but the alert driver managed to avoid running over any of them.

So a state trooper pulled him over & gave him a ticket for tacks evasion.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

Deep Thoughts about Pigs & Sheep

– Do you think sheep know when you’re pulling the wool over their eyes?

– Does the person who inventories sheep often fall asleep on the job?

– If a pig is sold to the pawn shop is it then called a ham-hock?

– If we make sweaters out of a sheep’s hair, what do the sheep use to make sweaters?

– If you can’t make a silk purse from a sow’s ear what can you make with it?

– If you pushed a pig down a hill would he be a sausage roll?

– What do pigs say when they don’t want to do something? Would it be ‘Yea when humans fly’?

– What do sheep count when they can’t get to sleep?

– Why can’t pigs look up into the sky?

– Why do pigs have curly tails?

– Why do we call them guinea pigs when they are neither from Guinea nor are they pigs?

– Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

– Why is it that only pigs and humans can get sunburn?

– Why is it that the first thing we try to do after killing a pig is to cure it?

– Would a small pig be called a hamlet?

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

The tech support problem dates back to long before the industrial revolution, when primitive tribesmen beat out a rhythm on drums to communicate:

This fire help. Me Groog

Me Lorto. Help. Fire not work.

You have flint and stone?

Ugh

You hit them together?

Ugh

What happen?

Fire not work

(sigh) Make spark?

No spark, no fire, me confused. Fire work yesterday.

*sigh* You change rock?

I change nothing

You sure?

Me make one change. Stone hot so me soak in stream so stone not burn Lorto hand. Small change, shouldn’t keep Lorto from make fire.

*Grabs club and goes to Lorto’s cave*

*WHAM*WHAM*WHAM*WHAM*

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

The first graders were attending their first music lesson. The teacher was trying to begin at the beginning. She drew a musical staff on the blackboard and asked a little girl to come up and write a note on it.

The little girl went to the blackboard, looked thoughtful for a minute and wrote, “Dear Aunt Emma, just a short note to tell you I’m fine.”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

TODAY IN TRIVIA: ABOUT PENGUINS

~While other birds have wings for flying, penguins have adapted flippers to help them swim in the water.

~Large penguin populations can be found in countries such as New Zealand, Australia, Chile, Argentina and South Africa.

~Penguins eat a range of fish and other sea life that they catch underwater.

~The Emperor Penguin is the tallest of all penguin species, reaching as tall as 120 cm (47 in) in height. They can stay underwater for around 20 minutes at a time.

~Little Blue Penguins are the smallest type of penguin, averaging around 33 cm (13 in) in height.

~Penguin’s black and white plumage serves as camouflage while swimming. The black plumage on their back is hard to see from above, while the white plumage on their front looks like the sun reflecting off the surface of the water when seen from below.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

QUIP OF THE DAY: Blessed is the person who is too busy to worry in the daytime and too sleepy to worry at night. – Anonymous

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

Let us be of good cheer, remembering that the misfortunes hardest to bear are those that never happen. – James Russel Lowell