Jokes and Trivia for February 12, 2013

What comes out of you when you are squeezed is what is inside you. – Wayne Dyer

TODAY – FEBRUARY 12th – MONDAY

43rd day of 2013 with 322 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National Plum Pudding Day

*Abraham Lincoln’s Birthday

*Mardi Gras (French for “fat Tuesday”—the final feasting before the fasting of Lent)

*Red Hand Day (Raising awareness of the plight of children forced to serve as soldiers)

*Darwin Day

*Georgia Day (celebrated in Georgia, U.S.)

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1775 Louisa Adams, First Lady of the United States (1825–1829), wife of John Quincy Adams
  • 1777 Bernard Courtois, Dijon, France, chemist (discovering iodine)
  • 1809 Charles Darwin, English naturalist (proposed evolution by natural selection)
  • 1809 Abraham Lincoln, Hodgenville, Kentucky, 16th President of the United States (1861-his death)
  • 1843 John Graham Chambers, Welsh Sportsman (founded inter-varsity sports, wrote the Queensberry rules for boxing
  • 1876 Thubten Gyatso, 13th Dalai Lama of Tibet (1879-his death)
  • 1893 Omar Bradley, Randolph County, Missouri, General of the Army (last five-star general in the United States; 1st Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff)
  • 1915 Lorne Greene, Canadian actor (Ben Cartwright on Bonanza, Commander Adama in first Battlestar Galactica movie & TV series)
  • 1918 Julian Schwinger, New York City, New York, physicist (Nobel / theory of quantum electrodynamics (QED))
  • 1938 Judy Blume, Elizabeth, New Jersey, author (Tales of a Fourth Grade Noting, Blubber, Wifey, Smart Women, Summer Sisters)
  • 1946 Cliff DeYoung, Los Angeles, California, actor and musician (Clear Light)
  • 1948 Raymond Kurzweil, Queens, New York, inventor and author (optical character recognition (OCR), text-to-speech synthesis, speech recognition technology, and electronic keyboard instruments)
  • 1950 Michael Ironside, Canadian actor (Scanners, V: The Final Battle, Highlander II, Terminator Salvation)
  • 1953 Joanna Kerns, San Francisco, California, actress (Growing Pains )
  • 1953 Robin Thomas, Pittsfield, Massachusetts, actor (90210)
  • 1956 Arsenio Hall, Cleveland, Ohio, actor and talk show host
  • 1965 Christine Elise, Boston, Massachusetts, actress (Prom )
  • 1965 John Michael Higgins, Boston, Massachusetts,  actor (The Late Shift )
  • 1993 Jennifer Stone, Arlington, Texas, actress (Mean Girls 2 )Shift )
  • 1968 Josh Brolin, Santa Monica, California, actor (The Goonies, No Country for Old Men, True Grit, Men in Black 3)
  • 1993 Jennifer Stone, Arlington, Texas, actress (Mean Girls 2 )

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Don’t listen to friends when the Friend inside you says ‘Do this’. – Mahatma Gandhi

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 881 Pope John VIII crowns Charles the Fat, the King of Italy: Emperor
  • 1429 English forces under Sir John Fastolf defend a supply convoy carrying rations to the army besieging Orleans from attack by the Comte de Clermont and Sir John Stewart of Darnley in the Battle of Rouvray (also known as the Battle of the Herrings).
  • 1689 The Convention Parliament declares that the flight to France in 1688 by James II, the last Roman Catholic British monarch, constitutes an abdication.
  • 1818 Bernardo O’Higgins formally approved the Chilean Declaration of Independence near Concepción, Chile.
  • 1825 The Creek cede the last of their lands in Georgia to the United States government by the Treaty of Indian Springs, and migrate west.
  • 1855 Michigan State University is established.
  • 1894 Anarchist Émile Henry hurls a bomb into Paris’s Cafe Terminus, killing one and wounding 20.
  • 1909The National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) is founded.
  • 1909 New Zealand’s worst maritime disaster of the 20th century happens when the SS Penguin, an inter-island ferry, sinks and explodes at the entrance to Wellington Harbour.
  • 1914 In Washington, D.C., the first stone of the Lincoln Memorial is put into place.
  • 1934 The Austrian Civil War begins.
  • 1990 Carmen Lawrence becomes the first female Premier in Australian history when she becomes Premier of Western Australia.
  • 1992 The current Constitution of Mongolia comes into effect.
  • 1994 Four men break into the National Gallery of Norway and steal Edward Munch’s iconic painting The Scream.
  • 2002 The trial of Slobodan Milošević, the former President of the Federal Republic of Yugoslavia, begins at the United Nations International Criminal Tribunal for the former Yugoslavia in The Hague. He dies four years later before its conclusion.
  • 2004 The city of San Francisco, California begins issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples in response to a directive from Mayor Gavin Newsom.
  • 2009 Colgan Air Flight 3407 crashes into a house in Clarence Center, New York while on approach to Buffalo-Niagara International Airport, killing all on board and one on the ground.

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Dilbert’s “Salary Theorem” states that “Engineers and scientists can never earn as much as business executives, sales people, accountants and especially liberal arts majors.” This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two well known postulates:

Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power. Postulate 2: Time is Money. As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time.

Since: Knowledge = Power, then Knowledge = Work / Time, and Time = Money, then Knowledge = Work / Money.

Solving for Money, we get: Money = Work / Knowledge.

Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.

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Father: How were the exam questions?
Son: Easy
Father: Then why look so unhappy?
Son: The questions didn’t give me any trouble, just the answers!

Where was the Magna Carta signed?
At the bottom!

What are you going to be when you get out of school?
An old man!

What did you learn in school today?
Not enough, I have to go back tomorrow!

I’m learning ancient history?
So am I, lets go for a walk and talk over old times!

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ONE-LINERS: 20 Resolutions For My Cat

1. I will not bring the police to the front door by stepping on the speakerphone button and then the automatic 911 dial button.

2. I will not speed dial any international numbers.

3. Any critter that lives in the house (like the hamsters) stay in the house and any wild critters (frogs and earthworms) stay outside. I will not set the hamster free or find a frog for the fish tank.

4. I will not stalk the deer in the apple orchard. They have sharp hooves and could hurt me if they weren’t laughing so hard.

5. I will not watch the guinea pig constantly as the guinea pig likes to sleep once in a while.

6. The goldfish likes living in water. I will allow it to remain in its bowl.

7. I will not put a live small animal in my food bowl and expect it to stay there until I get hungry.

8. I will not eat spider plants and hallucinate behind the toilet.

9. I will not drag the magnets (and the papers they are holding) off of the refrigerator and then bat them underneath it so that they adhere to the underside.

10. I will learn to relax at the vet’s office so they will start writing things in my records like “Good Kitty” and “Sweet Kitty” instead  of “MEAN!!”, “BITER!!!”, and “GET HELP!!!!!”

11. I will meditate more closely upon the causal relationship between going dumpster diving on Sunday afternoon and projectile vomiting on Monday, and being brought to the Evil Place Where They Stick Things Up My Butt on Monday evening. I realize that if I hadn’t done the first, none of the other bad things would have happened.

12. I will not be miffed at my human all day and then kiss her on the nose at 2 AM to tell her that she is forgiven and can now pet me.

13. I will not scratch the children of lawyers, no matter how much they annoy me.

14. If I must claw my human, I will not do it in such a way that the scars resemble a botched suicide attempt.

15. My toy mouse is a much more appropriate present to my human’s overnight guests than a live cockroach, even if it isn’t as tasty.

16. I will not soak my catnip toy in the water bowl to make tea. I will not get high and sit there drinking my tea and kneading the floor afterwards. I will not then get delusions of grandeur and make tea in the toilet bowl or the tub. And when my catnip toy is taken away from me I will not try to compensate by making tea with my human’s used socks, undies or hair scrunchies.

17. After my human has entertained another animal of her own kind, I will not leap onto the sofa, smell where he’s been and then jealously pee there to eradicate his traces.

18. A warm pepperoni pizza is NOT a good place for a nap.

19. After my human washes and polishes the kitchen floor is not the ideal time to go running on it. This will cause the refrigerator to run into me, forcing me to look indignant and chastize it for bad behavior.

20. I will not walk on the keyboard when my human is writing important emio gnaioerpga3qi4taija3tgvaa35 a.

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pic of the day: Snow & Fungus

picture of fungus on log

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

~”I want to be a tightrope walker like you. What equipment do I need?”

~”Very flexible shoes, two towers, a wire, a pole and a bank book.”

~”I understand the shoes, towers, wire and pole, but what’s the bank book for?”

~”To check your balance, of course.”

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“I’m worried about you always being at the bottom of your class,” said the father to his son.

“Don’t worry Dad,” he replied. “They still teach the same thing at both ends.”

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“I want to buy a dress to put on around the house.”

“Yes, Madam. How large is your house?”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: PLUM PUDDING

~The ingredients like contained flour, suet, raisins, nuts and various spices with sugar —- were tied in a cloth and boiled until the ingredients were ‘plum’ – that is they had swelled up to fill the cloth wrapping tightly.

~The early Medieval Christmas Pudding was in fact a main meal and consisted of meat which was combined with dried fruit as a preservative.

~The traditional Plum Pudding, as we know it, emerged during the 1900’s.

~In England, traditional for silver coins to be added to the mixture.

~The traditional accompaniment to Plum Pudding is Brandy Butter, cream or even custard is also preferable.

~In the 17th century when it was first created, plums were referred to as raisins or other dried fruits.
Plum pudding ( Christmas pudding) is a steamed or boiled pudding usually served during the holiday season.

~The name Christmas pudding is first recorded in 1858 in a novel by Anthony Trollope.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: The beginning is the most important part of the work. – Plato

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

Folks who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do. – Elbert Hubbard