Jokes and Trivia for March 14, 2013

A friend is a second self. – Aristotle

TODAY – MARCH 14th – THURSDAY

73rd day of 2013 with 292 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Learn about Butterflies Day

*National Potato Chip Day

*National Pi Day- Why today? Because today is 3.14, the value of Pi.

*Popcorn Lover’s Day (2nd Thursday of March)

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1800 James Bogardus, Catskill, New York, inventor/builder (made cast-iron buildings)
  • 1835 Giovanni V Schiaparelli, Italian astronomer (demonstrated meteor showers associated w/comets)
  • 1854 Paul Ehrlich, Strehlen, Lower Silesia, German Kingdom of Prussia,  scientist, noted for curing syphilis and for his research in autoimmunity, calling it “horror autotoxicus“,  coined the term chemotherapy and popularized the concept of a magic bullet
  • 1862 Vilhelm Bjerknes, Christiania, Norwegian physicist, founded the modern practice of weather forecasting
  • 1863 [John] Casey Jones, Jackson, Tennessee, railroad engineer (Ballad of Casey Jones)
  • 1879 Albert Einstein, Ulm, Kingdom of Württemberg, German Empire,  physicist, Nobel Prize laureate , discovered the theory of general relativity, effecting a revolution in physics
  • 1908 Ed Heinemann, Saginaw, Michigan, aircraft designer (Douglas Aircraft/20 designs)
  • 1914 Lee Petty, Randleman, North Carolina, race car driver (pioneer of NASCAR)
  • 1920 Hank Ketcham, Seattle, Washington, cartoonist, created the Dennis the Menace
  • 1928 Frank Borman, Gary, Indiana, astronaut (Commander Apollo 8, first to fly around moon)
  • 1933 Michael Caine, England, actor (Blame it on Rio, Alfie, Educating Rita, Sleuth)
  • 1934 Eugene A Cernan, Chicago, Illinois, Captain USN/astronaut (Gemini 9A, Apollo 10 &17; 1 or only 12 men to walk on moon)
  • 1948 Billy Crystal, New York City, New York, actor and comedian (When Harry Met Sally, City Slickers)
  • 1957 Tad Williams, San Jose, California, author (Otherland & Shadowmarch series; The War of the Flowers; The Ordinary Farm series)
  • 1967 Melissa Reeves, Eatontown, New Jersey, actress (Jennifer Horton / Days of our Lives  )
  • 1979 Chris Klein, Hinsdale, Illinois, actor (American Pie ,American Pie 2 )
  • 1983 Taylor Hanson, Tulsa, Oklahoma,  musician, member of Hanson
  • 1987 Robert Clark, Chicago, Illinois, Actor (The Zack Files, Strange Days at Blake Holsey High )
  • 1992 Jasmine Murray, Columbus, Mississippi,  singer (American Idol 8  )

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To live is like to love – all reason is against it, and all healthy instinct for it. – Samuel Butler

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1794 Eli Whitney patented the cotton gin.
  • 1900 The Gold Standard Act is ratified, placing United States currency on the gold standard.
  • 1903 The Hay-Herran Treaty, granting the United States the right to build the Panama Canal, is ratified by the United States Senate. The Colombian Senate would later reject the treaty.
  • 1910 Lakeview Gusher, the largest U.S. oil well gusher near Bakersfield, California, vented to atmosphere.
  • 1942 Orvan Hess and John Bumstead became the first in the world to successfully treat a patient, Anne Miller, using penicillin.
  • 1964 A jury in Dallas, Texas, finds Jack Ruby guilty of killing Lee Harvey Oswald, assumed assassin of John F. Kennedy.
  • 1967 The body of President John F. Kennedy is moved to a permanent burial place at Arlington National Cemetery.
  • 1984 Gerry Adams, head of Sinn Féin, is seriously wounded in an assassination attempt in central Belfast.
  • 1994 Timeline of Linux development: Linux kernel version 1.0.0 is released.
  • 1995 Astronaut Norman Thagard becomes the first American astronaut to ride to space on-board a Russian launch vehicle.
  • 1998 An earthquake measuring 6.9 on the Richter scale hits southeastern Iran.
  • 2005 Cedar Revolution, where hundreds of thousands of Lebanese went into the streets of Beirut to demonstrate against the Syrian military presence in Lebanon and against the government

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George, an English visitor to the small Welsh town of Aberaeron, Cardiganshire, was approached by one of the deacons of the local chapel who asked him whether he would like to attend their chapel on the following Sunday.

‘Wouldn’t that be a little pointless?’ replied George politely, ‘After all, your services are held in Welsh and I don’t understand the language.’

‘Ah yes, boyo,’ answered the deacon, ‘but the collection is in English.’

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An angry motorist went back to the garage where he had purchased an expensive battery for his car just six months earlier.

“Listen,” the motorist growled to the owner of the garage, “when I bought this battery you said it would be the last battery my car would ever need.  It died after only six months!”

“Sorry,” apologized the garage owner. “I didn’t think your car would last longer than that.”

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ONE-LINERS: Golf Quotes

“If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.” — Jack Lemmon

“It’s good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.” — Mark Twain

“Don’t play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.” — Harry Vardon

“Golf is a game in which one endeavours to control a ball with implements ill adapted for the purpose.” — Woodrow Wilson

“A golfer’s diet: live on greens as much as possible.” — Author Unknown

“Gone golfin’ … be back about dark thirty.” — Author Unknown

“Born to golf. Forced to work.” — Author Unknown

“My body is here, but my mind has already teed off.” — Author Unknown

“May thy ball lie in green pastures …. and not in still waters.” — Author Unknown

“If I hit it right, it’s a slice. If I hit it left, it’s a hook. If I hit it straight, it’s a miracle.” — Author Unknown

“The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie.” — George Deukmejian

“Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of bagpipes.” — Author Unknown

“In golf, you place a ball an inch and a half in diameter on top of a ball eight thousand miles in diameter. The object of the game is to hit the little ball but not the big ball.” — Author Unknown

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pic of the day: Tiger Butterfly on Zinnia

yellow butterfly

Photographer: B. Boggs

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

The young single mom had to juggle two part-time jobs while taking care of her children and going to college.

With the help of an espresso machine donated by a friend, she made it through  many long nights of study and long days of work and class.

At last, she earned her degree.

She was graduated summa cum latte.

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George Burns once said, “When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I do is open the newspaper to the obituaries. If my name isn’t listed, I get out of bed.”

Well, today I was astonished when I opened the newspaper and found my name in the obituary column. Immediately I called my best friend. I said, “Did you see the paper? They say I died!!”

“Yes, I saw it … uh, where are you calling from?”

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I was driving down a country lane when suddenly a chicken darted into the road ahead of me. I slammed on my brakes, but realized that the chicken was speeding off down the road at about thirty miles an hour. I tried to follow the bird, but she had too much of a head start — I couldn’t catch up.

When it turned into a small farm, I followed it. To my astonishment, I saw that the chicken had three legs. Looking around the small farm, it seemed that ALL of the chickens had three legs.

At that point the farmer came out of his house. I said, “Three-legged chickens? That’s astonishing!”

“Ah-yup. I bred ’em that way because I love drumsticks.”

“How does a three-legged chicken taste?”

“Dunno. Haven’t been able to catch one yet.”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: POPCORN

~Americans cosume about 1 billion pounds of popcorn per year.

~Popcorn is low in calories compared to any other snack.

~Of the 6 types of maize/corn—pod, sweet, flour, dent, flint, and popcorn—only popcorn pops.

~Most U.S. popcorn is grown in the Midwest — Indiana, Nebraska, Ohio, Illinois, Iowa, Kentucky and Missouri.

~FALL is the peak period for popcorn sales.

~Microwave ovens have a “popcorn” control button.

~”Popability” is popcorn lingo that refers to the percentage of kernels that pop.

~ Up to 3 feet in the air. This answers to the question “How high popcorn kernels can pop?”

~It is believed that the Wampanoag Native American tribe brought popcorn to the colonists for the first Thanksgiving in Plymouth, Massachusetts.

~Some Native American tribes believed that a spirit lived inside each kernel of popcorn.

~Christopher Columbus allegedly introduced popcorn to the Europeans in the late 15th century.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Good judgment comes from experience, and often experience comes from bad judgment. – Rita Mae Brown

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight. – Benjamin Franklin