Jokes and Trivia for March 21, 2013

Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams. – Ashley Smith

TODAY – MARCH 21st – THURSDAY

80th day of 2012 with 16 to 285 follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Fragrance Day

*World Puppetry Day

*International Day for the Elimination of Racial Discrimination

*World Down Syndrome Day

*World Poetry Day

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1685 Johann Sebastian Bach, German composer
  • 1768 Joseph Fourier, Auxerre, Yonne, France, mathematician, best known for initiating the investigation of Fourier series and their applications to problems of heat transfer and vibrations
  • 1863 George Owen Squier, Dryden, Michigan,  inventor, his biggest contribution was that of multiplexing
  • 1869 Florenz Ziegfeld, Chicago, Illinois, producer (Ziegfield Follies)
  • 1932 Walter Gilbert, Boston, Massachusetts, chemist, recognized for their pioneering work in devising methods for determining the sequence of nucleotides in a nucleic acid
  • 1946 Timothy Dalton, Colwyn Bay Wales, actor (James Bond-Living Daylights, License to Kill)
  • 1948 Scott Fahlman, Medina, Ohio, computer scientist, notable for early work on automated planning in a blocks world, on semantic networks, on neural networks
  • 1951 Russell Thompkins Jr, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, singer (The Stylistics)
  • 1958 Gary Oldman, English actor (Sirius Black/Harry Potter, Batman Begins, Lost in Space, Criminal Law, State of Grace)
  • 1962 Mark Waid, Hueytown, Alabama, comic book writer (Amazing Heroes, DC Comics)
  • 1962 Matthew Broderick, New York, New York, actor (Simba/Lion King, Inspector Gadget, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, WarGames, Biloxi Blues)
  • 1974 Laura Allen, Portland, Oregon, actress (All My Children )
  • 1974 Edsel Dope, West Palm Beach, Florida, singer (Dope)
  • 1978 Kevin Federline, Fresno, California, dancer; ex-husband of Britney Spears
  • 1989 Rochelle Wiseman, Barking, Greater London, England, British singer (The Saturdays)

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

Your time is limited so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. – Steve Jobs

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1788 A fire in New Orleans leaves most of the town in ruins.
  • 1859 Zoological Society of Philadelphia, 1st in US, incorporated
  • 1871 Otto von Bismarck is appointed Chancellor of the German Empire.
  • 1871 Journalist Henry Morton Stanley begins his trek to find the missionary and explorer David Livingstone.
  • 1913 Over 360 are killed and 20,000 homes destroyed in the Great Dayton Flood in Dayton, Ohio.
  • 1928 Charles Lindbergh is presented the Medal of Honor by President Coolidge for his first trans-Atlantic flight.
  • 1937 Ponce Massacre: 18 people and a 7-year-old girl in Ponce, Puerto Rico, are gunned down by a police squad acting under orders of US-appointed PR Governor, Blanton C. Winship.
  • 1952 Alan Freed presents the Moondog Coronation Ball, the first rock and roll concert, in Cleveland, Ohio.
  • 1960 Apartheid: Massacre in Sharpeville, South Africa: Police open fire on a group of unarmed black South African demonstrators, killing 69 and wounding 180.
  • 1963 Alcatraz, a federal penitentiary on an island in San Francisco Bay, closes.
  • 1964 In Copenhagen, Denmark, Gigliola Cinquetti wins the ninth Eurovision Song Contest for Italy singing “Non ho l’età” (“I’m not old enough”).
  • 1965 NASA launches Ranger 9 which is the last in a series of unmanned lunar space probes.
  • 1965 Martin Luther King Jr. leads 3,200 people on the start of the third and finally successful civil rights march from Selma to Montgomery, Alabama.
  • 1970 The first Earth Day proclamation is issued by San Francisco Mayor Joseph Alioto.
  • 1970 Vinko Bogataj crashes during a ski-jumping championship in Germany; his image becomes that of the “agony of defeat guy” in the opening credits of ABC’s Wide World of Sports.
  • 1980 US President Jimmy Carter announces a United States boycott of the 1980 Summer Olympics in Moscow to protest the Soviet Invasion of Afghanistan.
  • 1980 On the season finale of the soap opera Dallas, the infamous character J.R. Ewing is shot by an unseen assailant, leading to the catchphrase “Who shot J.R.?”
  • 1999 Bertrand Piccard and Brian Jones become the first to circumnavigate the Earth in a hot air balloon.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

“My son is a saint! He’s good to me and he hasn’t smoked or drunk alcohol in ten years. Since he’s been married, he has never even looked at another woman.”

“My son is a saint, too. For three years he hasn’t looked at another woman. He keeps regular hours, is always on time for meals, exercises every day, is in bed at 9 o’clock every night, and never touches a drop of liquor.”

“You must be very proud of him.”

“I certainly am, and I’m going to throw him a big party as soon as he gets paroled.”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

I am the director of a U.S. Army band. We often perform for various community organizations. On this particular day we were giving a concert at an assisted living residence.

After we had played a few numbers for the residents, most of whom were in wheelchairs or used walkers, I announced, “We would like to dedicate this next selection to all of you.”

I then turned to my lead saxophone player and asked, “What’s the next tune you have listed?”

He whispered, “Don’t Get Around Much Any More.”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

ONE-LINERS: THINGS YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR DURING SURGERY

~ Better save that. We’ll need it for the autopsy.

~ Someone call the janitor. We’re going to need a mop.

~ Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad dog!

~ Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what’s that?

~ Hand me that, uh, that uh, thingie.

~ Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.

~ Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?

~ Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!

~ What’s this doing here?

~ I wish I hadn’t forgotten my glasses.

~ Well folks, this will be an experiment for us all.

~ Sterile, shcmerile. The floor’s clean, right?

~ Anyone see where I left that scalpel?

~ Oh no! Page 47 of the manual is missing!

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

pic of the day: Cat peeking through slats

picture of gray tabby cat

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

—– “Where is that pilot-less plane headed?” Tom droned.

—– “You don’t see the point, do you?” asked Tom, making a stab in the dark.

—– “I wonder why I always feel that I’m stuck behind the eight ball?” Tom said racking his brain

—– “I aimed my bow and arrow at the apple on his head,” Tom said with a quiver.

—– “A man’s house is his castle,” Tom said in a manor of speaking.

—– The family of bears posing for their family portrait experienced a Kodiak moment.

—– The supermarket has stopped selling tropical fruit. It’s enough to make a mango crazy.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

His wife was pregnant but he couldn’t bear to be in the delivery room at the time of the birth. So he stayed home. After a few hours he called the hospital.  The nurse said “it’s a girl but theres another one on the way!”

He called again later and the nurse said, “it’s another girl but there’s another one coming!”

When he called a third time the nurse said, “It’s a boy but there’s still another coming!”

He couldn’t stand it any more so he went to the pub and got drunk.

An hour later he was really nervous. He was dialing the hospital, hands shaking, and accidently dialled the sports line. He asked, “How many did we get, mate?”

The person said, “198 all out … and the last one was a duck!”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

Same answer for each. . .

This simple three question test illustrates how often politicians must be telling lies.

1. Is the Pope catholic?
2. Does Windows have bugs?
3. Do Politicians lie?

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

Classmates at college were lamenting the cost of long distance phone service and debating the relative advantages of AT&T, MCI, and Sprint.

“I’ve found CTC to be the cheapest plan around,” offered one.

“CTC? Who are they?”

“You know,” he responded. “Call Them Collect.”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

TODAY IN TRIVIA: It’s all about PUPPET

~Puppet is that of a movable model of a person or animal used in entertainment and typically moved either by strings from above or by a hand inside it.

~At present times, they are widely considered to be entertainments for children and to all ages.

~Puppetry had its birthplace in India, almost a thousand years B.C. From this era, puppets that were used to play were Maha-Bharata and the Bala-Ramayana.

~ It was during the 18th century that puppetry flourished in Italy, and many serious plays, like Dr. Faust, were performed in this method.

~By the 19th century, under the direction Pietro Radillo, the Venetian puppeteer, puppets were upgraded from two strings and a rod to controls that included as many as eight strings.

~There was an interest in leisure during the 19th century and puppetry played strongly to that.

~There was an essay written by one Heinrich von Kleist called “On the Marionette Theatre” where puppets were praised as being less self-conscious than humans, and therefore would always be the better choice.

~The Muppets, as created by the Jim Hensen company, are one immediately recognizable fixture of the puppetry scene and with even that one word, many people have a certain image called to mind.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

QUIP OF THE DAY: Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. – Phyllis Diller

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

Everything happens for a reason, people change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so you can appreciate them when they’re right, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can come together. – Marilyn Monroe