Jokes and Trivia for November 15, 2012

The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present. – Barbara De Angelis.

TODAY – NOVEMBER 15th – THURSDAY

320th day of 2012 with 46 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

* American Enterprise Day

* Clean Your Refrigerator Day

* America Recycles Day

* George Spelvin Day

National Philanthropy Day

* National Raisin Bran Cereal Day

* National Spicy Hermit Cookie Day

* Winter Lent (Eastern Orthodox)

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1738 William Herschel, German-born British composer (24 symphonies) and astronomer (Discovered Uranus and 2 of its moons, Titania & Oberon, plus 2 moons of Saturn. Also, discovered existence of infrared radiation.)
  • 1868 Emil Racovita, Romanian biologist, zoologist, speleologist and explorer of Antarctica (one of the most noted promoters of natural sciences in Romania)
  • 1887 Georgia O’Keeffe, Sun Prairie, Wisconsin, painter (Cow’s Skull; chiefly painted rocks, shells, animal bones, flowers, abstract landscapes)
  • 1887 Marianne Moore, Kirkwood, Missouri,  poet (The Selected Letters of Marianne Moore; Pulitzer 1951)
  • 1905 Mantovani, Venice Italy, orchestra leader/composer (Mantovani)
  • 1919 Joseph Albert Wapner, Los Angeles, California, former judge (People’s Court)
  • 1929 Edward Asner, Kansas City, Kansas, actor (Mary Tyler Moore Show, Lou Grant; Carl Fredricksen in Pixar film “Up“)
  • 1932 Clyde McPhatter, Durham, North Carolina , singer (Why Can’t We Get Together / Mixed Up Cup, I’ll Belong to You /Book of Memories)
  • 1940 Sam Waterston, Cambridge, Maine, actor (Law & Order, Capricorn One, Heaven’s Gate, The Killing Fields)
  • 1966 Rachel True, New York City, New York, actress (Killing of Wendy , Pink Eye )
  • 1973 Jesse Merz, Hood River, Oregon,  actor (The Green Piece, Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey)
  • 1973 Sydney Tamiia Poitier, Los Angeles, California, actress (Grindhouse, Knight Rider (2008 film) )
  • 1977 Peter Mark Andrew Phillips, grandson Queen Elizabeth II (father: Mark Phillips, former Captain in the Queen’s Dragoon Guards. mother: The Princess Anne, Princess Royal, the only daughter of Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh.)
  • 1977 Sean Murray, Bethesda, Maryland, actor (Timothy McGee / NCIS ; JAG)
  • 1988 Zena Grey, New York,  actress (The Shaggy Dog, Snow Day)
  • 1991 Shailene Woodley, Simi Valley, California, actress (The Secret Life of the American Teenager )

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’. – Erma Bombeck.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1806 Explorer Lieutenant Zebulon Pike sees a distant mountain peak while near the Colorado foothills of the Rocky Mountains (it was later named Pikes Peak).
  • 1926 NBC on-air debut with a radio network of 24 stations.
  • 1939 In Washington, D.C., US President Franklin D. Roosevelt lays the cornerstone of the Jefferson Memorial.
  • 1956 The first film starring Elvis Presley, Love Me Tender, is released.
  • 1966 Gemini XII returns to Earth, splashing down safely in the Atlantic Ocean.
  • 1967 The only fatality of the X-15 program occurs during the 191st flight when Air Force test pilot Michael J. Adams loses control of his aircraft which is destroyed mid-air over the Mojave Desert.
  • 1968 The US Air Force launches Operation Commando Hunt, a large-scale bombing campaign against the Ho Chi Minh trail.
  • 1969 Vietnam War: In Washington, D.C., 250,000-500,000 protesters staged a peaceful demonstration against the war, including a symbolic “March Against Death”.
  • 1969 In Columbus, Ohio, Dave Thomas opens the first Wendy’s restaurant.
  • 1971 Intel releases world’s first commercial single-chip microprocessor, the 4004.
  • 1979 A package from the Unabomber Ted Kaczynski begins smoking in the cargo hold of a flight from Chicago to Washington, forcing the plane to make an emergency landing.
  • 1985 A research assistant is injured when a package from the Unabomber addressed to a University of Michigan professor explodes.
  • 1989 Tornado on Airport Road in Huntsville, Alabama, killing 21 people and injuring nearly 500.
  • 1999 Popular virtual pets internet website Neopets released by British college students Adam Powell and Donna Williams.
  • 2000 Jharkhand state comes into existence in India.
  • 2001 Microsoft releases the Xbox, the company’s first video game console. The first games released are Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 2x, Amped: Freestyle Snowboarding, Nascar Thunder 2002, Transworld Surf, Oddworld: Munch’s Oddysee, Project Gotham Racing, NFL Fever 2002, F1 2002, Madden NFL 2002, Dead or Alive 3, and Halo (which turns out to be the best selling game for Xbox of all time).
  • 2005 Boeing formally launches the stretched Boeing 747-8 variant with orders from Cargolux and Nippon Cargo Airlines.
  • 2007 Cyclone Sidr hit Bangladesh, killing an estimated 5000 people and destroyed the world’s largest mangrove forest, Sundarbans.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, “It was a good idea you had to replace the first four pews with plush bucket
theater seats. It worked like a charm. The front of the church fills first”.

The young priest nodded, and the old priest continued, “And you told me a little more beat to the music would bring young people
back to church, so I suppose the rock ‘n roll gospel choir you brought in was another good idea. We are packed in to the balcony.”

“Thank you, Father,” answered the young priest. “I am pleased that you are open to the new ideas of youth.”

“Well,” said the elderly priest, “I’m afraid you’ve gone too far with the drive-thru confessional.”

“But, Father,” protested the young priest, “my confessions have nearly doubled since I began that!”

“I know, son,” replied the elderly priest, “but the flashing neon sign, ‘Toot n’ Tell or Go To Hell’ cannot stay on the church roof!”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car. Both could barely See  over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an  intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman  in the passenger seat thought to herself, “I must be losing it. I could have  sworn we just went through red light.” After a few more minutes they came to  another intersection, the light Was red, and again they went right through.

This time, the passenger was almost sure that the light had been red, But  was also concerned that she might be seeing things. She was getting nervous  and decided to pay very close attention. At the next intersection, sure  enough, the light was definitely red and they blew right through it. She  turned to the other woman and said, “Mildred! Did you know that You ran  through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us!”

Mildred turned  to her and said, “Oh my word! Am I driving?”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

ONE-LINERS: Camping Tips

– Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo camping. Shine a flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines out the other ear, do not go into the woods alone.

– A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup.

– A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes an excellent side dish. A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an excellent hockey puck.

– In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness by shooting small game with a slingshot made from the elastic waistband of your underwear.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

pic of the day: Parrot Stepping Out

picture of parrot on steps

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Spell Cheque

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

My husband, Bruce, had recommended his new dentist first visit, I filled out various forms. As usual, I used my middle name, Joy, instead of Margarette, my legal name.

As I was about to leave the office, the insurance clerk approached me. She had just pulled Bruce’s records and asked, “What is your relationship to Bruce?”

“He’s my husband.”

She studied the file with a worried expression. Then she looked at me and said nervously, “Do you know about Margarette?”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testings were done, there were three finalists, two men and a woman.

For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
“We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside of this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her”.
The man said, ‘You can’t be serious. I would never shoot my wife.’
The agent said, ‘You’re not the right man for this job.’

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes and then he came out with tears in his eyes crying, “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.”
The agent said, “You don’t have what it takes to be an assassin. Take your wife and go home.”

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the same instructions, except that it was to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman.
She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, “The gun was loaded with blanks, I had to beat him to death with the chair.”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

TODAY IN TRIVIA: RAISINS

~Half of the world’s supply of raisins are grown in Californa and  is now the world’s leading producer of raisins.

~The finest raisins come from Malaga in Spain.

~Fresno, California is the Raisin Capital of the World.

~Raisin – comes from the Latin racemus and means “a cluster of grapes or berries”.

~Plumping is a common cooking technique used in raisin preparation.

~Phoenicians and Armenians traded raisins with the Greeks and Romans. The dried fruit became a favorite. Greeks and Romans decorated places of worship with raisins and handed them out to winners in sporting contests.

~In ancient Rome, two jars of raisins could be traded for one slave.

~Seventy-five percent of grapes are eaten at breakfast.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

QUIP OF THE DAY: The basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy, but that it is a bore. It is not so much a war as an endless standing in line – H. L. Mencken.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

Anybody who believes in something without reservation believes that this thing is right and should be, has the stamina to meet obstacles and overcome them.Golda Meir