Jokes and Trivia for April 26, 2013

The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing. – Stephen Covey


116th day of 2013 with 249 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National Pretzel Day

* Richter Scale Day

* Hug An Australian Day

* Shuffleboard Day

World Intellectual Property Day – Creativity: the next generation (2013)



  • 1718 Esek Hopkins, Scituate, Rhode Island, Commander of the US Navy during the Revolutionary War
  • 1785 John James Audubon, (best guess for birthdate) Haiti, French-American naturalist and illustrator (birds of North America)
  • 1822 Frederick Law Olmsted, Hartford, Connecticut, landscape architect (father of American landscape architecture, co-designed many well-known urban parks)
  • 1829 Christian Albert Theodor Billroth, German, surgeon, considered to be the founder of modern abdominal surgery
  • 1862 Edmund C. Tarbell, Groton, Massachusetts, artist (American Impressionist, member Ten American Painters)
  • 1879 Sir Owen Williams Richardson, England, physicist (Nobel 1928 / thermionic phenomenon – electron emission by hot metals)
  • 1886 Ma Rainey [Gertrude Pridgett], Columbus, Georgia, singer (“Mother of the Blues”)
  • 1900 Charles Richter, Hamilton, Ohio, geophysicist/ seismologist (Richter scale)
  • 1910 Tomoyuki Tanaka, Japanese movie producer and creator of Godzilla
  • 1912 A[lfred] E[lton] Van Vogt, Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada, science fiction writer (Cosmic Encounter)
  • 1916 George Tuska, Hartford, Connecticut, comic book illustrator (Captain Marvel, Ironman, The World’s Greatest Superheroes)
  • 1917 I. M. Pei, Canton, China, architect (National Center for Atmospheric Research/CO;.John F. Kennedy Library/ Mass.; Dallas City Hall; East Building of the National Gallery of Art)
  • 1933 Carol Burnett, San Antonio, Texas, comedian/actress (Carol Burnett Show, Annie, 4 Seasons)
  • 1952 Spice Williams-Crosby, Los Angeles, California, actress and stunt performer (Vixis in Star Trek V: The Final Frontier; The Cherokee Kid, Liar Liar, Spider-Man & Mission Impossible III – stunts)
  • 1961 Joan Chen, Chinese-born actress (The Last Emperor, Twin Peaks, Saving Face)
  • 1963 Jet Li, China, martial artist/actor actor (Shaolin Temple, Dragon Fight, Hero, The Mummy 3, Lethal Weapon 4, The Forbidden Kingdom, The Expendables) 
  • 1966 Yoshihiro Togashi, Manga artist (created YuYu Hakusho, Hunter x Hunter series)
  • 1967 Marianne Jean-Baptiste, British actress (Secrets & Lies, The Wedding, Without a Trace)
  • 1977 Jason Daniel Earles, San Diego, California, actor (Hannah Montana’s older brother/Jackson Stewart, Phil of the Future, Kickin’ It)
  • 1977 Tom Welling, New York, actor (Clark Kent in Smallville, Cheaper by the Dozen, The Fog)
  • 1980 Channing Tatum, Cullman, Alabama, actor (She’s the Man, Fighting, Public Enemies, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, Dear John)
  • 1980 Marnette Patterson, Los Angeles, California, actress, (LG15: The Resistance; Wild Things, Starship Troopers 3: Marauder)


Efficiency is doing things right. Effectiveness is doing the right things. – Peter Drucker



  • 1607 English colonists of the Jamestown settlement make landfall at Cape Henry, Virginia.
  • 1805 US Marines captured Derne, Tripoli under the command of First Lieutenant Presley O’Bannon.
  • 1819 Odd Fellows Lodge is established.
  • 1865 Confederate General Joseph E. Johnston surrenders his army to General William Tecumseh Sherman at the Bennett Place near Durham, NC.
  • 1921 First U.S. broadcast of the weather was made from St. Louis, Missouri, over station WEW for the federal government.
  • 1933 The Gestapo, the official secret police force of Nazi Germany, is established.
  • 1941 First organ at a baseball stadium (Chicago Cubs).
  • 1958 Final run of the Baltimore and Ohio Railroad’s Royal Blue from Washington, D.C., to New York City after 68 years.
  • 1962 NASA’s Ranger 4 spacecraft crashes into the Moon.
  • 1968 Students seize administration building at Ohio State.
  • 1986 Actor/body builder Arnold Schwarzenegger weds newscaster Maria Shriver.
  • 1986 Worst nuclear disaster, 4th reactor at Chernobyl USSR explodes.
  • 1994 Physicists announce first evidence of the top quark subatomic particle.
  • 2005 Under international pressure, Syria withdraws the last of its 14,000 troop military garrison in Lebanon, ending its 29-year military domination of that country.


After a laborious two-week criminal trial in a very high profile bank robbery case, the jury finally ended its 14 hours of deliberations and entered the courtroom to deliver its verdict to the judge. The judge turns to the jury foreman and asks, “Has the jury reached a verdict in this case?”

“Yes we have, your honor,” the foreman responded.

“Would you please pass it to me,”

The judge declared, as he motioned for the bailiff to retrieve the verdict slip from the foreman and deliver it to him.

After the judge reads the verdict himself, he delivers the verdict slip back to his bailiff to be returned to the foreman and instructs the foreman, “Please read your verdict to the court.”

“We find the defendant NOT GUILTY of all four counts of bank robbery,” stated the foreman.

The family and friends of the defendant jump for joy at the sound of the “not guilty” verdict and hug each other as they shout expressions of divine gratitude. The defendant’s attorney turns to his client and asks,

“So, what do you think about that?”

The defendant looks around the courtroom slowly with a bewildered look on his face and then turns to his defense attorney and says,

“I’m real confused here. Does this mean that I have to give all the money back?”


A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her daughter was very sick with a fever. She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication for her daughter.

When returning to her car she found that she had locked herkeys in the car. She was in a hurry to get home to her sick daughter.

She didn’t know what to do, so she called her home and told the baby sitter what had happened and that she did not know what to do. The baby sitter told her that her daughter was getting worse.

She said, “You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door.”

The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been thrown down on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time or other had locked their keys in their car.

Then she looked at the hanger and said, “I don’t know how to use this.”

So she bowed her head and asked God to send her some help. Within five minutes an old rusty car pulled up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head.

The woman thought, “This is what you sent to help me?” But, she was desperate, so she was also very thankful.

The man got out of his car and asked her if he could help. She said, “Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?”

He said, “Sure”. He walked over to the car, and in less than one minute the car was opened.

She hugged the man and through her tears she said, “Thank you so much! You are a very nice man.”

The man replied, “Lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison today. I was in prison for car theft and have only been out for about an hour.”

The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud, “Oh, Thank you God! You even sent me a Professional!”


ONE-LINERS: Camping Tips

– Get even with a bear who raided your food bag by kicking his favorite stump apart and eating all the ants.

– A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between your toes.

– The best backpacks are named for national parks or mountain ranges. Steer clear of those named for landfills.

– When camping, always wear a long-sleeved shirt. It gives you something to wipe your nose on.

– Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo camping. Shine a flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines out the other ear, do not go into the woods alone.

– A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup.

– A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes an excellent side dish. A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an excellent hockey puck.

– In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness by shooting small game with a slingshot made from the elastic waistband of your underwear.


pic of the day: Daffodil




~ My wife wanted me to start taking cod liver oil for my health, but I thought there was something fishy about the whole idea.
~ Paradox: What you need two apples a day to get rid of.
~ Someone showed me how static electricity worked today. I was shocked.
~ This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
~ Tried to play my shoehorn. Managed to make some footnotes.
~ Velcro – what a rip off!
~ Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!


A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it’s a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, “So you’re a man; that’s interesting. I’m a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There’s nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days.”

Flattered, the man replied, “Oh yes, I agree with you completely! This must be a sign from God!”

The woman continued, “And look at this, here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.”

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands the it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, “Aren’t you having any?”

The woman replies, “No. I think I’ll just wait for the police.”


A father was playing with his daughter when the little one said: “Dad, I read in school that animals get a new fur coat every winter.”

“Quiet!” retorted the father. “Your mother is in the next room!”



~The Richter scale was developed by Charles Richter of the California Institute of Technology in 1935.

~It is also known as Richter magnitude scale used to measure the intensity of the earthquake.

~The largest earthquake ever recorded on a Richter scale is 9.5.

~The earthquakes, that cause damage are more than 4 on the Richter scale.

~On the Richter Scale, magnitude is expressed in whole numbers and decimal fractions.

~A major earthquake is the one which registers more than 7 on the Richter scale.

~Great earthquakes, such as the 1964 Good Friday earthquake in Alaska, have magnitudes of 8.0 or higher.


QUIP OF THE DAY: No pressure, no diamonds. – Mary Case


Thought for the day. . .

Thus each person by his fears gives wings to rumor, and, without any real source of apprehension, men fear what they themselves have imagined. – Lucan