Jokes and Trivia for November 13, 2012

It is only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on Earth and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it were the only one we had. – Elisabeth Kubler-Ross.

TODAY – NOVEMBER 13th – TUESDAY

318th day of 2012 with 48 to  follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National Indian Pudding Day

*Sadie Hawkins Day

*World Kindness Day

*Young Readers Day (second Tuesday of month)

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1850 Robert Louis Stevenson, Scottish author (Kidnapped, Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, Treasure Island)
  • 1872 Leon Leonwood Bean, Greenwood, Maine, inventor (waterproof boot), author, outdoor enthusiast (founder of L.L.Bean)
  • 1927 Billy Klüver, Monaco, American scientist (d. 2004)
  • 1935 Tom Atkins, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania,  actor, primarily known for his work in the horror film genre
  • 1950 Mary Lou Metzger, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania,singer (The Lawrence Welk Show)
  • 1953 Tracy Scoggins, Galveston, Texas,  actress (Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman)
  • 1955 Whoopi Goldberg, New York City, New York,  actress, comedienne, and singer (The Color Purple, Ghost, Sister Act, The Lion King, Guinan in Star Trek: The Next Generation)
  • 1957 Stephen Baxter, British author (Xeelee Sequence, Destiny’s Children, Manifold Trilogy, Time’s Tapestry, The Time Ships)
  • 1960 Neil Flynn, Chicago, Illinois, actor (Scrubs, The Middle)
  • 1967 Jimmy Kimmel, Brooklyn, New York, comedian and talk-show host (The Man Show, Win Ben Stein’s Money, Jimmy Kimmel Live!)
  • 1967 Steve Zahn, Marshall, Minnesota, actor (National Security, Daddy Day Care, Sahara, Rescue Dawn)
  • 1969 Gerard Butler, Scottish actor (Attila, Timeline, The Phantom of the Opera, 300, Nim’s Island, The Bounty Hunter, How to Train Your Dragon)
  • 1971 Noah Hathaway, Los Angeles, California,  actor (Battlestar Galactica)
  • 1980 Monique Coleman, Orangeburg, South Carolina,  actress (High School Musical)

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If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun. – Katharine Hepburn.

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1841 James Braid first sees a demonstration of animal magnetism, which leads to his study of the subject he eventually calls hypnotism.
  • 1851 Before moving to the other side of Elliot Bay and the future site of Seattle, Washington, The Denny Party lands at Alki Point.
  • 1927 The first Hudson River vehicle tunnel linking New Jersey to New York City, The Holland Tunnel opens to traffic.
  • 1956 The Montgomery Bus Boycott was ended when the United States Supreme Court declared Alabama laws requiring segregated buses illegal.
  • 1965 The SS Yarmouth Castle burns and sinks 60 miles off Nassau with the loss of 90 lives.
  • 1982 Ray Mancini defeats Duk Koo Kim in a boxing match held in Las Vegas, Nevada. Kim’s subsequent death (on November 17) leads to significant changes in the sport.
  • 1982 The Vietnam Veterans Memorial is dedicated in Washington, D.C. after a march to its site by thousands of Vietnam War veterans.
  • 1986 The Compact of Free Association becomes law, granting the Federated States of Micronesia, the Marshall Islands independence from the United States.
  • 1990 In Aramoana, New Zealand, David Gray shoots dead 13 people, in what becomes known as the Aramoana Massacre.
  • 2000 Philippine House Speaker Manuel B. Villar, Jr. passes the articles of impeachment against Philippine President Joseph Estrada.
  • 2002 The oil tanker Prestige sinks off the Galician coast and causes a huge oil spill.
  • 2007 The Russian Federation officially withdraws from the Soviet-era Batumi military base, Georgia.

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Diary of a Cat

My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded. Maybe I should try this at the top of the stairs.

In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair. I must try this on their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little kitty cat I was. This is not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing something called “allergies.” Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit.

The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He speaks with them regularly, and I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait.

It’s only a matter of time.

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Nigel and Stephen, are keen fishermen and wine drinkers; here you can see a photo taken while they are enjoying some night fishing while on holiday, with their wives, in Poitou-Charente, France, last year.

Slurping a large Bordeaux Supérieur, Nigel announces, ‘I think I’m going to divorce my wife, she hasn’t spoken to me in eighteen months.’

Stephen downs his glass of the red wine thoughtfully and after a while responds, ‘Think it over a bit more, Nige; women like that are hard to find.’

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ONE-LINERS: Observations on growing old

Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, it’s not safe to wear it anywhere.

Your spouse has a night out with the guys/gals but he/she is home by 9 PM. Soon it will be 8:30 PM.

You read 100 pages into a book before you realize you’ve read it before.

Everything they sell in clothing stores is “tight & sleeveless” for women and “tight & below the butt” for men.

You never heard of any of the people in People Magazine.

Your concealer doesn’t conceal, your lipstick bleeds, your mascara clumps, and your eyebrows are disappearing.

You don’t have hair under your arms and very little on your legs, but your chin needs to be plucked daily.

What used to be “freckles” are now “liver spots.”

Everybody whispers.

Now that your spouse has retired, you’d give anything if they would find a job.

You have three sizes of clothes in your closet, two of which you will never wear again.

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pic of the day: Baby Sheep Lamb

picture of lamb

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

A man has a dog called Mace, which he keeps in the house all the time, because all it does is eat grass.

He also has a favorite tool, his wrench, which he uses all the time.

One day He looses the wrench. He looks every where for it but can’t find it.

The dog gets out, eats all his grass and there in the middle of the lawn is his wrench.

The man starts singing “A grazing Mace how sweet the hound, that saved a wrench for me”.

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Geoff had six children and was very proud of his achievement. He was so proud of himself that for years he called his wife, Anita, “Mother of Six,” in spite of her regular objections.

One evening, in their retirement years, they go to a party. It is late and Geoff is ready to go home and wants to find out if Anita is ready to leave as well.

Geoff bellows at the top of his voice, ‘Shall we go home, Mother of Six?’

Anita, greatly irritated by Geoff’s lack of discretion over so many years, yells back at him, ‘Anytime you’re ready, “Father of Four”.’

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In Marine Corps basic training, recruits quickly learn that everything they use “belongs” to the drill instructor. For instance, the DI refers to the contents of their footlockers as “my trash” and to the cots where they sleep as “my racks.”

One time, when some recruits were whispering in the bathroom, the DI overheard them. He suddenly yelled, “Why do I hear voices in my head?”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: What is Sadie Hawkins Day?

~Sadie Hawkins Day is a holiday that turns the tables on male/female relationships as women take the lead in pursuing men.

 ~Named after a fictional character, Sadie Hawkins Day celebrates role reversal by sanctioning women to ask men out on a date or even propose marriage.

~February 29th does hold significance for women thanks to an old Irish tradition called St. Bridget’s Complaint, which granted women permission to propose marriage on that day.

~ Who is SADIE? Sadie Described as “the homeliest gal in the hills,” Sadie was unable get a date; so her father, a prominent citizen in the town of Dogpatch, named a day after her to help Sadie get a man.

According to the Li’l Abner website, Sadie Hawkins Day is an unspecified date in November which Al Capp observed in his comic strip for four decades.

~It all began in Al Capp’s “Lil Abner Cartoon in the 1930’s

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QUIP OF THE DAY: What we play is life – Louis Armstrong.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. Amelia Earhart