Jokes and Trivia for December 20, 2012

The minute you begin to do what you want to do, it’s a different kind of life. – Buckminster Fuller

TODAY -DECEMBER 20th – THURSDAY

355th day of 2012 with 11 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

* Go Caroling Day

* International Human Solidarity Day

* National Fried Shrimp Day

* National Sangria Day

* Mudd Day

* St. Dominic of Silos Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1494 Oronce Finé, Briançon, France,mathematician (gave the value of pi to be (22 2/9)/7)
  • 1833 Dr Samuel A Mudd, Charles County, Maryland, convicted of giving medical aid to John Wilkes Booth
  • 1868 Harvey S Firestone, Columbiana, Ohio, Industrialist, automobile pioneer (Firestone Tire & Rubber Co.)
  • 1876 Walter S Adams, born in Syria (parents missionaries there), US astronomer/director of Mount Wilson (1923-46)
  • 1890 Jaroslav Heyrovský, Prague, Bohemia, Czech chemist (Nobel / inventor of the polarographic method, father of the electroanalytical method)
  • 1901 Robert Van de Graaff, Tuscaloosa, Alabama,  physicist and inventor (Mobility of Gaseous Ions, designer of the Van de Graaff generator, a device which produces high voltages)
  • 1917 David Bohm, American-born physicist, philosopher, and neuropsychologist (Thought as a System)
  • 1932 John Hillerman, Denison, Texas actor (Higgins on Magnum, P.I., Brimmer on Ellery Queen, High Plains Drifter, Paper Moon, Blazing Saddles, Chinatown)
  • 1944 Bobby Colomby, New York,  musician (Blood, Sweat & Tears)
  • 1945 Peter Criss, Brooklyn, New York, drummer and singer (Kiss)
  • 1954 Michael Badalucco, Brooklyn, New York, actor (The Practice)
  • 1954 Sandra Cisneros, Chicago, Illinois,  writer (The House on Mango Street, Woman Hollering Creek and Other Stories)
  • 1956 Blanche Baker, New York City, New York,  actress (Cold Feet, Sixteen Candles)
  • 1966 Chris Robinson, Marietta, Georgia, singer (Black Crowes)
  • 1970 Nicole DeBoer, Toronto, Ontario, Canada, actress (Ezra Dax on DS9; The Dead Zone)
  • 1976 Adam Powell, Wales, game designer and businessman (Meteor Games, Neopets creator)
  • 1983 Jonah Hill, Mill Valley, California,  actor (Superbad, Get Him to the Greek,  Moneyball, Hal Stewart/Titan in Megamind, Snotlout in How to Train Your Dragon)
  • 1986 Anoop Desai, Cary, North Carolina, singer and former American Idol contestant (My Name,  All Is Fair)
  • 1990 JoJo, Brattleboro, Vermont, singer (Leave (Get Out) )

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Each of us has a fire in our hearts for something, find it and keep it lit! – Marry Lou Retton

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1803 The Louisiana Purchase is completed at a ceremony in New Orleans.
  • 1835 First signing of the Texas Declaration of Independence at Goliad, Texas.
  • 1860 South Carolina becomes the first state to secede from the United States.
  • 1919 Canadian National Railways established (North America’s longest, 50,000 KM).
  • 1951 The EBR-1 in Arco, Idaho becomes the first nuclear power plant to generate electricity. The electricity powered four light bulbs.
  • 1952 United States Air Force C-124 crashes and burns in Moses Lake, Washington killing 87.
  • 1968 The Zodiac Killer kills Betty Lou Jenson and David Faraday in Vallejo, California.
  • 1977 First Space walk made by Soviet G Grechko during Salyut 6 EO-1 mission.
  • 1985 Position of American “Poet Laureate Consultant in Poetry” established (Robert Warren was the first appointed).
  • 1989 The United States sends troops into Panama to overthrow government of Manuel Noriega.
  • 1995 American Airlines Flight 965, a Boeing 757, crashes into a mountain 50 km north of Cali, Colombia killing 160.
  • 1996 NeXT merges with Apple Computer, starting the path to Mac OS X.
  • 2002 US Senator Trent Lott resigns as majority leader.
  • 2005 US District Court Judge John E. Jones III rules against mandating the teaching of “intelligent design” in his ruling of Kitzmiller v. Dover Area School District.
  • 2005 The first same sex civil partnerships in Scotland are celebrated.
  • 2006 A judge rules against the death penalty in the case of Naveed Haq, a man convicted in the shooting death and injuries at the Jewish Federation in Seattle.
  • 2007 Queen Elizabeth II becomes the oldest ever monarch of the United Kingdom, surpassing Queen Victoria, who lived for 81 years, 7 months and 29 days.
  • 2007 The painting Portrait of Suzanne Bloch (1904), by the Spanish artist Pablo Picasso, is stolen from the São Paulo Museum of Art, along with O Lavrador de Café, by the major Brazilian modernist painter Candido Portinari.

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At the scale manufacturers’ convention, people often wanted to weigh themselves on different scales to see if they agreed. However, some visitors abstained, not wishing to advertise their weight.

A smooth-talking representative coaxed a woman onto his scale by promising her that he would not look and that she could even cover the digital display so only she could see her weight.

She finally stood on the scale, whereupon a loud, mechanical voice from within the machine announced: “One hundred and sixty-three.”

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A man who was unemployed for several months gets a job with Public Works painting lines down the center of rural roads. The supervisor tells him he is on probation and that he must stay at or above the set average of 2 miles per day to remain employed. The man agrees to the conditions and starts the next day.

The supervisor checks and finds the man completed 4 miles. “Great,” he thought, “this man will work out.” The next day he finds the man only did 2 miles but the supervisor thought, “well he is still at the average and I don’t want him to get discouraged.”

The third day however the man only did one mile and the Boss thought, “I need to talk to him.” The boss pulls the new employee in and says, “Son, you were doing great. The first day you did four miles and the second day two miles, but yesterday you only did one mile. Why? Is there a problem? An injury, equipment failure, anything keeping you from meeting the two mile minimum?”

The man replied, “I keep getting farther and farther from the bucket.”

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ONE-LINERS: TOP TEN SURPRISES in the new “THE HOBBIT” movie:
By Dave Tippett

10. Ring of Power really just plastic top off 2-liter Coke bottle

9. Gandolph uses “Magic for Dummies” app to amaze all

8. Apple logo seen inside Bilbo’s glowing sword

7. Orks seen watching kitty videos on their phones

6. The dragon’s Twitter name: @eatbilbo

5. Gandolph is newest judge on “The Shire’s Got Talent”

4. Xena Warrior Princess takes over for Bilbo and kicks some Ork booty

3. Brad Pitt makes brief appearance as the good smelling Dwarf

2. Bilbo puts ring on and disappears, then re-appears on “The Bachelor”

1. Dwarf number 3 is a Kardashian

Copyright 2012 Dave Tippett. 

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pic of the day: Azaleas in Bloom

picture of azaleas in bloom

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

I trimmed my Mom’s tree for her, but I think she had some trouble understanding the symbolism. It was a scraggly-looking tree with many missing branches. The only ornament was a large-caliber bullet.

Mom said, “Where are all the traditional ornaments and why do I have such a scrawny tree instead of a fat pine?”

I said, “It’s a cartridge in a bare tree.”

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A linguistics professor was lecturing his class one day.

‘In English’, he said, ‘A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.’

A loud voice from the back of the room piped up, ‘Yeah, right.’

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Robert went to his lawyer and said, ‘I would like to make a will but I don’t know exactly how to go about it.’  The lawyer smiled at Robert and replied, ‘Not a problem, leave it all to me.’

Robert looked somewhat upset and said, ‘Well, I knew you were going to take a big portion, but I would like to leave a little to my family too!’

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: SANGRIA, a sweet alcoholic beverage.

~Sangria (sangría in spanish) is an alcoholic beverage originally developed in the Iberian Peninsula.

~Originally this sweet alcoholic beverage was served by the Portuguese peasants who named it sangria from the Portuguese noun sangre that means blood.

~Sangria in the Spanish language means ‘bloody’.

~8 million Australians drink wine₁… wait until to the other 13 million get to taste Sangria Salamanca

~Australia is ranked in 12th spot against the top wine consuming nations.

~The word Alcohol is derived from the Arabic language (al kohl or alkuhl).

~The phrase “rule of thumb” was first coined when brewers would dip a finger or thumb into the liquid to determine the ideal temperature for adding yeast, as they did not yet have thermometers.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: No man’s knowledge here can go beyond his experience – John Locke.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

Be brave. Take risks. Nothing can substitute experience. – Paulo Coelho