Jokes and Trivia for October 2, 2012

Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved. – Barbara Johnson,

TODAY – OCTOBER 2nd – TUESDAY

276th  of 2012 with 90 follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National Fried Scallops Day

*National Custodial Worker Day

*Name Your Car Day

*Week 1 of October – Get Organized Week

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1852 Sir William Ramsay, Glasgow, Scotland, chemist (Noble gases)
  • 1869 Mahatma Gandhi, India, leader of independence movement  from Britian (inspired non-violent civil rights movements across world)
  • 1890 Groucho Marx, NYC, New York, actor and comedian (You Bet Your Life, Copacabana, The Midado, Skidoo)
  • 1895 Bud Abbott, Asbury Park, New Jersey, actor and comedian (straight man in comedy team of Abbott & Costello)
  • 1904 Graham Greene, English author (Brighton Rock, The Power and the Glory, The Quiet American, No Man’s Land)
  • 1907 Alexander R. Todd, Scottish chemist ( 1957 Nobel Prize for Chemistry / structure and synthesis of nucleotides, nucleosides, and nucleotide coenzymes)
  • 1911 Jack Finney, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, author (The Body Snatchers, Time and Again, The Night People)
  • 1914 Jack Parsons, Pasadena, California, rocket scientist (solid fuel)
  • 1917 Christian de Duve, Thames Ditton, Surrey, Great Britain, biologist (structure and function of organelles)
  • 1928 George “Spanky” McFarland, Dallas, Texas, actor (Our Gang / The Little Rascals)
  • 1933 Dave Somerville, Ontario, Canada, co-founder and original lead singer of vocal group The Diamonds
  • 1951 Sting, English musician (16 Grammy Awards)
  • 1968 Kelly Willis, Annandale, Virginia, country music singer-songwriter
  • 1970 Kelly Ripa, Stratford, New Jersey, actress, talk show host (All My Children, Live! morning talk show)
  • 1971 James Root, Las Vegas, Nevada, guitarist (Slipknot)
  • 1973 Lene Nystrøm Rasted, Tønsberg, Norway, Norwegian singer (Aqua)

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If you play it safe in life, you’ve decided that you don’t want to grow anymore. – Shirley Hufstedler

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1789 George Washington sends the proposed Constitutional amendments (The United States Bill of Rights) to the States for ratification.
  • 1835 The Texas Revolution begins with the Battle of Gonzales: Mexican soldiers attempt to disarm the people of Gonzales, Texas, but encounter stiff resistance from a hastily assembled militia.
  • 1864 American Civil War: Battle of Saltville – Union forces attack Saltville, Virginia, but are defeated by Confederate troops.
  • 1889 In Colorado, Nicholas Creede strikes it rich in silver during the last great silver boom of the American Old West.
  • 1919 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson suffers a massive stroke, leaving him partially paralyzed.
  • 1924 The Geneva Protocol is adopted as a means to strengthen the League of Nations.
  • 1925 John Logie Baird performs the first test of a working television system.
  • 1928 The “Prelature of the Holy Cross and the Work of God”, commonly known as Opus Dei, is founded by Saint Josemaría Escrivá.
  • 1950 Peanuts by Charles M. Schulz is first published
  • 1958 Guinea declares its independence from France.
  • 1959 The anthology series The Twilight Zone premieres on CBS television.
  • 2001 NATO backs U.S. military strikes following 9/11.
  • 2001 Swissair liquidates and the airline is replaced by SWISS.
  • 2002 The Beltway sniper attacks begin, extending over three weeks.
  • 2005 The Ethan Allen tour boat capsizes on Lake George in Upstate New York, killing twenty people.

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Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron.

Now it was question time, and she asked, “My name begins with the letter ‘M’ and I pick up things. What am I?”

Little Johnny in the front row proudly said, “You’re a mother!”

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A country preacher decided to skip services one Sunday and head to the hills to do some bear hunting. As he rounded the corner on a perilous twist in the trail, he collided with a bear, sending him and his rifle tumbling down the mountainside. His rifle went one way, and he went the other, landing on a rock and breaking both legs.

That was the good news. The bad news was the ferocious bear was charging at him, and he couldn’t move.

“Oh, Lord,” the preacher prayed, “I’m so sorry for skipping services today to come out here and hunt. Please forgive me and grant me just one wish:

Please make a Christian out of that bear that’s coming at me. Please, Lord!”

That very instant the bear skidded to a halt, fell to its knees, clasped its paws together and began to pray aloud at the preacher’s feet:

“Dear God, bless this food I am about to receive…”

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ONE-LINERS:  Funny Newspaper Headlines

1. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

2. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

3. Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents

4. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

5. Eye Drops off Shelf

6. Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead

7. Shot Off Woman’s Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66

8. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Axe

9. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies

10.Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter

11.Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

12.Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

13.Deer Kill 17,000

14.Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

15.New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

16.Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

17.Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy

18.Fire British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply

19.Worcester Residents Can Drop Off Trees

20.Include your Children When Baking Cookies

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pic of the day: Guineas Preening

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

I went into a butchers and I said, “I’ll have a pound of sausages.”

He said, “I’m very sorry, sir, we only serve kilos in here.”

I said, “Okay then I’ll have a pound of kilos.”

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Five surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work.

The first said, “I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered.”

The second said, “I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order.”

The third said, “I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded.”

The fourth one said, “I like to operate on lawyers. They’re heartless spineless, gutless, and their heads and their tails are interchangeable.”

The fifth surgeon says “I like engineers . They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end.”

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I stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for my wife. As the clerk was putting the finishing touches on the bouquet, a young man burst through the door, breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses.

“I’m sorry,” the clerk said. “This man just ordered our last bunch.”

The desperate customer turned to me and begged, “May I please have those roses?”

“What happened?” I asked. “Did you forget your wedding anniversary?”

“It’s even worse than that,” he confided. “I crashed my wife’s hard drive!”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: SCALLOPS

~A scallop is a mollusk that propels itself along the bottom of the ocean by opening and closing its shell.

~The sweet, delicate meat that we eat is the muscle used to open and close the shell.

~Sea scallops are commonly harvested with dredges or bottom trawls on gravel, sand, or sand-mud bottoms.

~Sea scallops are shucked and chilled on the boats after they are caught, this is due to the fact that they cannot live out of water.

~Another way to get scallops is through having a diver. They are commonly known as Diver Scallops.  They harvest scallops by hand in about 50 to 100 foot of water and often times in very poor visibility.

~Not just jumbo or large. Sea scallops can range from 10 to 40 per pound, common sizes that you may find in markets are 10 to 20, 20 to 30 or 30 to 40.

~Some sea scallops can be 2 inches in diameter, so when shopping remember that a 10 to 20 scallop will be close to the size of a half dollar.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: It is better to fail trying, than failing to try.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

The greatest of all miracles is that we need not be tomorrow what we are today, but we can improve if we make use of the potential implanted in us by God. – Rabbi Samuel M. Silver