September 10, 2014

A friend is one of the nicest things you can have, and one of the best things you can be. – Douglas Pagels

TODAY – SEPTEMBER 10th – WEDNESDAY

253rd day of 2014 with 112 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National Hot Dog Day

*Swap Ideas Day

*TV Dinner Day

*California Wine Month

*Whole Grains Month

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1836 Joseph Wheeler, Augusta, Georgia, military commander & politician (rare distinction of serving during war for opposing forces: first as cavalry general in Confederate States Army in Army of Tennessee during 1860s, then in U.S. Army in Spanish-American War; served many terms as U.S. Representative from Alabama)
  • 1839 Isaac Funk, Clifton, Ohio, minister / editor / publisher (Funk & Wagnalls company)
  • 1892 Arthur Compton, Wooster, Ohio, physicist (Nobel / discovery of the Compton effect)
  • 1898 Waldo Semon, Demopolis, Alabama, inventor (invented vinyl, the 2nd most used plastic in the world. Held over 100 patents.)
  • 1918 Rin Tin Tin, German Shepherd found by American serviceman, movie star (Man from Hell’s River, Where the North Begins, The Lightning Warrior) Successors played in more movies and on television.
  • 1929 Arnold Palmer, Latrobe, Pennsylvania, golfer (The King / leading money winner in PGA for 1958, 1960, 1962 & 1963)
  • 1934 Charles Kuralt, Wilmington, North Carolina, journalist (“On the Road” segments on CBS News with Walter Cronkite; 1st anchor CBS News Sunday Morning)
  • 1934 Roger Maris, Hibbing, Minnesota, baseball right fielder (played 12 seasons in MLB, in 1961 broke Babe Ruth’s single-season home run record of 60 runs, record stood for 37 years)
  • 1945 Mike Mullane, Wichita Falls, Texas, retired USAF and NASA astronaut (flew 3 Space Shuttle missions: STS-41-D, STS-27, STS-36)
  • 1949 Barriemore Barlow, English musician (drummer & percussionist for ‘Jethro Tull‘ group from 1971-1980)
  • 1949 Bill O’Reilly, New York City, New York, television host, author, and political commentator (The O’Reilly Factor )
  • 1953 Amy Irving, Palo Alto, California, actress (Crossing Delancey, The Fury, Carrie)
  • 1954 Clark Johnson, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, actor (The Dead Zone, Wild Thing, Adventures in Babysitting, Homicide: Life on the Street)
  • 1959 Peter Nelson, Los Angeles, California, actor (V, The Last Starfighter, The Expendables, Die Hard 2)
  • 1960 Colin Firth, English actor (Pride and Prejudice, The King’s Speech, Hope Springs, Nanny McPhee)
  • 1969 Johnathon Schaech, Edgewood, Maryland, actor (That Thing You Do!, Hush, Woundings, Angels Fall, Party of Five, Quarantine, Takers)
  • 1972 James Duval, Detroit, Michigan, actor (Miguel in Independence Day, Go, Blue Dream)

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A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body… the wishbone. – Robert Frost

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1608 John Smith is elected council president of Jamestown, Virginia.
  • 1776 Nathan Hale volunteers to spy for the Continental Army during the Revolutionary War.
  • 1798 At the Battle of St. George’s Caye, British Honduras defeats Spain.
  • 1813 The United States defeats the British Fleet at the Battle of Lake Erie during the War of 1812.
  • 1823 Simón Bolívar is named President of Peru.
  • 1846 Elias Howe is granted a patent for the sewing machine.
  • 1932 The New York City Subway’s third competing subway system, the municipally-owned IND, is opened.
  • 1937 Nine nations attend the Nyon Conference to address international piracy in the Mediterranean Sea.
  • 1946 Sister Teresa Bojaxhiu of the Loreto Sisters’ Convent claimed to have heard the call of God while riding a train to Darjeeling, directing her “to leave the convent and help the poor while living among them”. She was later known as Mother Teresa.
  • 1960 At the 1960 Summer Olympics in Rome, Abebe Bikila becomes the first sub-Saharan African to win a gold medal, winning the marathon in bare feet.
  • 1972 The United States suffers its first loss of an international basketball game in a disputed match against the Soviet Union at Munich, Germany.
  • 1987 Papal visit of Pope John Paul II with visit to Fort Simpson, Canada and afterwards to several southern and western cities in the United States.
  • 2001 Charles Ingram cheats his way into winning one million pounds on a British version of Who Wants to be a Millionaire.
  • 2001 The first case of mad-cow disease in Asian animals was reported in a dairy cow in Japan.
  • 2002 Switzerland, traditionally a neutral country, joins the United Nations.
  • 2008 The Large Hadron Collider at CERN, described as the biggest scientific experiment in history is powered up in Geneva, Switzerland.

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A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, “Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids.”

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Long, unproductive meetings are often the bane of corporate life. My very funny boss at the software company where I work has come up with what just might be the perfect way to cut business conferences short before they start rambling out of control. There comes a time when he announces, “All those opposed to my plan say, ‘I resign.'”

End of meeting.

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My job is in the aerospace industry, and it’s always been a challenge to explain what kind of work I do.

At one gathering, I tried several unsuccessful attempted explanations before deciding to be as generic as possible. When the subject came up while I was talking with a group of guys, I replied simply, “Defense contractor.”

The men nodded, and as the conversation went on, I silently declared victory to myself. Then, one of them turned to me and asked, “So, what do you put up mainly? Chain-link?”

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ONE-LINERS: Why ENGLISH is so Hard to Learn

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

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Three nurses died and went to Heaven. They were met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter, who questioned them.

“What did you used to do back on Earth?” he asked the first nurse. “Why do you think you should be allowed into Heaven?”

She told him, “I was a nurse at an inner city hospital. I worked to bring healing and peace to many sufferers, especially poor children.”

“Very noble. You may enter.” And he ushered her through the gates. He asked the same questions to the next nurse.

“I was a missionary nurse in the Amazon. For many years I worked with a small group of doctors and nurses to help people in numerous tribes, healing them and telling them of God’s love.” The second nurse replied.

“Excellent!” said St. Peter. And he ushered her through the gates as well. Finally he posed his questions to the third nurse. She hesitated, then explained, “I was just a nurse at an HMO.”

St. Peter considered her answer for a moment, then told her, “Well, you can enter, too.”

“Wow!” the nurse exclaimed in relief. “I almost thought you weren’t going to let me in.”

“Oh, you can certainly come in,” St. Peter told her, “but you can only stay for three days.”

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pic of the day: Ginger Lily (Hedychium-coronarium) after night rain

red flower
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

A musician who joined an orchestra on a cruise ship was having a terrible time keeping time with the rest of the band.

Finally, the band leader said, “Look, either you learn to keep time or I’ll throw you overboard. It’s up to you, sync or swim.”
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On Coast Guard cutters, low-ranking crew members take turns in the galley helping the cooks. One young seaman aboard was always dropping dishes and spilling food.

One day, alone in the galley, he noticed an unfrosted yellow sheet cake cooling on a counter. Determined to rectify past errors, the seaman made chocolate icing and decorated the cake with it. The seaman stood proudly by the dessert as the head cook returned to the galley.

Frantically, the cook began to look around. “Where did my CORNBREAD go?” he shouted.

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GOLDEN OLDIE…. A wealthy old lady decided to go on a photo safari in Africa. She took her faithful pet dachshund along for company. One day, the Dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the dachshund discovers that he is lost.

So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.

The dachshund thinks, “OK, I’m in deep trouble now! Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.

Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund exclaims loudly, “Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here.” Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and he slinks away into the trees.

“Whew,” says the leopard. “That was close. That dachshund nearly had me.”

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes.

But the dachshund saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, “Here monkey, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine.”

Now the dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, “What am I going to do now?” But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet…and just when they get close enough to hear, the dachshund says…

“Where’s that bloody monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard!”

So remember ……. “IF YOU CAN’T DAZZLE THEM WITH BRILLIANCE, BAFFLE THEM WITH BS”

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please – Mark Twain.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things. – Robert Brault

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