September 11, 2014

Success is due less to ability than to zeal. – Charles Buxton

TODAY – SEPTEMBER 11th – THURSDAY

254th day of 2014 with 111 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*911 Remembrance
*Patriot Day

*National Hot Cross Bun Day

*Make Your Bed Day

*No News is Good News Day

*Emergency Number Day (9-1-1; proclaimed by President Reagan on August 26 in 1987)

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1816 Carl Zeiss, German optical instrument maker (Founder of Zeiss company to make optical scopes & binoculars & camera lens)
  • 1862 O. Henry (William Sydney Porter), Greensboro, North Carolina, author (The Gift of the Magi, The Ransom of Red Chief, A Retrieved Reformation)
  • 1877 James Hopwood Jeans, British scientist (Rayleigh–Jeans law, Astronomer Royal)
  • 1865 D. H. Lawrence, English author (The Lost Girl, Lady Chatterley’s Lover, Twilight in Italy & Other Essays, Sea & Sardinia)
  • 1900 D. W. Brooks, Royston, Georgia, farmer and businessman (founded Gold Kist chicken producing company)
  • 1913 Paul “Bear” Bryant, Fordyce Arkansas, football player and head coach of University of Alabama for 25 years (6 national championships, 13 conference championships)
  • 1924 Tom Landry, Mission, Texas, football player and coach for Dallas Cowboys (2 Super Bowl titles, 5 NFC titles, 13 Divisional titles)
  • 1928 Earl Holliman, Delhi, Louisiana, actor (The Big Combo, The Sons of Katie Elder )
  • 1928 William X. Kienzle, Detroit, Michigan, Catholic priest and author (The Rosary Murders, Bishop as Pawn, The Gathering)
  • 1937 Robert Crippen, Beaumont, Texas, retired USN Captain, astronaut (4 Space Shuttle missions/ 3 as commander / STS-1, STS-7, STS-41-C, STS-41-G)
  • 1939 Charles Geschke, Cleveland, Ohio, inventor and businessman (co-founder w/ John Warnock of Adobe Systems Inc)
  • 1940 Robert Palmer, American businessman (co-founded Mostek, integrated circuit manufacturer)
  • 1950 Amy Madigan, Chicago, Illinois, actress (Field of Dreams, Carnivale, Twice in a Lifetime)
  • 1958 Roxann Dawson, Los Angeles, California, actress (B’Elanna Torres on Star Trek: Voyager), author (co-wrote Tenebrea trilogy w/ Daniel Graham)
  • 1959 Andre Dubus III, Oceanside, California, author (House of Sand and Fog, Townie, The Garden of Last Days)
  • 1960 Anne Ramsay, Los Angeles County, California, actress (Mad About You, Hawthorne, Secret Life of American Teenager)
  • 1962 Kristy McNichol, Los Angeles, actress (Apple’s Way, Family, Little Darlings, The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia, Empty Nest, Invasion America)
  • 1970 Taraji P. Henson, Washington, D.C., actress and singer (The Division, Boston Legal, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Person of Interest, Empire, No Good Deed)
  • 1979 Ariana Richards, Healdsburg, California, actress (Prancer, Tremors, Jurassic Park)
  • 1987 Tyler Hoechlin, Corona, California, actor (Road to Perdition, 7th Heaven, Teen Wolf)

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Better to light a candle than curse the darkness – Chinese Proverb

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1609 Manhattan Island and the indigenous people living there are discovered by Henry Hudson.
  • 1786 The Beginning of the Annapolis Convention.
  • 1789 Alexander Hamilton is appointed the first United States Secretary of the Treasury.
  • 1792 The Hope Diamond is stolen along with other French crown jewels when six men break into the house used to store them.
  • 1847 Stephen Foster’s well-known song, Oh! Susanna, is first performed at a saloon in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
  • 1857 Mormon settlers and Paiutes massacre 120 pioneers at Mountain Meadows, Utah, in what became known as The Mountain Meadows massacre.
  • 1919 U.S. Marines invade Honduras.
  • 1940 The first remote operation of a computer is done by George Stibitz.
  • 1941 Ground is broken for the construction of The Pentagon.
  • 1961 Foundation of the World Wildlife Fund.
  • 1978 U.S. President Jimmy Carter, President Anwar Sadat of Egypt, and Prime Minister Menachem Begin of Israel meet at Camp David and agree on the Camp David Accords a framework for peace between Israel and Egypt and a comprehensive peace in the Middle East.
  • 1978 Janet Parker is the last person to die of smallpox, in a laboratory-associated outbreak.
  • 1985 Pete Rose breaks Ty Cobb’s baseball record for most career hits with his 4,192nd hit.
  • 1997 NASA’s Mars Global Surveyor reaches Mars.
  • 2001 Three hijacked aircraft are deliberately crashed into the twin World Trade Center towers in New York City and the Pentagon in Arlington, Virginia, in a co-ordinated attack which became known as “9/11”. Another hijacked airliner in the same attack crashes in a field near Shanksville, Pennsylvania. Nearly 3,000 people are killed.
  • 2012 The U.S. embassy in Benghazi, Libya is attacked, resulting in four deaths, including J. Christopher Stevens, the United States Ambassador to Libya.

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A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand.

“Daddy, what happened to him?” the son asked.

“He died and went to Heaven,” the dad replied.

The boy thought a moment and then said, “Did God throw him back down?”

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The wife was busy frying eggs, when her husband came home. He walked into the kitchen and immediately started yelling…

“CAREFUL!!! CAREFUL!!! MORE OIL!!! TURN THEM!!! TURN THEM NOW!!! WE NEED MORE OIL!!! THEY ARE GOING TO STICK!!! CAREFUL!!! CAREFUL!!! TURN THEM!!! TURN THEM!!! HURRY UP!!! ARE YOU CRAZY!!!! THE OIL IS GOING TO SPILL!!! USE MORE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!!”

The wife was very upset, “What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you yelling like this? Do you think I don’t know how to fry an egg?”

The husband calmly replied, “This is to show you what it feels like for me when I am driving and you sit next to me…”

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ONE-LINERS: Words Not Yet In The Dictionary

ELBONICS (el bon’ iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.

ELECELLERATION (el a cel er ay’ shun) n. The mistaken notion that the more you press an elevator button the faster it will arrive.

FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

LACTOMANGULATION (lak’ to man gyu lay’ shun) n. Manhandling the “open here” spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the ‘illegal’ side.

NEONPHANCY (ne on’ fan see) n. A fluorescent light bulb struggling to come to life.

PEPPIER (pehp ee ay’) n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.

PETONIC (peh ton’ ik) adj. One who is embarrassed to undress in front of a household pet.

PHONESIA (fo nee’ zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

PUPKUS (pup’ kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.

TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay’ shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you’re only six inches away.

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An elderly lady did her shopping and upon return found 4 males in her car. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her lungs that she “knows how to use it and will shoot if required…. so get out of MY car!”

The 4 men didn’t wait around for a second invitation. They got out and ran like mad, where upon the lady proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the drivers seat.

Small problem: Her key wouldn’t fit the ignition. Her car was identical and parked four or five spaces further down.

She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station. The sergeant that she told the story to nearly tore himself in two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter where 4 pale white males were reporting a carjacking by a mad, elderly, white woman.

No charges were filed.

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pic of the day: Original World Trade Center

World_Trade_Center-March_2001
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Two robins were sitting in a tree. “I’m really hungry”, said the first one. ”

Me, too”, said the second. “Let’s fly down and find some lunch.”

They flew to the ground and found a nice plot of plowed ground full of worms. They ate and ate and ate ’til they could eat no more.

“I’m so full I don’t think I can fly back up to the tree,” said the first one.

“Me neither, let’s just lay here and bask in the warm sun”, said the second.

“OK” said the first. They plopped down, basking in the sun. No sooner than they had fallen asleep, a big fat tomcat snuck up and gobbled them up.

As he sat washing his face after his meal, he thought, “I love baskin’ robins.”
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Crazy Emergency Calls in Honor of Emergency Number Day

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one
Caller: Hi, is this the police?
Dispatcher: This is 911. Do you need police assistance?
Caller: Well, I don’t know who to call. Can you tell me how to cook a turkey? I’ve never cooked one before.

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I’m trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn’t have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma’am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I’m not stupid.

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What’s the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one
Caller: Yeah, I’m having trouble breathing. I’m all out of breath. Darn…I think I’m going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I’m at a pay phone. North and Foster. Damn….
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What where you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the police.

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Late Night Quips. . .
~ On Friday President Obama made a surprise visit to Stonehenge on his way back from the NATO summit in Wales. And even crazier — today he made a surprise visit to the White House. (Jimmy Fallon )
~ Reportedly the identity of Jack the Ripper, who killed five people in London, finally has been revealed. After hearing about it, the commissioner of the NFL suspended him for two games. (Conan O’Brien )
~ Also from England, it turns out they have now identified Jack the Ripper. They found the DNA off an old white Ford Bronco. Not only that, but they now know the guy was married to Kelly Ripper. (David Letterman )
~ I watched a lot of football this weekend. I spent about 14 hours on the couch watching other people exercise. How much did I exercise this weekend? Not one second. I’m even thinking about hiring someone to carry me back and forth from the refrigerator to the TV set. (Jimmy Kimmel )

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QUIP OF THE DAY: I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll make an exception – Groucho Marx

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Every day is a new opportunity to be grateful, and enjoy the world, and improve it ­ in our own little ways. – Terri Guillemets

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