September 12, 2014

The greatest risk is to risk nothing at all – Leo Buscaglia.

TODAY – SEPTEMBER 12th – FRIDAY

255th day of 2014 with 110 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Chocolate Milk Shake Day

*National Video Games Day

*Defenders Day (Maryland)

*National Day of Encouragement

*Self Improvement Month

*National Bourbon Heritage Month
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1812 Richard Hoe, New York City, New York, inventor and industrialist (designed an improved printing press)
  • 1818 Richard Gatling, Como, North Carolina, American firearms inventor (Gatling gun, the first successful machine gun)
  • 1880 Henry Louis “H.L.” Mencken, Baltimore, Maryland, journalist (Sage of Baltimore), author (The American Language)
  • 1897 Irene Joliot-Curie, Paris, France, French physicist (discovered artificial radioactivity)
  • 1913 Jesse Owens, Oakville, Alabama, track and field athlete (won 4 gold medals in 1936 Summer Olympics)
  • 1914 Desmond Llewelyn, Welsh actor (Q in 17 of the James Bond movies)
  • 1931 Ian Holm, British actor (Chariots of Fire, Alien, The Fifth Element, Bilbo / The Lord of the Rings)
  • 1931 George Jones, Saratoga, Texas, country music singer
  • 1938 Tatiana Troyanos, New York City, New York, mezzo-soprano
  • 1940 Linda Gray, Santa Monica, California, actress (Sue Ellen Ewing / Dallas, Models Inc.)
  • 1956 Ricky Rudd, Norfolk County, Virginia, retired NASCAR driver (holds record for most consecutive starts, 788)
  • 1962 Amy Yasbeck, Blue Ash, Ohio, actress (Splash Too, Robin Hood: Men in Tights, Wings, The Daniel Family Chronicles)
  • 1966 Darren E. Burrows, Winfield, Kansas, actor (Cry-Baby, Amistad, Sunset Strip, Forty Shades of Blue)
  • 1969 James Frey, Cleveland, Ohio, author & founder of Full Fathom Five (The Lorien Legacies: I Am Number Four; My Friend Leonard, Bright Shiny Morning)
  • 1970 Josh Hopkins, Lexington, Kentucky, actor (New York Undercover, Pirates of Silicon Valley, Brothers & Sisters, VanishedCold Case, Swingtown, Cougar Town)
  • 1974 Jennifer Nettles, Douglas, Georgia, country singer (Sugarland)
  • 1976 Lauren Stamile, Tulsa, Oklahoma, actress (Grey’s Anatomy, Community, Burn Notice)
  • 1977 James McCartney, London, England, British musician, son of Paul McCartney
  • 1978 Benjamin McKenzie, Austin, Texas, American actor (The O.C., Southland )
  • 1978 Ruben Studdard, Frankfurt am Main, Germany, American singer (second season of American Idol )
  • 1981 Jennifer Hudson, Chicago, Illinois, actress and singer (Dreamgirls )
  • 1986 Emmy Rossum, New York City, New York, actress and singer (Songcatcher, An American Rhapsody, Passionada )
  • 1996 Colin Ford, Nashville, Tennessee, actor (We Bought a Zoo, Supernatural, Under the Dome)

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In giving advice seek to help, not to please, your friend. – Solon

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1609 Henry Hudson begins his exploration of the Hudson River while aboard the Halve Maen.
  • 1683 Austro-Ottoman War: Battle of Vienna – several European armies join forces to defeat the Ottoman Empire.
  • 1814 Battle of North Point: an American detachment halts the British land advance to Baltimore in the War of 1812.
  • 1857 The SS Central America sinks about 160 miles east of Cape Hatteras, North Carolina, drowning a total of 426 passengers and crew, including Captain William Lewis Herndon. The ship was carrying 13–15 tons of gold from the San Francisco Gold Rush.
  • 1919 Adolf Hitler joins the German Workers Party.
  • 1948 Invasion of the State of Hyderabad by the Indian Army on the day after the Pakistani leader Jinnah’s death.
  • 1952 Strange occurrences, including a monster sighting, take place in Flatwoods, West Virginia.
  • 1966 Gemini 11, the penultimate mission of NASA’s Gemini program, and the current human altitude record holder (except for the Apollo lunar missions)
  • 1992 NASA launches Space Shuttle Endeavour on STS-47 which marked the 50th shuttle mission. On board are Mae Carol Jemison, the first African-American woman in space, Mamoru Mohri, the first Japanese citizen to fly in a US spaceship, and Mark Lee and Jan Davis, the first married couple in space.
  • 2005 Hong Kong Disneyland opens in Penny’s Bay, Lantau Island, Hong Kong.
  • 2007 Former Philippine President Joseph Estrada is convicted of the crime of plunder.
  • 2008 The 2008 Chatsworth train collision in Los Angeles between a Metrolink commuter train and a Union Pacific freight train kills 25 people.
  • 2011 The 9/11 Memorial Museum opens to the public.

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When asked what his wife’s name was, the old Indian replied, “She is called Three Horses”.

“That’s an unusual name, What does it mean?”

“It is an old Indian saying, it means… ” NAG, NAG, NAG!”

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A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of sucking his thumb, though his mother had tried everything from bribery to reasoning to painting it with lemon juice to discourage the habit.

Finally she tried threats, warning her son that, “If you don’t stop sucking your thumb, your stomach is going to blow up like a balloon.”

Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son saw a pregnant woman sitting on a bench. The four-year-old considered her gravely for a minute, then spoke to her saying, “Uh-oh .. I know what you’ve been doing.”

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ONE-LINERS: Fishing Terms Explained
~ Catch and Release: A conservation motion that happens most often right before the local Fish and Game officer pulls over a boat that has caught over it’s limit.
~ Hook: 1. A curved piece of metal used to catch fish. 2. A clever advertisement to entice a fisherman to spend his life savings on a new rod and reel. 3. The punch administered by said fisherman’s wife after he spends their life savings, (see also, Right Hook, Left Hook)
~ Line: Something you give your co-workers when they ask on Monday how your fishing went the past weekend.
~ Lure: An object that is semi-enticing to fish, but will drive an angler into such a frenzy that he will charge his credit card to the limit before exiting the tackle shop.
~ Reel: A weighted object that causes a rod to sink quickly when dropped overboard.
~ Rod: An attractively painted length of fiberglass that keeps an angler from ever getting too close to a fish.
~ School: A grouping in which fish are taught to avoid your $29.99 lures and hold out for Spam instead.
~ Tackle: What your last catch did to you as you reeled him in, but just before he wrestled free and jumped back overboard.
~ Tackle Box: A box shaped alarmingly like your comprehensive ‘first aid kit’. Only a tackle box contains many sharp objects, so that when you reach in the wrong box blindly to get a Band Aid, you soon find that you need more than one.
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A man asked his wife what she’d like for her birthday. “I’d really love to be ten again” she replied wistfully.

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, got up, made her a nice big bowl of Frosties and then took her off to their local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

Right away, they journeyed to a McDonald’s where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.

Then it was off to the cinema to see the latest blockbuster, complete with a hot-dog, popcorn, a big fizzy drink, and a huge bag of M&M’s, her favourite sweets.

What a time she had!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, “Well, Darling, what was it like being ten again?”

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

“Oh dear”, she replied. “I meant my dress size…”

And the moral of the story:

Even when a man is listening, he’s still going to get it wrong.

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pic of the day: 9/11 Memorial

911MM
Photo by H. C. Steensen
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
~ I changed my iPhone’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.

~ When chemists die, they barium.

~ Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

~ I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

~Two guys who met at a party discovered that they both worked at an amusement park. Neither knew the other one from work, though, for one ran the Ferris Wheel and the other ran the Merry Go Round. The ran in different circles.

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Little Johnny’s Mother looked out the window and noticed him “playing church” with the cat. The cat was sitting quietly and he was preaching to it. His mom smiled and went about her work.

A short while later she heard loud meowing and hissing coming from outside. Running back to the window, she saw Little Johnny trying to baptize the cat in a tub of water.

“Johnny, stop that! The cat is afraid of water!”

“She should have thought about that before she joined my church.”

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late night quips. . .
~ Apple announced the iPhone 6 today, which they say has a more durable screen that won’t crack or scratch as easily. Or as your kids put it, “Challenge accepted!” (Jimmy Fallon )
~ Ray Rice is now being removed from the “Madden 15” video game. A spokesperson said violence against women doesn’t belong in “Madden 15.” It belongs in “Grand Theft Auto.” (Conan O’Brien )
~ At the Apple store, the people waiting in line for the iPhone 6 were trampled by the people waiting for the iPhone 7. (David Letterman )
~ Apple introduced several highly anticipated new products, including two new iPhones: the iPhone 6 and the iPhone 6 Plus, as in plus another $100. Both of the new iPhones have a much bigger screen for us to shatter than the previous iPhone. (Jimmy Kimmel)

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A pretty young woman visiting her new doctor for the first time found herself alone in a small waiting room. She began undressing nervously, preparing herself for the upcoming examination. Just as she draped the last of her garments over the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door and a young doctor strode in.

Coming to an abrupt halt, the doctor looked his nude patient up and down carefully and with considerable appreciation.

“Miss Jones,” he said finally, “it seems quite obvious to me that until today you have never undergone an eye examination.”

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The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard at low pay for long hours. The blacksmith immediately began his instructions to the lad, “When I take the horseshoe out of the fire, I’ll lay it on the anvil; and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer.”
The apprentice did just as he told.
Now he’s the village blacksmith.

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Whatever it is!

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Did you hear about the two air-heads who froze to death in a drive-in movie? They went to see “Closed for the Winter.”

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . No one is in control of your happiness but you; therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself or your life that you want to change. – Barbara de Angelis

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