September 17, 2014

All that really matters is that the people you love are happy and healthy. Everything else is just sprinkles on the sundae. – Paul Walker

TODAY – SEPTEMBER 17th – WEDNESDAY

260th day of 2014 with 105 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Citizenship Day

*Constitution Day

*National Apple Dumpling Day

*Chicken Month

*Honey Month

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1677 Stephen Hales, English physiologist, chemist, and inventor (major contributions to a range of scientific fields including botany, pneumatic chemistry and physiology; invented forceps)
  • 1826 Bernhard Riemann, German mathematician (contributions to analysis, number theory and differential geometry, some of them enabling the later development of general relativity)
  • 1854 David Dunbar Buick, Scottish-born American, inventor (Founded Buick Motor company)
  • 1857 Konstantin Tsiolkovsky, Russian Empire, rocket scientist (considered to be one of the founding fathers of rocketry and astronautics)
  • 1907 Warren E. Burger, Saint Paul, Minnesota, former Chief Justice of the U.S. (1969-1986)
  • 1916 Mary Stewart, British author (The Merlin Chronicles, The Moon-Spinners)
  • 1928 Roddy McDowall, British actor (My Friend Flicka, Lassie Come Home, Planet of the Apes, Cleopatra, Evil Under the Sun, Bedknobs & Broomsticks, A Bug’s Life)
  • 1929 Pat Crowley, Olyphant, Pennsylvania, actress (Please Don’t Eat the Daisies tv series, Generations, Port Charles, 61*)
  • 1930 Edgar Mitchell, Hereford, Texas, pilot and retired NASA astronaut (6th person to walk on the moon, 9 hours on lunar surface as lunar module pilot of Apollo 14)
  • 1930 Thomas Patten Stafford, Weatherford, Oklahoma, test pilot, consultant, former NASA astronaut (2 Gemini flights, commander of Apollo 10: 2nd manned mission to orbit moon, commander of Apollo-Soyuz flight / Gemini 6A, Gemini 9A, Apollo 10, ASTP)
  • 1931 Anne Bancroft, The Bronx, New York, actress (The Miracle Worker, The Graduate, Agnes of God, Young Winston, Antz, The Roman Spring of Mrs. Stone)
  • 1932 Robert B. Parker, Springfield, Massachusetts, author (Spenser series: Promised Land & 39 others; Jesse Stone series: Night Passage, Trouble in Paradise, etc.)
  • 1935 Ken Kesey, La Junta, Colorado, author (One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Caverns)
  • 1947 Jeff MacNelly, NYC, New York, cartoonist (Shoe)
  • 1948 John Ritter, Burbank, California, actor (Three’s Company, 8 Simple Rules, Clifford the Big Red Dog)
  • 1962 BeBe Winans, Detroit, Michigan, gospel and R&B singer (Winans family)
  • 1963 William Shockley, Lawrence, Kansas, actor (Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman, Treasure Raiders)
  • 1965 Kyle Chandler, Buffalo, New York, actor (Early Edition, Super 8, Friday Night Lights, Homefront)
  • 1975 Austin St. John, Roswell, New Mexico, actor and martial artist (Power Rangers)
  • 1975 Jimmie Johnson, El Cajon, California, NASCAR race car driver (NASCAR Cup Series Champion for 6 years)

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It is more easy to be wise for others than for ourselves. – François Duc de La Rochefoucauld

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1630 The city of Boston, Massachusetts is founded.
  • 1787 The United States Constitution is signed in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
  • 1814 Francis Scott Key finishes his poem “Defence of Fort McHenry”, later to be the lyrics of “The Star-Spangled Banner”.
  • 1908 Lieutenant Thomas Selfridge a passenger in the Wright Flyer flown by Orville Wright, becomes the first airplane fatality when it crashes and he is killed.
  • 1920 The American Professional Football Association (later renamed National Football League) is organized in Canton, Ohio, United States.
  • 1961 The Civic Arena opens in Pittsburgh. It is the world’s first retractable-dome stadium.
  • 1976 The first Space Shuttle, Enterprise, is unveiled by NASA.
  • 1983 Vanessa Williams becomes the first black Miss America.
  • 1991 The first version of the Linux kernel (0.01) is released to the Internet.
  • 2001 The New York Stock Exchange reopens for trading after the September 11 Attacks, the longest closure since the Great Depression.
  • 2006 Fourpeaked Mountain in Alaska erupts, marking the first eruption for the long-dormant volcano in at least 10,000 years.
  • 2007 AOL, once the largest ISP in the U.S., officially announces plans to refocus the company as an advertising business and to relocate its corporate headquarters from Dulles, Virginia to New York, New York.
  • 2011 Occupy Wall Street movement begins in Zucotti Park, New York City.

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The computer company, where my wife works, distributed a corporate-clothing catalogue that included a pair of cuff links. One was inscribed Ctrl (Control) and the other Esc (Escape), just as they look on a computer keyboard.

“They would make a good present for any man,” my wife commented to a colleague, “if only to remind him of the two things he can never have.”

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I just read that last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don’t want to start any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number?

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A seriously drunk guy walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, “I’m sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her.”

“Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!” she screamed.

“Funny,” he muttered, “you even sound exactly like her.”

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ONE-LINERS: Laws of Work

– A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.

– Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.

– The more of it you put up with, the more of it you’re going to get.

– You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

– Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

– Never ask two questions in a business letter. The reply will discuss the one you are least interested in, and say nothing about the other.

– When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.

– If at first you don’t succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a darn fool about it.

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Three old men went into the pro shop after playing 18 holes of golf.

The pro asked, “Did you guys have a good game today?”

The first old guy said, ” I had the most riders ever. I had five.”

The second old guy said, “I had 7 riders, the same as last time.”

The last old man said, “I beat my old record. I had 12 riders today.”

After they went into the locker room, another golfer who had heard the old guys talking about their game went to the pro and said, “I’ve been playing golf for a long time and thought I knew all the terminology of the game, but
what’s a rider?”

The pro said, “A rider is when you hit the ball far enough to actually get in the golf cart and ride to it.”
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pic of the day: Jerusalem Artichoke Blooms & Bee

picture of yellow flowers & bee
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

The weatherman predicted a winter storm, so I headed for the store to pick up the only supplies I needed: a bag of
salt for the driveway and batteries for my emergency radio and the kids’ toys.

I took his purchases to the checkout line. As I handed my credit card to the clerk I said, “I guess you’ll have to
charge me with a salt and batteries.”

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When I was invited to dinner with friends I took along a few pictures to show the hostess. She looked at the photos and commented “These are very good! You must have a really good camera.”

I didn’t say anything but as I was leaving to go home I said, “That was a delicious meal! You must have some really good pots.”

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The businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to his chair before he dropped, exhausted.

His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall cool drink and a comforting word.

“My, you look tired,” she said. “You must have had a hard day today. What happened to make you so exhausted?”

“It was terrible,” her husband said, “The computer broke down and all of us had to do our own thinking.”

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On the Listening Tour, a prominent politician was pleased and proud that the local sandwich shop in a town he was visiting had named a sandwich after him.

He was somewhat less pleased after he found out what was in it.

“Mostly baloney,” said the proprietor.

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Sarah was reading a newspaper while her husband was engrossed in a game on TV. Suddenly, she burst out laughing.

“Listen to this, there’s a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season tickets.”

“Hmmm,” her husband said, not bothering to look away from the game.

Sarah said teasingly, “Would you swap me for season tickets?”

“Absolutely not,” he said, “season’s more than half over.”!

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QUIP OF THE DAY: A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down – Robert Benchley

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . “When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.” – Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

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