September 18, 2014

Just because you’re miserable doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy your life. – Annette Goodheart

TODAY – SEPTEMBER 18th – THURSDAY

261st day of 2014 with 104 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National Cheeseburger Day

*World Water Monitoring Day

*National Biscuit Month

*National Honey Month

*National Potato Month

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1709 Samuel Johnson, English author, biographer, poet (The Patriot, Messiah, The Plays of William Shakespeare, A Dictionary of the English Language)
  • 1752 Adrien-Marie Legendre, Paris, France, mathematician (Legendre polynomials and Legendre transformation)
  • 1819 Leon Foucault, French physicist (Foucault pendulum – demonstrates effect of Earth’s rotation)
  • 1888 Grey Owl (Archibald Belaney), England (immigrated to Canada), took First Nations identity, conservationist
  • 1893 William March, Mobile, Alabama, author (Company K, The Bad Seed)
  • 1905 Greta Garbo, Swedish actrss (Anna Karenina, Mata Hari, Grand Hotel, Romance)
  • 1907 Edwin McMillan, Redondo Beach, California, physicist (Nobel / first to produce transuranium element)
  • 1908 Viktor Hambardzumyan, Soviet-Armenian scientist (one of the founders of theoretical astrophysics)
  • 1927 Phyllis Kirk, Syracuse, New York, actress (The House of Wax, The Thin Man, The Sad Sack, Back from Eternety, The Red Buttons Show)
  • 1933 Robert Blake, Nutley, New Jersey, actor (Our Gang, Baretta )
  • 1939 Frankie Avalon, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, actor, singer (Beach Party, Beach Blanket Bingo, The Alamo, Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea)
  • 1939 Fred Willard, Shaker Heights, Ohio, comedian (This is Spinal Tap, Waiting for Guffman, Best in Show )
  • 1944 Charles L. Veach, Chicago, Illinois, USAF pilot / astronaut (STS-39, STS-52)
  • 1948 Lynn Abbey, Peekskill, New York, computer programmer and author (Daughter of the Bright Moon, The Brazen Gambit, The Rise and Fall of a Dragon King)
  • 1951 Ben Carson, Detroit, Michigan, neurosurgeon (pioneer work on separating cojoined at the head twins)
  • 1954 Steven Pinker, Canadian-American scientist (evolutionary psychology and the computational theory of mind)
  • 1961 James Gandolfini, Westwood, New Jersey, actor (The Sopranos, True Romance, Get Shorty, Where the Wild Things Are)
  • 1970 Aisha Tyler, San Francisco, California, actress, television host, and author (Talk Soup, The Santa Clause 2, Ghost Whisperer, Archer, The Talk, Whose Line Is It Anyway?)
  • 1971 Jada Pinkett Smith, Baltimore, Maryland, model and actress (Princess Mononoke, The Matrix Reloaded, The Nutty Professor, Madagascar)
  • 1972 Michael Landes, The Bronx, New York, actor (Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman, Special Unit 2, Final Destination 2, The Wedding Bells, Material Girl, Save Me)
  • 1973 James Marsden, Stillwater, Oklahoma, actor (Cyclops in X-Men movies, Superman Returns, Enchanted, The Notebook, The Butler, 30 Rock)
  • 1979 Alison Lohman, Palm Springs, California, actress (Tucker, Pasadena, White Oleander, The Big White, Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind, Flicka)
  • 1981 Jennifer Tisdale, Neptune, New Jersey,actress and model (Bring It On: In It to Win It, The Brazen Bull)

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“It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.” – Aristotle, Metaphysics

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1679 New Hampshire becomes a county of the Massachusetts Bay Colony.
  • 1793 The first cornerstone of the Capitol building is laid by George Washington.
  • 1837 Tiffany and Co. (first named Tiffany & Young) is founded by Charles Lewis Tiffany and Teddy Young in New York City. The store is called a “stationery and fancy goods emporium”.
  • 1850 The U.S. Congress passes the Fugitive Slave Law of 1850.
  • 1851 First publication of The New-York Daily Times, which later becomes The New York Times.
  • 1870 Henry D. Washburn names Old Faithful Geyser during the Washburn-Langford-Doane Expedition to Yellowstone.
  • 1895 Daniel David Palmer gives the first chiropractic adjustment.
  • 1947 The United States Air Force becomes an independent branch of the United States armed forces.
  • 1959 Vanguard 3 is launched into Earth orbit.
  • 1975 Patty Hearst is arrested after a year on the FBI Most Wanted List.
  • 1977 Voyager I takes first photograph of the Earth and the Moon together.
  • 1997 United States media magnate Ted Turner donates USD 1 billion to the United Nations.
  • 1998 ICANN (Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers) is formed.
  • 2001 First mailing of anthrax letters from Trenton, New Jersey in the 2001 anthrax attacks.
  • 2009 The 72 year run of the soap opera The Guiding Light ends as its final episode is broadcast.

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The heaviest element known to science is Managerium.

This element has no protons or electrons, but has a nucleus made up of 1 neutron, 2 vice-neutrons, 5 junior vice-neutrons, 25 assistant vice-neutrons, and 125 junior assistant vice- neutrons all going round in circles.

Managerium has a half-life of three years, at which time it does not decay but institutes a series of reviews leading to reorganization.

Its molecules are held together by means of the exchange of tiny particles known as morons.

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Eight and a half months very pregnant with twins, I was used to getting nervous glances from strangers. But I never realized how imposing I was until my husband and I went out to dinner at a new restaurant.

The hostess sat us at our table, took one long look at my stomach and asked, “Would you like me to get you a high chair just in case?”

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ONE-LINERS: Work Laws

– There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.

– Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there would be so many.

– Keep your boss’s boss off your boss’s back. This is what I’m doing wrong.

– Everything can be filed under “miscellaneous.”

– Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.

– To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.

– Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn’t the work he is supposed to be doing.

– Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.

– The last person that quit or was fired will be the one held responsible for everything that goes wrong – until the next person quits or is fired.

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A group of young children were sitting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions.

“Davey, what sound does a cow make?”
Davey replied, “It goes ‘moo’.”

“Alice, what sound does a cat make?”
Alice said, “It goes ‘meow’.”

“Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?”
Jamie said, “It goes ‘baaa’.”

“Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?”
Jennifer paused, and said, “Uhh… it goes… ‘click’!”

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pic of the day:

pic of butterfly
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

The Revolutionary War was over and General Washington called the troops together to address them saying: “Men, the country must be kept safe. Accordingly, I am ordering that the active duty regulars are to stand duty from Monday through Friday. On Saturday and Sunday the National Guard and Reserves will worry about our new nations security.”

And so it was, and from that day to this, the National Guard and Reserves have been known as Weekend Worriers.

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An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass.

The CO says “Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!”

So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank!

The CO was so impressed, he asked “How did you do it?”

“Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs. I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up. I said to the Arab soldier, “Do you want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!”

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One day a girl came home crying to her mom. The mom asked what was wrong.

The girl responded, “I’m not a creation, God made men first! I’m nothing!”

Then the mom said, “Oh baby that’s not true, God may have made men first ,but there’s always a rough draft before the masterpiece.”

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Politics Explained as Cows

SOCIALISM You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM You have two cows. The government takes them both and provides you with milk.

FASCISM You have two cows. The government takes them and sells you the milk.

BUREAUCRACY You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours it down the drain.

CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

CORPORATE You have two cows. You sell one, force the other to produce the milk of four cows, then act surprised when it drops dead.

DEMOCRACY You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point that you must sell them both in order to pay the taxes to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow which was a gift from your government.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: What would men be without women? Scarce, sir .. mighty scarce. – Mark Twain

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . If you keep on saying things are going to be bad, you have a good chance of becoming a prophet. – Isaac Bashevis Singer

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